Moonless Night
by Sunray16
Summary: This is my version of New Moon as told from Edward's point of view. The dialogue is borrowed from New Moon when Edward and Bella are together , but the rest is my interpretation of what the story would have been like if Edward would have told it.
1. Chapter 1: Party

**This is my version of New Moon as told from Edward's point of view. I love the Twilight series and found Edward's telling in Midnight Sun to be fascinating. I know that the chances of Stephenie rewriting New Moon from Edward's perspective are highly unlikely, so I decided to attempt it for myself.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

Moonless Night

1. PARTY

I held Bella in my arms while she slept. Her face was like that of an angel, so peaceful. I had spent many nights like this and cherished every moment that I embraced her. How had I been so fortunate to be given such a gift?

My thoughts drifted over the memories of the summer we had spent together. It was a summer filled with laughter and love; a summer full of long conversations, gentle caresses, and stolen kisses. Bella filled my life and my world with an unimaginable joy. My lips curved in a satisfied smile as I replayed the wonderful memories in my head.

She was beginning to stir. She mumbled softly while she dreamed. What I wouldn't give for even a brief glimpse into her mind. My only clues were the gentle disjointed words she uttered while she slept.

I waited until I was sure that she was again fast asleep and ever so gently released her from my hold. I lifted her from my chest, careful not to wake her. I turned to gaze at her sleeping figure once more. My sleeping beauty. My angel. My Bella.

Silently, I crept from her window and leapt to the ground below. The moon was still high in the sky as I made my way back home. The dark shadows cast in the moonlight were a blur as I ran past them. Alice was sitting on the steps waiting to greet me.

"Is the birthday girl ready to celebrate?" she asked with a gleam in her eyes.

I looked at her incredulously. She knew the answer to that question without needing my input. Bella didn't share Alice's enthusiasm for birthday celebrations. She shied away from anything that might make her the center of attention.

I, as well as my other family members, had been made aware of Bella's desire to avoid even the mention of her birthday. Of course, I knew that this was not only a result of her timid and selfless nature, but an effort to avoid the reminder that she would be eighteen while I remained forever frozen at the age of seventeen.

Her desire to be changed was fueled by the fear that she would age and wither while I remained eternally youthful. No matter how often I reminded her that she will always be beautiful to me, regardless of her age, she still dreams of becoming an immortal. She cannot fathom how I could still love her when, as she puts it, 'looks like my grandmother.' _What a silly girl!_ Does she really believe my love for her to be so shallow that it would be deterred by something so trivial as physical appearance?

As much as I love Bella, I would be willing to give her anything and everything, except for that. I love her too much to risk her soul. That would be the single most selfish act I could fathom.

Alice danced past me, her thoughts giving her away.

"You know Bella will not be happy about this", I warned.

"Oh, Edward! Birthdays are important. Do you honestly think she would deny me the joy of celebrating with her?"

"Don't be disappointed when she doesn't share your enthusiasm."

Alice ignored me, bounding up the stairs to make preparations for the party she envisioned. I knew she was right. If Bella remained as resolute as she was to become a vampire, it would only be a matter of time before she found a way to achieve her goal, with or without my help. If she was that determined to give up her humanity, then I was just as determined to ensure that she didn't miss any of the important human experiences she would be sacrificing.

The party was imminent, although the difficult task of convincing Bella to attend still loomed. But Alice's persistence was not something to trifle with. She could annoy Bella into succumbing if that's what it took. If nothing else, Alice was skilled at getting her way.

I knew that Bella would be sore with me if I bought her a gift, but I wanted to give her something. Her logic still puzzled me. I had given her my whole heart and she felt that any other gifts I wanted to give her would throw off the balance. However, she failed to realize that I had already received the greater gift. She gave me her love, her life, and was willing to give her soul. What could be more precious than that? I was forever in her debt.

I slid onto the piano bench and lightly caressed the ivory keys as I considered my dilemma. The simple exercise always helped to calm my frazzled nerves. The sweet melody of Bella's lullaby filled the room. I closed my eyes and let the music wash over me. In that instant, I knew what her gift would be.

* * *

I casually leaned against my car as Alice anxiously shifted her weight on the balls of her feet. We could hear Bella's '53 Chevy truck getting closer and then saw her rumbling into the parking lot. My body tensed in preparation.

_Ooh, she's here! _Alice could barely contain herself.

A frown creased Bella's face when she caught sight of Alice and the silver package she held in her hands. I didn't need the ability to read her mind to know that she was irritated. I chuckled to myself and Alice looked back to glare at me before she skipped across the lot to greet Bella.

"Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Shh!" Bella's face flushed as she looked around to be sure no one had heard Alice's greeting.

Alice held out the small silver package. "Do you want to open your present now or later?"

"No presents," Bella huffed in discomfort.

"Okay…later then. Did you like the scrapbook your mom sent you? And the camera from Charlie?" I suppressed a smile as I observed the look of bewilderment that crossed Bella's face when Alice asked her questions. It was sometimes easy to forget Alice's talent.

"Yeah. They're great," Bella replied with lackluster enthusiasm, making her way toward me in an effort to escape Alice's excitement.

"I think it's a nice idea. You're only a senior once. Might as well document the experience."

Bella rolled her eyes. "How many times have you been a senior?"

"That's different."

I reached out for Bella's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. The heat from her hand radiated through my own. Her heart skipped a beat and that brought a smile to my face. The involuntary responses her body gave in reaction to my touch reaffirmed that I still had the ability to 'dazzle' her. I gently caressed the edge of her lip with my finger, struggling silently to think of an appropriate greeting for this morning.

"So, as discussed, I am not allowed to wish you a happy birthday, is that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct." She nodded and smiled, happy that I was respecting her wishes.

"Just checking. You might have changed your mind. Most people seem to enjoy things like birthdays and gifts." In my heart, I had hoped that she would.

Alice decided to chime in, purposely directing the conversation to ease Bella into the idea of a party. "Of course you'll enjoy it. Everyone is supposed to be nice to you today and give you your way, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

_Honestly, Alice!_ I could immediately see where this conversation was heading.

"Getting older," was Bella's reply. Sadness filled her eyes when she said these words. _Yes, that did it._

"Shame on you, Alice!" I hissed under my breath so only she could hear. Alice shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes at me.

_What?_

Bella looked to me, but I did not respond. I could not give her the one thing she truly wanted.

Alice sensed my mood but continued, "Eighteen isn't very old. Don't women usually wait 'til they're twenty-nine to get upset over birthdays?"

"It's older than Edward," she replied. She looked to me once again with pleading eyes and a sigh escaped my lips. I wanted this day to be a happy celebration for her and was determined not to let it turn into another argument over this issue. If Alice isn't careful…

_Oh, Edward, just do it already! You would be so happy together!_

The image of Bella with crimson eyes flashed into my mind. Alice had seen this vision many months ago, but I knew better than anyone how subjective her visions could be and was stubbornly opposed to allowing this particular future to come to fruition.

I shot a warning glare in Alice's direction. She knew very well how I felt about this. She hesitated for a brief second and turned her back to me, continuing to prod Bella along.

"Technically. Just by one little year, though." Alice's words seemed to fall on deaf ears. I could see Bella's mind working, even though I was unable to hear her thoughts. Her eyes glazed over as though she were looking past the present and into the future – a future where, I'm sure, she imagined herself old and gray, holding onto the arm of her forever seventeen soul mate.

Alice glanced quickly in my direction. _Brace yourself. Here we go…_

Alice eyed Bella cautiously. "What time will you be at the house?"

Bella's eyes widened and instantly narrowed into a glare as she realized what Alice was up to. "I didn't know I had plans to be there."

"Oh, be fair, Bella! You aren't going to ruin all our fun like that, are you?" Alice looked at Bella beseechingly, jutting out her bottom lip in disappointment.

"I thought my birthday was about what _I_ want," Bella replied, exasperated.

I decided to interject. "I'll get her from Charlie's right after school." I gave Alice a meaningful glare, a warning. _Alice, if you want her to go at all, don't push it._

"I have to work." Bella was going to use any excuse she could to get out of whatever Alice had in store.

Alice grinned slyly. "You don't actually. I already spoke to Mrs. Newton about it. She's trading your shifts. She said to tell you 'Happy Birthday.'"

Bella shifted her weight uneasily knowing that she was quickly losing this battle. "I – I still can't come over." She was tripping over her words as she hastily thought of another excuse. "I, well, I haven't watched Romeo and Juliet yet for English."

"You have Romeo and Juliet memorized," Alice countered.

"But Mr. Berty said we needed to see if performed to fully appreciate it – that's how Shakespeare intended it to be presented."

She looked to me for help, but I rolled my eyes. Bella was grasping at straws. I knew that she had seen the movie already. Her hasty lies were unconvincing.

"You've already seen the movie," Alice continued, seeing right through Bella's attempted deception.

"But not the nineteen-sixties version. Mr. Berty said it was the best."

Alice was starting to lose her temper and glowered at me. _Help me with this Edward! You know as well as I do how important this is. She will regret it later if she doesn't celebrate her birthday properly._ _Think how disappointed everyone will be. We haven't celebrated a real birthday in over half a century! _

She tore her eyes from me and spoke in a biting tone, "This can be easy, or this can be hard, Bella, but one way or the other - "

I placed a calming hand on my sister's shoulder. There was no need for threats. "Relax, Alice. If Bella wants to watch a movie, then she can. It's her birthday."

Bella smirked. "So there."

I looked directly at Alice, purposely avoiding Bella's eyes. "I'll bring her over around seven." I could feel Bella's stare burning a hole right through me. "That will give you more time to set up." I smiled slightly and gave Alice a wink.

Alice clapped her hands together and laughed with glee, "Sounds good. See you tonight, Bella! It'll be fun, you'll see." She kissed Bella on the cheek and danced away before she could object.

_Don't worry, Edward. She'll forgive you…and the party will be splendid!_

Bella looked to me with pleading eyes, "Edward, please –"

I put my finger to her lips to silence her protest. "Let's discuss it later. We're going to be late for class." I took her hand once more. She hesitated briefly, but surrendered and followed me into the school.

I observed her throughout the day as she interacted with her friends. She smiled and laughed at all the right moments, but I could sense a sorrow that she kept well hidden. Because Bella's mind was the only one silent to me, I had grown quite adept at discerning her moods. Her silent mind was an enigma, a constant challenge that I gladly endured.

I studied her eyes, her facial expressions, her body language. Her face smiled, but her eyes betrayed her. Sadness crept into my heart. I was the cause of her grief. I struggled daily between the desire to make Bella happy and the need to keep her safe. She said that she wants this life; that she wants to be with me forever. I cannot deny that my heart yearns for the same, but I would not be responsible for taking her life. Her soul is much too precious.

I walked with Bella to her truck and opened the passenger door for her. She folded her arms and pouted, "It's my birthday, don't I get to drive?"

"I'm pretending it's not your birthday, just as you wished." A smirk made its way past the corners of my mouth as she shook her head in frustration.

"If it's not my birthday, then I don't have to go to your house tonight," she proclaimed smugly. She was determined to get her way.

"All right." I shut the passenger door and walked to the other side to open the driver's door for her, "Happy birthday."

"Shh," she shushed me, but reluctantly climbed into the truck.

I turned on the radio as we drove away from the school. The speakers hissed and sputtered with static. "Your radio has horrible reception," I noted, subtly hinting at the new stereo she would be receiving in a few short hours.

She frowned as her voice rose an octave, "You want a nice stereo? Drive your own car." Her brow creased in anger and her hands gripped the wheel tightly as she stared at the wet road before us. I knew that Alice's plans had put her in a foul mood, but I had to admit that she was adorable when she was angry. I suppressed a grin and resolved to cheer her up by whatever means necessary. She should not be so sour on a joyous occasion such as a birthday.

As she parked in front of her house, I reached over to her, gently cupping her face in my cold hands. She didn't recoil from my wintry touch. Looking deeply into her eyes, I whispered, "You should be in a good mood, today of all days."

"And if I don't want to be in a good mood?"

My eyes smoldered as I gazed at her intently. I could see her begin to melt beneath my stare. "Too bad." I leaned closer and pressed my lips to hers in an effort to distract her. The venom burned in my throat, but the sensation had become much easier to ignore. My love for Bella overruled the monster within that craved her blood. The warmth of her lips lit mine on fire, although it was not an undesirable feeling. Our lips moved in harmony with one another. I could taste her sweet breath on my tongue and the sensation made my head spin.

I continued to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around my neck, twining her fingers through my hair, and I could sense that she was going to push this a little farther than I was willing to go. She knew very well that I could not allow myself to lose control, no matter how strong the desire.

Unwillingly, I moved my hands from her face and tenderly removed her hands from my neck. "Be good please," I whispered. I kissed her lightly once more before placing her hands on her lap. Her cheeks flushed and I could hear her heart beating rapidly.

"Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?"

I started to grin, "I really hope not." I could not deny that I enjoyed her involuntary reactions. It was one of the few indicators that demonstrated to me how she really felt.

She opened her door and leaned out. "Let's go watch the Capulets and the Montagues hack each other up, all right?"

"Your wish is my command," I smiled.

I lay on the couch while she sat on the edge in front of me, fast-forwarding through the opening credits of the movie. I wrapped my arms around her waist and drew her to my chest. Her skin was soft and warm. I closed my eyes and sighed, breathing in her sweet aroma.

"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo," I said.

"What's wrong with Romeo?" she asked in an affronted tone. In all our conversations, I knew that Romeo was one of her favorite romantic characters.

"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline – don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"

I could sense her impatience, "Do you want me to watch this alone?" she teased.

"No, I'll mostly be watching you, anyway." This was not a lie. I could spend an eternity watching her, speculating her thoughts, her dreams. I softly ran my finger down her arm. The path left a trail of goose bumps. Whether a reaction to the coolness of my skin or the pleasure of my touch, I couldn't be sure.

"Will you cry?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Probably," she confessed, "if I'm paying attention."

"I won't distract you then." I leaned close and held her tighter.

As we watched, I whispered Romeo's lines in her ear in my velvet voice she loved so much. I was intrigued when I saw a few lone tears meander down her cheeks. I tenderly wiped them away.

"I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here," I murmured.

"She's very pretty."

I looked at her appalled, "I don't envy him the girl – just the ease of suicide. You humans have it so easy! All you have to do is throw down one tiny vial of plant extracts…"

"What?" I could hear the shock in her voice.

_Oops…that's probably not a pleasant topic of conversation when trying to cheer someone up. I will need to watch my words more carefully._ I tried my best to sound casual.

"It's something I had to think about once, and I knew from Carlisle's experience that it wouldn't be simple. I'm not even sure how many ways Carlisle tried to kill himself in the beginning… after he realized what he'd become…And he's clearly still in excellent health."

She turned to face me and I could see the concern in her eyes, "What are you talking about? What do you mean, this is something you had to think about once?"

I struggled to find the words, "Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…" I closed my eyes and thought back to that time so many months ago when I feared I had lost her. James had lured my Bella away and nearly killed her. I barely made it to her in time and still blame myself for letting any harm come to her. She traced the scar on her arm, the constant reminder of that terrible day.

I forced the thoughts from my head, "Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it's not as easy for me as it is for a human."

"Contingency plans?" she repeated, her eyes searching mine.

_Like most things, she's taking this far too seriously._

"Well, I wasn't going to live without you. But I wasn't sure how to do it – I knew Emmett and Jasper would never help…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi." I tried to force my voice to sound nonchalant. She did not need to dwell on such things.

Bella looked to me with a despondency that completely overwhelmed her and then her eyes flashed with fury. "What is a Volturi?" she demanded.

"The Volturi are a family," I explained. "A very old, very powerful family of our kind. They are the closest thing our world has to a royal family, I suppose. Carlisle lived with them briefly in his early years, in Italy, before he settled in America – do you remember the story?"

"Of course I remember."

"Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do." My mind wandered briefly to the many discussions Carlisle and I had shared on this issue. He believed fervently that there was a path to redemption for our kind, but I did not share his outlook, although, his blind faith was difficult to doubt. I could see in his thoughts that his faith did not waver; he believed completely in the possibility of an existence after this one.

A look of sheer terror twisted her face and she grasped my cheeks with her hands. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!" Her voice started to break as tears welled up in her eyes.

I placed my hands on hers and replied, "I'll never put you in danger again, so it's a moot point." Honestly, I should have forced her to go to Florida with her mother when the opportunity arose in the hospital, but I am such a selfish creature. Every moment I spent with her, I put her in danger, yet I could not imagine trading any of the blissful moments we shared together.

"Put me in danger! I thought we'd established that all the bad luck is my fault? How dare you even think like that?" Her body trembled with rage.

_Oh, Bella, Bella…_ I shook my head.

"What would you do, if the situation were reversed?" I asked her.

"That's not the same thing."

I snickered as she continued to shake with anger. She was disturbed by my cavalier attitude regarding my own demise.

"What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off myself?" she asked.

I winced at the notion that she would even conceive of doing such a thing. She was clever to turn the question around, knowing that I would have to disagree with her, thus shattering my own argument.

"I guess I see your point…a little," I confessed. "But what would I do without you?"

She shrugged, "Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence."

I thought back to my life before Bella had come into it. I was alone. I had been alone for nearly a hundred years and although others had shown their interest in me, I ignored them. I had no desire for companionship other than that of my family. Esme expressed her concerns for me many times and longed that I would find a mate, my other half. And I have. The moment that I met Bella, I knew my life would be changed. Her silent mind intrigued me and her blood called to me. It was as if I was under a spell, powerless to ignore. When she spoke my name in her sleep, I was smitten. In that instant, I realized that I loved this fragile creature and that knowledge permanently changed me.

"You make that sound so easy," I replied.

"It should be. I'm not that interesting." She was wrong about that; to me she was fascinating.

"Moot point," I repeated. I could hear the light rumbling of Charlie's cruiser drawing near. I straightened up and shifted away from Bella.

"Charlie?" she guessed.

I smiled at her as the sound of crunching gravel outside the door confirmed her speculation. She reached over and took my hand.

"Hey kids." Charlie greeted, looking from me to Bella and back to me again. _If you know what's good for you…_I suppressed a grin at Charlie's overprotective thoughts.

"I thought you'd like a break from cooking and washing dishes for your birthday. Hungry?" The scent of hot pizza wafted into the room.

"Sure. Thanks, Dad."

I sat with Bella as she nibbled at a slice of pepperoni, hoping that Charlie wouldn't notice my lack of appetite. I could join in the meal if it was necessary to keep up the charade, but the thought of consuming human food made my stomach turn.

As the meal was ending, I spoke up, "Do you mind if I borrow Bella for the evening?"

Charlie hesitated, glancing quickly at Bella. _Should I have planned something? Maybe I should have gotten a cake. Her mother was always the one to plan for these things. She would probably be bored silly sitting here with me all night._ A look of relief washed over his face.

"That's fine – the Mariners are playing the Sox tonight. So, I won't be any kind of company…Here." He picked up the camera he had given Bella for her birthday and lightly tossed it to her. She missed and the camera tumbled downward. I reached out and grabbed it before it could collide with the floor.

"Nice save," Charlie exclaimed. "If they're doing something fun at the Cullens' tonight, Bella, you should take some pictures. You know how your mother gets – she'll be wanting to see the pictures faster than you can take them."

"Good idea, Charlie," I said as I handed the camera to Bella.

She turned the camera on me and I was briefly blinded by the flash. "It works," she declared.

Charlie turned to her, "That's good. Hey, say hi to Alice for me. She hasn't been over in a while." _I really miss that girl. She was so sweet to take care of Bella when she broke her leg. I don't know what I would have done without her. _I grinned at Charlie's unspoken words. I wished he thought as well of me as he did my sister.

"It's been three days, Dad," Bella replied in a patronizing tone. "I'll tell her."

Charlie cleared his throat and pushed away from the table, "Okay, you kids have fun tonight." He turned and lumbered over to the couch, where he would undoubtedly remain for the duration of the evening.

I took Bella's hand and led her out of the kitchen. We strolled to her truck and I opened the passenger door for her. I was surprised that she was no longer putting up a fight.

We drove along the dark and winding roads. I wished that Bella would allow me to give her a faster car. The speeds her truck was capable of were excruciatingly slow. I pushed the pedal to its limit and the ancient engine groaned in protest.

_I could walk faster than this._

"Take it easy," she murmured.

"You know what you would love? A nice little Audi coupe. Very quiet, lots of power…"

She cut me off. "There's nothing wrong with my truck. And speaking of expensive nonessentials, if you know what's good for you, you didn't spend any money on birthday presents."

"Not a dime," I winked at her, not wanting to give anything away.

She rolled her eyes, "Good."

"Can you do me a favor?" My tone was earnest.

"That depends on what it is."

I took my focus from the road for a brief moment. I gazed into her curious eyes, pleading with my own. "Bella, the last real birthday any of us had was Emmett in 1935. Cut us a little slack, and don't be too difficult tonight. They're all very excited."

She sighed, "Fine, I'll behave…"

"I should probably warn you…"

"Please do."

"When I say they're all excited…I do mean all of them."

A slight gasp escaped her lips, "Everyone?" She paused, "I thought Emmett and Rosalie were in Africa."

"Emmett wanted to be here." _I wish I could say the same for my sister._

Her lips quivered, "But…Rosalie?"

I furrowed my brow as I thought about how poorly my sister treated Bella. She was civil, at least in my presence, because she knew it hurt me to know that she did not accept Bella as willingly as the rest of the family.

"I know, Bella. Don't worry, she'll be on her best behavior."_ If she knows what's good for her._

I could see Bella's thoughts drifting. She couldn't stand to be the cause of tension in our family. I quickly changed the subject, "So, if you won't let me get you the Audi, isn't there anything that you'd like for your birthday?"

"You know what I want," she whispered, knowing what my reaction would be.

I instantly regretted asking the question. I could feel the agony burning in my chest. Why did she have to test me like this? My will was not ironclad.

"Not tonight, Bella. Please," I begged.

Her lips curved at the corners and I could see mischief in her eyes. "Well, maybe Alice will give me what I want."

I felt the rumble in my chest as a low growl escaped my lips. "This isn't going to be your last birthday, Bella."

"That's not fair!" She crossed her arms and pouted like a child who was not getting her way. I clenched my teeth, determined not to let the argument proceed.

As we pulled up to the house, I heard a soft groan. Alice had outdone herself, as usual. There were Japanese lanterns adorning the house and bowls of pink roses lining the steps.

_She's here! She's here!_ I could hear Alice's anxious thoughts as we pulled to a stop. There was a shuffling inside the house as everyone prepared to greet us.

"This is a party. Try to be a good sport."

"Sure," she responded half-heartedly.

Although clearly agitated, she smiled at me warmly, putting on her bravest face. No matter how uncomfortable Bella was, I could always count on her to do her best to make others happy. Her altruistic nature was one of her most endearing qualities.

I opened her door and took her hand. "I have a question," she paused and looked down ashamed, blood rushing to her cheeks. I gently ran the back of my hand along her jaw line and waited patiently.

She hesitated. "If I develop this film, will you show up in the picture?"

I could not hold back the laughter that burst from my mouth. I doubled over, my frame shaking as I continued to chortle. The laughter was even more difficult to contain when I could hear similar expressions of amusement coming from inside the house.

She looked on with mild amusement at my reaction, her cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red. She shifted her weight in embarrassment as I composed myself and took her hand in mine. She was constantly surprising me. I continued to chuckle as I led her up the stairs.

I opened the door and we were greeted by a raucous refrain of "Happy birthday, Bella!" Bella shuffled in, looking down with discomfort. Alice really had outdone herself. Every surface of the room was covered in pink roses. At one end of the room there was a table ornamented with a pink cake, a stack of glass plates, a small stack of silver wrapped presents, and more roses. I wrapped my arms around Bella, giving her a supportive squeeze, and kissed her lightly on the head.

Esme and Carlisle were the first to greet Bella. They hugged and kissed her like a daughter, as though she had been a member of the family for years. I heard Carlisle whisper, "Sorry about this, Bella. We couldn't rein Alice in."

Emmett sprang across the room, "You haven't changed at all. I expected a perceptible difference, but here you are, red-faced just like always," he cackled.

"Thanks a lot, Emmett." Bella paid no heed to his jeering.

"I have to step out for a second. Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." Emmett grinned, showing all his teeth and winked at Alice before darting out of the room.

"I'll try." Bella shifted uneasily.

_Don't let her near the windows, Edward. Remember, this is supposed to be a surprise._

Alice was beaming as she glided across the room, "Time to open presents." She dragged Bella over to the table holding the gifts and Bella did her best not to show her unease.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything - " she protested.

Alice smirked, "But I didn't listen. Open it!" She took Bella's camera and shoved a large silver box at her.

Bella seemed confused by the size of the box and disproportionate weight. She carefully tore the paper and gazed at the box, trying to determine what it was. She opened the box and it was empty. Her face was puzzled, "Um…thanks." I smiled at her in amusement and let out a quiet chuckle.

Rosalie snickered under her breath at Bella's obvious confusion and Jasper smiled as he explained, "It's a stereo for your truck. Emmett's installing it right now so you can't return it."

_See Edward, there's more than one way to skin a cat_, Alice teased.

"Thanks, Jasper, Rosalie," Bella's voice wavered as she expressed her gratitude.

"Thanks Emmett!" she yelled and we could hear his laughing response from her truck.

"Open mine and Edward's next," Alice encouraged.

Emmett sprinted through the door.

"Just in time!"

Everyone inched closer to get a better view, anxious to see Bella's reaction.

"I didn't spend a dime," I promised her, smiling. I brushed the hair from her face and felt her tremble slightly.

Bella turned to Alice and held out her hand, "Give it to me." Collective laughter filled the room and Bella's cheeks flushed once again.

_She's going to love it, Edward!_

Bella glared at me, as if to say 'You're in trouble_._' I smiled and watched intently as she slid her finger under the tape.

I could smell the blood before the word "shoot" escaped her lips. The next few moments seemed to go in slow motion. She pulled out her finger to inspect it and I could see a single drop of blood exude from the tiny cut. The mood in the room immediately shifted. I could hear the ravenous monsters within salivating at the scent.

My eyes shifted to Jasper as I sensed his thoughts. _She's mine!_ His body tensed and he crouched, ready to pounce.

_Jasper, No!_ Alice's shocked face reflected in my eyes.

Jasper's mind focused on the kill. He was no longer my brother, he was a predator and his sights were set on Bella. _My Bella!_ All reason drained from him. He strategized the best way to subdue the competition and seize his prize. I saw all the scenarios flash through his mind, all resulting in the lifeless body of my love clutched in his arms. Fear and fury raged through me like a wildfire.

"No!" I growled and threw myself in front of Bella, protecting her from Jasper's grasping hands. Bella's face was white with shock as we fell to the ground, colliding with the table; sending the cake, presents, and flowers crashing to the floor in a shower of shattered crystal. Jasper's body slammed into mine as he snarled and reached for her. The sound, like crashing boulders, echoed throughout the house. I held him back with one arm and arched my body protectively around Bella.

Everyone looked on in shock, but quickly sprang into action.

_Oh, no you don't! _Emmett seized Jasper from behind, locking his arms around his chest so that he couldn't break free. Jasper continued to struggle, baring his teeth and staring intently on his prey. _Let me go! She's mine! She's mine! So sweet, so mouth-watering! Let me go!_ There was no reasoning with him. The monster had taken over completely.

The scent of her blood saturated the room and I could see a small pool of the red liquid forming under her arm where she lay on the broken crystal. She winced in pain and blinked her eyes, as though trying to force herself to awaken from a nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2: Decisions

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

2. DECISIONS

Esme looked on with deep concern etching her face as Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulder.

_Emmett has Jasper restrained. I need to have a look at her arm._

My eyes were deep pools of anger mixed with sorrow as I looked to Carlisle and back at Bella. My stance remained rigid, forming a protective cage around her.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," he ordered.

Emmett kept his vice grip on Jasper, "Come on, Jasper." Emmett and Rosalie wrestled him out the door while he continued to growl and lunge.

_I knew something like this would happen. It was only a matter of time. Maybe now he'll see how ridiculous this fascination of his is._ If I hadn't been too preoccupied with protecting Bella, I would have launched myself at Rosalie for her thoughts.

Esme held the door open for them, holding her nose with her other hand, a look of absolute shame on her face.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," she apologized as she too slipped out of the room.

_So sorry, Edward._

Carlisle was gripping my shoulder tightly, willing me to calm down. Every cell in my body was a live wire. His touch sent a jolt of electricity through me that forced me to focus. I looked up, my gaze meeting Bella's frightened face. I studied her features, unable to determine if it was fear or concern that I saw there.

"Let me by, Edward," Carlisle spoke soothingly.

I let my body relax slightly as he knelt down by Bella to examine the extent of her injuries. I composed myself as best I could so that Bella would not see the agony on my face.

"Here, Carlisle," Alice said as she offered him a towel.

He shook his head. "There is too much glass in the wound." He quickly tore a strip from the tablecloth and wrapped it around Bella's arm to form a tourniquet.

_This isn't as bad as it looks, but I need to work quickly to prevent infection. _Carlisle's mind was working, forming a quick diagnosis of his patient.

The smell of her blood crept into my nostrils. The scent was so overwhelming that I could taste it on my tongue. The monster inside hissed with thirst and the burning in my throat raged. Instinctively, I stopped breathing, forcing the monster at bay.

Carlisle looked to Bella with kind eyes. "Bella, do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like me to take care of it here?"

She looked up at me with shame in her eyes and then back at Carlisle. "Here please," she murmured.

"I'll get your bag," Alice offered, running up the stairs to Carlisle's study.

Carlisle looked to me for assistance, "Let's take her to the kitchen table."

I gently lifted Bella, cradling her in my arms, careful not to touch her arm and more careful not to breathe. The temptation was far too great and not something I was willing to risk. She did not look at me, fearful of my reaction, I guessed. Her frail body was quivering in my arms. The shock of the scene must be settling in her mind. Perhaps now she would understand the true dangers she faced while with me.

Carlisle spoke to Bella as a concerned father would to his daughter, "How are you doing, Bella?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied.

I could see that she was trying to be strong for me. I made a superfluous effort not to show any emotion on my face. I could not allow her to see how much I struggled; it would only add to her fears.

Alice had Carlisle's medical bag ready on the table when I set Bella down. Carlisle immediately went to work on her arm, carefully plucking out the tiny shards of broken glass. I continued to hover protectively, the battle within between the protector and the hunter raged on. I forced my body to remain rigid as a statue as I watched Carlisle tend to her wounds.

She looked up at me and sighed, "Just go, Edward." She must know me too well.

"I can handle it," I maintained adamantly. I was sure she could see through my façade.

_Edward, you should go. She's worried about you. You'll only make it worse if you stay._

She continued, "You don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Go get some fresh air." She flinched in pain and my feet remained planted.

"I'll stay," I insisted.

"Why are you so masochistic?"

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now," Carlisle interjected.

I wrestled with the thought of leaving Bella now, but decided that Carlisle was right.

"Yes…go find Jasper." My voice trailed off.

"You might as well do something useful," Alice chimed in, her tone dismissive.

I stared at Alice with intensity so fierce that she was briefly taken aback, but stood her ground. I knew that I was being forced out for my own sanity, but I didn't have to like it. Taking one last look at my poor Bella, I stormed from the room, still holding my breath.

I let the cool night air fill my lungs as I ran through the forest. I wasn't ready to face Jasper yet. I needed to calm down first. I stopped running and knelt to the ground, my head in my hands.

Why was this happening? How could I be so selfish to risk her life? As much as it pained me to admit it, Rosalie was right. I was foolish to think that our unconventional relationship could ever work. Bella was far too fragile, too precious. No matter how much I loved her, I was far too dangerous to be near her. She didn't belong in my world. I could see that all too clearly now. Every moment with her was a struggle against my true nature and I had been a fool to try and become something I am not, nor ever will be.

I felt a soft hand touch my shoulder as Alice knelt beside me. She didn't speak, but I could hear her thoughts as clearly as if she had.

_Don't worry Edward, everything will be okay. Jasper won't try to hurt her again, I can see that. No one could have known something like this would happen. It was an accident. There is no need for you to blame yourself._

I looked up at her with grieving eyes. She was wrong. I was to blame for putting Bella in this situation. She had naively put her life in my hands. Alice rubbed my shoulders soothingly before she left to find Jasper.

I cleared my mind and tried to focus on Carlisle, seeing Bella through his thoughts. I could see him carefully cleaning and stitching Bella's wound. I am still amazed at Carlisle's composure. It takes a great amount of discipline to do what he does and I admire his courage.

They conversed casually and I listened, taking note of her mood. They were discussing immortality and the afterlife. After our conversation this afternoon, it was no surprise to me that she sought Carlisle's insight into the matter.

Bella seemed to be arguing about her soul again. "That's the real problem, isn't it?" she asked. "That's why he's being so difficult about me."

_Oh, Edward. I wish you could believe as I do._

"I look at my…son," Carlisle began. "His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him – and it only fuels that hope, that faith, much more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?"

I could see her eyes through his. She believed him without question, seeing the unwavering faith in his expression.

"But if I believed as he does. If you believed as he did. Could you take away his soul?" Her face fell. Thankfully, Carlisle understood my reservations about granting her request and easily put her argument to rest.

"You see the problem."

She nodded, but I could see a glint of obstinacy in her eyes. "It's my choice," she insisted.

"It's his, too," he countered.

I closed my mind briefly, allowing a moment to gather my thoughts. What a disaster this night had turned out to be! I composed myself and rose to my feet.

Walking back to the house, rather than running, I allowed the emotions to drain from me. I could not allow her to see how deeply this affected me. I had to be strong for her. I had to protect her…from myself. I allowed the numbness to set in, perfecting my stoic pretense.

The light from the open kitchen door washed over the wet grass. Carlisle's calm voice carried through the night air. "I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward."

_My son…I wish he could see the goodness in himself that is so apparent to everyone around him. How could he doubt it?_

I stepped through the door as Carlisle was saying, "I suppose I should take you home now."

"I'll do that," I said as I crossed the room to Bella. Her eyes were searching mine, trying to see what I could be hiding. My face showed no emotion, of that I was certain, but my eyes would give me away if she looked closely enough. Her eyes penetrated deep into my soul – wondering, searching. I could see the fear and concern etched on her face.

She saw the distress in my eyes and replied, "Carlisle can take me."

"I'm fine," I insisted. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look." I gestured to her bloodstained blouse. "I'll have Alice get you something."

I left quickly. I was running to fetch Alice, but also running from Bella's analyzing stare. I could hear Bella admit, "He's very upset." I could always count on her keen perception to see straight to the heart of the matter.

Carlisle replied, "Yes. Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You being put in danger, because of what we are."

Carlisle was right. The risk that I posed to Bella had been in the forefront of my mind since the day I met her. 'Your number was up the day we met,' I remembered saying to her, but she never believed that I could be a threat to her. She was the only human I had ever encountered who did not shy away from our kind. It was as though she had no sense of self-preservation.

_Where do you think you're going?_ Emmett and Rosalie slipped out of the trees and stood firmly, blocking my path.

"I'm going to get Alice. Now, if you please –" I motioned for them to get out of my way.

Rosalie gave Emmett a wary glance. "I don't think it would be wise. She's with Jasper."

"I'm not going to do anything to Jasper, but if you don't get out of my way, I may turn my intentions on you." I glared viciously at my sister. "The faster I get to Alice, the faster I can get back to Bella."

She sighed and touched Emmett's arm. They exchanged glances and stepped to the side, allowing me through.

I ran further into the woods, toward the sound of Alice's thoughts. As I approached, I could hear Alice comforting Jasper.

"Jasper, it's not your fault. You slipped. So what? It could have happened to any one of us."

Jasper hung his head. "I'm weak. I could have killed her, Alice! I would have killed her. Edward must hate me."

"Don't think like that! He does not hate you. And you could not have hurt her; we would have protected you from that."

I stepped toward them and they both turned to face me. Alice gave me a warning glare. _Don't try anything. He already feels horrible._

Jasper's eyes were full of shame and remorse. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am, Edward," he began. "This is very difficult for me. I am ashamed of my weakness and I pray that you will one day forgive me."

I pursed my lips and nodded. I couldn't hide my pain. "Alice, I need you to find something for Bella to wear home. We can't take her home to Charlie the way she looks now."

"Sure," she replied, "Jasper, I will be right back."

Her small hand cradled his face and she kissed him lightly on the forehead before turning to leave. He gave me one last apologetic look before lowering his head into his hands. I turned to lead Alice back to Bella.

She followed me back to the house and danced to Bella's side when we walked through the door. I kept my distance, still wrestling with my conscience.

"C'mon. I'll get you something less macabre to wear." Alice winked at Bella, leading her by the hand up the stairs.

When they were out of earshot, Carlisle turned to me. "You can't blame yourself for this, Edward. You know that Jasper is newest to our lifestyle and it's still difficult for him. It was merely an accident."

"That may be," I replied, my voice breaking, "but it still doesn't change the fact that we are a danger to her. No matter how much I love her, the need to protect her has to be my utmost priority. She would be better off…" My voice broke as the realization of what must be done threatened to tear my heart in two.

_Edward, please don't think like that. She loves you and you love her. She knows the risks. I've seen such a miraculous change in you since Bella came into your life. I can't bear the thought of you being alone again. _Esme's thoughts were no comfort to me.

Bella and Alice descended the stairs. Alice was able to find a shirt similar enough to Bella's ruined one that Charlie wouldn't notice the change. I waited by the front door and opened it for her, without making eye contact.

"Take your things!" Alice exclaimed, handing Bella her camera and unopened gifts. Bella clutched them in her good arm. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Alice smiled warmly at her. Bella turned to leave and Alice gave me a troubled look._ I'm sorry_, she mouthed.

I could feel the concerned looks of my family on me as I led Bella to the car. Without a word, I helped her into the passenger seat and walked around the truck.

I could see her quickly shoving something under her seat and guessed it was the ribbon that decorated her new stereo. She wanted very much to eliminate all evidence of the disastrous evening's events.

We drove home in silence. I couldn't bear to look at her. I pushed the gas pedal to the floor, willing her prehistoric truck to go as fast as possible. I longed for this dreadful night to be over.

"Say something," she said, her voice wavering.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, keeping my tone impassive.

"Tell me you forgive me…" her voice faded. I could hear the sadness in her hesitant plea.

Fury began rising in my chest. "Forgive you? For what?" I asked heatedly. _Control. Maintain control._

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was blaming herself? "Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut – that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault." She lowered her head, mortified of the mess she believed she had created. I was beginning to lose my temper. The words burned in my throat until I could hold them back no longer. They flowed out in a flood of vexation.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped and knocked over a pile of glass plates on your own – without someone throwing you into them – even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up – and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

The words poured out of my mouth. I had spoken more harshly than intended and could see the look of shock on her face. I might as well have slapped her across the face. Her bottom lip quivered and tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" Her voice was quaking with anger.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with."

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she spat. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation, "Don't be melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous." She stared at me, a look of disbelief on her face.

I didn't utter another word. I had lost my temper and felt bad for it, but this had gone too far. If I had to be cruel to her to make her see that our relationship could never work, then that was what I had to do. I pulled the car into the driveway, but didn't turn to look at her.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked, her eyes begging me to stay.

"I should go home," I replied without returning her gaze, my knuckles straining as I gripped the wheel tightly.

"For my birthday," she pleaded.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. "You can't have it both ways – either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

I could hear her sigh, "Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs." She opened the door and started to climb out, clutching her gifts in her good arm.

"You don't have to take those."

"I want them."

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," she replied obstinately. She shut the door and I flashed to her side.

"Let me carry them at least," I offered, holding out my hands. "I'll be in your room."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Happy birthday." I leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the lips. She reached for me, but I pulled away before she could wrap her arms around my neck. I flashed her a brief smile and disappeared from sight.

I climbed silently through her window and wondered how many nights I had left to spend with her. I sat on her bed and lay the presents in front of me. Clutching her pillow to my chest, I inhaled deeply her sweet aroma. I looked around the room, memorizing every detail. Did I have the strength to let her go?

I could hear her greeting her father below. Their conversation was quick. She was obviously trying to avoid a lengthy explanation of the evening's events.

"What happened to your arm?" he asked.

Her breath caught for just a moment.

_Oh, nothing. I got a paper cut, my boyfriend's brother tried to kill me, and my boyfriend threw me into a stack of plates. You know, the usual._

"I tripped. It's nothing," she lied. "Goodnight, Dad."

Her footsteps grew louder as she neared. I twirled one of the silver boxes in my hands, attempting to hide my standoffishness.

"Hi," I greeted her as the door creaked open.

She took the present from my hands and climbed into my lap. I could feel her soft, warm body against mine. A surge of warmth ran through me. I brushed the wayward strands of hair from her face and kissed her forehead lightly.

"Hi," she replied, snuggling closer. I wrapped my arms around her. "Can I open my presents now?"

Her mood change intrigued me. "Where did the enthusiasm come from?"

"You made me curious." She smiled and picked up the gift from Carlisle and Esme.

"Allow me," I said, taking the package from her hands and removing the paper in a single gesture. There would be no more paper cuts tonight.

"Are you sure I can handle lifting the lid?" she joked.

She opened the box and saw two plane tickets. "We're going to Jacksonville?" she exclaimed.

"That's the idea."

"I can't believe it. Renee is going to flip! You don't mind, though, do you? It's sunny, you'll have to stay inside all day." The excitement in her voice was apparent.

"I think I can handle it…If I'd had any idea that you could respond to a gift this appropriately, I would have made you open it in front of Carlisle and Esme. I thought you'd complain."

"Well, of course, it's too much. But I get to take you with me!"

Her enthusiasm was infectious and I stifled a laugh, "Now I wish I'd spent money on your present. I didn't realize that you were capable of being reasonable."

She grinned and poked my side playfully. She reached for my gift and, again, I unwrapped it for her. She turned the jewel case over in her hands with a curious expression on her face.

"What is it?" she asked.

I took the CD from her and reached over to the CD player by her bed. The music started to fill the room and her expression changed. Her eyes widened in awe as she realized what I had given her. Her lips trembled and tears spilled from her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away.

Concerned, I asked, "Does your arm hurt?"

"No, it's not my arm," she replied. "It's beautiful, Edward. You couldn't have given me anything I would love more. I can't believe it."

Her eyes closed as she listened to the soft melody of her lullaby. I ran my cool fingers through her hair as I studied her expression. She smiled peacefully. I could hear her heartbeat increase with my touch and her eyes fluttered open to gaze at me. There was so much love in her eyes; love that I didn't deserve.

"I didn't think you would let me get a piano so I could play for you here," I teased.

"You're right."

"How does your arm feel?" I pressed.

"Just fine," she replied. Fortunate for me, Bella is a terrible liar. I could see that she was in pain.

"I'll get you some Tylenol." I started to get up.

"I don't need anything," she protested, but I ignored her.

"Charlie…" she whispered.

"He won't catch me." I winked at her and disappeared before she could object. Without a sound, I gathered a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water and was back in her room before the door could close behind me. She took them from me without argument.

"It's late." I gently picked her up and tucked her into her bed, careful not to disturb her arm. Then I lay beside her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She leaned into me and let out a sigh of contentment.

"Thanks again," she whispered.

"You're welcome."

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

I hesitated. I wished she had not asked. "I was thinking about right and wrong, actually." I felt her body stiffen in my arms.

She quickly changed the subject. "Remember how I decided that I wanted you to not ignore my birthday?"

"Yes," I replied, unsure of where this question was leading.

"Well, I was thinking, since it's still my birthday, that I'd like you to kiss me again." She smiled coyly as she looked up into my eyes.

"You're greedy tonight," I teased.

"Yes, I am – but please, don't do anything you don't want to do." She smiled bashfully as her cheeks flushed.

I laughed. "Heaven forbid that I should do anything I don't want to do."

I lifted her chin with my hand, looking deeply into her expectant eyes. Pulling her face to mine, I gently caressed her lips with my own. Oh, how I would miss this. The pain seared through my chest and I felt an urgent need for her touch, wondering if this would be the last time I would hold her, kiss her. I craved her lips on mine.

Hungrily, I pressed my lips to hers with more force than intended and ran my fingers through her hair. She eagerly pressed herself against me; this was something she wanted as well. Her fingers tangled in my hair as she threw herself enthusiastically into the kiss. The heat coming off of her radiated throughout my body. The passion of the kiss warmed my cold heart and made my head spin. I could feel my will wavering and gently, but firmly, pushed her away.

She gasped as I let her go.

"Sorry," I apologized, knowing that I had let it go too far. "That was out of line."

"I don't mind." I was sure she didn't. I touched her face once more.

"Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again," she protested.

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" Her eyes were smoldering.

"It's a tie." I smiled briefly. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine," she replied. She nestled closer, pressing her injured arm against my cool shoulder, and began drifting to sleep.

I sat there, motionless, replaying the events of the day over and over in my head. Here in my arms, I held the most precious gift I had ever been given. She sighed peacefully as she slept. A silent sob built in my chest as I resolved what I had to do to protect her.


	3. Chapter 3: Distance

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

3. DISTANCE

The minutes ticked slowly by, but I wished desperately that I could stop the passage of time completely. Bella slept peacefully, cradled in my arms, mumbling sporadically while she slumbered. Her warm skin made my own tingle.

"Edward," she murmured.

Closing my eyes, I sighed in a brief moment of perfect contentment. The sound of my name on her lips, even in her sleep, warmed my soul. How I wish we could remain like this forever, but the cruel reality quickly reminded me that it wasn't meant to be. I cherished the passing seconds, knowing in my heart that this would be the last night I would spend with her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "Don't go, please."

The agony of the truth pierced my heart. I squeezed my eyes tightly, fighting the urge to scream. Even if her conscious mind didn't realize it yet, her dreams were already warning her of what was to come. How could I leave her?

I watched Bella's chest rise and fall, each breath matching my own in perfect synchronicity. We were two halves of a whole. She was the missing piece of my soul that made me complete. She made me a better man – almost human. What will remain of me when she is gone? Will there be nothing left but the monster? Will I leave the best of me behind with her?

The sun was beginning to rise and light amber rays cascaded softly through the window. Bella began to stir. She awoke and winced in pain. I kissed her lightly on the forehead and dashed out the window. I couldn't bear to leave her, not yet, but preparations needed to be made.

I ran home as fast as my legs would carry me and could see Esme watching through the window, awaiting my arrival. Her eyes were weary and strained with anxiety. She embraced me as I came through the door, reassuring me with her thoughts.

_Everything will be all right, Edward. You'll see…_

She could see that I was troubled as I quickly wrenched myself from her arms in search of Carlisle. I sprinted up the stairs to his study and found him sitting behind his desk with a book in his hands.

"Good Morning, Edward. What can I do for you? How is Bella feeling?" he probed.

"She's in some pain, but fine otherwise. I need to speak with you about something very important." My voice cracked as I forced the words out and he looked on with sorrow in his eyes.

_I was afraid it might come to this. I wish there were something I could do to ease his pain._

"Carlisle, we've been here for a while now and I think that it's nearing the time when we must move on… before suspicions begin to arise."

His eyes pierced right through me, "Edward, you haven't finished the school year yet. Will it not look odd if we leave before graduation? This is about last night, isn't it? Please be honest with me…"

The pain in my chest was unbearable, but I pressed on. "Carlisle, I think it would be in Bella's best interests if we left Forks. After last night, I can no longer deny that we are a danger to her."

"But, Edward…"

I cut him off. "I love her too much, Carlisle, to endanger her any longer. I knew from the start that it was wrong of me to want her. She is too selfless and blinded by love to see the danger."

Alice flung open the door and sprinted into the room.

"Edward! How could you even consider…" My fierce stare stopped her in her tracks. As soon as I had made the decision to leave, she had seen our futures change.

A tearless sob escaped her lips, "Edward, this is not your decision, this affects all of us. Bella is my best friend. How can you even think that I would leave her?"

"Alice, I know that you love Bella. We all do, but I'm trying to do what's right here. We have never become this involved with a mortal before and it's too dangerous for her. You were here last night. You saw what happened. I can't risk her coming over for dinner and becoming the meal!" She winced at my last comment, the pain in her eyes evident.

"Edward, it was an accident! We can be more careful," she cried.

I shook my head and Carlisle rose from his chair.

"Alice is right."

I glared at him in disbelief, but he raised his hand in a gesture to show that he wasn't finished.

"She is right. This affects us all. This has to be a decision that is made by the family." He placed his hand on my shoulder and led me downstairs to the dining room, calling the rest of the family as we walked.

They all filed in and sat around the long table, looks of discomfort on every face. They had known this was coming.

I stood to speak.

"I believe that the time has come to move on from Forks. After the events of last night…" I trailed off as I saw the look of compunction on Jasper's face. "As I was saying, I believe that it has become too dangerous for us to continue to be a part of Bella's life. I love her and I know you all do. I'm pleading with you to understand my position. I care far too much for her to allow any harm to come to her. It was wrong of me to pursue her and I realize that now. She is mortal and we do not belong in her world. She can never have a normal life as long as we are in it."

I took a deep breath and continued, "I know that it's not quite time for us to move on, but I'm asking that you all do this for me. For Bella. If you care for her, you will help me protect her."

I could see Esme quietly weeping. Alice's eyes were fierce. Carlisle was pensive.

"Now then, let's put it to a vote. Alice?"

"Absolutely not!" she shouted. Her temper was flaring. "I think that you are being absurd about this whole situation, Edward. Bella is our friend and we all care for her. No harm will come to her if we are here to protect her. Remember, she's a magnet for trouble. Who's to say that she won't be in more danger if we leave?"

I looked to her beseechingly, "Alice, have you considered that the trouble all started with us? Bella wouldn't have been hunted by James if she hadn't been in the clearing with us that day. Once we are gone, she will no longer need our protection." She huffed and crossed her arms, refusing to look at me.

"You're wrong, Edward. She would have died the day Tyler's truck skidded toward her on the ice. She's _alive_ because of us, because of you."

I winced at the memory. "We don't know that, Alice. And that still doesn't change the fact that our presence puts her at risk."

_This is wrong. Bella will be devastated. _

I blocked Alice's thoughts from my mind and turned to Jasper.

"Jasper?"

Jasper looked at me and then at Alice and slowly nodded his head. Alice shot him a distressing look.

_Jasper! How could you? You're supposed to be on my side!_

"I'm sorry, Alice, but I think Edward is right. I am embarrassed and ashamed of my actions last night, but we have to admit that it's the nature of what we are. No matter how civilized we appear to be, we are still, in essence, monsters."

I looked to Rosalie and she too nodded in agreement. _Finally! This is the first sensible thing you've done._

"Emmett?"

"I gotta disagree with you, bro. I think Bella is great and I don't see the need to leave. You know that you would never hurt her and we can protect her from any other dangers." Emmett sat back and crossed his arms, satisfied with his vote.

I nodded and turned to Esme. The pain on her face was almost too much for me to bear.

"Edward," she began, "I can't begin to tell you how happy I was when Bella came into your life. For nearly a century, I've waited for you to find your other half, your soul mate. I've worried for you, as any mother would. I hated seeing you alone and, when you found Bella, your whole demeanor changed. We all saw it. You came alive!"

She paused to compose herself, "I can't bear to see you alone again. You love Bella and she loves you, I can see that plainly. She has expressed a desire to become one of us, why not grant her wish?"

A growl rumbled in my chest, "NO!" I roared, smacking my hand on the table. "I love her too much to take her life. Her soul is far too precious."

Esme grimaced, "If you refuse to change her and yet feel that we are a danger to her, what choice do we have?" She lowered her head and continued to weep tearlessly.

"Carlisle?"

"Edward, I don't quite know what to say. As much as it pains me, I am willing to respect your decision. I may not agree with it, but I will support you."

Exasperated, Alice slammed her hands on the table and walked out the door.

_Idiots!_

Her vision showed that the decision had been made. Carlisle grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"What should we do?" he asked.

The wheels in my head were turning as I formulated a plan. I had spent the better part of the evening dwelling on just this outcome.

"I think it would be best for Bella if we make this a clean break. Her broken heart will heal faster that way." I struggled to maintain self-control. "We should cease contact and begin packing our things. Without the usual time to prepare for our next move, I recommend traveling to Denali to stay with Tanya's clan for a while until more permanent arrangements can be made."

Carlisle nodded in agreement. "I will make a call and begin the preparations. What will you do?"

I thought for a moment, "You all will go on without me and I will join you in a few days. I will stay behind to tie up the loose ends and tell Bella goodbye."

Carlisle stood and crossed over to Esme, wrapping her in his arms. She buried her face in his chest and continued to weep.

_I pray we're doing the right thing_, he thought to himself.

Everyone filed out of the room and the house was a flurry of activity as preparations were made for our move. I sat down and buried my face in my hands. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to break down. My chest heaved with tearless sobs. I could feel my stone heart breaking in two. I prayed for the strength to get through this. I had to do it for Bella.

I gathered all the courage I could and pushed myself away from the table. The most difficult part was yet to come.

How could I leave her? I would have to break her heart and the thought of intentionally causing her pain, regardless of the reasons behind it, was excruciating. I existed to love her, to bring her happiness. What I would have to do would go completely against my nature, but I would do it for her – to protect her.

Carlisle was speaking softly to Alice. She was nearly as inconsolable as Esme. I went over to her and wrapped her in my arms.

"Alice, I know you love Bella, but you have to know in your heart that I'm right about this." She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine.

"It's wrong Edward. I can feel it," she whimpered. "You love her so much."

"It doesn't matter. I have to do what is right for her. I have to protect her."

"I – don't even – get to say – goodbye?" she stammered.

"I think it would be best…" my voice trailed off. She hung her head in defeat and ran to Jasper's waiting arms. He held her close and gave me a wary glance.

_You're doing the right thing._

I nodded slightly. I knew of all my siblings, Jasper would understand my predicament. I felt a wave of calm come over me as Jasper smiled feebly, granting me a momentary reprieve from my pain.

I walked into the garage and climbed into my Volvo. Sinking back into the leather seat, I leaned back and sighed, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

I would keep up appearances as best I could until the time was right to tell her goodbye. The thought of waiting was agonizing. The sooner I could make the break, the better. However, my selfish side longed to postpone that inevitability forever. I had no desire to leave her behind, knowing that I would be leaving my heart behind in the process.

I turned the key and the engine roared to life. I forced my marble face free of any emotion and made my way toward the school.

* * *

I leaned on my car and waited for Bella to arrive. Thoughts raged in my head as I tried to determine the best way to tell her. How would she react? What could I say to make her believe that she will be better off without us in her life? I had spent so many months professing my love for her, how could I possibly expect her to just let me go?

My concentration broke as I turned to see her walking toward me. Her eyes were searching mine. She could perceive that something wasn't right. The sight of her bandaged arm strengthened my resolve.

"How do you feel?" I asked her.

"Perfect," she replied. I could see in her eyes that she was lying. She bit her lip nervously. Her eyes quickly scanned the parking lot; she was searching for someone. I was sure that Alice's absence would deepen her concerns.

I walked with her, detached, willing myself to let her go.

The day progressed slowly. I walked with her to class, but she did not speak. She continued to bite her lip fretfully and fidget with her hair.

Her attention was not on her schoolwork. Her mind seemed a million miles away.

"Miss Swan?" Mr. Berty interrupted her daze and she looked up, startled. His brow furrowed and he frowned, unhappy with Bella's obvious lack of attention.

She shifted uneasily in her chair and sat up, feigning interest.

"Miss Swan," he continued. "In Act I, Scene iii, Lady Capulet uses a metaphor to describe Paris. What is that metaphor?"

She started blankly ahead as though she had not heard the question. Her mouth opened slightly, but no sound came out. She bit her lip and stole a quick glance in my direction. Mr. Berty crossed his arms and waited.

"A book," I uttered softly, so only she would hear. She knew this play so well she could recite it in her sleep. I must have underestimated the worry this was causing her.

"A book," she repeated.

"Humph," Mr. Berty huffed and turned to return to the front of the classroom, continuing his lecture.

She turned slightly in her chair, her eyes catching mine.

_Thanks_, she mouthed.

I nodded in return and watched as she nervously spun her pen in her fingers. Her heart beat erratically as she stared vacantly ahead.

I hated this. I hated that I could cause her such suffering. I hated that I caused her undue stress. She would hate me for leaving, but she would move on. She would find a human boyfriend to turn to; one that could kiss her and hold her in his arms without needing to fight the urge to kill her.

I looked up to see Mike Newton staring at Bella…again. The thought of Mike with Bella made my stomach churn with jealousy, but I was not wrong last night when I told her that a relationship with him would be healthier than our own.

As though he could read my own thoughts, I heard him.

_I don't know what she sees in him. He's so weird. Just look at the way he looks at her. I wish he would just go away! If he had just ignored her like he ignores everyone else, she would have been my girlfriend, not his._

I purposely blocked Mike's tirade when his thoughts turned lustful. I could not tolerate his little fantasies – not today.

The class ended abruptly, but Bella did not rise from her seat. I waited patiently, wanting very much to reach out to her, but I held back.

"You coming, Bella?" Angela asked, tapping Bella on the shoulder and bringing her out of her trance.

"Um…yeah," she smiled sheepishly and got up to head to the next class.

The day continued, much of the same. Bella stared off in a dazed stupor, obviously either concentrating on a difficult problem or worrying needlessly about me.

I walked a step behind her as we entered the cafeteria. I filled my tray with the lunch I certainly would not consume and she selected a soft drink. I frowned slightly at her lack of appetite, but did not press the issue.

I followed her to our usual table, already abuzz with the chatter of teenagers. I sat next to Bella, picking apart a granola bar, seemingly distracted. Angela sat across from Bella and the empty seat next to her where Alice should be was glaringly obvious.

After what seemed like a day of uninterrupted silence, she finally asked, "Where's Alice?" her eyes nervously searched mine.

I looked away. "She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while." My voice strained with emotion as I held back. I could see her unease intensify.

"What? Where?" she cried.

"Nowhere in particular." My eyes remained focused on the table in front of me as I continued to pulverize the bits of oat and fruit between my fingers.

"And Alice, too…" her voice trailed off. Her cheeks flushed and her shoulders slumped as she thought again of the humiliation of last night. I knew she was blaming herself.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali."

She nodded silently, considering what I had said. Her brow creased and I longed to know what she was thinking. It was times like these that infuriated me. The silence of her mind drove me mad. In all the world, the only mind that I longed to hear was the only one silent to me.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she spat. Exasperation and distress filled her face as she lowered her head to the table. I knew that this was not going to be easy. The war waged within my mind.

Angela gave me a wary glance and I smiled as best I could. She assumed that we were having a typical high school argument, a lover's quarrel. She returned my smile and turned to join in the conversation with the rest of the table. I was glad that Angela was a good friend. Bella would need a good friend like her when I was gone.

The day dragged on and finally the last bell rang and we were free. We walked silently to the parking lot and she suddenly turned to face me.

"You'll come over later tonight?" Her eyes were pleading. She never had to ask this question before. Her voice sounded so unsure. Perhaps she was beginning to believe the warnings her dreams were trying to communicate to her.

"Later?" I questioned. The thought of waiting longer was agonizing. The more I prolonged our goodbyes, the harder it would be for me to maintain my resolve.

She shrugged, "I have to work. I had to trade with Mrs. Newton to get yesterday off."

"Oh," I replied. I had forgotten. _Damn. This waiting will be the death of me._

Her eyes were hopeful, "So you'll come over when I'm home, though, right?"

"If you want me to." I shuffled my feet, not daring to look her in the eye.

"I always want you," she replied affectionately, her hand reaching out to grasp mine. The heat from her skin sent a wave of ecstasy through my body that made me tremble slightly.

My heart burned in my chest and my ears rang. The voice in my head was shouting at me, _You idiot! Don't throw it all away!_

"All right, then," I replied, my face remaining stoic. I kissed her lightly on the forehead and turned to walk to my car.

As I neared the house, I could hear the disorganized thoughts of my family members as they continued to hastily make preparations for our move. The furniture had been circumspectly covered with sheets as the house was prepared for our long absence. I walked into Carlisle's study as he was placing his books in a large box. He looked up at me with sympathetic eyes. The pain was clearly visible on my face.

"I have already made arrangements for our move," he began. "The school and hospital have been notified."

"What did you tell them?" I asked.

"I received an offer with a large hospital in Los Angeles and it was too good to turn down. They were unhappy, but understanding. I wish I could have given them more notice, but circumstances…"

I nodded. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett had already gone. Esme and Carlisle remained to finish packing some belongings and solidify a believable story, as not to raise suspicion. They would leave tonight and join them in Denali.

He reached out to touch my shoulder, "How long until you join us?" he asked.

My eyes met his and he furrowed his brow with worry.

"I'll need...a couple of days." I replied softly, lowering my head.

He squeezed my arm reassuringly. "Take all the time you need, my son."

I tried to smile at him, but my face remained frozen. I turned to leave, walking down the hallway to my room. The room was nearly empty. All of my records and books had been packed away while I was gone. I was thankful that they extended that courtesy to me. So many things would remind me of her. Every book, every song, everything was saturated with memories of Bella.

My fingers graced the leather sofa where I had held her in my arms on her first visit to my home. Her sweet scent still lingered in the air. I could see her, laying peacefully wrapped in my embrace; her warm skin sending shivers down my body, her loving eyes staring deeply into mine, her soft lips kissing my fingers, my neck, my chin….I shook the thoughts from my head and turned to see Esme standing in the doorway.

She gave me an encouraging smile, hiding her anguish.

"Edward," she began, "I know that this is difficult for you and it pains me to see you in such agony. I know that you believe you are doing the right thing and I trust your judgment." She hesitated, almost unwilling to continue.

She looked down, avoiding my curious glare, _Please be gentle with her, Edward._

My eyes widened with shock.

"Bella loves you…possibly more than you realize. We all know that this is difficult for you, but please remember that it will be equally difficult for her. I know you will do what's best."

She paused, collecting her thoughts. "She is human and her memories will fade over time. Her heart will heal in time and so will yours."

I evaded her motherly gaze and the burning in my chest returned. I nodded in agreement. _Bella will forget_, I reassured myself. My heart, however, would likely never heal. Loving Bella changed me permanently on a deep level and I knew that I could never be the same.

"We will leave no evidence," I replied coolly. "I will make sure of it. Nothing will be left to remind her."

She reached out to hug me, but I recoiled from her touch. Her lip quivered as she turned to leave the room.

_This is much too difficult for him. I wish I could take his pain_, she thought as she walked away.

I leaned against the wall of glass and slid down to the floor. My fingers ruffled through my disheveled bronze hair. I leaned back and let out a sigh, closing my eyes. Oh, how I wished I could sleep. I longed for a temporary reprieve from this reality. I sat motionless for quite some time until I opened my eyes to see that the sun had set.

Lifting myself up, I composed my features and left the house to see Bella.

I could hear the sounds of baseball coming from the television as I pulled up to Bella's house. I hesitated, trying to decide whether or not to wait in the car. I was not prepared to say goodbye, not tonight. The thought of using Charlie as a buffer was tempting.

I strode up to the house and lightly rapped on the door. I could hear Charlie inside grumbling to himself as he got up to answer. The door creaked open_,_ _Oh, It's you,_ Charlie thought to himself as a brief look of disapproval flashed across his face. Charlie hadn't trusted me since the incident with James so many months ago. He straightened his expression and stepped aside to let me in.

He mumbled to himself and sat back down on the sofa, his eyes glued to the television. I lowered myself into an arm chair and mimicked his stare as I heard Bella's truck rumble up to the house.

The door creaked open and I heard her call, "Dad? Edward?"

Without looking away from the television, "In here," Charlie called.

She walked into the room and I could feel her eyes on me.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey, Bella," her father replied. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay," she replied.

I met her gaze and gave her a weak smile. "I'll be right behind you." I turned from her and returned my stare to the television, willing my legs to move.

She hesitated in the doorway for another moment and then turned to go into the kitchen. I could hear her movements in the other room, but could not force my body to cooperate. Why did this have to be so difficult?

In my heart, I knew that I was doing the right thing, but that still didn't make it any easier. Perhaps, if I distanced myself for a few days, she would grow tired of me. If I could compel her to dislike me, it would be that much easier for her to go on with her life.

She ascended the stairs slowly and I could hear her rummaging in her room. A few moments later, out of the corner of my eye, I could see her stealthily peek around the corner with her new camera. A flash briefly lit up the room. Charlie and I both turned to face her.

_What the…?_

"What are you doing, Bella?" Charlie questioned in an irritated tone.

"Oh, come on," she teased, "You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents. I have to get to work before she can get her feelings hurt."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Why are you taking pictures of me, though?"

"Because you're so handsome," she smiled lightheartedly. "And because, since you bought the camera, you're obligated to be one of my subjects."

She grinned at him. Charlie shook his head and grumbled.

_Yeah, the last thing your mother would want is a picture of me._

"Hey, Edward…" I looked up as she threw the camera to me. "Take one of me and my dad together."

I could see the worry in her eyes. She was trying too hard.

"You need to smile, Bella," I reminded her. A meager smile curved on her lips and I snapped the shutter.

Charlie shifted uncomfortably, obviously disliking the attention as much as his daughter did. "Let me take one of you kids," he offered. I stood and tossed the camera to Charlie.

Bella walked over to my side and I lightly placed my arm on her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around my waist and we stared uncomfortably at the camera. The pain in my chest was returning.

"Smile, Bella," Charlie prompted. The flash lit up the room once again.

"Enough pictures for tonight," Charlie proclaimed, carefully stashing the camera out of Bella's reach. I was glad for it, yet silently hating Charlie for the gift he had given Bella. If I had to remove all reminders before I left, I had to be sure not to allow any pictures to be left behind.

"You don't have to use the whole roll now," Charlie continued.

I sat back down and Bella took a seat on the couch next to her father. She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin there. We continued to stare blankly at the television. I was actually thankful that Charlie was there. I couldn't bear to face a line of questioning about my behavior tonight.

The show ended and I stood. "I'd better get home."

"See ya," Charlie replied without so much as a glance in my direction.

Bella rose from the sofa and hesitantly followed me to the door. I walked straight to my car, afraid to stop.

"Will you stay?" she asked, her voice faltering.

"Not tonight," I replied. I climbed into my car and the engine roared to life. The light spattering of raindrops began to cover my windshield. I watched Bella in my rearview mirror as I pulled away, standing awkwardly in the rain. Her face crumbled in disappointment.


	4. Chapter 4: Goodbye

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

4. GOODBYE

Bella was uneasy. I could see it in her face. I desperately needed to know what she was thinking, but I remained aloof and silent. She had abandoned the notion of trying to draw me out of my stupor; I was thankful for that.

_I wonder if they're having a fight. Maybe this is my chance._

Mike Newton's covetous thoughts invaded my mind. Bella was obviously not the only one who noticed my diffident demeanor. I did not have the strength to rebuff Newton's thoughts. He would have his chance soon enough, although, I hoped that Bella could find someone a little less small-minded to share her life with.

We walked together silently. She tried to distract herself by chatting with her friends. They laughed and joked while passing Bella's camera around and taking pictures of themselves. The sheer willpower to keep up this charade was exhausting. I would not let it go on much longer.

Bella continued to go about her daily routines – school, work, homework – and I remained distant. She was giving me the space she felt I needed. Perhaps she thought that I would get over this if she was patient enough. She could not have been more wrong.

All afternoon, I watched her. I absorbed every facial expression, every movement, memorizing her. If I would never see her again, I was going to be sure to have a clear image in my mind to hold onto. I quietly perched outside her window, remaining unseen.

She lay on her bed, flipping through the photographs she had just developed. I kept a close eye, noting where she put the pictures so that I could go back later and remove them. She studied the photographs intently, no doubt trying to discern the mood in my eyes. A sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes and brushed the hair from her face. I longed to reach out and caress her cheek, but I didn't dare.

I heard her lullaby drifting soft and sweet through the window and a lone tear slid down her cheek. She closed her eyes and lay back, clutching her arms to her chest.

_My sweet Bella. How it pains me to see you suffer. If only…No, I must stay strong._

I couldn't bear to watch any longer. I silently hurdled myself to the ground and ran back home.

The house was dark and empty. Everyone had gone. Carlisle and Esme had left early in the morning to join with the rest of our family in Denali. It felt less like a home and more like a tomb. All signs of life and happiness had been stripped away. The house had been prepared for our long absence, personal items packed away and others left behind. White sheets adorned the furniture, protecting it from the blanket of dust that would collect over the years.

I walked over to the grand piano and stripped off the sheet in a fluid movement, allowing it to flutter to the floor in a heap. Sitting on the bench, I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me. I absentmindedly stroked the keys, allowing the melody to calm my tattered nerves.

It didn't matter what song I started to play, somehow my fingers always found their way back to Bella's lullaby. The melody was engrained into my soul and I could not escape it. The sweet melancholy sound reverberated throughout the empty house, only amplifying my gloom. Frustrated, I pushed the piano away from me and kicked the bench across the room. It clattered across the floor.

I began pacing. The hours stretched on as I prepared my speech for Bella tomorrow. I could not bear to think of what this would do to her. I would have to break her heart in order to save it. I wondered to myself how long it would take to convince her that I did not love her anymore. Would she believe me? Lying was a skill that I had become quite adept at, but could I lie to her and make her believe it? I would have to. There was no other choice.

I closed my eyes and yearned for her touch. Just to feel the warmth of her cheeks beneath my fingertips, to feel the softness of her lips as they moved with mine, to hear the acceleration of her heartbeat with every gentle caress… _Stop it!_ I pushed the thoughts from my mind. I had to be strong.

As the first rays of sunlight began peeking over the mountain tops, I sighed and gathered my wits, preparing for the day. I drove away from the beautiful white house in the mountains. This was no longer my home. I drove away and never looked back.

The day followed just as the day before. I remained cold and detached, and Bella did her best to ignore my mood. I followed her to her car as we left the school.

Hesitantly, I spoke. "Do you mind if I come over today?" I asked.

"Of course not." I could see the uncertain hope in her eyes.

"Now?" I asked, opening her door for her.

"Sure," she replied. "I was just going to drop a letter for Renee in the mailbox on the way. I'll meet you there."

I saw the fat envelope lying on the seat and swiftly snatched it. "I'll do it. And I'll still beat you there." I smiled weakly, my attempt at sounding playful failing miserably.

"Okay," she agreed, not returning my smile. I could see the skepticism in her eyes.

I was in my car and driving out of the lot before she had a chance to start the ignition. I knew that I would beat her home.

I pulled into her driveway, thankful that Charlie was still at the station. I quickly crept into her window and put my plan into action.

I carefully slid my finger under the flap of the envelope and pulled out the photographs Bella had set aside for her mother. I flipped through the pictures, plucking out the few that she had taken of me. I slipped the remaining pictures back in the envelope, avoiding the temptation to read her letter to her mother. What would she say about me? Would she mention my recent aloofness? Or would she paint a happy picture to placate her mother? Would she share her true feelings with her mother? The temptation was great, but it would be wrong of me to read these private thoughts. I quickly sealed the envelope; her words would remain, like her thoughts, a mystery.

Looking carefully at the photographs, there was a distinct difference in my expression between the picture Bella took of me before the party and the ones taken after. The light, the twinkle, in my eyes was gone. The joy that Bella brought to my life was painfully absent in my face. Perhaps this is what she was studying so closely last night. I gazed at the picture Charlie had taken of the two of us. Her chocolate brown eyes burned into my soul and I clutched the picture to my chest, sliding it into my pocket.

I reached across her bed and found the scrapbook her mother had given her. I carefully removed the same three pictures. In another swift motion, I removed the CD I had given Bella from her CD player and the plane tickets from her desk.

I thought of Bella's sorrow as I held these items in my hands. These few articles were merely diminutive reminders of the great love we shared. Was it wrong of me to interfere with her memories like this? Would I make her grieving process worse by removing them?

In a moment of sheer weakness, I decided that it would not be right for me to take them completely. In my heart, I selfishly did not want her to forget me. I knew that I would never forget her. I wanted to leave a piece of me with her always. Kneeling down, I carefully lifted a loose floorboard next to her bed and placed the items gently in the crevice.

I was unsure how Bella would react today, but wanted to make sure that she was safe. That was all that mattered.

I swiftly ran down the stairs and grabbed the pad of paper Charlie kept by the phone. I scribbled a message, mimicking Bella's handwriting easily.



I left the message on the counter in plain view so that Charlie would not miss it. Running to her room once more, I took one last look around me. In these past months, I had spent nearly as much time in this home as my own. I would miss the long talks late at night. I would miss watching her sleep and sighing with wonder when she uttered my name in her dreams. I would miss the soft kisses and sweet caresses. I would miss her scent that made my mind reel with desire. I would miss the way she made me feel – loved, wanted, human.

I leapt from the window and dashed back to my car, making sure to get there before Bella arrived. I clutched the steering wheel, preparing myself for the moment – the moment I dreaded – the moment when I would tell my only love goodbye. I took a deep breath as I saw her truck turn the corner.

The concern in her eyes was visible as I approached her. I took her bag from her hands and laid it on the seat.

"Come walk with me," I whispered, taking her hand in mine and leading her to the forest. She hesitated briefly, but followed willingly. I led her a few strides into the trees and stopped abruptly, making sure that the house was still in view. There was no need for her to get lost. I leaned against a tree, looking intently at her worried face. Her posture stiffened, bracing herself.

"Okay, let's talk," she said.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath. _You CAN do this._ "Bella, we're leaving."

A look of confusion crossed her face, "Why now? Another year –"

She was misunderstanding me. I would have to be clear.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I could see her mind working over the words, like she was trying to solve a riddle. A glint of understanding came to her eyes and her face fell. "When you say we –", her voice trailed off.

"I mean my family and myself," I clarified. She shook her head in disbelief and I waited patiently for her to regain her composure.

"Okay. I'll come with you."

_Oh, how I wish…_

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going…It's not the right place for you." I could feel the pain of my breaking heart burning in my chest, but I forced my face to remain vacant.

"Where you are is the right place for me." I could smell the salt as tears begin to well in her eyes.

I lowered my head. I couldn't bear to see her cry. "I'm no good for you, Bella." The words burned in my throat. How well I knew that I didn't deserve her. She was an angel and I was a monster – a doomed match from the start. She was much too good for me.

"Don't be ridiculous," she bawled. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," I retorted.

"What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!" Her face was flushed and angry tears spilled from her eyes.

"You're right," I granted. "It was exactly what was to be expected."

Her body began to quiver. "You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay –"

The words pierced my heart. I was breaking my promise; I was breaking her heart. "As long as that was best for you," I corrected.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" she screeched. Her body shook furiously, her heart racing. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

I took a deep breath. This was it. This was the moment I had been dreading for days. I closed my eyes, willing my resolve to strengthen so that I could get through this. I looked up at her, my expression like stone.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I spoke each word with great care, making my point absolutely clear. I stared intently into her eyes, waiting for the words to sink in.

"You…don't…want me?" she stammered.

"No," I replied coolly. My eyes remained fixed on hers. If I turned away, she would see that my words were not sincere. I had to be strong and make her believe. She had to believe that I didn't want her anymore if there was any chance of her moving on with her life.

"Well, that changes things."

I struggled to hide my shock, but kept my features still. Had she really believed me so easily? My heart wrenched in my chest as I realized that she never truly knew how I felt about her. She would never know how deeply I loved her. How could she not know? Every action, every word, every thought was saturated with love and adoration. She was my life, my soul, my meaning. I had expressed this to her in so many ways. How could she possibly doubt it?

The realization was excruciatingly painful. My cold heart fractured. I could almost hear the cracking, the ripping, like ice melting and breaking apart in the hot sun.

I looked away, unable to focus on her tear streaked face, "Of course, I'll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human."

With all the effort I could gather, I returned my gaze to hers. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't do this." She was trying to choke back the sobs that were beginning to overtake her.

I forced myself to maintain eye contact. She had to believe. "You're not good for me, Bella."

She had no reply. I scolded myself for these hurtful words, knowing full well that she would not deny them. She was self-conscious and never truly believed that she deserved me. She had always thought as though by winning my heart, she had won a prize that she was not worthy of. How wrong she was!

She clutched her arm to her chest and I could almost hear her heart breaking. The agony was tearing me apart.

"If….that's what you want," she murmured. I nodded feebly.

She was beginning to fall to pieces before my eyes. I could feel my temper build, the fear that she might do something foolish was immeasurable. "I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."

"Anything," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

I looked keenly into her eyes, making sure she knew that I was absolutely serious. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid." I paused. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She nodded.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him." I couldn't let her know that the request was really for my own benefit. I needed her to be safe and I couldn't bear the thought of her doing anything irrational to herself as a result of my leaving. I could force myself to leave her and would continue to love her from a distance, but I could not exist in a world without her in it. The thought was crushing.

"And I'll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

I could see her body quivering with grief, but I continued. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?" she asked.

"Well – I won't forget. But my kind…we're very easily distracted." I smiled reassuringly. I couldn't believe that after the way I had treated her she was still concerned about my feelings.

I took a step back, preparing to leave. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

She looked surprised. "Alice isn't coming back." Her face filled with despair at this realization.

I shook my head, "No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she repeated, not willing to believe what she was hearing.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you." I watched as her shoulders heaved with sobs.

"Goodbye, Bella," I whispered.

"Wait!" she stammered, reaching out for me.

I grabbed her wrists to restrain her. I couldn't allow her to wrap her arms around me. I would not have the strength to leave. I kissed her lightly on the forehead, closing my eyes, memorizing the feel of her soft, warm skin beneath my lips and breathing in her sweet scent once more.

"Take care of yourself," I whispered.

With all the power of restraint I could muster, I left. I did not dare look back. I could not erase the look of devastation I had seen on Bella's face from my mind. For once, I was thankful that I could not hear her thoughts. I did not dare to look in my mirrors as I drove away from her house for the last time.

I drove the winding roads aimlessly, without direction. I was completely lost without her. Gripping the steering wheel, my knuckles ached and my head was spinning. Inattentively, I steered the car off the road and left it behind.

I ran faster than I had ever run before, willing myself forward. It was the only thing I could do to keep myself from going back to her. If I had the ability to cry, tears would be streaming down my cool cheeks.

_I have to be strong_, I told myself. I knew in my heart that she would be better off without my presence in her life. I had been selfish to think that I was worthy of someone so wonderful. I was foolish to think that a relationship could ever work out when we were so different. I loved her too much to doom her soul to an eternal damnation or to cause her life to end and I could now see that those would be the only two options open to her if I remained.

I pushed the images of Alice's visions as far from my mind as possible. I would not allow any harm to come to my beloved Bella and I had to break her heart to do it, as much as that pained me. I knew it had been my only choice.

With her human mind, her memories of me would fade over time and she would be able to move on with her life. She would have all the things that I wanted her to have, but could never give her - warm arms to curl into at night, the embrace of a man who wouldn't shy away from her advances, marriage, children….life.

My legs carried me forward, but I found no joy in the exercise. There was no destination, just the need to run. When I came to a stop, I was standing in our meadow. I had not intended to come here, but the memories must have drawn me. The brook babbled peacefully and the green grass waved in the breeze. As I stood in this place, the memories overwhelmed me. The sky turned black and the darkness crept toward me, covering everything in its path. Blackness, emptiness, surrounded me and swallowed me whole.

In an instant, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My chest heaved with sobs and my fists pounded the wet grass. My heart was no longer broken, it was gone. It felt as though it had been ripped from my chest and nothing was left but a gaping hole. I moaned in agony over my lost love.

Time seemed to stand still. I had lost all focus on reality. The blackness and silence enveloped me, blocking out all light, all sound, all thought. I wanted to lie in this place for an eternity, to exist in a state of nothingness, but knew that my family would worry. Forcing my body to cooperate, I unsteadily rose to my feet and returned to my car.

Climbing into the car, I sank back into the leather seat and closed my eyes. Her scent permeated the air. I forced my lungs to close and started the engine. Hastily, I sped down the winding roads. I rolled the windows down and allowed the night air to breeze through the car, erasing the sweet aroma that called to me.

I drove as fast as the engine would allow, only stopping for fuel along the way. The 2,400 mile drive would have taken two days at normal speeds, but I was able to complete the trek in one. The faster I escaped Forks, the better off Bella would be.


	5. Chapter 5: Denali

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

5. DENALI

Alice had seen me coming and my family waited anxiously for my arrival. Esme and Carlisle stood hand in hand by the window as my car pulled to a stop in front of Tanya's home. I looked up to see the worried eyes of my parents and took a deep breath.

"Edward…" Esme cried as I stepped through the doorway. She rushed over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. Carlisle followed and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

_She has been very worried about you. We all have,_ he thought.

I looked into his eyes and found understanding there. There was no need for explanation.

I turned to Alice with pleading eyes, "Alice, please do not look for her future. We've done enough damage. If you love me at all and if you love Bella, you will stay out of her life. We are no longer a part of her world."

She nodded without returning my glare. Her thoughts were clouded; she was concentrating too hard, pushing me out of her mind. She must have been watching Bella before I arrived.

Alice's lip quivered and she turned her face into Jasper's chest. Bella had been a good friend to Alice, something she hadn't had in a long time. I knew this was difficult for her.

Tanya crossed over to me. Her strawberry curls bounced gently with every step. With her arms open, she embraced me, "Welcome home, Edward," she softly spoke. She pulled back, still holding onto my shoulders and looked into my eyes. _I'm so sorry, Edward, but I am glad that you are here. It has been too long. I've missed you. If you were mine, I would have never let you go._

I nodded, ignoring Tanya's unspoken words.

I struggled to push everyone's thoughts from my mind, but I was so emotionally drained, I didn't have the strength to resist. The unwelcome barrage of feelings flooded my psyche.

Emmett smiled reluctantly, _Man, he looks really bad. I had no idea this would be so hard on him. He must have really loved her._

_It serves him right. He should never have gotten involved with a human in the first place. I'm glad she's out of our lives._ Rosalie's haughty tone was easily discernable.

Jasper sat with Alice, one hand rubbing his temple. _His sorrow is so intense. I don't know if I can tolerate feeling such strong emotions for long. I could try to calm him, but that may only make it worse._

_I can't not think about Bella. She's my friend and I'm already attuned to her. I can't always control what I see, sometimes the visions just come to me. _

_My poor son, I feel so helpless. His sorrow is overwhelming._

My hands instinctively moved to cover my ears, doing nothing to block out the onslaught of thoughts that were attacking me. The need to escape was overpowering. My family had a right to be concerned, but I didn't have the energy to deal with them right now. I needed to be alone. I needed time to sort out my feelings and find my peace.

I turned to Tanya, "Is there somewhere I can go to be alone?"

"Of course," she nodded, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. She led me down a long corridor and directed me into a small bedroom.

"Take all the time you need."

I smiled unconvincingly and thanked her for her hospitality.

Closing the door behind me, I looked around the small room. The scent of cedar hung heavy in the air. A large walnut poster bed stood against one wall and thick crimson drapes blocked out the moonlight.

A large mirror hung on the wall opposite the bed and I stood for a moment, not recognizing the reflection in front of me. My hair was disheveled, my face worn with grief, and my eyes stared blankly.

Reaching into my coat pocket, I pulled out the photograph I had taken from Bella's home. It was the only part of Bella I had left to hold on to. I leaned against the wall and allowed my body to sink to the floor. Holding the picture in my hand, I curled up my legs and wrapped my arms around them, trying to hold myself together. I was tired of being strong. I was tired of trying so hard to maintain my sanity. I allowed the misery to overtake me. Once again, I was surrounded by blackness.

Days passed. I didn't care. I watched the sun rise and set along the edges of the crimson curtains, oblivious to the passage of time. I didn't stir. Bella's face was all I could see, her tear-streaked face begging me to stay.

_You…don't…want me?_

When I closed my eyes, I could hear the sound of her voice, I could hear the flutter of her heartbeat, I could hear the sound of her heart breaking.

Voices outside the room, speaking in hushed tones, argued over me. They wanted to slap my face and force me to awaken from my stupor. I tried desperately to block them out.

I could hear Carlisle, "We just need to give him time. Leave him be, for now."

"But Carlisle, this isn't healthy. This isn't normal. We should never have agreed to this." Esme pleaded.

"He's in pain and we need to give him time. He will regain his focus soon enough. We can't rush him." I was thankful that Carlisle understood. He too had suffered with grief in the past and knew too well that I needed to be alone. When he was changed, he wallowed for weeks, unable to accept what he had become. He lost everything, just as I have. In many ways, Carlisle understands me better than anyone else, perhaps better than I understand myself. His faith in me was daunting at times.

More time passed and the hole in my chest only seemed to grow larger. My eyes remained closed, my breathing ragged. My throat scorched with thirst, but it was surprisingly easy to ignore. The mourning overshadowed all other instincts. Without human needs, a vampire can remain unmoved for an immeasurable amount of time. I had become a statue, an empty shell of the man I once was.

"I don't care what you say anymore, I'm going in there!" Alice shrieked. "We've given him three weeks and enough is enough."

Her usual dancing grace was replaced by angry footsteps that pounded their way to my tomb. The door flung open and light cascaded across the wooden floor. Alice stood in the doorway, unmoving, unsure of how to proceed.

"Oh!"she gasped.

She approached me cautiously, my eyes still closed. She knelt down beside me, placing her thin arm across my shoulders.

"Edward," she whispered.

I did not look up.

"Edward, it's time to get up."

I lifted my head and concern creased her face as she looked upon my weary features. I could see my face reflected in her mind. My eyes were black as pitch and deep violet shadows augmented my haggard appearance. My face was drawn, the sadness etched permanently in my furrowed brow.

"Alice…" I whimpered, losing all control. I leaned into my sister, allowing her to envelop me in her loving embrace. My chest heaved with sobs. She held me without complaint. I released all the emotions that had been building over the weeks. I allowed them to flow freely from me.

Alice placed her hands on my face and looked into my tired eyes, "Edward, I know it hurts, but Bella would not want you to exist like this."

I nodded weakly, knowing that she was right. "Come on, you need to eat something. You haven't hunted in weeks and you are getting weaker by the minute," she persuaded. "I can't let Esme see you like this. She's been sick with worry. Give me a moment."

I lowered my head again, resuming my position. Alice quickly flitted from the room and her voice carried down the hallway. "I think he's going to be ok, but he needs to hunt. Jazz, come with me please."

Jasper and Alice's footsteps returned to the room and I heard a gasp escape Jasper's lips when he saw me curled up on the floor. I didn't realize how weak my body had become. I leaned on Jasper as he and Alice helped me to my feet.

"You're right Alice, they didn't need to see this," Jasper spoke softly.

"Open the window."

I could feel Jasper sending waves of sympathy and encouragement over me.

Alice walked over to the windows and pulled back the crimson drapes. The moonlight washed over me, enhancing my gaunt appearance. Alice supported me as I climbed through the window. Weak with hunger, I could barely stand.

She slung me over her shoulder like a rag doll and started to run. I could feel the cool night air on my face, waking me from my trance.

I could smell the herd of caribou as we approached a clearing in the forest. I could hear their tongues lapping up the water from the brook below. The blood pumping hot in their veins called to me, but my body was too weak to respond.

Jasper leapt down the ridge and easily subdued the largest male, snapping its neck like a twig. He lifted the animal over his head and dropped it at my feet. I was ashamed at how frail I had allowed myself to become.

The thirst was overwhelming. I allowed my instincts to take over. My teeth cut through the animal's skin like butter and the warm flow of blood quenched my desiccated throat. I could feel my energy returning.

I drained the caribou quickly and leapt down to greedily take another. Alice and Jasper followed closely behind. I looked up, feeling better than I had in weeks.

Alice could see the instant change and smiled with satisfaction. Again, I saw my face reflected in her mind, my eyes returning to an amber-gold and the violet rings under them beginning to fade, but the sadness in them remained.

I looked to Alice and she nodded in understanding. I needed to run. I needed to stretch my legs and shake off the daze that had beleaguered me the past several weeks. They watched as I disappeared into the forest.

My feet were a blur as I sprinted over the moss covered earth. The branches brushed my marble skin and the cold air filled my lungs. I pushed the thoughts of Bella into the back of my mind. I needed to regain my focus, to go on. Bella would not want me to merely exist; she would want me to live on, as best I could. I felt strong again, but not whole. I came to a halt when I realized that I was nearing the edge of the forest. Pausing to collect my thoughts, I turned and ran back in the direction of Tanya's home. I had an obligation to my family, to my parents.

"It was bad, but I think he's improving. It will take time." I could hear Alice's explaining to the family as I neared the house. She was speaking to Esme, reassuring her that I was fine.

"Edward…" Esme murmured as I opened the door. Her eyes were filled with concern as she looked upon my face. Her unwavering love and devotion were a comfort to me. I strode to her and wrapped my arms around my mother's small frame, nestling my face in her hair. Her hands rhythmically rubbed my back, as a mother would sooth a crying baby. She breathed a sigh of relief as she let me go.

"I'm sorry…" I began, but her cold finger pressed to my lips.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. We all know that this is difficult. It is almost certainly the most difficult task any of us have had to endure, but you are strong. You are a good man and it took an enormous amount of valor and courage to do what you have done. I am so proud of you." A smile turned the corners of her lips as she looked into my eyes.

I returned the smile and turned to face Carlisle.

"What have I missed?" I asked.

"We've been making arrangements. I have been in contact with a hospital in Ithaca, New York and have applied for a teaching position at Cornell. Jasper has enrolled in classes and I was hoping that you would consider doing so as well. I think it would be good for you to have a new focus, perhaps a field of study that you haven't looked into before." He watched me warily and continued explaining the details of the coming move.

I nodded, considering all that he said. I had a lot to think about. Perhaps a distraction was what I needed.

_But my kind…we're very easily distracted._

I pushed the memory from my mind, forcing myself to focus on the present. It would please Carlisle immensely if I displayed a solid effort to move on. But could I? Would I go through the motions only in a futile attempt to please my family? I would have to. I would be strong for them, for Bella. Alice was right. Bella would not want me to merely exist. I had to move on, no matter how difficult the road might be.

Alice clapped her hands and squealed with delight. _It's good to have you back._ Her vision of my future was changing and it pleased her to see that I was moving in a new direction.

Days passed as I weighed my options. I felt an obligation to please my family. I had forcibly uprooted them and the need to make it right was crushing. I forced myself to focus on the future. If I lapsed for even a moment, visions of Bella would drift back to the forefront of my mind and the misery threatened to overtake me once again. Thoughts of her were ever-present in my consciousness and I struggled daily to push them away.

I tried desperately to remember her as the happy, loving Bella, but the images that affronted me were always the same disturbing reflection of her agony in my eyes. I found myself wondering where she was and what she was doing. I speculated how she might be feeling and, although I had asked her to move on, I couldn't bear the thought. I imagined her in the loving arms of another man and the envy boiled in the pit of my stomach. _It should be me._

"Edward, stop it." Jasper whispered, laying a calming hand on my shoulder. "Stop torturing yourself." I shook my head, scattering the stem of thoughts that weighed me down.

"Do you want me to-" Alice began, but I cut her off, a low growl rumbling in my chest.

"No, Alice. It's not right. Leave her be."

Forcing the thoughts from my mind, I allowed a sense of numbness to overtake me. All emotion drained from my body and I became an empty vessel. For the good of my family, I would perform the roles of brother and son, but my heart would not be in it.

More days passed and I struggled to make my camouflage believable for the sake of my loved ones. On the surface, it would look as though I was coping with my loss and moving on. But if they happened to look closer, they would see that my eyes were empty. My light was gone.

Bella had lit up my world with such brilliancy that I was left stumbling in the darkness when the radiance vanished. Her light had sustained me, made me believe that I was a better man, that I was not a monster. Now my world was darker than it has ever been. My eyes were permanently blinded by the brief glow of Bella in my life.

My existence had become a series of meaningless events. I hunted out of necessity, but it brought me no satisfaction. I interacted with my family and helped Carlisle plan our move to Ithaca, but it became a meaningless activity. It was merely a means of fooling my family into believing that I had moved on. I found myself becoming more and more withdrawn. Perhaps the only one I was really fooling was myself.

I sat with Jasper. The chess board before me held no interest. I anticipated Jasper's moves before he could make them. He tried to concentrate on something else, preventing me from seeing the moves he planned to make.

His mind briefly drifted to Alice. This should not have alarmed me, but as I looked around the room, I realized that Alice was not there. Had she gone to hunt? I didn't remember her mentioning that she was going out. Honestly, I had not paid much attention to the activities of my family members as of late, but something about this disturbed me. Jasper sensed my concern and his mind betrayed him.

_Alice should have known better._

I pushed myself from the table and rose to my feet. Jasper's eyes widened as he realized that he had slipped. I turned to leave and he grasped my arm.

"Please, Edward," he begged.

My glare was piercing. Jasper tried to calm me, but I shook myself free from his grip.

"How could she?" I roared.

"Edward, what is it?" Carlisle asked in an anxious tone.

"Alice promised!" I snarled.

Jasper gave Carlisle a meaningful look and my body began to quake with rage. Alice had promised me that she would not interfere with Bella. She had purposely gone against my wishes.

"Where is she?" I demanded. "If you won't tell me, I will hunt her down."

Jasper lowered his head and spoke earnestly, "Edward, please don't be sore with her. She was only trying to help. She left early this morning, running far enough so that she would be out of range, so that you couldn't hear her thoughts. She knew you would be angry, but she did this for you."

I closed my eyes, trying to control my anger. Jasper continued, "She was hoping that if she could look in on Bella and see that she was okay, that it would help you to move on. I can feel the agony you suffer, the doubts that plague your mind. You question whether or not you did the right thing. You hide it remarkably well, but your eyes do not lie. I can sense your pain and we only want to help you. Alice thought that if you knew that Bella was happy, that you could find peace."

Jasper's voice was sincere. I could feel my anger turn to dread. What would it mean? If Bella was happy, would that make it easier for me to move on? And if she was miserable, would that not make it that much harder for me to maintain my distance? The thoughts racing through my head were unbearable.

Lowering myself back into the chair, I surrendered. What good would it do for me to chase after my sister? I wouldn't be able to sneak up on Alice. She would see me coming.

Defeated, I covered my face in my hands and waited for Alice to return.

I could hear Alice's thoughts as she neared the house. Alice's mind confused me. She was blocking me out, concentrating on a complicated series of calculus problems. Either she didn't want me to know what she had been up to or she didn't want me to see what she had learned about Bella.

She tentatively stood in the doorway. Of course she would know that I was waiting for her. She would have seen my confrontation with Jasper. That could only mean that she didn't want me to see her vision. The anguish of this realization tore at the edges of the vacuous hole where my heart once was.

Bella was unhappy.

I looked up, meeting Alice's gaze. She quickly looked away, unwilling to break her focus. My eyes narrowed as I struggled to force my way into her mind. Her brow furrowed in concentration.

I stood and walked over to Alice. Jasper sprinted ahead of me, shielding her from my advances.

"Jasper, please let me by," I whispered in an even tone. "I need to speak with Alice."

Jasper looked to Alice, his eyes filled with concern. She smiled encouragingly at him and he retreated. I took Alice's small hand in mine and she led me outside.

She knelt down on the soft grass and patted the earth beside her, inviting me to sit. As I sat, she grasped my hands in hers and looked into my eyes.

"Edward, I know that you are upset with me. I know that I made a promise, but I did this for you."

"Alice, I need to know what you saw," I begged.

She hesitated. "I don't think it's a good idea," she replied.

"Alice, you can't keep it from me forever. How long can you concentrate on math problems or tedious translations?"

Her face was pensive as she considered her dilemma.

In a sudden flash, I saw Bella. Her beautiful face was stained with tears. I saw Charlie, frantic with worry. Bella sat unmoving. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep…she didn't do anything. _He's gone…he's gone, _she repeated over and over. I saw her mother try to comfort her. I saw Bella fighting against her parents, begging to stay in Forks. The flood of disturbing images tortured me. Alice continued to look into my eyes, gripping my hands tightly in hers.

My body began to shake in anguish. I looked into the fretful eyes of my sister. "What have I done?" I choked.

"Edward, think back to the past month. Did your reactions seem so different from Bella's? The love you two shared was immeasurably deep. Wouldn't you expect her to mourn the loss just as you have?"

"But she's fighting to stay in Forks. She's fighting because she believes I will come back for her."

"Perhaps she hopes that you will, but Edward, remember that she is human. You know that time will pass and her heart will heal. Her memories will fade and she will be happy again one day." Alice's grasp on my hands remained firm.

"I'm sorry you had to see that. I know now that it was wrong of me to look in on her and I promise that it will not happen again."

I nodded weakly. The images of Bella haunted me. She was so lost, so distraught. Although it was excruciatingly painful to witness, a small part of me was glad. I knew it was selfish of me to think such things, but in some small measure, I was glad that she mourned my leaving. It encouraged me to know that she felt as strongly about me as I did for her. That she loved me as deeply, that her devotion was pure and true. Yet, this realization was a small consolation, overshadowed by the unbearable sorrow I felt in my stone heart.

Alice continued to sit with me, stroking my hands soothingly. I closed my eyes, willing the numbness to return.

Slowly, I rose to my feet. Alice's arms wrapped around me and I returned the embrace. We returned to the house, all eyes were focused on the doorway as we entered. Alice smiled reassuringly and the room breathed a collective sigh of relief. Conversations resumed and, for my sake, the incident was not mentioned.

My attention was drawn to the quiet conversation between Kate and Tanya. I strained to hear their thoughts, to decipher their whispers. They were speaking of Irina.

As though he could read their minds, Carlisle spoke up, "Where is Irina?" he asked.

Tanya and Kate exchanged a hesitant look. "She's gone to find Laurent," Kate replied.

I struggled to maintain the numb façade as an unease began to creep over me. Last spring, Laurent had come to our home to warn us about James. Although he had acted as a friend, there was still an air of distrust that surrounded my memory of him. Laurent had been curious about our unorthodox lifestyle and Carlisle encouraged him to come here, to Denali, to Tanya and her sisters.

Tanya began explaining, "Laurent came here several months ago. He was fascinated by our way of life and we were able to convince him to try. As the weeks passed, his control was improving and we saw a bond beginning to form between him and Irina."

She paused and continued, "Irina had become very fond of Laurent. Perhaps we underestimated her feelings for him. He stayed with us for quite some time, but I fear that our lifestyle proved too difficult for him. He left abruptly, once again embracing his nomadic tendencies. Irina was heartbroken after his flight and she left to find him, hoping that she could convince him to return."

Tanya's story of Laurent's departure and Irina's broken heart was too much for me to bear. Another story of love and loss forced my carefully guarded mask to slip away. My resolve was waning.

The images of Bella once again assailed my mind. I had to get away. Every time I looked on my family, I thought of her. I was beginning to realize that everything reminded me of her. I quickly turned, walking from the room. The curious stares of my family followed. The sunlight peeking through the clouds touched my skin and cast a million tiny rainbows on the ground below. The demons in my mind struggled for supremacy – the need to make things right with my family fought bitterly against the need to escape. In inhaled the wintry air and fought for focus.

Hushed tones carried themselves to my ears.

"Do you think he'll ever be the same, Carlisle?" Esme questioned, the worry in her voice returning.

"I don't know. I've never seen a love quite so intense before."

"That's preposterous," Rosalie chimed in, her voice arrogant. "How could he love a human? Especially _that_ human? She was weak and plain and uncoordinated."

"Rosalie!" Carlisle cautioned.

"No," she persisted. "It was reckless for him to even consider the notion to get involved with her and look what it's done to our family! He should be ashamed of himself for what he's done. He needs to just get over it so things can go back to normal!"

The horizon suddenly turned a vibrant scarlet hue and the roaring in my ears made my head throb. It took a moment for me to realize that the roaring was coming from my own lips. Instinctively, I spun and darted through the door, my fists grasping the collar of Rosalie's blouse. She staggered backward and her eyes widened in terror as I snarled, baring my teeth.

_Oh!_

Emmett and Jasper grabbed my arms, pulling me from my sister. How could she think this? Was she really so selfish? I knew that Rosalie was vain and conceited, but I had no idea she was capable of such venom. Had she no concern at all for the agony I was feeling? Had she no concern for me at all?

My hands reached up to pull at my hair and my knees sank to the floor. _I can't do this. I can't do this!_

Jasper and Emmett continued to grip my quaking frame. I stared in front of me, seeing only red. The fury raged and the burning in my chest threatened to rip me in two. I could hear nervous conversation, unfocused, like I was listening to the words through a wall of water.

In an instant, I could feel the cold air once again and realized that I had been carried outside. I focused my eyes, meeting Carlisle's concerned gaze. I could still feel the sturdy arms of my brothers bracing my frame, prepared to hold me back once again. I looked into Carlisle's eyes and he could see my torment.

"Let him go," he spoke in a low voice.

"But, Carlisle-" Emmett began. _Are you serious?_ _He attacked Rosalie! You think I'm going to just let him go? What makes you think he won't go straight for her when I do?_

Carlisle gave him a piercing glare and I felt the strong hands unwillingly release me.

Without thinking, I turned and ran. My legs carried me far from the house, far enough so my mind could no longer hear the worried thoughts that chased me. What had I done? What had I become?

I had run from Bella for her own protection and now I was forced to run from my family for the same. In agony, I realized that I was becoming the monster I had fought so long to suppress. I only brought misery into the lives of those I touched. The anguish of my epiphany was too much for me to bear. I sank to the ground, willing myself to die.


	6. Chapter 6: Redemption

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

6. REDEMPTION

A small hand extended toward me and I flinched away from the touch. It was Tanya. She sat beside me, without speaking a word, waiting patiently.

I turned to face her. Her eyes were filled with pain.

"What a mess I've made-" I began.

She smiled weakly. "Edward, in all my years, I have never known anyone quite like you. Your goodness outshines us all. I wish you could see that. You are unique. You live your life with such conviction, it's staggering."

Her gaze turned to the moss covered earth beneath us. "You exude passion in everything you do. It is who you are and not something you can escape. How I wish I could divert your attention."

She reached for me, but I recoiled. Her fingers stopped inches from my face and she pulled them back, dejected.

She continued, "I know that you love your family and want to do right by them, but I think that in order to do that, you need to do what is right for you, first and foremost. You need to battle your demons and become whole again before you can conceive of upholding the roles of brother and son. Time will pass and you will find love again. I am sure of it."

My eyes met hers and a sob shook my frame. "I can't stay."

"I know."

"This will devastate them. How can I be so selfish?" I cried.

"They love you, Edward. They will understand," she nodded reassuringly.

I shook my head in frustration. How had everything gone so wrong? It seemed that no matter what I did, someone would be hurt. I destroyed Bella. And this would destroy my family as well. I am a monster.

"Edward, I think the sooner you talk to them, the better." Tanya encouraged, her face full of compassion for my aching heart.

I nodded slightly and got to my feet. I was not ready for another goodbye. The last goodbye nearly destroyed me. Would this one finish me off?

_No_, I decided. This was for the best. By staying, I was merely forcing my family to endure my misery. It wasn't fair to them.

_Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair._ The sound of her voice caught me off guard and I looked around to find the source. Bella's words were so clear that I could almost feel her beside me. I closed my eyes, recalling the day in the biology classroom when she had spoken these words to me. Was she so bound to my soul that I could never escape her? Or was my mind so far gone that I was beginning to hallucinate?

Tanya touched my arm once more, snapping my attention back to the issue at hand – my family. Could I leave them? Perhaps in my absence, they could start over and move on from here. Tanya held my arm supportively, helping me to my feet. Together we made the long walk back to the house.

As we cleared the trees, I saw Alice sitting on the steps, her face drawn in a deep frown.

_Edward. I just can't bear it. It's all too much._

"Did you already tell them?" I asked.

"No," she replied bitterly. "I'm not going to do your dirty work for you."

"Alice, that's not fair," Tanya interjected.

"Isn't it? Edward, do you even realize what this will do to Esme? To Carlisle?" Alice's words stung. Her glare pierced right through me.

_Did you honestly think that it would be better for us if you left? You are our family. We love you. We can help you through this – together. You just have to let us help you. You have to let us in._

I shook my head, undeterred in my resolve. My thoughts were on my mother. Hers would be another broken heart left in my destructive wake. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, preparing to tell them goodbye.

Tanya walked by my side as I trudged reluctantly through the door. Alice remained sulking on the steps, refusing to look at me. Carlisle was on the phone, continuing to make arrangements for the move to Ithaca. Esme and Jasper looked up at me as I entered the room and their expressions changed immediately. They could see in my eyes that the news I had for them would not be pleasant. Jasper placed a calming hand on Esme's back, sensing her tension. Carlisle looked up, seeing my expression, and abruptly ended his phone call.

_Oh no…not again._

"What is it, Edward?" he asked.

I closed my eyes and lowered my chin to my chest. My hands balled up in fists at my sides as I struggled to find the words.

"Edward?' Carlisle repeated.

I looked up at him, my eyes pleading for compassion. His lips pursed, as though he could read my mind.

"Carlisle, Esme," I began, looking from one parent to the other. "I don't know how else to say this, so I'm just going to..." The words caught in my throat. "I have to leave."

_Edward, no…_

"Edward," Esme began, but I held up my hand to quiet her plea.

"I am asking for your understanding and for your forgiveness. I don't know where I will go or for how long I will be gone, but this is something I need to do."

Carlisle's face was pensive, internally debating how to respond. He turned to me, and for the first time, my father looked weary. He had always been the one to see me as something better than I am. In this moment, I saw the disappointment in his eyes.

_Running from his problems. This is so unlike him. _

"If you feel that you must leave, we will not stand in your way," he murmured softly, his voice breaking.

"But Carlisle-" Rosalie interrupted. "You can't actually be considering this!"

I shot her a fierce glare, but she refused to back down.

"No, I'm serious. How can you let him just tear our family apart like this? He's being completely selfish!" she screamed.

Emmett stood next to Rosalie, watching me warily, bracing for another attack.

"Rosalie," Carlisle scolded. "If this is something that Edward feels he needs to do, then it is our duty as his family to support him."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I whispered. Emmett restrained Rosalie as she stared on in disbelief.

"Edward, please don't be gone for long," Esme spoke softly. "Remember that we will always be waiting for you to rejoin us. Please be safe and keep in touch while you are away." She crossed the room to embrace me. I wrapped my arms around my mother's thin frame and held her tight. I knew in my heart that this would be hardest on her.

I turned to leave. Alice was standing in the doorway, her hand on her hip.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you," she reminded me in an ominous tone. _So, don't do anything stupid!_

She smiled and danced over, kissing me on the cheek. "I'll miss you, big brother."

"I'll miss you too, Alice." I smiled weakly and continued out the door.

Carlisle followed closely behind and placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Edward, please be careful. I would ask you to reconsider, but… Just remember that you can always run, but that does not mean your problems will be left behind."

I nodded. He was right. I was running away. The ache in my chest intensified as I looked into his troubled eyes. What else could I say? Without a word, I hugged my father, turned, and ran into the forest.

The wind whipped past me as my feet flew over the frigid earth. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't care. I would run as long as I had to. I would run from Bella to protect her. I would run from my family to avoid drowning them in my misery. I would run from my broken heart, leaving a trail of shattered dreams in my wake.

* * *

For four days, I ran without stopping. I wanted to get far from Denali. I wanted to get far from Forks. I ran in an arc, traveling southeast through Canada, avoiding the temptation to run back to Forks, back to Bella.

The vast wilderness that surrounded me was the perfect escape. There was no need to hide. I could run without restraint. The only eyes that glanced in my direction belonged to the woodland inhabitants of the dense forest.

My legs moved beneath me in a blur of speed as I crossed the landscape. I felt such a freedom; freedom from the nagging thoughts of my siblings, freedom from the sympathetic eyes of my parents, freedom from the internal struggle still being fought in my head.

Nearing a clearing, I slowed my pace. A vast, tranquil lake stretched out before me. The cool water was still as glass and I could see my face reflected in the icy liquid. In a moment of complete impulsiveness, I removed my clothing and carefully lay it over a nearby branch. I walked into the lake, allowing the arctic water to flow over my body. The sensation was refreshing.

I dove deep into the lake, fish scattering as they would to evade a predator. The murky water enveloped me as I sank to the sea floor. The sandy mire billowed around me as I settled on the bottom of the lake. Swirls of sand caught in the current danced in the water, a twirling ballet of moving particles. The tiny heartbeats of the fish fluttered around me and their scent filled my nostrils.

I lay there, deep below the water's surface, and closed my eyes. This place was peaceful. There were no voices shouting in my head and there was no sunlight to blind my weary eyes. It was my escape. I reveled in the complete depravation of my senses.

As I lay there, my mind drifted. For the first time since I left Forks, I could see Bella. These were not the same horrific images of her torment that tortured my psyche, it was just her. I could see her chocolate eyes. I could hear her heartbeat. I could almost feel her in my arms. I wrapped my arms around myself, imagining her embrace. The vision of Bella behind my eyes smiled.

_I was wishing I could know what you were thinking_, she said.

I didn't want to think. I didn't want to do anything. I was a monster who destroyed everything. I hurt everyone I loved and there was nothing I could do to change it.

_Tell me why you ran from me before._

You know why.

_But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you._

If only you could. I closed my eyes, trying to understand why this was happening. I knew the words, remembered each conversation. Yet, somehow, Bella was reaching out to me through my memories. In some odd way, my subconscious mind was manipulating my recollections, taking her words out of their original context, and creating this new Bella, one that I could not escape. How could I ever move on if my mind refused to let her go?

The Bella in my mind was silent now, merely smiling at me. Unwilling to lose the comforting image, I remained still. After the agony of the past month, I welcomed this sensation. I knew in the back of my mind that this was merely a trick of my subconscious mind, but I didn't care. If I could see Bella and feel her warm skin against my own, then I was willing to sit here for an eternity and embrace the illusion. The dream of her almost made me feel whole again.

My mind continued to drift and my dream began turning into a nightmare. I could see Bella in my mind, an odd smile on her lips. She was looking at me with a curious glare. Her eyes widened and fear distorted her features.

She began running and I pursued her. I quickly overtook her, grasping her shoulders in my strong hands, and whipping her around to face me. Her body shook and a whimper escaped her lips. I could hear her rapid heart beat. I could feel the hot blood pulsing in her veins. Her scent overwhelmed me and venom filled my mouth. I bent down and my lips grazed the soft nape of her neck. My lips parted and my teeth sank into her yielding skin. Her blood rushed into my mouth and the taste was irresistible. I drank deep, my eyes turning a vibrant scarlet.

"No!" I shouted, shaking the image from my mind. I grasped my head in my hands and shrieked in pain. My beautiful Bella…how could I even imagine such a thing! The demon within tortured me with images of Bella, lifeless in my arms. I closed my eyes and struggled to force the pictures away.

I recalled Alice's previous visions of Bella. She was changed, stunning, with vibrant red eyes. No, this was why I left. This was why I suffered, because I loved Bella too much. To protect her, I could never go back. I would not be responsible for her death, whether it led to her immortality or not.

I sprang to my feet and kicked furiously to the surface of the water. The sun glinted off my pale skin as I stepped from the lake onto the soft earth. Droplets of water solidified on my cold skin and I quickly wiped them away.

I collected my things and started running again. As the air rushed past my ears, I realized that running was the only exercise that helped to clear my mind. The exhilarating speed forced away the gloomy thoughts.

I allowed my primal senses to take over, forcing my mind to submit to my instincts. I knew that if I stopped, I would once again face the thoughts that tormented me. I was keenly aware of all that surrounded me. I could hear the rapid heartbeats of the woodland creatures that scurried about. I could feel the soft caress of the branches as I ran past them. I could smell the rain, the decaying leaves underfoot, the water from the nearby lake. The wind shifted and I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. What was that?

I stopped abruptly and lifted my nose to the air, inhaling deeply. There was something here that didn't belong, yet something strangely familiar. The sickly sweet scent that wafted through the air assaulted my nostrils. I closed my eyes in concentration, trying to remember why this odor was so memorable.

My eyes opened wide with realization and rage began boiling in the pit of my stomach. My ears burned and my tongue dripped with venom.

"Victoria," I whispered.

My mind drifted to that fateful night when we crossed paths with James and his coven. James, the tracker, had made a game of pursuing Bella. He had been able to lure her away and he nearly killed her.

The guilt of that night overwhelmed me. It was yet another time that Bella's life had been put in jeopardy because of me. I would never be able to forgive myself for allowing harm to come to her. I remember holding her broken body in my arms, frantic with worry. I remembered the taste of her blood as I sucked out the venom that poisoned her system. I remembered holding her hand as she lay in a hospital bed, fighting for her life…because of me.

James was destroyed, but his mate, Victoria, had escaped.

Victoria.

My mind snapped back to attention. Victoria had been here. I felt a sudden surge of energy in my system. The urgency to track Victoria and destroy her overshadowed all other thoughts.

I allowed my senses to once again take over and began following the trail she left behind. I had never attempted tracking like this before, so I did not know how old the trail was, but that didn't matter. This was my opportunity to do something for Bella, even if she would never know. This was the distraction that I needed. This was a chance at redemption.

I cleared my mind and lifted my nose to the air, inhaling deeply the scent that made my stomach turn. Carefully, I followed the trail that had been left behind. I concentrated and listened intently for Victoria's thoughts, wishing that she were near. I heard nothing.

My pace quickened as I pursued the route that Victoria had taken through the forest. Her moves were erratic, darting from here to there. It was more like following the stalking patterns of a jungle cat rather than a vampire.

As I continued, another familiar scent made itself known. The scent was mixed with Victoria's.

_Another vampire?,_ I thought to myself.

This scent I also recognized. Then the reality hit me with brutal force. It was Laurent.

How I wished I was an experienced tracker! I knew that Laurent had been in the area, but there was no way for me to know how old his trail was. Had he merely crossed paths with Victoria? Or had he rejoined with her?

The implications of them joining forces weighed heavy on my mind. It would be more difficult to battle Victoria if she was not alone. I pushed the thought away, determined that I would not let anything, even Laurent, stop me from my quest.

The sun was beginning to rise over the mountain tops. Tiny rays of light filtered down through the green canopy and hit my shimmering skin. My pace slowed as I realized that I was nearing a populated area.

The scent of humans wafted into my nostrils and awakened my thirst. It had been nearly a week since I hunted last. In my efforts to escape my misery and my newfound mission to track Victoria, I had nearly forgotten. I had not realized how thirsty I was.

I lifted my nose to the air, trying to detect the scent of the nearest prey. I did not want to deviate too far from Victoria's trail. I closed my eyes and waited patiently. The sound of heavy paws pounding the earth found their way to my ears. Turning, I ran in the direction of the sound, the scent of mountain lions hanging more potent in the air as I neared.

I crouched on the edge of the clearing, observing my prey. The lioness sat lazily grooming herself in the shade. This would be too easy. In a flash, I thrust myself forward, pouncing on the back of the unsuspecting lion. She shook her head furiously and let out a roar, attempting to shake free of my grasp. She was no match for me. I sank my teeth in and satisfied my thirst.

When I was nearly finished, a male lion jolted forward to defend his mate. His massive paws clawed at me, but were no match for my stony skin. For a human, a lion's claws would do considerable damage, ripping flesh from bone, but it felt like no more than a gentle touch to me.

I released the lioness from my grasp and her lifeless body fell to my feet. I danced with the lion, both circling, measuring up the competition. He dove toward me, but I thrust my fist forward, sending him crashing into a nearby tree. The tree shuddered and cracked under the force of the blow.

He shook his head, stunned, and lunged again. I leapt into the air, avoiding his charge, and came at him from behind. He was easily subdued and my thirst was once again satiated.

I made my way back to the trail and waited. The sun was continuing to rise and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I would have to wait out the sun in hiding before continuing my hunt. The fear of being discovered would have to halt my task.

There was nothing left to do now but wait. I quickly climbed into one of the ancient trees and settled on a branch high above the ground.

It was this now that I feared the most – time. With nothing to do but wait, there were no distractions to keep my mind from drifting back to Bella.

I closed my eyes and the vision of Bella that Alice had shared haunted me. I looked intently on Bella's face. Her eyes were red and stared blankly. There were no tears, presumably because she had none left to cry. She lay on her bed, her arms wrapped around herself. Her lips quivered as she whispered over and over, "He's gone. He's gone."

The hole in my chest burned and instinctively, I wrapped my arms around myself, holding together the broken pieces that remained.

My breathing became ragged as I struggled to keep my calm. I clenched my fists, tendons standing out on my strained knuckles. A low rumble began building in my chest, fighting to escape. My body shook as I tried to hold back. The agony overtook me and a deafening roar echoed throughout the forest.


	7. Chapter 7: Discovery

**I hope you are enjoying reading my story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. If you've read my story so far, I would really love to hear what you think. Reviews are greatly appreciated, whether you love it or hate it.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

7. DISCOVERY

My eyes opened as twilight was settling over the forest. I forced my brain to refocus on the present and pushed the images of Bella into the recesses of my mind.

I hurdled myself to the ground in a single leap, landing deftly on the balls of my feet. The afternoon had proven difficult and I was anxious to continue the hunt.

I walked at a brisk pace, continuing to follow Victoria's scent. The odor of humans permeated the air as I neared the edge of the tree line. The small town was bustling with activity. Walking through the streets, I absorbed the thoughts of those around me. If Victoria was here or had been here, I would sift through the chatter, looking for any clues that would aid me in my effort to track her down.

Curious about my whereabouts, I strolled up to a small welcome center. The petite brick building had a large window covered in various maps and flyers touting the small town's events and attractions.

There was a map of Canada pasted in the window and a small sign that said _Welcome to Hinton._ I eyed the map carefully, determining how far I had come. I was surprised to see the distance I had been able to cover in just a few days and was glad that my route had taken me far from temptation - far from Forks.

_I'm not running anywhere, _the illusion of Bella said. _I fall down a lot when I run. _Her outstretched hand reached for me and her face questioned why I would try so hard to run from her. I desperately wanted to reach out to her, to believe that the hallucination was real. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing the images at bay.

I reopened my eyes and studied the topography of the map in the window carefully, plotting out the best possible route to continue my travels through the wilderness. If Victoria were smart, she would do the same. She would travel through the forests to avoid detection and only venture into the towns to hunt.

I chuckled to myself as I saw that the forest I spent the day in was named Jasper National Park. It reminded me that I should check in with my family. They would be worried and I at least owed them the courtesy of a phone call.

I pulled the small silver phone out of my pocket and quickly dialed Carlisle's number.

"Hello," he answered on the first ring.

"Carlisle, it's Edward."

"Edward! It's good to hear from you. Where are you?" Carlisle's voice was hesitant, but anxious for news.

"I've been travelling southeast through Canada. I'm in a town called Hinton right now."

"How are you?" he pressed.

"I'm coping as best I can," I replied as honestly as I could. "I've been occupying my time, finding distractions where I can."

There was silence on the line.

"Hello?"

Carlisle took a deep breath, concern filled his voice. "I can't deny that we've been worried about you. Alice has been keeping watch on your travels. It's a little disconcerting to know that you're tracking Victoria on your own."

"I had a good idea that Alice would see that. Please don't worry. I've found her trail, but have little experience, so there's no telling how far ahead of me she is." I tried my best to reassure my father.

"Are you sure you wouldn't want our help? I'm certain that Jasper or Emmett would be happy to join you in the hunt." Carlisle was playing the role of the fretful parent. I could hear Rosalie groan in protest in the background.

"No, this is something I need to do myself," I replied. "But tell them thank you for the offer. Now, tell me, what is going on where you are?"

"We've finalized the move to Ithaca. We will be leaving in a couple of days. You know, it's not too late for you to register for some classes at Cornell," he encouraged.

I rolled my eyes at the thought, "No thank you. I'm not ready to come back quite yet." The idea that I would never go back had crossed my mind briefly, but I wasn't about to disclose that information to him. They would never forgive me. It would be better if they thought that I was finding distractions and dealing with my loss rather than running away for an eternity. I couldn't destroy their hope that I would someday return to them.

There was a shuffling noise as the phone was changing hands and I heard Esme's uneasy voice, "Hello, Edward."

"Hello."

"How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine, Esme. Please don't worry."

"I'm sorry, Edward. It can't be helped. I worry about all my children when they're not with me. How long will you be away?" she asked.

"I don't know. I'm preoccupied with a small project right now." I didn't want to worry her needlessly with the particulars of my hunt for Victoria. I was sure she would have some idea of what I was up to, but trusted that Alice and the others would shield her from the gory details.

"Please hurry home. We'll be waiting for you."

"Goodbye, Esme."

"Goodbye, Edward."

I clicked the phone shut and slid it back into my pocket. One day, I would repay them for their love and devotion.

My attention once again focused on the minds of the humans around me. I filtered through the steady stream of consciousness, searching for any information on Victoria.

_Don't forget to pick up the dry cleaning._

_Man, watch where you're going!_

_Aww, mom! You are so embarrassing! Why can't you just leave me alone? I'm old enough to make my own decisions._

_He is so cute! I wonder what he would say if I walked up to him and asked for his number._

A smile curved at the corners of my lips as I turned to walk away from the girl whose attention I had caught.

_You really shouldn't do that to people. It's hardly fair…dazzle them like that._

Thoughts continued to bombard me from all directions and I struggled to sift through the rabble. I closed my eyes in focus, listening, waiting. My fingers rubbed my temples as I concentrated. I was finding it increasingly difficult to separate out the minds of those around me from Bella's commentary in my head.

_I just don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. The game warden says he hasn't seen any mountain lions venture near the town in years._

My ears perked up as I absorbed this new information. An animal attack? That could very well be Victoria. I turned my head in the direction of the voices and listened intently.

_The scene was horrific, deep gashes in the neck and torso area, but there was so little blood. I've never seen anything like it. It was almost as though the body was completely drained. Can a lion do that?_

_Do we have any leads?_

_No, the K-9 units have been out on patrol. They were able to pick up a scent and they've been following it south toward Cadomin, but we haven't found anything yet. If we have a cat on the loose with the taste for humans, it won't elude us for long. The orders are to shoot on sight. The nearby towns have been notified of the danger._

They had no idea the kind of danger they were facing. My resolve strengthened with this new knowledge. I turned and briskly paced through the town, cautious to keep my presence elusive. I did not want to draw undue attention to myself.

"Hey, you!" a voice called out behind me, but I ignored it.

"Hey, wait, the voice persisted. _Why doesn't he stop? I know he can hear me._

I turned to see a lanky young boy sprinting toward me. His face was pallid and his eyes a deep garnet.

_Vampire_, I thought to myself.

He approached me cautiously; a look of confusion twisted his features. His nostrils flared, taking in the scent around him. "You're a-" he began, "but your eyes?" _Is he wearing contacts?_

_I thought there was something different about your eyes_, Bella said. _I have a theory about that._

I lowered my head, uncomfortable with the keen observance of the young vampire. I turned a corner, keeping a watchful eye on my follower and ensuring that there were no humans within earshot.

"My name is Benjamin. What's yours?" he began.

"Edward," I replied. "Is there something you need? I'm in quite a hurry." My tone was rude, dismissive.

"Sorry, I just thought…I recognized your scent and then I saw your eyes. I'm merely curious."

"Let's just say that my diet is vastly different from your own," I replied curtly.

His eyes widened in wonder. A smile stretched over his gleaming teeth. "So, you're one of those, huh?"

His comment took me aback. I had thought that there were only a handful of vampire's in the world who embraced our vegetarian lifestyle. I was surprised that the boy had any idea that our kind even existed. I nodded in agreement.

_Wow_, he mouthed.

I nodded and turned to leave, but his hand caught my shoulder.

_Hey, wait!_

A hiss escaped my lips as I turned in a defensive posture. He released me and raised his hands in surrender.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. This boy was beginning to fray my nerves. "I'm just passing through. I'm travelling south."

"Why?" he asked, his eyes filled with interest. This inane line of questioning was quickly becoming tiresome. Couldn't he see that I was in a hurry?

"If you must know, I'm tracking someone. Now if you'll excuse me-" I turned once again to leave, but could hear the light footsteps following closely behind.

I whirled around to face my shadow. "Is there something else? I really should be on my way."

He shifted his weight nervously and stared down at his feet. "Can I come with you?" he asked in a timid voice.

The question caught me by surprise. Here, before me, was this strange young vampire I had never met. He couldn't have been more than fifteen years old when he was changed. Why would he suddenly latch onto me? I felt a pang of guilt. There was a part of me that wanted to help this boy, but I had to remain focused and he would only slow me down.

"I would really prefer to do this on my own," I replied.

"I'm sorry. It's just…I'm lonely. I haven't come across many others and I was hoping to find a friend." His words were sincere. His mind was clouded with feelings of doubt and isolation. I remembered the loneliness Carlisle described to me; the need for companionship, the need for a friend.

I closed my eyes, internally debating whether to offer him a hand of friendship or to continue on my own. It could be a welcome distraction. Selfishly, I thought of taking him with me merely to keep my mind preoccupied in an effort to avoid being overtaken again by thoughts of Bella.

_Please, please…_

"Fine," I replied. "You can come as long as you can keep up. If you fall behind, you're on your own."

His lips curved in a smile as he followed me through the dark streets. We strode through the town, careful to avoid drawing attention to ourselves, and made our way to the forest edge on the southern boundary of the town.

We walked deep into the darkened woods, away from the curious eyes of the town's inhabitants. I lifted my nose to the air, searching for any trace of Victoria's scent. My eyes searched the surroundings, looking for any evidence of her presence. A footprint, a broken twig, anything that might indicate the direction she had gone.

I paced as Benjamin looked on with curious eyes. He knew better than to break my concentration, although his mind was full of questions. I strained to block out the rapid fire inquiries emanating from his mind.

The wind shifted and the sickly sweet aroma filled my nostrils. My body tensed, a hiss rolling off my tongue. He caught my gaze, and awareness filled his eyes. He crouched in anticipation.

I turned and sprinted through the forest in the direction of the scent. Benjamin followed closely behind, nearly matching my speed. He too had caught the scent.

We ran together at breakneck speed. The cool wind flowed over me, the darkened trees flying past. My vampire instincts had taken over once again and I had become the hunter. Every cell in my body felt charged with electricity, keenly aware of all that surrounded me. The fragrance burned my nostrils and made the acid in my stomach churn.

In the back of my mind, Bella's face appeared, smiling. I grinned to myself, wanting to believe that she would approve of my quest. This was all for her.

We raced through the night. Benjamin kept pace with me, silently following my lead. His thoughts wandered, wondering why I was tracking, wondering who I was tracking. He questioned himself. Why was he following this strange vampire he had just met? His loneliness was overwhelming. He longed for companionship, someone to talk to. He would follow me, no matter why, just for the camaraderie.

My feet ground to a halt. Benjamin dashed past me, not realizing I had stopped. He quickly ran back to rejoin me.

"What's wrong?" he asked his eyes bewildered.

"Something's off," I replied. I closed my eyes in concentration. The silence in the forest was deafening. We had traveled south through the night and I gauged that we were nearing Calgary.

I realized that I was beginning to lose the trail. The scents of the nearby city were overpowering the faint odor of Victoria's trail. Panic started to grip me as I struggled to regain my focus. Benjamin stood by, troubled by my reaction.

I began pacing nervously. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hold it together. I could not lose her now. Her trail had to lead somewhere. I fell to my knees, my fingers tearing into the soft earth in frustration. I lowered my nose to the ground, hoping that her scent would be stronger there.

My eyes scanned the forest floor. A single strand of vibrant red hair dangled from a low branch. She had been here!

My resolve strengthened as I stood to my feet and plucked the lone strand from the tree. I held it up to my face and Benjamin looked on with curiosity.

"It's hers," I whispered, holding the strand out for him to see.

"It belongs to the woman you're tracking?" he asked.

"Can you tell me about her?" His voice was innocent, genuinely curious.

"It's a long story," I replied.

"Maybe if you told me about her, I could be more help to you. I could help you find her." His eyes searched mine, earnestly looking for information.

I sank to the ground. Closing my eyes, I began to tell my tale.

"It was months ago that I first met Victoria. My family and I were playing baseball in a field near our home. Victoria and her coven heard our game and came to investigate. The encounter was innocent enough, until her mate, James, fixed his eyes on my love, my Bella." My voice broke when I said her name. Benjamin knelt down beside me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

_So much pain. What could have happened to him?_

"We ran. I took Bella from there and we ran while James began his hunt. He wanted her for himself. It was a sadistic game of cat and mouse."

"Wait a minute," Benjamin interrupted. "Why would he do that? He already had a mate. Why was he so interested in her?"

"No, you don't understand. Bella is a human."

"A what?!" Benjamin's face filled with shock. "You mean to tell me that you were in love with a human? How is that even possible?"

"I've asked myself that same question again and again. I can't explain it. For nearly a century, I was alone and then I saw her. I guess you could say it was love at first sight." The pain of the memories scorched the walls of the hole in my chest.

"Okay, so this James was hunting Bella?"

"Yes. We tried to lead him away, to confuse him, but his skills as a tracker were unparalleled. He quickly saw through our ruse and tracked her down. He was able to lure her away from us and nearly killed her. I barely got to her in time."

"Then what happened?" Benjamin asked in anticipation.

"We destroyed him. My brothers took care of him while I tended to Bella. But the woman, Victoria, she got away."

He looked on with interest. "So, if this happened so long ago, why are you tracking Victoria now? What happened to Bella?"

A sob built in my chest as I struggled to continue my story. "I came to realize that I was a danger to Bella. I loved her, more than she would ever know, but it was not safe for her. So, I left."

The painful memories of that day came rushing back. I covered my face in my hands, trying desperately to force the images from my mind. Bella smiled behind my eyes, taunting me.

_You promised_, she said. _And you've broken promises…_

"The agony was unbearable. I could not stand to be with my family; I needed to be alone. I started running and I didn't look back. In my travels, I happened to catch the scent of Victoria, the one who escaped. I knew that there was always a possibility that she could pose a danger to Bella. On an impulse, I decided to hunt her, to find her, to destroy her. All I ever wanted was for Bella to be safe and if I can't be with her to protect her, then this, at least, is something I can do for her."

Benjamin nodded with understanding. "Tell me more about Victoria," he encouraged.

"Our encounter was brief. She was a fierce creature. Her movements were fluid and feline. Her devotion to her mate was ardent. When he was destroyed, she fled. She was very elusive. I remember her scent and her long, flaming red hair."

Benjamin's eyes widened. _Did he just say red hair?_

I looked up, scrutinizing his thoughts. He knew something. My eyes narrowed as I searched his mind.

"I – I think I may have seen her," he stammered.

"Where?" I demanded.

He hesitated. "The vampire I saw sounds very similar to your description. I didn't get a good look at her, but I remember seeing her in the distance. Her red hair was blowing wildly in the wind, almost like she was on fire."

"Do you know anything about where she was going?" I pressed, desperate for any information that would lead me to her. "Did you speak to anyone who may have interacted with her?"

"No, I'm sorry. Like I said, I only saw her from a distance. I think she came to the town to hunt and then left. I'm pretty sure we're on the right track though."

I sighed, frustrated with the lack of information, but strangely thankful for the knowledge that I was at least going in the right direction. In the distance, the sky was beginning to lighten, the sun waking up to greet a new day.

Looking up, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and we were nearing a highly populated area. We would have to remain hidden until nightfall.

I thought back to the previous day in the forest. It seemed like a lifetime ago. The thoughts of Bella began to resurface and I fought to push them away. Through my pain, I looked on the face of my new companion. In that moment, I was grateful for his company. As much as I longed for solitude, his presence had a strange soothing affect on me, not unlike the calming powers of my brother, Jasper.

Benjamin was someone with no knowledge of my past, no association with my family, and most importantly, no connection to Bella. My new companion was the only thing in my life that did not remind me of her.

"Benjamin?" I began.

"Yes?"

"I believe we are going to be here for some time. We will have to wait until darkness falls again before we can continue the hunt. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

He lowered his eyes and murmured, "There's really not much to tell. I'm not all that interesting."

"Humor me," I replied, smiling slightly.

His eyes brightened. He paused, collecting his thoughts, and began to tell his story.


	8. Chapter 8: Benjamin

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

8. BENJAMIN

I waited patiently as Benjamin shifted uncomfortably on the makeshift bench. His eager mind-set faded into uncertainty as he prepared to tell me his story. He took a deep breath and began.

"I was born on September 18, 1968 in Portland, Oregon. My father was a businessman and my mother was a homemaker. I guess you could say that my upbringing was fairly average. I had two loving parents and a baby sister, four years younger than myself. My youth was typical. I went to school, I played with my friends, and we went to church every Sunday."

He paused, looking down at his feet. I could sense his insecurity and smiled reassuringly, encouraging him to continue.

"When I turned fifteen, I guess you could say I came into a rebellious streak. I started spending my time with what my parents called 'unsavory characters'. We would get into some trouble, party a lot, and basically just have a good time. We were living life, not really caring what anyone else thought about us or what we did. My best friend, Curtis, was the leader of our little band of misfits. If there was trouble to be had, he sought it out.

"That spring, we decided to ditch school and go on a road trip. Curtis was a couple of years older than the rest of us, so we all piled into his van and started on a cross country excursion. Needless to say, my parents were not pleased. They begged me not to go, but I didn't listen. I thought I knew everything and didn't care that they didn't approve of my choices. They tried to force me to stay, but I snuck out in the middle of the night and never looked back."

I nodded; sincerely interested in the tale Benjamin was weaving. It was a welcome distraction from the desperate workings of my own mind.

He continued, "The four of us drove south to California. There was no plan, just the open road and our newfound freedom. Being on our own was exhilarating. There were no rules, no parents to drag us down. We could do whatever we wanted."

He lowered his head in shame. "I was naïve. In hindsight, I never would have left home if I had known what would happen."

"What happened?" I pressed.

"We made it to Sacramento. We were cruising the streets looking for a party and found a rave at a local bar. Rules were lax, so we didn't have a problem getting in. I remember the feeling of the loud music pumping and the crush of people on the dance floor. We started drinking and dancing with some girls that we met there. We were just having a good time.

"Curtis came up to me and said that he had scored some acid. Stupidly, I accepted and honestly, the rest of the night was a blur. I remember the colors in the room suddenly seemed brighter and I could hear myself giggling and carrying on, but I couldn't control it. It was almost like an out of body experience.

"I must have passed out because I don't remember much else. When I woke up the next morning, I was laying in the dark alley behind the club. My mind wouldn't focus; it was clouded, overpowered by a searing pain in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak. The pain was agonizing and all I could do was writhe in anguish, wishing that I could die. It felt as though my heart would beat out of my chest and, at one point, I hoped that it would. I would have begged for death."

I winced, remembering too well the sting of the venom in my veins when I was changed. The excruciating pain was the first of my memories as a vampire and one that would never be forgotten. I remember wishing for death and hearing Carlisle's calming voice telling me that it would be over soon. I shuddered, remembering that Bella had experienced a tiny fraction of that pain when she was bitten; and even afterward, still asked to be changed.

_Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you._

Benjamin continued, "I lost all perception of time, the only thing my mind could focus on was the pain. After a while, it began to subside and I could feel my other senses regaining their focus. Everything seemed clearer, brighter. When the pain was gone, I got up and looked around for my friends."

He closed his eyes, cringing at the memory. "Curtis was lying on the ground beside me, his eyes staring blankly into nothingness. My other friends were nearby, just as lifeless. I remember wanting to cry and tear my hair out, but the tears never came. I cursed them for bringing me there. In agony, I realized that someone, or something, had killed my friends and left me for dead. I struggled to remember, but the drug induced stupor of that night muddled my memories and I didn't know what was real and what had been a hallucination.

"I was confused and frightened. My senses were heightened and the intensity of it was almost too much for me to handle. I ran, hiding my face. I ran, not knowing where to go. Passing the glass windows of a shop, I noticed my reflection. My skin was pale white and my eyes blazed a vibrant crimson. I didn't know what had happened to me. The only thing I knew was the thirst. My throat burned and the scent of human blood made me salivate."

He halted his story. "How do you do it?" he asked, looking intently at my golden eyes.

"I'm sorry, what? How do I do what?" his sudden question startled me. I had become so engrossed in the account that the abrupt halt caught me off guard – not something that is easily accomplished.

"How can you resist the temptation?"

"My father, Carlisle, changed me in 1918 at the age of 17. He had abstained for over two-hundred years. He created me out of a need for a companion like himself. He took me under his wing and taught me. I was aware of what I was and the desire to be good still remained. I did not want to be a monster.

"At one time, I did rebel and lusted after human blood, but even then, I justified my killings by only attacking those I saw as dangerous. I rationalized that killing those humans who would do harm to others made it acceptable for me to take their lives. I acted as judge, jury, and executioner."

I paused, thinking fondly of my father. My mind drifted back to Carlisle's disappointed face as I left Denali. The one regret I had in this life, with the exception of the pain I caused Bella, was the way that I had disappointed Carlisle. He had such faith in me. He believed fervently in my inherent goodness, despite what I was. He saw in me the soul of a great man, not a monster.

_I look at my…son. His strength, his goodness, the brightness that shines out of him – and it only fuels that hope, that faith, much more than ever. How could there not be more for one such as Edward?_

Shaking my head, I pushed the thoughts away.

"To answer your question, I resist because, in my heart, I want to be a good man. It has taken years of discipline and I am now able to interact with humans with very little difficulty."

"That's amazing. I never realized that such restraint could be acquired," Benjamin mused.

Smiling, I replied, "If you think that's impressive, you should meet Carlisle. Not only does he resist the temptation, but he is a doctor and spends entire days surrounded by humans. The scent of human blood doesn't even register with him anymore. He is nearly completely immune to it."

Benjamin looked on, stunned. "I had no idea," he murmured in a tone of complete awe.

"So, what happened?" I asked, eager for the continued distraction of his story.

"Oh, right. Where was I?" he thought to himself for a moment before continuing.

"I don't know how, but the reality of what happened hit me and I just knew what I had become. It didn't take long for me to claim my first victim. I came upon a young girl who was walking down an alley, smelling too good to resist, and I took her. After that, I wasn't sure what to do. I did not know anyone in Sacramento, so I decided to go back home."

Instinctually, I held my breath, preparing for what he would tell me next.

He could sense my unease and quickly answered the question that weighed heavy on my mind. "I didn't kill my parents if that's what you're thinking. I went home. I looked in the window and watched my family eating dinner. My father stared blankly and my mother's face was drawn in sorrow. I realized that they missed me."

_I never knew…_

"I lightly tapped on the window and instantly regretted the impulse. My sister looked up and saw my strange face in the window. She pointed and began screaming. My parents turned to see what the commotion was about and a look of complete terror altered their features. I heard my mother gasp and my father looked angry. I saw my own reflection in the glass and realized that the face they saw was not the face of their missing son, but the face of a demon – a monster. In anguish, I turned and ran from my home. The realization that I could never go back to the life I once had was excruciating."

He paused and closed his eyes. I could see the sadness on his face. His loneliness exuded in ripples around him. Without thinking, I reached out to lay a comforting hand on his shoulder.

_I miss them so much. If only I had known._

"I know what it means to lose the ones you love, to look on them and know that you can never be a part of their lives." Bella's smiling face came into view as I said these words.

_I decided it didn't matter, _she said._ It doesn't matter to me what you are._

He nodded and continued, "After that, I just wandered aimlessly. I didn't have anywhere to go. I came across a small coven of vampires near Detroit and their leader, William, took me under his wing. He could see that I was lost and frightened. He was the one who taught me about what I was and how to exist in this world without detection. William became the father figure that I needed.

"I stayed with them for quite some time, but the desire to find others continued to build until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I left them and have been wandering ever since, seeking out others of our kind. I saw the red haired vampire from a distance, but you are the first person I have spoken to in several months."

"It sounds like you have been through some difficult experiences," I said. "I remember the confusion when I was first changed and I can't imagine what that must have been like to go through that alone. It makes me eternally grateful that my father, Carlisle, was there to guide me from the start."

"You were lucky," he murmured.

"I guess I was." I never grasped how much I had taken for granted. I already looked up to Carlisle, but a newfound respect and adoration was beginning to form. I shamed myself for never realizing how fortunate I had been.

Benjamin shook his head, forcing the sadness to retreat. He looked up at me and grinned, "So, enough about me, tell me some more about you."

_Tell me anything - anything to take the focus off of me. If I keep talking like this, he's going to think I'm in love with the sound of my own voice._

I ignored Benjamin's humorous inner monologue. "What would you like to know?" I asked.

"Would you tell me more about Bella? I would really like to hear more about how you came to be in a relationship with a human."

_I have a theory about that._

I winced at the mention of her name. Why did he have to ask me about her? He could have asked me anything and I would have gladly answered, but her… I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'd rather not," I whispered.

"Is it really that bad?" he prodded.

_I thought we were past all the evasiveness._

I looked up at him. The pain was visible in my eyes. He looked on with a curious glare, eagerly awaiting my response. Clutching my arms to my chest, I exhaled forcefully and closed my eyes. "Bella," I whispered. The pain seared in my chest and I nearly choked on the word.

"My life was uncomplicated," I began. "My family and I lived in relative anonymity. We moved from place to place every few years. We were able to live among the humans without drawing attention to ourselves. That all changed the day that Bella Swan moved to Forks.

"I remember the first moment I saw her. The school was all abuzz about the arrival of a new student. She was sitting in the cafeteria and her gaze fell upon me. Her skin was pale, almost translucent and she had beautiful brown eyes, like deep pools of liquid chocolate. Her cheeks flushed when I returned her gaze, but I could hear nothing of her thoughts."

_I always tell you what I'm really thinking._

"Hold on a second," Benjamin interrupted. "What do you mean by that?"

I had forgotten that I had not disclosed this information yet. "I have an…ability. I can read the minds of those around me. I can't access just any information I want, I can only hear the thoughts that are going through their minds at that particular moment."

Benjamin looked on in shocked disbelief.

_Aw, man! I'm gonna have to be careful._

"As I said, I could not hear her thoughts. This confused me. I had never come across a mind that was completely silent. I concentrated, blocking out the thoughts of everyone else around me, but hers remained hushed."

_You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time._

"I tried to ignore the uncertainty that this made me feel and go about my day. As I was sitting in my next class, she walked in the door. A draft blew her hair and her scent hit me like a wrecking ball. I had been able to control my impulses around humans for so long that this sudden feeling of desire was disconcerting."

_So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?_

"My body tensed and I struggled to focus. I could not allow myself to falter; my family had built a life there and I was not going to be responsible for destroying that. The thirst burned in my throat. I strategized how I could take her, but forced myself to hold back. I did not want to show my weakness, to disappoint my family like that.

"Much to my family's dismay, I left town for several days. I was trying to understand what had happened and sort out my confusion. I had never encountered such an enticing aroma before. Her blood called to me like a siren, it was irresistible.

"After a time, I decided to return. I took precautions, being careful to hunt before I would see her in an effort to reduce my thirst.

"I found myself strangely drawn to her. Her scent and her silent mind, they intrigued me. I tried for some time to keep myself away and to push her from me, but she was unlike any human I had ever come across before. She didn't shy away from us as most humans do; it was almost as though she was as drawn to me as I was to her. It was like a gravitational pull, towing us closer to each other with the passing days. I became very protective of her, almost to the point of jealousy. I found that my thoughts were always on her. I could focus on nothing else."

_I was afraid… because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should._

"Over time, I could no longer avoid the fascination and I began speaking with her more often than I should. The more I learned about her, the more I craved her company. I would slip into her bedroom at night just to watch her sleep.

"One evening, I was watching her dream peacefully. She often spoke in her sleep. It was the only opportunity I had to catch a tiny glimpse into her mind. She would murmur about missing her mother and about hating the rain. Her unconscious musings were often humorous and quite entertaining – as well as enlightening.

"This particular night, she said my name. It took me quite by surprise. She was dreaming about me. In that instant, I was flooded with emotion and realized that I loved her."

_Fascinating!_

I studied Benjamin's face as I spoke. His gaze was full of curiosity and wonder. He smiled, encouraging me to go on.

I took a deep breath and continued. "The moment that I became aware of my feelings, I understood that I could not be without her. I knew with every fiber of my being that I would love her for eternity. Her voice, her heartbeat, they became the most significant sounds in my world. The way she made my heart soar made me feel so – human. After I recognized that I loved her, I knew that I would never be the same."

_Does that happen often?_

"I struggled with this knowledge, realizing that I may not have the strength to stay away from her and fearing that I may harm her. I made a concerted effort to desensitize myself to her scent, forcing myself to breathe it in and fought the thirst that raged in my throat. It went against every instinct, but I was determined.

"As much as I tried to push her away for her own protection, she resisted and my will began to waver. She was very perceptive and seemed to study me with great curiosity. In time, she was able to piece together the clues and she knew what I was. Having this known gave me such a feeling of absolute freedom. I longed to share my secrets with her, but feared what her reaction might be. I did not know if I could bear it if she ran screaming from the monster she found me to be. Much to my surprise, she did not shy away. She embraced me completely for who I was without fear."

_I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually._ I closed my eyes, reliving the memory, the effortless companionship that Bella and I shared. I longed to regain that feeling of absolute liberation again.

"She wasn't afraid?" Benjamin asked in surprise.

"No," I replied. "I struggled with this. I delighted in the fact that she saw me as a man and not a monster, but in the same instance, I feared that she lacked a sense of self-preservation."

Bella smiled. _You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?_

"Did she love you?" Benjamin asked. _Okay, dumb question._

The question caught me off guard. I clutched my arms tighter to my chest as I remembered Alice's vision of Bella broken and empty. Her love for me crippled her completely in my absence. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, forcing the images from my mind.

"Yes," I replied. "She loved me."

"So, if you loved her and she loved you, why did you leave?" Benjamin's inquisitive line of questioning was beginning to wear on me. The misery was creeping slowly over me and I struggled to push it away.

With as much conviction as I could manage, I spoke again. "There was an incident shortly before I left. She was put in danger and I realized that she would always be at risk as long as I was a part of her life. It is in our nature to hunt humans, and by bringing her into my world, I was tempting fate.

"I loved her and had to protect her. I came to realize that the only way to protect her was to leave. It broke my heart to do it, but I knew that it was best."

_But it won't be all right when I'm not with you._ The Bella in my imagination cast her eyes down and began to cry.

I lowered my head and a silent sob echoed in my chest. I couldn't bear to speak of her anymore. My throat closed and I struggled to breathe.

Benjamin nodded with understanding. We sat in silence until the sun began to set. The long day was over and we would soon be on the move again. Benjamin didn't ask any more questions. He could see the pain that it caused me to speak of Bella.

His compassion was a comfort to me. He silently hummed a tune in his head, purposely clouding his mind. He was protecting me from his own curiosity, understanding how it pained me to think of her. In my loneliness and sorrow, I realized that I had found a friend.


	9. Chapter 9: Distractions

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

9. DISTRACTIONS

"Hey, man, snap out of it!" Benjamin punched me lightly on the shoulder, breaking my concentration. I looked up to see him eyeing me with a look of excitement on his face.

"Sitting around here, wallowing in self pity, isn't doing either of us any good. Let's do something to pass the time."

"What did you have in mind?" I questioned. His mind was sifting rapidly through ideas.

"Well, how about a game?" he asked.

"I don't know that you would find much enjoyment in playing a game with me. How fun could it be to play with someone who can anticipate your every move?"

He pursed his lips for a moment as he thought. "Okay, so we won't play any guessing games. How are you at sports?"

"My family and I would play baseball from time to time, although we can't exactly play a game with just the two of us. And we generally waited for a thunderstorm to mask the crashing sounds the bat would make as it made contact with the ball. It's quite a bit louder than when a human does it, you can imagine."

_I would guess so._

It was entertaining watching Benjamin play out a game of baseball in his mind, knowing everything he knew about vampire strength, speed, and agility.

_Yes, it's just like that,_ I thought.

Bella chuckled lightly. _One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again._

"Well, how about football or basketball? My friends and I used to play those all the time."

I pondered this for a moment and decided that some recreation might not be such a bad idea. We had to wait for time to pass before we could continue our journey and the distraction of such an activity could prove beneficial. I welcomed any entertainment that would keep my mind from drifting back to Bella, although she was anything but silent at the moment. The memories of her words continued to run through my mind as a commentary on my current circumstances.

"Sure," I replied. "But we don't have any equipment."

_Not a problem._

He smiled and quickly darted past me, disappearing through the trees. He was not far; I could hear his thoughts clearly as he searched the forest floor for the proper materials.

He came back, his arms full, and swiftly set to work. Peeling strips of soft bark from some young saplings, he began weaving them into what looked like a small fishing net. He then took one long slender branch and curved it into a circle, fastening it with a strip of bark. When he began attaching the net to the circle, it became quite clear that he was creating what looked to be a rudimentary basketball hoop.

He made quick work of attaching the hoop to a sturdy evergreen, high in the branches above. He dashed off once again and returned with a small boulder. Skillfully, he chipped away at the rock with his fingertips, rolling it over and over in his hands until it formed into a smooth sphere.

_There. Perfect!_

He smiled broadly as he tossed the boulder to me, pleased with his handiwork.

I returned the smile. Benjamin was more resourceful than I would have initially thought. I passed the ball from hand to hand and eyed the basket high above. Maybe it was impertinent of me, but I could not resist the urge to flaunt – just a little.

Bella smirked. _Show-off. _

Holding the ball between my hands, I crouched low to the ground and sprang high into the air. The wind rushed past me as I rose through the branches. The basket neared my sight and I easily tossed the ball. It made a quiet swooshing sound as it grazed the sapling net.

_Would you like a round of applause?_

I could hear Benjamin's laughter from below as he caught the falling boulder.

_Nice!_

I chuckled to myself as I fell back to the ground.

_You seem more… optimistic than usual. I haven't seen you like this before._ I was beginning to grow comfortable with the sound of Bella's voice in my head. I knew that I could not escape the memories and the more she spoke to me, the more I clung to her words. Even in her absence, her quasi-presence was enough for now.

Benjamin was obviously pleased with my display. He jumped into the air, duplicating my move, and laughed as he came back down to the earth.

His smile reminded me quite a bit of my brother, Emmett. All of my siblings were quite different and all brought unique qualities into our family. Emmett was a very physical being. He was easily the strongest of our family and enjoyed sport immensely. We had many happy memories of rough housing, testing each other's strengths and weaknesses. Although Emmett was the stronger competitor, it frustrated him to no end that I could anticipate his moves, rendering his strength useless. That didn't stop him from trying though.

The jovial reminiscence filled me with a sudden warmth. The sensation was unexpected and quite surprising, but I welcomed it. In the weeks and weeks of gloom, it was a relief to feel a bit of happiness again.

"Hey, watch this!" Benjamin called as he ran past me. He soared into the air, jumping from branch to branch and tossed the ball into the hoop. He dove back to the earth, completing two full flips on the way down.

_Ha! This is great!_

He caught the ball as it fell and crouched, ready to jump again. I saw his movement in my mind and blocked his way before he could act.

_Hey!_

My laughter echoed through the forest as I easily took the ball from his hands and tossed it through the net above. His eyes narrowed and he began humming in his mind again in an effort to thwart my ability.

He jumped and grabbed the ball before it could reach the ground. Falling back down, he circled me and jumped again, sending the ball high into the air. It bounced from branch to branch, but missed the net.

He scowled and punched my arm in jest as I laughed at his foible. We continued to play for hours. What a welcome distraction it was! An anticipated afternoon full of misery and desperate memories of Bella was quickly altered into one of pure enjoyment. It pleased me immensely that I had decided to allow Benjamin to accompany me on this expedition. I had thought that I was allowing him to come for his own benefit, but quickly found that I was the big winner in this scenario. His companionship was becoming invaluable.

He held the boulder casually under his arm, balancing it on his hip as he looked at me. He was pleased with himself. His efforts to distract me had proven quite effective.

"You know what?" he asked.

"You're thirsty." I answered.

"Why don't you tell me about your diet?" he asked, grinning slightly.

"Well," I began, "I consider myself a vegetarian, so I only hunt animals. Once you become accustomed to the lifestyle, it becomes increasingly easier to abstain from killing humans. In my experience, the thirst for human blood never diminishes completely and the temptation is always present. The blood of animals is enough to quench the thirst and give you strength, but you will never be truly satisfied."

"Why bother at all?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"It is easier to live in anonymity and avoid detection when surviving on a diet of animals rather than humans. Humans have a way of taking offense when we kill their own."

I smiled at my attempted joke and he chuckled slightly.

"More importantly, I don't want to be a monster. My father, bless him, believes that we are not inherently evil. We have a choice. The guilt of my actions weighs heavy on my conscience, so I uphold the principles that my father taught me as best I can."

"Would you teach me?"

"There's not much to teach. You know full well that when the bloodlust takes over, it is difficult to remain rational. It is one thing to be able to distinguish the scents of human and animal blood from one another, but it takes years of discipline to choose one over the other when your instincts are ruling your actions.

"Hunting animals can be quite entertaining. It is quite different from attacking a human. My brother, for instance, found that his favorite animal to hunt was grizzly bear. They put up quite a fight and he enjoys the challenge."

_ I wonder what his favorite is._

"Mountain lion," I answered his unspoken question.

"A carnivore's blood is more similar to a human's, so it is more appetizing. The benefits are no more than the blood of herbivores, but the taste is better."

I smiled sheepishly at my attempted lesson. His face was pensive as he contemplated the concept of my unorthodox lifestyle.

"I think I'd like to try it," he declared with enthusiasm. _How hard can it be?_

"I can assure you, it's far from easy," I cautioned.

"Follow me," I instructed.

We bounded through the forest. I remembered my instruction with Carlisle and planned to execute my lessons in much the same manner. We would begin with easy prey, but my greater concern was to be sure that we were far from the scent of humans once the hunt began.

We covered several miles within a few minutes and I was quite certain that we were far from any temptation humans might pose. The leaves rustled in the distance and I lifted my nose to the air.

"Close your eyes and tell me what you hear."

Benjamin obeyed. "I hear some movement about five hundred yards to the north."

"What do you smell?"

"I can smell the blood, but it is most definitely not human. The odor has an earthy quality."

"Good," I nodded in approval. "It takes practice, but over time, you will be able to discern the species of animals by their scents and can seek out those that are particularly appetizing to you."

"Ok, so what are we waiting for?" he asked, anxiously shifting his weight on the balls of his feet.

"Breathe in the aroma. Allow your senses to take control."

He breathed deeply and his eyes flashed open as the vampire took over. His head cocked to the side as he listened and he turned swiftly, running in the direction of the scent.

I followed closely, keenly observing his moves, ready to stop him if there happened to be a stray hiker that I had failed to notice.

He spotted the herd of whitetail deer and crouched low to the ground, remaining unseen. Silently, he stalked his prey. His movements were quite fluid, impressive for a vampire of his young age. A twig snapped under his foot and the deer froze in the clearing, their ears piqued to the sound, anticipating danger. He glanced back at me, uncertainty on his face. I nodded in encouragement and he turned once again to face his target.

_Okay, here goes nothing…_

Like a jungle cat, he leapt into the air and pounced onto the back of a large male. The deer struggled to shake Benjamin off its back, but he was no match for the vampire. Benjamin easily subdued the beast and sank his teeth into its pulsing neck.

_Eww…this is horrible. It tastes nothing like human blood. Okay, focus now. You're doing this because you respect your friend. It's just an acquired taste. Focus. Drink. Ignore the taste. Just don't breathe. This is going to be harder than I thought._

I leaned against a nearby tree, arms crossed, watching and listening to the rambling thoughts going through Benjamin's head. Shaking my head, I chuckled slightly, amused by the young vampire's description of the differences between human and animal blood. He spent almost as much time arguing with himself as he did preparing for the hunt.

The display reminded me of my hunting discussions with Bella. I smiled slightly at the memory of my first morning with Bella, when she first asked me to stay. She was practically giddy at the fact that I had stayed with her. Most of the time she had expected me to disappear like an apparition. She had danced around the kitchen, preparing her breakfast. _That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt. _She had been so comfortable with me, joking about the differences between our meal preferences. _Well, it's no irritable grizzly…_

My attention returned to Benjamin as the deer dropped from his hands. He turned to face me. "Well, that was – um – interesting," he mused.

"It was quite entertaining to watch – and listen to."

"Hey, I'm sure there's some sort of learning curve. I've been on a strictly human diet for a long time. This is going to take some getting used to."

"You know, it's not necessary - " I began.

"No, I want to try," he insisted.

I nodded, pleased that he was so eager to learn.

"Let's try something else," he exclaimed. "I want to find some carnivores."

I chuckled and closed my eyes, listening. Far in the distance, I could hear the soft grunting of a bear. I smiled and motioned for Benjamin to follow me. His eyes indicated that he too heard the sound and as we neared, the scent became more apparent.

_That's more like it!_

He leapt down the ridge on top of the large black bear. The bear stood in its hind legs and bellowed in protest, swinging its giant paws in attempt to shake off its attacker. Benjamin wrestled with the bear, enjoying the challenge.

_This is so much more fun than hunting a human. They barely put up a fight. _

He grasped the bear's great head and sank his teeth into its neck.

_He was right. It's definitely not human, but the taste is immensely better than the deer. I may be able to do this after all._

As I watched Benjamin feed, I realized that I too was thirsty. Another bear heard the commotion and came lumbering out of the trees. Feeling comfortable with Benjamin's control of the situation, I made my way toward the bear.

He growled as he saw me approach and stood on his hind feet. The great bear towered over me, but I was not intimidated. He was no match for me. I leapt over his head and spun around, landing squarely on his shoulders. Leaning in, I bit down and drank deeply. The blood flowed in my mouth, quenching my thirst.

_Hey, what's that?_

I paused. Looking up, I saw Benjamin dropping his kill and looking ahead of him. I saw the look in his eyes and knew immediately that I would need to step in.

He darted through the trees in the direction of the new scent. I immediately dropped my partially-drained kill and followed. He was quite fast, but I was faster. I passed him and wheeled around, holding my arms out in front of me to force him to stop.

He hissed as I grabbed his shoulders.

_Get out of my way!_

"No. Benjamin, focus!" I commanded. His eyes were alit with fiery thirst, almost beyond reason.

"Benjamin. Stop breathing and focus." I stared intently into his eyes and shook him slightly, trying to break his concentration.

It worked. He blinked furiously and stopped breathing as I had instructed.

"Remember what I told you about the difficulty of restraining while hunting?"

He nodded.

"I was so eager to watch you learn that I failed to realize we had come near some hikers when we were tracking the bears. I apologize. I should have been more careful."

He shrugged. "It's not a big deal. It will take a while for me to learn, right? Let's head back. The sun will be setting soon."

I nodded in agreement and we slowly made our way back to the partial clearing where we has spent our afternoon. He kicked the boulder up into the air and passed it from one hand to the other. He was humming again, blocking me from his thoughts.

"It's a shame that we will have to leave your handiwork behind," I mused.

"No way! I'm taking this with me. I can carry it for now and when we pass through the next town, I will find a backpack or something. Maybe we could even find a real ball or something else, like a deck of cards."

His enthusiasm was infectious. I found myself smiling more than I had smiled in weeks, perhaps months. Certainly not since Bella's birthday, but even before that, I had found it hard to smile at times.

Bella had been difficult. She had been sore with me for refusing to turn her and her despair heightened as her birthday neared. I had found it hard to suppress my guilt. I knew that what I was doing was best for her, even if she did not see it that way. Yet, I could not help but feel responsible for her unhappiness.

_It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier. You could have saved yourself all this regret._

I knew now, but perhaps, even then, I was beginning to realize that I could never truly make her happy. She wanted what I would not give. And I wanted what I could not have. An uneven match, destined for unhappiness. The epiphany was unsettling.

_You __are__ my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose. _I closed my eyes, blocking out the sound of her voice.

_Hey!_

I looked up, distracted. Benjamin stood over me, his hand on his hip and a look of disapproval on his face.

_Not again._

He tossed the ball to me and I rose to my feet. His determination in keeping me occupied was much appreciated. I tossed the ball into the basket and we began playing once again.


	10. Chapter 10: Intruders

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

10. INTRUDERS

Weeks passed as we travelled through the forests and rough terrain. Benjamin never asked about Bella again and for that I was thankful. Memories of her never left my consciousness and her voice continued to speak, but I had been successful in keeping the gloom at bay. Benjamin's distractions were the primary explanation for the improvement in my moods.

I focused all my energy on the hunt for Victoria. I welcomed the diversions and the company of my new friend who had thankfully attempted to adopt my vegetarian lifestyle. His desire for companionship overshadowed his urge to feed.

_Blech._

I looked up from my kill to see Benjamin hugging a whitetail deer, drinking deeply but with a look of revulsion on his face. He caught my gaze and let the animal drop to his feet.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"Don't be. I know this is not the ideal situation for you. You don't have to –" He raised his hand to cut me off.

"I enjoy your company and I respect your lifestyle. As long as I travel with you, I will try my best. Besides, I can't imagine you would want to wait for me while I hunt in town."

_But next time, let's find some bears._

He was right. The need to hunt was the furthest thought from my mind. The need to sustain myself was a low priority, but one I had to acknowledge when the ache in my throat became unbearable. The only drive that pushed me forward was the desire to find Victoria.

"Thank you," I murmured.

He nodded and returned to his kill.

The route we followed had taken us south into Colorado. Victoria's patterns were erratic and often difficult to follow. Her path crisscrossed the American plains as though she sensed that she was being pursued. No matter, we persisted. The longer we were on her trail, the more desperate I became to find her. The bloodlust was so intense that it completely overwhelmed me.

At times, I wondered what would happen when I did finally catch up with her. I knew that I would kill her, but the fear came not from the battle, but from the aftermath. Once my mission was complete, what was there left for me? I would no longer have a purpose. I would no longer have something to look forward to. The desolation would once again overtake me and I would suffer through my existence, through eternity. The only glimmer of hope that I found was the thought that Bella would not live forever. Of course I did not wish her dead, quite the opposite. I longed for her to have a long and happy life, filled with love and laughter. But I could not live in a world where she did not exist and knew that the day she left this life, I would soon join her.

Of course, I knew that I could never truly join her. Heaven was reserved for angels such as Bella, not the damned. In all honesty, I did not fear hell either. The separation I endured from my true love was hell enough.

Although, Carlisle would argue passionately against me, I believed that my soul was already lost, and when I died, I would merely cease to exist. That is – if I could die. Perhaps I would always exist, despite my efforts to dispatch with myself.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing in my pocket. I pulled the small silver phone to my ear. "Hello?" I answered.

"Edward," the familiar voice on the other end spoke.

"Hello, Alice."

"Edward, how are you?" she asked.

"Do you really need to ask me that, Alice?" I teased, my tone somewhat irritated.

"Ok, you're right," she laughed. "It's good to hear your voice. We've missed you."

"How is everyone?" I asked. I thought back to the day I left my family. Their disappointment and sadness followed me.

"Carlisle has settled into his position at the hospital here in Ithaca and is enjoying teaching at Cornell. Jasper is studying philosophy."

"What about Emmett and Rosalie?"

She hesitated.

"What, Alice?" I prodded.

She took a deep breath. I could sense her unease. "They left."

"What? What do you mean they left?" I demanded, vehemence oozing from my voice as I thought of my egocentric sister.

"It's not like that, Edward. Remember, they were away in Africa shortly before..." she stopped herself before carelessly mentioning her name.

She continued, "They decided to continue their travels. They're somewhere in Europe right now."

"How could they leave? Isn't it difficult enough for Carlisle and Esme with my absence?" I continued to hold back my rage, but small fissures were beginning to form in my calm façade as I silently hated my sister for her selfishness.

"Edward, it was too difficult for them to stay. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but it hasn't been the same since you left. Carlisle rarely smiles and incessantly questions himself. Esme mopes around the house like she's lost her best friend. It's not been pleasant."

I winced at the thought of the pain I had inflicted on my family. I could picture my mother's heartbreak and my father's disappointment. My face fell as I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me.

"I'm sorry," I managed to whisper.

"Edward, please don't. We know that this has been hardest on you and we understand. You need to be alone now. Although, I can see that you haven't been completely alone."

"No, I've found a – a friend." I glanced at Benjamin who was looking at me with a slight smile on his face.

"It's good that you're not alone."

"Yes," I agreed. "So, tell me, what have you been up to? Are you attending classes as well?"

"Actually, no. I've been diving into a little project of my own." Her tone was one of hesitant excitement.

"Do tell."

"Well, I've been looking into my own personal history. Thanks to – um – recent information about my creation, I have been looking into my family." She carefully skirted the mention of Bella or the way she had obtained this information from James.

"I was able to track down the asylum where I was committed. I located my birth certificate and my grave. My birth name was Mary Alice Brandon. Curious, the date on the asylum admission and the date on the tombstone were the same. Of course, I still don't know who changed me or why, but I did find that I had a sister named Cynthia and a niece still living in Biloxi."

"Do you intend to contact her?" I asked.

"I may travel down to take a peek, but I will keep my distance. What would I say? Hey, I'm your long lost aunt. No, I didn't die, what would make you think that? And yes, I've had extensive plastic surgery. Don't I look great for my age?" Her silvery laugh filled the phone as she mused at her own joke.

I couldn't help but chuckle myself.

She sounded pleased, "It's good to hear you laugh again, Edward."

I smiled to myself, something that had become increasingly frequent thanks to my new friend. Benjamin looked on with curiosity.

"Alice, please give my love to everyone. Ensure Esme and Carlisle that I am fine."

"I will…and Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Please hurry home. I know that you want to catch Victoria and I hope that you do, but please don't stay away too long."

"I can't make any promises, Alice."

She sighed in disappointment. "Ok, big brother. Please keep in touch."

"I will. Goodbye, Alice."

"Goodbye, Edward." I snapped the phone shut and returned it to my pocket.

Benjamin looked past me, his face pensive. "It's good that you have a family that cares so much for you."

I nodded in agreement. It was nice to hear my sister's voice, but the reminder of how I was destroying my family was difficult to bear. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I looked up to meet Benjamin's awaiting gaze.

"Shall we continue?" he asked.

I nodded and rose to my feet. "Let's go," I said as I waved my hand forward.

We continued to follow Victoria's scent. We had travelled so many miles that the terrain was starting to look the same. Each tree blended into the next. Each passing day became such a blur that they ran together, indistinguishable from one another. The sickly sweet scent had filled my nostrils for so long that I was afraid I was beginning to become desensitized to it.

I breathed deep, compelling my mind to focus. The landscape blurred under our feet as we propelled forward.

_Do you hear that? It sounds like someone's coming._

_Look over there. We can come at them from behind._

The thoughts invaded my mind, breaking my concentration. I could detect the faint odor of another vampire, or two. A light breeze caressed my face. I turned to face my attacker and my arm thrust forward, grasping his neck. His eyes bulged in surprise.

_What? How?_

Confusion filled his thoughts as he tried to determine how I could sense him creeping up behind me. Benjamin cried out as another vampire pinned him to the ground.

"What do you want?" I growled, my eyes fierce.

"We were – just – you are in our territory," the vampire stammered. The other kept Benjamin restrained, but glared aggressively in my direction. I tightened my grip on his neck.

"We're just passing through," I snarled through gritted teeth. "Let him up," I demanded, glowering at the other vampire.

"Let him go, Gerald," the vampire ordered.

Benjamin scrambled to his feet as the crouching vampire released his grip. I gradually loosened my grasp on the neck of my attacker, but my body remained in a rigid, defensive stance.

"Do you attack every vampire that comes through this area?" I asked, malice dripping from my tongue. My eyes narrowed, searching his thoughts for any hint of deception.

"Only the ones we can catch. We have to defend our territory. We generally don't see many in this area, but first it was a red-head and now you two."

Hope filled me at the mention of Victoria. "Tell me about the red-headed vampire. When did you see her? Which way was she going? Did you speak to her?"

"Hold on now, one question at a time. First of all, why are you asking?" He gazed at me with a mixture of curiosity and contempt.

"It's a long story," I replied.

"Well, I believe it's only fair that we have an exchange of information. If you tell me your story and give me a good reason why I should answer your questions –" A growl rumbled in my chest and he took a hesitant step backward.

"Hey, calm down. Look, my name is Albert and this is Gerald," he gestured to the other vampire. "We don't harbor any ill will against you; we just don't like others coming on our land. It looks like you've been traveling for a while. Why not come back to our place and you can clean up. Then we can have a nice chat and you can be on your way."

I didn't trust these strange vampires, but I sensed his thoughts were sincere. I needed to get that information.

"Fine," I replied, waving at Benjamin to come to my side. I continued to concentrate, hoping that their thoughts would give me the information I wanted without the need for us to follow them, but their minds were clouded with curiosity and confusion.

Albert waved us forward and we cautiously followed him and his companion several hundred meters until we approached a clearing in the trees. Nestled in the deep green forest was a small log cabin. Moss crept up the thick wooden walls, threatening to engulf the small house. I had to admit that it blended in quite well with the surroundings, making it a perfect hideaway.

They stepped through the doorway, ushering us in. The room was dimly lit by the light of a small oil lantern. Books were strewn across a dilapidated couch and the stale stench of mold and rotting wood crept into my nostrils. I grimaced at the foul odor.

Looking us over, Albert crossed the room to open a small chest of drawers. He pulled out several garments and tossed them to me. "You look like you could use these," he said.

I passed the clothing from one hand to the other, examining them. He directed me to a small bathroom. "Why don't you get yourself cleaned up."

I glanced at Benjamin warily and he smiled, throwing his hand in the air to wave me on. My mind remained focused on the thoughts of the two strange vampires as I entered the small room and closed the door behind me. Trust was not something that came easily and I needed to remain vigilant.

Crossing the room, I laid the clothing down on a small table and stepped over to the sink. Gripping the porcelain, I looked at my reflection in the dingy mirror. I barely recognized myself. My face remained drawn in sorrow, my eyes empty. I lowered my head and took a deep breath.

Bella's face smiled at me from behind my eyelids. I shook the image from my head and took inventory of my appearance. My clothing was showing signs of extreme wear. Miles and miles of running through the rough terrain had taken its toll on my wardrobe. The seams were beginning to pull apart and deep green smudges dotted the once clean fabric. I hadn't taken the time to think about how haggard my appearance might be. Alice would be ashamed.

I pulled back the shower curtain that surrounded the iron tub and turned on the water. The faucet sputtered and the ancient pipes groaned. Crisp, clean water began flowing freely from the showerhead. Removing my clothing, I let it fall in a heap on the floor and stepped into the welcoming shower.

The warm water washed over me. Closing my eyes, I allowed my mind to drift. I could see her face, my beautiful Bella. What was she doing now? Did she feel the same despair with my absence as I felt with hers? The image smiled at me, beckoning me to come to her. I imagined myself walking toward the welcoming vision. Her arms were open, waiting. I reached out for her, but the distance between us only increased.

_Does that make you sad?_ she asked.

She continued to smile and wait patiently. I began to run, but could not force myself any closer to her. Agony gripped me as I sank to the floor of the shower. My arms wrapped around my legs as I rocked helplessly.

_I can never reach her. I can never be with her again, _I thought to myself. The realization that I could never go back overwhelmed me. I gripped my pathetic frame more tightly and a silent moan built in my chest.

Her eyes glistened with tears. _Where are you? I miss you._

The desire to turn around and run back to her was irresistible, but like my vision, I would not be able to reach her. I had been the one to push her away. I could not blame her if she hated me. I made a promise never to return and I intended to keep it. If I did go back to her, I didn't know if I could manage the rejection that would await me. She had loved me, of that I was certain, and that would have to be enough to sustain me.

Bella crossed her arms and pouted. _You know what? I'll just wait here…But I'm not saying goodbye._

I stood, twisting the knob to turn off the water. Droplets beaded on my cold skin and dripped from my bronze hair. I imagined the trickles of water down my face to be the tears that I could not shed. I stood helpless for a moment before reaching for a towel.

Anxious to escape the torture of my loneliness, I quickly dried myself and dressed in the clothing that had been given to me. Surprisingly, the clothing fit quite well, although the pants were a tad short. The ensemble was simple, a white button-down shirt and dark blue jeans. I tossed the worn clothing into the trash bin and listened intently before exiting.

"So, what's the deal with him," I heard Gerald ask.

"He's been through a lot. I'm helping him track the vampire who threatened his – um – his mate," Benjamin explained.

"The red-head?" he asked.

At that moment, I opened the door and all eyes turned to face me. I crossed the room and held out my hand. Albert took it and I thanked him warmly for his hospitality. He motioned for me to sit and I took a seat in a wooden chair at the small table in what I guessed would be the kitchen area of the house.

"Benjamin here tells me that you're tracking someone."

I nodded.

"Care to explain why?" he asked. My solemn eyes looked to Benjamin, pleading. I could not bear to tell the story once again, it was far too painful.

Benjamin interjected, "It hurts him too much to talk about it. Basically, the female threatened someone he loved and we are tracking her down as a protective measure."

They looked to me, seeing my agony, and I nodded in agreement.

"Well then," Albert began, "We saw the red-head, I guess the one you're looking for, come through this area about a week or so ago. We didn't catch up with her. She sensed that we were in pursuit and she ran out of here like a bat out of hell. We didn't chase her since it was obvious that she had no intention of staying in the area."

"Which way did she go?" I asked.

"She was travelling south, pretty much in the direction you two were headed."

The wheels turned in my head as I took in this new information. It was disappointing that they had not spoken with her. If only I knew where she was going and why, I would stand a better chance of catching her.

My fingers drummed impatiently on the table as I waited for Benjamin to exit the bathroom. I appreciated the generosity of Gerald and Albert, but was anxious to continue the chase. With a week's worth of distance separating us, every second put us further and further behind in our pursuit. I could only hope that she took her time.

I rose as the small door opened. Benjamin could see the restlessness on my face and nodded. He looked to Albert, "Thank you for your kindness. I think we should be on our way."

Gerald huffed, but Albert waved him off. "You're more than welcome. We wish you a speedy journey and hope that you are successful in your efforts." He smiled at us genially as we exited the small cabin.

"We have to hurry," I shouted to Benjamin as I began running, an edge of panic in my tone. "We have a lot of time to make up if we want to catch up with her."

His sprint matched my own. We were once again flashing through the forest at lightning speed. The new urgency forced my legs to move faster than they ever had before and I could sense Benjamin beginning to fall behind.

"Come on, keep up," I yelled. Fatigue was not the problem. I had always been fastest and the new determination that gripped me only propelled me forward at an even more rapid pace.

I imagined Bella in front of me. I was running toward her. I pushed my legs harder, but did not close the distance. She was the unattainable goal, but it was my love for her that forced me to push on. The unavoidable desire to keep her safe thrust me forward with immense force.

_Wait, stop! You're too fast. I can't keep up._

Benjamin's thoughts were screaming at me, but they were barely a whisper. I was so intently focused on the goal that I did not notice when he fell behind. I crossed rivers and mountains, not stopping for a moment to look back. My instincts took over and drove me forward. I forgot everything else but her.

Dawn was beginning to break over the horizon and I slowed my pace, the scent of humans cautioning me. My concentration shattered and I turned to see my friend, but he was not there. Waiting, I searched the tree line, looking for any sign of his arrival. Guilt gripped me as I realized that I had left him behind. Just as I left Bella and deserted my family, I had done the same to my friend. I hung my head in shame. I am a monster.


	11. Chapter 11: Evasion

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

11. EVASION

I stood there, motionless. Should I wait? Should I continue to press forward? Should I go back? I closed my eyes, listening intently for Benjamin's thoughts, but heard nothing.

_It's not your fault. You can't help it. _Bella's words did nothing to calm my fears.

I hesitated, unsure of what to do. I had told him that he had to keep up or he would be left behind, but I never imagined that it would come to this. I searched the trees in vain. He was nowhere in sight. With a heavy heart, I turned and continued to trudge through the forest.

The terrain was beginning to change. The lush evergreen forests were giving way to a flat, arid climate with little tree coverage. I would have to plan my moves carefully. This would require travelling primarily at night and lurking in shadow during the day. I loathed the thought of traveling that way, but saw little choice in the matter.

Sunlight filtered through the waning green canopy, hitting my marble skin and reflecting hundreds of rainbows on the ground below, as a light passing through a prism. The scent of humans still hung heavy in the air and the danger of exposure weighed on my mind. Scanning my surroundings, I spotted a shaded crevice, hidden by the decaying trunk of a fallen tree. Resolving to the fact that I would have to place my mission on hold once again, I crept into the fissure and waited for dusk to settle.

A sense of hope swept over me. Perhaps if I waited, it would give Benjamin the opportunity to catch up with me. As I sat in my green surroundings, I struggled to focus my mind, to listen for any thoughts that would indicate my friend's return. The longer I listened to the silence, the more frustrated I became. Hope turned to frustration. Frustration turned to despair. Once again, the misery of the past few months threatened to overtake me.

I closed my eyes, wrestling with my thoughts, but as before, the only thing I saw when I closed my eyes was her face. Bella smiled at me. She taunted me. She beckoned to me to return to her. I heard a growl rumbling from my chest as anger overwhelmed me.

Was I doomed to punish myself for an eternity? Was it my fate to forever suffer for my naivety? What influence did she have over me and why did I feel so powerless to ignore it?

So many times, my family had cautioned me against my involvement with Bella.

_She's not one of us_, they would say.

Alice was my only sibling who could see the potential in our relationship. Her friendship with Bella blinded her to the possibilities of the danger we posed. I knew in my heart that Alice still believed the vision of Bella as a vampire would come to pass, regardless of my protests. It was what Bella wanted. In my heart of hearts, it was what I selfishly wanted as well.

_I'm here… which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you._

I smiled as I remembered how fond my family had become of Bella. Alice was her best friend. Emmett was the big brother she never had. Carlisle and Esme treated her like a daughter. Oh, how I wished things had turned out differently.

_Don't go away, then._ The hallucination of Bella taunted me mercilessly.

I turned my thoughts to my mother. Esme beamed at the thought that I had finally found my soul mate. She believed that we were destined for each other.

_What now?_, I thought to myself. If you find your one true love in this world, how could you go on once you've lost them? How could I possibly continue to exist when I had left my whole heart in the care of another?

_Come and get it, then_, she challenged.

No matter what distance I put between us, my heart would always belong to Bella. A part of me hoped that her heart would belong to me as well. I cursed my mind that would forever remember her with perfect clarity. Oh, how I wished for the ability to forget, to lock away the memories that haunted me.

In a moment of sheer weakness, I placed my hand in my pocket and pulled out my phone. My fingers trembled, hesitating over the small buttons. How I wanted to call her, just to hear her voice. Just to reassure myself that she was okay. It would be so simple. She would never have to know it was me. The motion of dialing the sequence of numbers was memorized in my fingers. I pressed three digits and quickly shut the phone.

_NO!_ I shouted in my head.

_Please_, she begged.

I mustn't interfere. I made a promise to her. I closed my eyes again as the pain gripped me. My knuckles strained as I clutched the phone tightly in my shaking fist. Releasing my hold and opening the phone once more, I quickly dialed my sister.

Alice answered before the first ring. "Edward?"

"Alice…" my voice broke as I choked back a sob.

"Alice, I don't know if I can do this. My resolve is diminishing. I almost called her. I need her, Alice. No matter how far I run, I just can't get her out of my head."

I was furious at myself for allowing my moment of weakness. I nearly broke every promise I made to Bella in a moment of sheer vulnerable selfishness.

"I know," she replied.

"I'm trying my best to focus, to distract myself, but my thoughts are always on Bella. I can't go on. I need to know."

"Edward, are you sure?" she was hesitant, already knowing what I would ask, even if I was unable to say the words.

I nodded silently and whispered, "Yes, Alice. I need to know. I just need to know that she is alright."

"I don't think - "

"Alice. Please," I begged.

She hesitated. She had made a promise to me and was unwilling to break it so easily, even if I asked her to.

"Edward, she's fi –," she whispered.

"Don't you say it, Alice.," I interrupted. "Don't you dare say fine!"

"Edward, I –," she stammered.

"Alice, I need more information than _fine_. That doesn't convey anything. Is she happy? Is she sad? Has she moved on?"

"But she_ is_ fine, Edward. I don't know what else to tell you. She's living her life as best she can. She trying."

The words gave me no relief. Alice did not offer any more information and I didn't ask. It was bad enough that I had allowed Alice to look in on her when I promised that we would not meddle anymore. I didn't know if I could bear to hear more. If she were sad it would only make the desire to return that much more powerful. And if she were happy, that truth would devastate me nearly as much.

"Edward…Please come home," she pleaded.

"Not yet," I murmured.

"Then let me come to you." Her voice was cautious, but firm. The concern in her tone was evident.

"No, Alice. I need to do this on my own and you need to be there for the family. With Rosalie and Emmett gone and with me away, they can't lose you too."

"But, Edward – I was planning on taking a short trip to Biloxi. I could meet you."

"No, Alice!" The words left my lips with more force than I intended. Remorse gripped me as I heard her gasp into the receiver. She was hurt.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I really just need to be alone."

"Okay," she managed to whisper. She was having difficulty masking the twinge in her voice.

I snapped the phone shut and returned it to my pocket, unwilling to continue the conversation. I knew that Alice would not call back. I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my chin on my crossed arms. I looked up through the trees as the rays of sunshine danced across my face. I closed my eyes, allowing the warmth of the sun to wash over me and listening to the sounds of the forest. Birds were singing overhead and a light breeze rustled the leaves. I waited in stony silence for the sun to set.

Time moved slowly. The sun was setting over the horizon. The thoughts I heard in my head were only my own. There was no indication that Benjamin would catch up to me.

Slowly, I rose to my feet and climbed from my secluded hiding place. I scanned my surroundings once more hoping to catch a glimpse of my friend.

Nothing.

I turned and continued to walk through the sparse trees. The sounds of civilization began filling my ears as I continued. The lights of a nearby city glowed brilliantly under a violet sky.

I trudged silently, disappearing into the background as humans walked past, completely unaware of my presence. I blended in, disappeared, a ghost. How ironic that the empty man walking through the streets would be perceived exactly as he was.

I was a ghost, a faint resemblance of my former self. I was empty, aimlessly walking through the sea of humanity. I had lost my focus. I was losing my drive. Victoria's scent was difficult to discern when the aroma of humans saturated the air around me.

I wandered the darkened streets, searching for any clues I could find, but the strain of the day had defeated my determination. I was distracted by a faint scream in the distance.

_No, please, no! _The thoughts of a frightened girl came into focus and I followed them.

The déjà-vu of the situation was crushing. I followed her fearful thoughts and turned a corner into a darkened alley as I heard the scuffling sounds of a struggle. Then I saw her. She was young, probably seventeen. Her frail body was pinned against a wall by the arms of a burly man. His face was filled with desire and lust as he grabbed at her.

They didn't see me approach. Silently, I stepped behind her attacker and her eyes widened in fear and wonder. He paused briefly, confused by her expression, before my fingers wrapped tightly around his neck.

I thought back to my rebellious years as a new vampire. How easy it would be to rid the world of this scum, but Carlisle's voice in my head reminded me that I was no longer that person. I was better than that.

_No, my son. Remember who you are._

The man wheeled around to face me and a growl rumbled in my chest. His eyes widened in terror and my fingers tightened slightly, yet with not enough force to snap his neck. I fought back the urge to kill.

With little effort, I lifted the man from the ground and flung him across the alley. His head cracked against the brick wall and he crumpled to the ground. Momentarily dazed, he shook his head and quickly scrambled to his feet, running from the alley.

My face turned to the girl. Her alabaster skin glowed in the moonlight and her eyes were filled with fear. She quivered as I brushed her long brown hair from her face. She looked up at me, unsure.

"Are you alright?" I asked in a soothing tone.

"I – I…" she stammered while I waited patiently. "I think so."

The familiarity was devastating. I remembered the night so long ago that I had saved Bella from a similar fate. In a darkened alley, the vile thoughts of the attackers drew me to her. Fear and fury pulsed through my body as I approached the scene.

She had stood motionless, seemingly unafraid. The desire to destroy them all was great, but the fear of exposure and frightening Bella away was greater.

I remembered that night with perfect clarity. I had studied her, entrusted her with my secrets, and delighted in the fact that she didn't shy away from me.

_You're dangerous? _She asked, _but not bad. No, I don't believe that you're bad._

My mind refocused on the present and the girl standing before me, but it wasn't a stranger I saw, it was her, my beautiful Bella. Her eyes searched my face as I traced her cheek with my cool finger. She trembled and withdrew from my touch. I stepped closer, wrapping my arms around her waist. I nestled my face in her hair and breathed deep. The body in my arms stiffened slightly and her small hands pushed up against my chest. I held her tighter and a whimper escaped her lips.

"Please," she begged.

A moment of lucidity thrust me back into reality. I raised my head and carefully pushed the girl away from me. I looked upon her fearful face. She was not my Bella. Remorse and guilt filled my eyes as I looked on the girl's frightened form.

"I'm sorry," I moaned as I turned to run from her. She stood frozen as she watched me hurry away. Her mind was a jumble of confusion and fright that gave way to relief as I disappeared from her sight.

I walked as quickly as I could without drawing attention to myself. Ducking into another alleyway, I leaned against the brick façade and allowed myself to slide down to the ground. I lay there, staring up at the sky.

_Am I losing my mind?_ I thought to myself. _How could I have been so careless? That poor girl must have been absolutely terrified!_

I closed my eyes, praying to forget my brief lapse in sanity. The desire for Bella was so great that I was beginning to see her everywhere. Not just the images in my own mind, but strangers started to resemble her.

For just an epigrammatic moment, in my mind, that girl _was_ Bella. I could see her warm chocolate eyes, feel the blush of her cheeks under my wintry touch, smell the sweet aroma of freesia that wafted from her skin. The sensory experience had been so real that I could barely believe it had been imagined.

_What does this mean?_ I thought. _Will I never escape the memory? Will the pain only worsen with time?_ The thought of this agony only increasing with the passage of time was too much for me to bear. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers in concentration, forcing myself to focus.

_I have to get back on track. I have to find Victoria. _

I rose to my feet, leaving the dark alley. I walked cautiously, averting my eyes from the faces that passed by.

Bella. They were all Bella. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply, searching for Victoria's trail once again. A faint aroma filled my nostrils and I followed the odor through the bustling streets.

The city was teeming with life. Parents hurried their children home for bedtime. Laughter floated from an outdoor café. The aroma of coffee and wine hung heavy in the air. The bass from a local club thumped steadily like a heartbeat.

I continued to follow the scent. Turning a corner, I could smell it.

Blood.

Instinctively, I stopped breathing, but followed the direction the scent had emanated from. The walls of the tall buildings blocked out the moonlight in the narrow alley before me. I listened for the thoughts of the injured, but heard nothing. Whoever was bleeding was no longer alive.

I continued down the alley. Passing a rusting dumpster, I saw the source of the odor. A young man lay lifeless in the street. His eyes stared blankly up at me, his face pallid from lack of blood. I recognized immediately the crescent shaped bite on his exposed neck.

_Vampire_.

With the fear of losing control no longer plaguing my mind, I began breathing again. The scent of human blood made my head spin slightly, but the scent of the vampire who left him here was stronger.

_Victoria!_

She had been here.

I knelt over the corpse and placed my hand on his arm. His body was still warm. She had been here not moments before I arrived!

A surge of energy ran through me as I strode forward, following her aroma. I frantically searched the thoughts that flooded my mind, hoping to hear her, desperately praying for a clue to finding her.

I began to run through the streets. The need to remain hidden slowly slipped away as I madly searched for her. Curious eyes followed me as I ran through the alleys, but I ignored them. The hunter had taken over.

_HIM!_

Startled by the sudden thought, I wheeled around looking for the source. There she was. Her fiery red hair blew wildly around her face. Her crimson eyes were filled with fury as they locked on me. A hiss echoed through the alley as she crouched defensively, ready to pounce.

_How did he find me?_, she thought to herself.

I stood there, paralyzed, like a rodent trapped in the eyes of a snake. After months of searching, there she was, right in front of me. I was so surprised by the sudden revelation that I could not force myself to move. My body quaked with rage and my fists clenched at my sides. I narrowed my eyes, glaring at her as a low growl built in my chest.

We stood there for a long moment, each as surprised as the other at this sudden meeting. She studied me intently, her stance rigid and defensive. Fire burned in her eyes, matching the fury in my own.

Her eyes widened and, without warning, she leapt into the air and scaled the brick wall with lightening speed. Almost dazed, I looked above me and followed. She sprinted across the rooftops, the moonlight glinting off her white figure.

The desperation within me continued to build as I chased after her. Her thoughts were clouded as she darted from rooftop to rooftop. Her speed was nearly matched by my own, but her moves were unpredictable and erratic. She was careful to shield her thoughts. Had she known of my ability? Did she perhaps have an ability of her own?

Abruptly, she dropped from sight. Leaping to the ledge, I saw her sprint through the alley below. I jumped down to follow. I slowed my pace slightly as a crowd of humans approached. I heard a scream up ahead.

"Help, please! He's after me!"

Shock and rage filled me. She was crying out for help. Two large men stepped out of the crowd to block my way.

"Excuse me!" I growled.

One man put his hand out to caution me. "You stop right there. Turn around and walk away and we won't involve the police."

I tried to push my way past the men that blocked me, but they stood firmly. Their faces were filled with contempt. Worried onlookers glanced to see where Victoria had run to and back to the confrontation before them.

The sky turned red as the anger washed over me. The desire to continue to chase after her was great, but the need to keep the secret was greater. I could not risk exposure, even if it meant catching Victoria.

Throwing my hands up in the air, I turned and walked away. Whispers from the crowd floated through the air as their eyes followed me. Once out of sight, I began running again. I leapt to the nearest rooftop and scanned the streets below. There was no sign of her.

I bounded over the rooftops, searching aimlessly, but could not find her. Panic gripped me as I realized that I may have lost her. I came so close tonight, how could I have let her slip away?

I concentrated on her thoughts, on her scent, but there was nothing. Furious, my hands tore at my hair. I sank to my knees as a feral scream ripped from my chest.


	12. Chapter 12: Chase

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

12. CHASE

The street lights overhead cast long shadows across the avenues of the sleeping city. I trudged through the darkened alleys for hours, searching in vain. Victoria was nowhere in sight. The lingering scent of her trail seemed to diminish with every step until it disappeared completely.

Frustration and anger burned in the pit of my stomach. _I came so close!_ How could she have gotten away? I would have to be more careful next time; if there were a next time.

I scorned myself for not anticipating this. Victoria had evaded us months ago when we tracked down her mate. Even with all of us searching, she was nowhere to be found. I would have to be on guard, more prepared.

My frustration was building as I wandered aimlessly, searching for clues. The faint glow of a neon sign burned in the distance and the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses floated in the air. If only I could drown my sorrows.

_Humans have it so easy_, I thought to myself.

I continued on the path that I had been on before I lost Victoria. Surely, she was travelling south for a reason. She would certainly have a destination in mind. A tiny glimmer of hope shimmered in the back of my mind as I pressed on.

My ears pricked up to the sound of a police scanner, a message hidden within the static and buzzing of the radio signal.

_Suspect is a Caucasian female, slight build, approximately 5 feet 6 inches tall with long red hair. Suspect was last seen heading south on Denrock Avenue; believed to be armed and dangerous. Approach with extreme caution._

The glimmer of hope rapidly became a surge of adrenaline as I ran to the location the police scanner had indicated. I continued to listen as I ran, gathering as much information as possible.

_Suspect is wanted in connection with a homicide. She was seen fleeing the scene at the corner of Cherry and Fourth. Witnesses say she brutally murdered a Caucasian male who has yet to be identified. Border patrol has been placed on alert in the event that she attempts to cross the border into Mexico._

As I neared Victoria's last known location, I caught a faint whiff of her scent. Venom pooled in my mouth as I bared my teeth. I ran as fast as I could possibly run without drawing attention to myself. A few passersby stared awkwardly as I dashed past them, but their thoughts were merely confused musings as to where I could be going in such a hurry.

The aroma grew stronger. I had found her trail again. Quickening my pace, I followed the scent. Once the lights of the city were far behind, I broke into a dizzying sprint. She could not have gotten far!

In the back of mind, I toyed with the idea of asking Alice for her assistance, but thought better of it. Victoria was a creature of instinct. Her moves were erratic and unpredictable. As quickly as Alice could see where Victoria was going, the vision would change. Perhaps this is how she evaded us before. I forced the errant thoughts from my mind and focused solely on the instinct to hunt. Victoria's scent filled my nostrils as I concentrated on following her trail.

Daylight was slowly beginning to peek over the horizon. Soft hues of pink and orange splashed across the sky, chasing away the blackness of the night. The coming dawn did nothing to hinder my efforts. As long as I remained in the wilderness, I would continue at my rapid pace until I caught up with her.

I continued to follow her trail south, realizing that the police had been correct. I was nearing the northern border of Mexico. I slowed my pace as the scent of humans filled the air. The distant thoughts of the border patrol cautioned me to proceed carefully. I could not risk exposure.

I hissed under my breath, frustrated with the realization that I could no longer continue, forced to wait until sundown yet again. My eyes scanned the landscape, searching for a suitable place to wait out the sunlight. Fifty yards away, I spotted a drainage pipe jutting out from the side of a large hill. I jogged over and stealthily leapt into the cement tube. It was large enough that I did not have to stoop. Leaning against the curved side, I allowed my body to slide to the floor and rested my head against the dusty cement wall.

Closing my eyes, I did not see the image I expected. Bella was not there smiling back at me. For a brief moment, I was disappointed not to see her face, but in the same moment I was relieved for the reprieve.

No, this time the face that smiled back at me was Victoria's. Her crimson eyes glared at me as her lips parted over her sharp teeth in a fierce leer. Venom burned my throat as the image mocked me.

I studied her as the hours passed; her feline stance, her wild eyes, her variable movements. My mind worked feverishly to formulate the best method of attack.

When I wasn't concentrating on my plans, I was listening intently to the thoughts of the border guards. I prayed silently that they would provide me with some information, some indication that Victoria had come this way, but I heard nothing of consequence.

There were several distinct possibilities that ran through my mind. Either Victoria had not gotten here yet or was hiding just as I was. Or Victoria had already slipped past them and I was wasting precious seconds by sitting here. Or, perhaps most troubling, I had misinterpreted Victoria's trail completely and was not following in the right direction after all. Doubts plagued my consciousness. I was not a skilled tracker and knew that some mistake or miscalculation was inevitable.

As the hours passed, I grew weary. I had travelled so far and so long. My body did not fatigue as a human's would, but my mind longed for rest. In the months since I left Forks, and even before our exodus, I struggled to keep my thoughts and emotions in check. It was enough to force any human to their breaking point. Closing my eyes, once again, my thoughts drifted back to Bella.

_I just wondered… if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared,_ she said with a slight smile. It seemed that even the vision of Bella in my mind could sense when I was purposely ignoring her.

Deep shadows cast by the fading sunlight began creeping over the cement walls. Blackness enveloped the wilderness as the sun set in the west.

There was no moonlight tonight to light my path, not that I would need it. A new moon. The irony of it struck me. A new moon should signify a new beginning, but when there is a new moon, there is no moon, no light, only darkness.

A moonless night.

How eloquently this represented my life. My existence had become a never-ending night of perpetual darkness. Bella had lit up my world with such brilliance. The dull world held new meaning. The mundane became fascinating. The usual became extraordinary. She brought me to life. Her love permanently changed me. With her absence, the world did not become as it was before, it was plunged into blackness. My life, the world, no longer held interest for me.

All meaningless.

I trembled at the thought and forced my mind to focus. Oh, how I longed for the companionship of my friend. I thought of Benjamin, another friend I had deserted. As much as it pained me to leave him behind, I knew in the back of my mind that the result had been inevitable.

How long could we have remained together? Once Victoria was destroyed, I had planned to live out the remainder of Bella's life in seclusion. Yes, it was better this way. It was better that we parted ways while on the hunt rather than after the battle.

Surely, he would have done his best to distract me further, and once Victoria was gone, I would no longer desire distraction. My life without Bella was completely empty and I planned to exist in misery until she lived no more.

The whirring blades of a helicopter overhead broke my train of thought. I crouched low as the bright spotlight scanned the landscape and briefly halted on my hiding place.

I listened intently. The chatter of law enforcement had died down significantly. I peered out of the cement cylinder to catch a glimpse of the remaining humans. Other than the helicopter flying overhead, there were three police cars that remained with two officers assigned to each. That was six humans.

I could easily slip past them. If I ran at full speed, they would not even notice me. Putting my plan into action, I silently climbed from the pipe and dropped to the ground. Taking one last look at my surroundings and focusing on the minds of the humans, I began sprinting south toward the Mexican border.

_Did you feel that?_

I smiled to myself as I whisked past the officers. As I expected, they thought nothing more of my passing than an unexpected breeze that disappeared as soon as it arrived. I kept my pace, making quite sure to be out of sight and continued to travel in my hunt for Victoria.

Her scent was faint, but I followed nonetheless. The rocky terrain flew under my feet as I sprinted through the desert landscape. Tiny creatures scattered as I approached and a light breeze swept my face.

I covered miles and miles, passing sleeping towns and villages on my journey. Her scent became stronger as I neared a small village. I could hear screams in the distance and the scent of human blood piqued my interest.

Silently, I crept around the adobe brick buildings, cautious to remain unseen. There, in the light of a lamppost, lay a woman. Her legs were twisted under her limp body and her face contorted in a look of horror. Another woman wept over the lifeless body, wailing into the night. The crescent marks were easily visible. Victoria's scent hung heavy in the air.

_Why would Victoria feed again so soon?_ I puzzled over the scene. It did not make sense. If Victoria was so bent on evading me, she would not take the time to feed again. It was careless, thoughtless.

My mind worked over the occurrence and I could make no sense of it. Perhaps in her attempt to outrun me, she expended enough energy to need to feed again. _No, that couldn't be it._

Perhaps someone spotted her and knew her for what she was and she killed them to protect the secret. _No, if that were the case, Victoria would have been more careful in disposing of the body._

I ran from the area, still bewildered over what I had witnessed. As much as I disliked admitting it, I needed help. I was beginning to realize that I could not complete this mission on my own. I needed the counsel of someone skilled in battle, skilled in evasion.

I dialed my sister once more. She answered, hesitant.

"Hello, Edward." Her voice was muted. She was still sore with me for our last conversation.

"Alice, I'm sorry."

"I know," she replied. "I also know that you didn't call to speak to me."

"Is he there?" I asked.

"Yes, but before I give the phone to him, I want to tell you something."

I was fearful of what new information my sister would lay on me. She feared for my safety and probably my sanity as well. She had tried to stop me, or at least to join me. I held my breath, waiting for her words.

"I just don't want you to worry about him."

"Worry about who, Alice? Is Carlisle alright? Has something happened?" Panic crept into my mind as a million different scenarios played themselves out in my head.

"Benjamin. He's alright."

"I left him, Alice." I hung my head.

"I know, but he's alright. He understands. I watched you as you ran through the forest. I saw your determination and so did he. He was not sore with you. He knew that your friendship would be temporary."

Alice's words did little to comfort me. The relief that my family was not in danger was quickly replaced by pangs of guilt for my lost friend.

"Did you see what happened to him, Alice?" I asked.

"When he could not keep up with you, he turned back to a small cabin; to the two vampires you had met earlier. They welcomed him. It seems that he has quite a talent for making friends. Although, I am sad to see that you are alone once again."

"It pleases me to know that he is not alone. I worried for him. He was so lonely. I waited, but he never caught up to me."

"Perhaps, Edward, he felt that his duty to you was complete. He helped you to forget, even for a brief time, and focus on something other than Bella. He was able to show you that you can still enjoy life."

I smiled, thinking of my friend. Her words interrupted my thoughts.

"I tried to tell you before, but you hung up on me," she added in an insulted tone.

"I told you, Alice, I'm sorry. Now, can I please speak to Jasper?" My anxiety was increasing and frustration filled my voice.

"Oh, alright," she huffed. I could hear the whistling of the wind past the receiver as she tossed the phone to Jasper.

"Hello, Edward," he greeted me.

"Jasper, I need your help."

"Alice indicated that you would be asking for my assistance. What can I do? Do you want me to meet you?"

"No, I just need to borrow some of your expertise if you would indulge me. Has Alice been keeping you abreast of my tracking expedition?"

"Yes."

"Then, you know that I've been following Victoria. I caught up to her, but she was able to get away. I followed her scent down to Mexico. She fed just before I found her in Texas and I have just come upon another kill. Can you tell me, why would she stop to feed again so soon if she knew that I was pursuing her?"

Jasper was silent for a moment as he pondered. "Tell me, what was the condition of the body?"

"It was a young woman, left in the middle of the street. There were several bite marks and the scent of blood was still strong, as though she was not completely drained. I assumed that Victoria left in a hurry, before she could finish."

"Hmm," he mused. "Edward, have you given any thought to the idea that Victoria could be baiting you?"

The wheels in my mind began to turn. It was not a possibility that I had considered. Was Victoria leading me into a trap? Had I gone from being the hunter to the hunted? _No_, Victoria was skilled at evasion, not trapping. The idea that she would do anything other than attempt to escape seemed utterly absurd.

"I honestly don't think that to be the case, Jasper. If she wanted to be rid of me, why would she not have fought me at our first confrontation? She flees from danger, she doesn't readily tempt it."

"Perhaps you are right," he replied, "but it would be wise to be on your guard. Are you sure that I could not come to you? I could certainly offer my experience and Esme would be delighted to have you home that much sooner."

I thought briefly of the comfort it would give me to have my brother at my side, but thought better of it.

"No, Jasper. The family needs you there and I could not tear you away from your studies. I promise to be on guard. Victoria will not catch me unawares."

"Alright, Edward, if you're sure," he paused and I could hear some arguing in the background.

"Ugh," he hesitated. "Edward, Alice wanted me to tell you that you're being stubborn and stupid and that you should just swallow your pride and let me come to you."

I smiled at my sister. Even through the distance, she still had the ability to annoy me to no end. I chuckled slightly.

"No, Jasper. Tell Alice that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I appreciate her concern, but you are better served there."

"Take care of yourself, Edward. I could not deal with the ladies here if anything happened to you."

"Thank you, Jasper. And thank you for your help. Your advice is invaluable."

"Goodbye, Edward."

"Goodbye."

I placed the phone back in my pocket and knelt to the ground. I ran my fingers through my hair as I thought over my conversation with Jasper. I knew from his experience in battle, he could offer a fresh perspective on Victoria's actions.

His theory was intriguing, although it didn't seem within the realm of possibility. Victoria's talent was escape. I had witnessed that firsthand time and time again. She couldn't possibly think of devising a way to trap me; it wasn't in her nature.

_No_, I decided. _She was merely stopping to feed, and in her haste, was careless in the disposal of her kill._ I would heed Jasper's advice and remain vigilant, but the thoughts would not deter me on my quest.

I rose to me feet and began running once again. Running toward the inevitability of Victoria's demise, running toward the redemption I sought for all I had done to Bella, running from the life I once held in such high regard. I would run as long as I had to.


	13. Chapter 13: Lost

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

13. LOST

Miles and miles of desert terrain blurred under my feet. I ran through the night at an unprecedented pace. The worry that Victoria was just a few steps ahead of me urged me forward.

_Why are you in such a hurry?_ Bella asked. _Where are we going, anyway? _The Bella in my mind tried to reason with me, testing the limits of my sanity. She incessantly forced me to question why I persisted on this quest. I struggled to block out her voice.

Days passed and I continued to run, only stopping to hide from the unyielding sunlight. Sand and dust gave way to lush greenery. I was thankful for the new coverage that allowed me to travel more freely during the daylight hours. I ran without stopping, the bloodlust raged within me and I lost myself in the hunt. I had become so focused that even Bella had become silent.

In the passing days, I followed Victoria's trail and had come upon a similar scene as the woman who lay in the street. Victoria was being sloppy. A small voice in the back of my mind screamed Jasper's words at me, but I ignored them. I had not seen Victoria, nor had she made any attempt to trap me. Yet, I could not shake the building concern that she was leading me astray.

Raindrops fell from overhead, washing over the landscape. Water dripped from my hair and drenched my clothing. I paused, staring blankly ahead. The faint aroma of Victoria's scent that still lingered was slowly being washed away by the downpour. In a panic, I surged forward trying to outrun the rain. The scent was becoming fainter with every step.

The dense tropical forest suddenly opened up and gave way to the coast. A sense of dread gripped me. My eyes darted around, seeing nothing but a sea of green and blue.

I put my hands to my head and closed my eyes.

I could smell…_nothing_.

My chest ached and I struggled for breath. My breath came in rapid gulps that made my head feel as though it may explode. _Could a vampire hyperventilate? _

I struggled for composure, but my mind was quickly failing me. I fell to the ground in despair and punched the wet soil repeatedly with my fists. Looking up, I gazed vacantly at the raging ocean before me. Victoria was lost.

She led me here. She had been toying with me. The sudden clarity hit me with a force that knocked me back. I had misinterpreted Jasper's words.

"Victoria could be baiting you," he had said. She was not trying to trap me at all. I had said myself that her skill was evasion and how right I had been. _How blind I had been!_

She was not setting a trap. _No_, she was leading me far from her intended destination. And when she felt that I was far enough, she leapt into the ocean, knowing that I would not be able to follow her trail there. Her scent would be diluted in the sea of saltwater.

"No, no, no!" I screamed.

The pain seared in my chest. I had failed. I failed myself, I failed my family, I failed…Bella. _Oh, Bella!_ The agony tore at the ragged edges within my chest and I struggled for breath once again.

_My sweet Bella_.

Nothing I could ever do would be right by her. I could not love her. I could not protect her. I could not save her. She was lost to me.

As a lover, as a protector, as a friend, I had turned out to be woefully inadequate. I could never give her what she needed. Every attempt resulted only in failure and disappointment. As a son and as a brother, I had fallen short in that regard as well.

I felt the vibrations of the phone in my pocket, but I ignored it. Surely, Alice would see that I had lost Victoria's trail, but I had no desire to speak with my family. Not now…perhaps never again. I closed my eyes, praying that Alice and the others would understand. If they felt half as strong about their own mates as I felt about Bella, they would know the grief that pained me. They would understand my desire – my need – to be alone.

The world seemed to fall away. Reality melted around me and only blackness remained. I lay there in the pouring rain, my eyes closed and my arms clutching my chest tightly.

The steady drumming of the raindrops falling on my stony body rang in my ears.

Thump, thump. Thump, thump.

It was the sound that ruled my existence for so many months, the beautiful sound of a beating heart that I could hear through miles of distance because I cherished every pulse. I longed to hear that sound once more. This distant echo did nothing to satisfy the craving. Her sound, her scent, her touch, her warmth; I longed for it all.

_Never again._

I curled my body into a fetal position and rocked helplessly. All was lost. My eyes stared emptily until venom began to pool in my eyelids. Tiny drops of venom spilled from my eyes, making my skin tingle. I quickly wiped them away. _So this is what it felt like to cry?_ I shut my eyes tightly and clenched my teeth. The anguish built until it burned in my chest and threatened to explode.

Suddenly, everything was black. I saw nothing. I heard nothing. There was nothing. The months of agony gave way to a blissful emptiness. _This was it._ My mind had finally cracked beneath the pressure. I welcomed the new sensation. This, surely, would be better than writhing in agony for eternity. This purgatory was the closest thing to heaven that I deserved.

Time passed.

I don't know for how long I lay there, staring emptily at the dark sky above. The nothingness was abruptly ripped away. I reached out, clawing at the air around me, struggling to remain in my deadened state.

No matter how I fought, my mind unwillingly began to wake from its stupor and the world was becoming clear again.

Pressure. I felt a steady pressure on my arm.

_What is that?_

The instinct to protect myself took over and I slowly blinked my eyes, taking in my surroundings. It was night. The silver moonlight glinted off the crashing waves.

_There it is again, what is that?_

There was a distinct pressure on my arm. I shifted my gaze to see a dark skinned man standing over me shouting something in Spanish, but I could not hear him clearly. I shook my head, shaking off the nothingness so I could focus.

The words became clearer.

"¿Estás bien? Estás muerto?"

I continued to struggle. My mind was unwilling to awaken completely. It had been protecting itself from the harsh realities of my existence. Unwilling to accept my fate, I had completely shut down.

"¿Estás bien?" he repeated.

I looked up at him. His brow was furrowed in concern. He hunched over me, continuing to grip my shoulder. Fishing gear lay on the ground near his other hand. Our eyes met.

"¿Cuál es la fecha?" I asked him.

"El tercero de Diciembre," he replied.

Two days. Two entire days I had lain here on the ground, completely unaware. The lapse of time should have alarmed me, but I was beyond reason. I was beyond caring. If someone had seen me, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

I nodded to the man in thanks and slowly rose to my feet. I ran my fingers through my hair and smoothed my clothing as best I could. He smiled at me warily, unsure if he should leave my side, waiting for me to collapse at any moment.

I turned and walked back to the forest, leaving the man staring after me in confusion and wonder. Blinking furiously, I struggled for focus. I trudged forward at a nearly human pace, not knowing where I was going.

I walked and I walked. The lush green surroundings crushed around me until it finally gave way to civilization. I strode through the town and the phone in my pocket continued to vibrate.

_Alice! Leave me alone!_ I thought. How I wished that she could read my mind. I would not answer my phone and she could see that, but that would not deter her persistence.

I had to get a message to her, but I could not risk speaking to her. She would take every opportunity, every avenue of guilt to convince me to come home. I stopped and faced the building in front of me. Looking up, the sign read _Aparta Hotel El Lago._

I strode up to the doors of the hotel and entered the small lobby. The odor of the room was a strange mixture of flowers and sweat. The woman behind the desk did not look up from her magazine as I walked past her.

There was a small desk at one side of the lobby and I lowered myself into the creaking chair. Taking the pen and pad intended for guests, I penned my letter to my family. There would be no need to send it. Alice would see.

Dearest family,

Please do not weep for me. Please do not come for me. I have failed in my efforts to destroy Victoria and it is now solitude that I crave. I pray that you love me enough to respect this. I may return to you one day, but it is unknown when or if that may occur. Until then, take care of each other and know that I love you all. Your companionship and love did not go unappreciated. It is the only thing I have left to sustain me now.

Yours always,

Edward

I stared at my handwriting. I read and reread the words, centering my mind so that Alice would see. Once satisfied, I balled up the slip of paper and tossed it into the trash can below. No one noticed when I left the hotel and slipped back into the forest.

I walked in a daze, longing for the numbness to return. Bella's image smiled at me and I cursed my mind for the memories that haunted me.

_What are you going to do?_ she asked.

I didn't know. I didn't care. The end of my journey that I had feared so much had finally arrived and there was nothing left for me.

The image of Bella smiled. _As it happens, I don't mind being alone with you._

It was all I had left. The hallucinations were the only piece of Bella I had left to hold on to, the closest I would ever be to her again. I clung to what miniscule amount of solace I could find in her imagined comfort.

Empty, I walked. Empty, I pressed forward. There was no mission. There was nothing to go back to. There was only a lifetime of waiting that remained, waiting for the calming release of oblivion.

Thankfully the phone in my pocket had ceased to ring. Undoubtedly, my family would be unhappy with my decision, but they would respect it. Perhaps, in time, I would go back. But all I wanted now was to let the misery take me. I wanted to suffer for my transgressions. I needed to be punished for all the harm I had brought into Bella's life.

As I trudged along, I thought back to Bella's birthday, to the last happy memories that we shared together. I remembered the feel of her body, warm and soft, next to mine as we watched _Romeo and Juliet_ on her couch.

I had chastised her for her admiration of Romeo's character, yet I was beginning to realize that he and I had much more in common than I initially thought.

He was a tragic figure, smitten by love. He fell madly in love with a girl that he knew he could never have. It was a forbidden love. He lost himself in her, just as Bella had permanently changed me.

_Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here;  
This is not Romeo, he's some other where._

He, as I, was blinded by love. She turned his world on its end and he was forever changed. He could not live without her. Juliet was the sun and without her, his world was black.

_He that is strucken blind cannot forget  
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost._

He was so in love that he could not ignore it. No one could convince him otherwise, regardless of the consequences.

_Can I go forward when my heart is here?  
Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out._

Yet, Romeo had one small advantage that we did not share. He was able to marry his Juliet. He was able to make her his in every way. How I longed to share that level of intimacy with Bella, to show her my love, but that could never be. Jealousy boiled within me.

_Amen, amen! but come what sorrow can,  
It cannot countervail the exchange of joy  
That one short minute gives me in her sight:  
Do thou but close our hands with holy words,  
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;  
It is enough I may but call her mine._

Romeo was banished; sent away from his home, from his family, from his bride. How I felt his pain. It was a pain worse than death, to be separated from all that you love; to know that others may see her, but you cannot. The agony of knowing that she would find love while I was forced away was unbearable. How could anyone endure such suffering?

_Ha, banishment! be merciful, say 'death;'  
For exile hath more terror in his look,  
Much more than death: do not say 'banishment.'_

_There is no world without Verona walls,  
But purgatory, torture, hell itself.  
Hence-banished is banish'd from the world,  
And world's exile is death: then banished,  
Is death mis-term'd: calling death banishment,  
Thou cutt'st my head off with a golden axe,  
And smilest upon the stroke that murders me._

_'Tis torture, and not mercy: heaven is here,  
Where Juliet lives; and every cat and dog  
And little mouse, every unworthy thing,  
Live here in heaven and may look on her;  
But Romeo may not: more validity,  
More honourable state, more courtship lives  
In carrion-flies than Romeo: they my seize  
On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand  
And steal immortal blessing from her lips,  
Who even in pure and vestal modesty,  
Still blush, as thinking their own kisses sin;  
But Romeo may not; he is banished:  
Flies may do this, but I from this must fly:  
They are free men, but I am banished.  
And say'st thou yet that exile is not death?  
Hadst thou no poison mix'd, no sharp-ground knife,  
No sudden mean of death, though ne'er so mean,  
But 'banished' to kill me?--'banished'?  
O friar, the damned use that word in hell;  
Howlings attend it: how hast thou the heart,  
Being a divine, a ghostly confessor,  
A sin-absolver, and my friend profess'd,  
To mangle me with that word 'banished'?_

Just as the love I shared with Bella, it was destined to end tragically. Whether separated by time, distance, or death, it was never meant to be. Bella, like Juliet, was the sleeping beauty that I could not touch. I could not awaken her with a kiss. I could not admire her from a distance. I could not reach out to her.

I longed for death. I longed for an ending to this suffering. How easy it was for Romeo! When he thought his love was lost, his death came swiftly and easily. Mine, however, would not. In the back of mind, I always had a plan, but it was never determined and certainly not easy.

_How oft when men are at the point of death  
Have they been merry! which their keepers call  
A lightning before death: O, how may I  
Call this a lightning? O my love! my wife!  
Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath,  
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty:  
Thou art not conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet  
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,  
And death's pale flag is not advanced there.  
Tybalt, liest thou there in thy bloody sheet?  
O, what more favour can I do to thee,  
Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain  
To sunder his that was thine enemy?  
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,  
Why art thou yet so fair? shall I believe  
That unsubstantial death is amorous,  
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps  
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?  
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;  
And never from this palace of dim night  
Depart again: here, here will I remain  
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here  
Will I set up my everlasting rest,  
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars  
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!  
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you  
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss  
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!  
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!  
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on  
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!  
Here's to my love!_

Alas, Romeo and I were not so different. Our loves were never meant to be, yet we both pursued them most selfishly.

Misery swept over me as the memories continued to play in my head. The landscape rolled and changed with each step, but I paid no attention. I walked without purpose. I walked merely to prevent stopping. If I stopped, I would fall and if I fell, I would never rise again.

A small voice in my mind told me to keep moving. The uneasy feeling that Alice would come, find me, and drag me back home ate away at me. I would fight her. Alice could find me, but I could outrun her. I would run from her for eternity if that's what it took. She could not force me to return to the empty life that waited for me. And she could not stop me from leaving this world when the time came.

**Thanks to everyone who has submitted reviews so far. Your support and input are invaluable! The story should start to pick up here…we're nearing the infamous phone call and trip to Volterra. If you haven't reviewed yet, I'd love to hear from you!**

15


	14. December

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

December


	15. January

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

January


	16. February

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

February


	17. Chapter 14: Visions

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

14. VISIONS

Bella sat on the edge of her bed. Her hands were clasped tightly together between her knees. Her head hung low, her chestnut hair forming a screen around her face. Her eyes refused to meet mine. I could hear the tempo of her heartbeat increase with the passing seconds.

I reached my hand to caress her warm cheek. She blushed under my cool touch, but pulled away slightly. _I've hurt her so badly._

I knelt in front of her, clutching her hands in my own. She looked up, her gaze meeting mine. Her beautiful eyes, like liquid chocolate, fixed on my own. A single tear trickled down her cheek and hung from her chin, threatening to drip down. Another followed. I released her trembling fingers and gently cupped her face in my hands, my thumbs lovingly wiping the tears away.

She closed her eyes and sighed. Another tear fell. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. I waited patiently. Her breath quickened as she opened her eyes again.

"Say something, please," I begged. "I cannot bear the silence."

Another tear fell.

Pain filled her eyes. "I -" she hesitated. "I don't know. I don't understand." She peered up at me through a fringe of dark lashes, saturated with tears.

"Bella, I love you. I have always loved you. I'm so sorry. I should have never –" My voice broke as a lump of emotion caught in my throat.

Her heartbeat increased and she began gasping for breath. She closed her eyes in an effort to steady herself. Her entire frame shook with grief and I placed my arms on her shoulders to hold her still.

"Edward, I –"

I replaced my hand on her face and waited. Pain seared in my chest as I watched her suffer. The seconds of silence ticking by lashed at me like razor blades. Each second was a tiny cut that stung painfully. The more seconds that passed, the greater the damage. I could not bear the silence much longer.

"Bella…please." The excruciating seconds continued to tick by.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.

She gazed at the wall, avoiding my stare. "I don't think... Edward…I think it's too late." She lowered her head and her body began heaving with sobs. Her hands grasped her face and her fingers tangled in her hair.

I could not move. I could not breathe. Over the months of waiting, of trying my hardest to stay away, I found that I could not. Bella was my life. She was my air. She was my…everything. Without her, I was nothing.

I had tried desperately to make myself believe that I could live without her, but I could not. I knew she deserved so much better than me, but I could no longer deny the ache in my heart when we were apart. She needed to know that I loved her, that everything I had told her when I left was a vicious lie. I stared uncomprehendingly at her heartbreaking face, unable to speak, unable to form cohesive thoughts.

I was weak. I failed to protect her. I failed to move on. I failed to destroy Victoria. I failed to keep my promise to stay away. I failed…completely.

I sat immobile, staring at my weeping love. My brain ceased to function. I knew, in the back of my mind, that this was always a possibility, but I had not been prepared.

Had I hurt her too badly? Was our love damaged beyond repair? Had my leaving forced her into the arms of another?

The agony in my chest turned to anger. I was furious at myself for what I had done. I caused pain in the lives of everyone I loved. The pain I felt in my own heart could not compare to the pain I inflicted on her.

"Bella –" I began.

She pressed her finger lightly to my lips. I silenced immediately. She lifted her head and pressed her shoulders back. She was trying to be strong.

"Edward, I can't. I just can't. It hurts too much."

I lowered my head, but her hand caught my chin and lifted my face back up. She looked into my eyes, searching. I longed to hear her thoughts, to know what she saw in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

I closed my eyes and rose to my feet. I clutched her hand in mine, unwilling to let it go. I looked into her eyes once more and lifted her hand to my face. Gently, I pressed her fingers to my cool lips. They lingered there for a moment, feeling the warmth, smelling the sweet scent of freesia, feeling the blood pulsing beneath her fair skin.

Turning, I released her hand and strode to the window.

"Forgive me," I whispered.

With one last longing look at my beautiful Bella, my one and only love, I stepped through the window and leapt to the ground.

Falling to my knees, I gripped my frame and quaked with grief. I could hear Bella's soft weeping from the window above and each gasp ripped me apart from the inside, shattering my heart into a million pieces.

My eyes flashed open. My train of thought was interrupted by the light thrumming wings of a hummingbird, come to investigate. Deep green foliage hung all around me and my clothing was drenched in rainwater.

I blinked furiously as my eyes adjusted to the light. I nodded my head and stretched my body; the months of inactivity had stiffened me.

I was only mildly aware of the amount of time that had passed. After losing Victoria, I walked for miles and miles, unwilling to stop, knowing what would happen if I did.

Finally, the torment of my depression could not be held back any longer. I sunk to the ground, hidden in the thick tropical rain forest. I closed my eyes and let the misery have me. I decided that I could not fight it anymore. I clutched my knees to my chest and lay on the forest floor, eyes closed, allowing my mind to drift.

The memories flooded my mind - memories of my family, memories of my life, memories of Bella. The scenes that played over and over in my psyche blurred together, dreams and realities intermingling.

In my mind, the same scene repeated on an infinite loop. I could not stay away from Bella. I returned to her, begging for forgiveness, groveling at her feet to take me back. And in every instance, in a million different ways, she broke my heart over and over again. How could I expect her to forgive me for what I have done to her? I was selfish to think that I even deserved to have her, to call her mine.

_Giving up?_ she asked. The Bella in my mind who continued to speak looked at me incredulously. _Why in the world would I do that?_

_No, no no, _my own voice in my head shouted. _You can never go back! _I made a promise. I had to keep it. _Protect Bella, that's all that matters._

_I'm not quite that delicate_, she protested.

I closed my eyes, yearning for the illusion of sleep and dreams to return. I longed for the intangible hallucinations, the daydreams of Bella. If this were the only way for me to be with her, then I accepted it gladly.

The vision changed.

Bella sat in her truck, waiting as raindrops spattered on the windshield. I stood, still as a statue, watching her. She turned her head slightly, but did not see me. I was well hidden in the dense foliage, but the look in her eyes made me wonder if she could sense my presence.

She scanned the parking lot and her eyes stopped. She smiled. She was glorious; a beautiful seraph sent down to earth. Her face glowed with a brilliance I had not witnessed in so long. She was happy. A tall figure reached out for her door and she eagerly stepped down from her seat.

Reaching up, she wrapped her arms around the neck of the boy and kissed him lightly on the lips, her cheeks blushing, her heart racing. Her eyes smiled as she gazed into the face of the boy. I could not see his face. His fingers caressed her cheek and I longed for them to be mine. It was my lips she should kiss. It was my eyes she should gaze into. It was my body she should press herself against.

Jealousy boiled in the pit of my stomach and I shook my head, forcing the image from my mind. I pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing my brain to cooperate.

_That made you feel jealous, though, really? _She smiled._ I was sure it was a dream._

I drowned in a sea of uncertainty. The desire to return to Bella increased with every moment. I had to be strong for her. I questioned every thought, every moment. My mind was locked away in a state of purgatory, forced to live out the scenarios that should never be.

I closed my eyes again, pleading with my mind for a different vision, something to ease my suffering.

Bella stood before me. Her cheeks blushed and her lips turned in a radiant smile as she looked up at me through the veil of white. I took her hand in mine, caressing it softly, placing the thin band of gold on her delicate finger. A tear trickled down her cheek as she gazed into my eyes. _I love you_, she mouthed.

The faces surrounding us blurred. It was only Bella that I saw. The words of the minister barely registered in my ears until he said "You may kiss your bride."

Hesitantly, I lifted the soft veil over her face. She laid her hand upon my cheek and I grasped her face in my hands. Our lips met in a moment of unadulterated happiness. Pure joy exploded from my chest and passion burned through my entire body. In a swift motion, I scooped her up into my arms and carried her down the aisle amidst a crowd of cheering family and friends.

I set her down gingerly, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you, Mr. Cullen," she replied.

The scene changed and we were in a bedroom. The flickering of a hundred candles danced along the walls. My body trembled in fear and anticipation. Then I saw her. She stepped lightly into the room, her face serene, her body wrapped delicately in silk and lace. I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to proceed. Her gaze indicated a similar shyness.

Then she stood before me, placing her hand on my cheek and twining her fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, enjoying the pleasurable sensation. I rose to my feet, grasping her face and kissing her lightly on her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, and finally her lips.

Lovingly, I lifted her and placed her on the bed. I lowered myself next to her; gazing in wonder at the woman I now called my wife. She smiled and took my hand. I snaked my arms around her and began kissing her. She urged me on and my kisses became more earnest, more passionate. I had held back for so long, the sudden release of emotion and desire was overpowering.

I found that I was unable to stop myself. The craving intensified and I could no longer hold my instincts at bay. I hungrily kissed her, held her to me. She returned my kisses eagerly.

Then it happened. The sensations became too much and my primal instincts took control. I saw the fear in her eyes for a brief moment before my lips met the soft skin of her neck. Hungrily I bit and drank deep. The sweetest blood poured into my mouth, it was delectable, irresistible.

_NO!_ I forced the vision from my mind. That can never be. I would never…we could never. 

_Well, I did wonder… about you and me… someday… Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?_

I closed my eyes once more, trying to force my mind to form a happy vision, something to comfort me in my despair.

The vision changed.

Bella lay in the cool grass of the meadow, the sun warming her fair skin. Her eyes were closed. Her hair fanned out around her, forming a halo. My angel.

I stooped next to her, watching with great curiosity. My fingers slipped into her waiting hand and her eyes fluttered open. Her cheeks blushed and she smiled slightly. Releasing my hand, she stretched her arms above her head, uncoiling her joints like a cat waking from a long nap.

She rolled onto her side, facing me, her arm propping up her head. She looked into my eyes and her hand found mine once again. She lightly traced patterns on my arm and my skin tingled beneath her velvet touch. I smiled, enjoying the sensation.

She leaned in closer, her face hesitating mere inches from mine. Her eyes closed and our lips met. They moved together in perfect synchronicity. The warmth of her lips lit mine on fire. A sudden need, a craving, for her touch came over me. My hands reached up to her face and tangled in her hair. Her lips parted slightly and I continued to kiss her hungrily. I wrapped my arms around her slender waist and pulled her to me, our bodies melding into one. She laid her head on my chest and sighed in perfect contentment.

"It's my favorite sound," she murmured.

"What's that, my love?"

"Your heartbeat."

My eyes flashed open and I held my hand up to my face. She watched me with a curious look in her eyes. My once ivory skin was lightly tanned. The sun shone brightly overhead, but did not cast rainbows as it hit my skin. She clutched my hand in hers and my skin yielded to her touch – soft, human skin.

The thrumming of the humming bird once again broke my concentration. The daydream had been so real that I had not wanted it to end. This fantasy was something that could never be and I soon realized that it was doing no good to focus on such things. My resolve to stay away was teetering on the edge and indulging in ridiculous fantasies would only push me to the brink.

I rose to my feet, determined to focus. I forced my legs to carry me forward. Unwillingly, they complied. Fire burned in my desiccated throat.

_What's on the agenda for today?_

_I need to hunt,_ I replied, wondering if I had finally lost my sanity as I responded to my imaginary Bella.

_Is that something I might get to see? _

I ignored her question and glanced around me, sensing the creatures hiding in the dense foliage. Months of inactivity had made me weak, so I scanned the forest for easy prey. Quietly, a sloth lingered in the branches above. I jumped up and easily snatched the creature. The taste was revolting, but it gave me the strength I needed to hunt larger prey.

I lifted my nose to the air and listened intently. I crept through the brush, silently stalking my kill. A small deer stood in a clearing, absentmindedly snacking on the bounty of leaves. The animal did not realize that it was being hunted. And neither did the predator that was hunting it. My sights were set on the sleek puma crouched low, ready to strike.

The deer bounded away as I made my move. I jumped on the back of the puma and sunk my teeth in. Drinking deeply, I could feel my strength returning. The taste was sweet, nearly rivaling my favorite.

The lifeless animal fell from my arms as I stood.

I began walking again, yet with no purpose. The pointless exercise did little to distract me from the visions that flooded my mind the past months.

I thought over the time spent in seclusion and the seconds blurred together. I had allowed the gloom to completely envelop me and I lived in a world within my own mind. The outside world did not touch me. I was locked away in complete isolation, tormented by the images of Bella - the images of the past that haunted me and the images of a future that could never be.

My feet moved forward, but I paid little attention to the direction. Here, deep in the forest, the only eyes on me were the gentle fauna that inhabited this lush ecosystem. I needn't be concerned about the curious eyes of humans.

Time passed, I could not be sure how much. As before, the moments that lapsed blurred together in a haze. Silver moonlight flickered and reflected off the raindrops hanging from the leaves that surrounded me. The sound of humans filled my ears, but barely registered any significance in my mind.

I moved forward, unseeing, unknowing. I traveled the earth as a ghost, an empty image of the man I once was.

**This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I think I was able to convey what Edward has been going through. Please review!**


	18. Chapter 15: Phone Call

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

**The majority of this chapter is taken from Stephenie's site. She was gracious enough to post Edward's point of view for the phone call with Rosalie and let's face it, no one could write this better than her.**

15. PHONE CALL

The phone in my pocket vibrated again. It was the twenty-fifth time in twenty-four hours. I thought about opening the phone, at least seeing who was trying to contact me. Perhaps it was important. Maybe Carlisle needed me.

I thought about it, but I did not move.

I wasn't precisely sure where I was. Some dark attic crawl space, full of rats and spiders. The spiders ignored me, and the rats gave me a wide berth. The air was thick with the heavy scents of cooking oil, rancid meat, human sweat, and the nearly solid layer of pollution that was actually visible in the humid air, like a black film over everything. Below me, four stories of rickety ghetto tenement teemed with life. I didn't bother to separate the thoughts from the voices – they made a big, loud Spanish clamor that I didn't listen to. I just let the sounds bounce off me. Meaningless. All of it was meaningless. My very existence was meaningless.

The whole world was meaningless.

My forehead pressed against my knees, and I wondered how much longer I would be able to stand this. Maybe it was hopeless. Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, I should stop torturing myself and just go back…

The idea was so powerful, so _healing_ – like the words contained a strong anesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under – that it made me gasp, made me dizzy.

I could leave now, I could go back.

Bella's face, always behind the lids of my eyes, smiled at me.

It was a smile of welcome, of forgiveness, but it did not have the affect my subconscious probably intended it to have.

Of course I could not go back. What was my pain, after all, in comparison to her happiness? She _should_ be able to smile, free from fear and danger. Free from a longing for a soulless future. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me, no matter how I conducted myself here.

The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. My body shook with it. When Bella went on to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion. There must be relief.

That was my hope, but there were no guarantees. _To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub_, I quoted myself. Even when I was ash, would I somehow still feel the torture of her loss?

I shuddered again.

And, damn it, I'd promised. I'd promised her that I wouldn't haunt her life again, bring my black demons into it. I wasn't going back on my word. Couldn't I do anything right by her? Anything at all?

The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home on this planet snaked through my thoughts again.

Just to check. Just to see that she's well and safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there…

No. Damn it, no.

The phone vibrated again.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it," I growled.

I could use the distraction, I supposed. I flipped the phone open and registered the numbers with the first shock I'd felt in half a year.

Why would Rosalie be calling me? She was the one person who was probably enjoying my absence.

There must be something truly wrong if she needed to talk to me. Suddenly worried for my family, I hit the send button.

"What?" I asked tensely.

"Oh, wow. Edward answered the phone. I feel so honored."

As soon as I heard her tone, I knew my family was fine. She must just be bored. It was hard to guess at her motives without her thoughts as a guide. Rosalie had never made much sense to me. Her impulses were usually founded on the most convoluted kinds of logic.

I snapped the phone shut.

"Leave me alone," I whispered to nobody.

Of course the phone vibrated again at once.

Would she keep calling until she passed along whatever message she was planning to annoy me with? Probably. It would take months for her to grow tired of this game. I toyed with the idea of letting her hit redial for the next half year…and then sighed and answered the phone again.

"Get on with it."

Rosalie rushed through the words. "I thought you would want to know that Alice is in Forks."

I opened my eyes and stared at the rotten wooden beams three inches from my face.

"What?" My voice was flat, emotionless.

"You know how Alice is – thinks she knows everything. Like you." Rosalie chuckled humorlessly. Her voice had a nervous edge, like she was suddenly unsure about what she was doing.

But my rage made it hard to care what Rosalie's problem was.

Alice had sworn to me that she would follow my lead in regards to Bella, though she did not agree with my decision. She'd promised that she would let Bella alone…for as long as I did. Clearly, she'd thought I would eventually fold to the pain. Maybe she was right about that.

But I hadn't. Yet. So, what was she doing in Forks? I wanted to wring her skinny neck. Not that Jasper would let me get that close to her, once he caught a whiff of the fury blowing out of me…

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I didn't answer. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips, wondering if it were possible for a vampire to get a migraine.

On the other hand, if Alice had already gone back…

No. No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the seductive image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

No doubt I would have to grovel, were I to return. I didn't mind that. I could happily spend the next decade on my knees if I were with her.

No, no, no.

"Edward? Don't you even care why Alice is there?"

"Not particularly."

Rosalie's voice turned a trifle smug now, pleased, no doubt, that she'd forced a response from me. "Well, of course, she's not exactly breaking the rules. I mean, you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter."

I blinked my eyes slowly. Bella had left? My thoughts circled around the unexpected idea. She hadn't graduated yet, so she must have returned to her mother. That was good. She should live in sunshine. It was good that she'd been able to put the shadows behind her.

I tried to swallow, and couldn't.

Rosalie trilled a nervous laugh. "So, you don't need to be angry with Alice."

"Then why did you call me, Rosalie, if not to get Alice in trouble? Why are you bothering me? Ugh!"

"Wait!" she said, sensing, rightly, that I was able to hang up again. "That's not why I called."

"Then why? Tell me quickly, and _then leave me alone_."

"Well…" she hesitated.

"Spit it out, Rosalie. You have ten seconds."

"I think you should come home," Rosalie said in a rush. "I'm tired of Esme grieving and Carlisle never laughing. You should feel ashamed at what you've done to them. Emmett misses you all the time and it's getting on my nerves. You have a family. Grow up and think about something besides yourself."

"Interesting advice, Rosalie. Let me tell you a little story about a pot and a kettle…"

"I _am _thinking about them, unlike you. Don't you care how much you've hurt Esme, if no one else? She loves you more than the rest of us, and you know that. Come home."

I didn't answer.

"I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished, you would get over it."

"Forks was never the problem, Rosalie," I said, trying to be patient. What she'd said about Esme and Carlisle had struck a chord. "Just because Bella" – it was hard to say her name aloud – "has moved to Florida, it doesn't mean that I'm able…Look, Rosalie. I really am sorry, but, trust me, it wouldn't make anyone happier if I were there."

"Um…"

There it was, that nervous hesitation again.

"What is it that you're not telling me, Rosalie? Is Esme all right? Is Carlisle - "

"They're fine. It's just…well, I didn't say that Bella _moved_."

I didn't speak. I ran over our conversation in my head. Yes, Rosalie _had_ said that Bella had moved. She'd said…_you only warned us to stay away from Bella, right? The rest of Forks doesn't matter._ And then: _I thought once this whole Forks thing was finished_… So Bella wasn't in Forks. What did she mean, Bella hadn't moved?

Then Rosalie was rushing through her words again, saying them almost angrily this time.

"They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. The quicker you get over this, the sooner things can go back to normal. Why let you mope around the dark corners of the world when there's no need for it? You can come home now. We can be a family again. It's over."

My mind seemed to be broken. I couldn't make sense of her words. It was like there was something very, very obvious she was telling me, but I had no idea what it was. My brain played with the information, making strange patterns of it. Nonsensical.

"Edward?"

"I don't understand what you are saying, Rosalie."

A long pause, the length of a few human heartbeats.

"She's dead, Edward."

A longer pause.

"I'm…sorry. You have a right to know, though, I think. Bella…threw herself off a cliff two days ago. Alice saw it, but it was too late to do anything. I think she would have helped, though, broken her word, if there had been time. She went back to do what she could for Charlie. You know how she's always cared for him–"

The phone went dead. It took me a few seconds to realize that I'd shut the power off.

I saw in the dusty darkness for a long, frozen space. It was like time had ended. Like the universe had stopped.

Slowly, moving like an old man, I turned my phone back on and dialed the one number I'd promised myself I would never call again.

If it was her, I would hang up. If it was Charlie, I'd get the information I needed through subterfuge. I'd prove Rosalie's sick little joke wrong, and then go back to my nothingness.

"Swan residence," answered a voice I'd never heard before. A man's husky voice, deep, but still youthful.

I didn't pause to think about the implication of that.

"This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said, perfectly imitating my father's voice. "May I please speak to Charlie?"

"He's not here," the voice responded, and I was dimly surprised by the anger in it. The words were almost a snarl. But that didn't matter.

"Well, where is he then?" I demanded, getting impatient.

There was a short pause, as if the stranger wanted to withhold the information from me.

"He's at the funeral," the boy finally answered.

I shut the phone again.

The walls around me began closing in. The clattering of my phone falling from my hands barely registered in my ears.

The color drained from my eyes. I gripped the wooden beams under my feet for stability. A trail of splintered wood followed behind the path of my fingers.

_Gone? At the funeral?_

My brain refused to comprehend the truth. The world around me melted away. I stared at the space in front of me, unmoving, unfeeling…catatonic. I was beyond feeling. This was so far beyond any agony I had ever experienced that there were no words to describe it. The intensity was so far beyond comprehension that my body and mind completely shut down in its presence.

My numb façade peeled away, leaving me raw and exposed. I shuddered and squeezed my eyes tightly, begging for the nightmare to end.

_Bella's...gone? No, Bella's…..no, no, no, NO!_

The blackness that surrounded my months of gloom grew into an unfathomable abyss of anguish. I plummeted into the nothingness; the will to fight was lost.

Images of Bella assailed my consciousness.

Bella…_oh, Bella. _

I could see the sadness etched on her face. I could see her tear-streaked face saying goodbye. I could see her leap with reckless abandon, embracing the thoughts of quiet death, of an end to her suffering. I could see her floating in the deep black waters, unwilling to struggle; the water filling her lungs, choking off her life; her steady heartbeat, the most significant sound in this world, slowly beating its last before finally silencing for eternity.

_Gone? Too soon!_

This was not how it was meant to be. Bella was supposed to move on. She was supposed to forget me. She was supposed to find happiness and live a full life of the joyous human experiences that I could never give her.

My beautiful Bella, lost…gone. _Gone forever._

My angel would spend an eternity in heaven and I was left here, banished from her presence…_forever_.

My arms clutched my trembling frame as I struggled to hold together what remained of me. The gaping hole in my chest ripped apart, tearing me to pieces. My breathing became shallow, labored. I struggled for each breath, my chest heaving with sobs.

Bella no longer smiled, she was gone.

_Gone._

My brain refused to accept the harsh reality. _How can this be? How could she? She promised! How could she do this to herself? To her mother? To Charlie? To me?_

I could not fathom the reasons for her actions. Had we been so connected that neither of us could exist without the other? Had our love been so strong, so deep, that she only saw death as the remedy for our separation?

Dread crept over me as the awareness of the truth became glaringly obvious. She did this because of me. All of my efforts to protect her were to blame for her demise. I should never have left. I should have clung to her with every ounce of strength in me. I should have listened to my heart and not to my head. I should have listened to my family.

I alone bore the responsibility for her death.

_Me._

I destroyed the one beautiful thing in this world that made me a better man. Bella…my light, my beacon, my reason for being…was gone.

Bella's lullaby played softly in my head. The beautiful melody for my love wove in and out of my mind, the harmony echoing softly in my memories. The tone became darker until the music began clashing violently. I squeezed my eyes tightly, pushing away the tragic symphony.

I knew what I must do. The haphazard thoughts about this eventuality suddenly clicked into place in my mind, beginning the formation of a plan.

The phone quivered across the floor as it vibrated. I slowly picked it up and looked at the number.

_Alice._

I lay the phone down, refusing to answer. Alice would see that Rosalie had contacted me. She would see that I knew the truth. She would see what I would do. She would try to stop me.

_No._

I could not allow it. With Bella no longer anchoring me to this world, I felt no obligation to remain a part of it. With the pull that she held on me suddenly extinguished, the threads that bound us together snipped apart, I had no need to stay.

I realized that I would have to act quickly. Alice would do everything in her power to stop me. No, this was one decision she would not interfere with. She would not alter this future.

Rage and determination boiled in the pit of my stomach. I slipped the phone into my pocket and crept through the dark attic space, searching for an exit. A small window at one end of the space offered my escape.

Dawn was beginning to break over the horizon. I constricted my body, carefully forcing myself through the small opening and clutched the brittle clay façade. I quickly scanned my surroundings and deftly leapt to the ground below.

With little need to protect the secret any more, I hastily ran through the streets.

_Wait a minute. If Alice would try to stop me…_

I quickly pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed the operator, requesting the number for the Rio De Janeiro International Airport.

"Hello, how may I assist you?" the friendly voice on the line asked.

"Yes, I need to make a reservation."

"Destination?"

"Florence, Italy."

"Ah, very nice. Business or pleasure?" The attendant's attempt at casual conversation was mildly irritating.

_Neither._

"Um…business." _That was true enough._

"Very good. Date of departure?"

"As soon as possible. I will take whatever you have available."

"Let me see. We have a non-stop flight leaving in approximately two hours."

"I'll take it!" I pulled the sleek black credit card from my pocket, prepared to use it for the last time. Alice would see my plans and I had to accomplish this task before she could convince Carlisle to cut off the funds to my account.

I gave the information to the attendant as I rushed through the quiet streets. Once the flight plans were finalized, I closed the phone. It vibrated in my hand immediately. I stared at it for a brief moment, hesitating only slightly, and tossed the phone into an open trash can.

**Here we go! It's going to be a wild ride to the finish. Please review.**


	19. Chapter 16: Flight

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

16. FLIGHT

I breathed a hesitant sigh of relief as the airport came into view. The sun was beginning to peek over the rooftops as I ran through the sliding glass doors of the Rio De Janeiro International Airport.

I approached the ticket counter, credit card and passport in hand. The attendant looked me over, seemingly unconcerned with my haggard appearance and seeing only the beautiful man standing before her. I blocked out her lustful thoughts and gripped the counter with the tips of my fingers.

"How may I help you?' she asked, her cheeks beginning to flush.

"I called just a few moments ago and made a reservation."

"Name?"

"Edward Cullen."

Her fingers flew over the keyboard as she typed in my name. Her eyes scanned the screen in front of her.

"Ah, yes, there you are Mr. Cullen. Can I see some identification please?"

I lay my documents on the counter and she briefly scanned them, her attentions more on my physique than my paperwork. Her fingers continued to click on the keys and the printer behind her began humming with activity. She turned to claim printed boarding pass.

"Will you be checking any luggage today?"

"No," I answered simply.

She pursed her lips, mildly intrigued. Her mind flew through a flurry of thoughts about my appearance, about my sudden departure, about my lack of personal belongings.

She handed the boarding pass and documents back to me. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Her voice took on an alluring tone and I could hear her desire to slip me her phone number.

"That's all, thank you," I replied and quickly turned. I could feel her eyes on me as I ran through the airport, although, at this pace, I could barely consider it running. I looked over the boarding pass and followed the signs to the appropriate gate number.

Approaching the security checkpoint, the guard looked at me warily. A man looking disheveled, carrying no belongings, running through the airport would draw some suspicions. I displayed my boarding pass and walked through the metal detectors. He inspected me once more and shrugged, obviously too bored to care, and began looking to the next passenger.

As I strode to the gate, the thoughts of curious onlookers invaded my consciousness. I struggled to block them out, but my mind was weak from months of torture.

I slipped around a corner and into the men's restroom. The stench of bleach and harsh chemicals burned my nose. I quickly scanned the room.

_Empty._

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned the lock. I needed to be alone. I strode to the sink and looked on my reflection in the mirror. Turning on the faucet, cool water poured over my hands and I splashed my face. My hands dragged along my skin and rubbed my weary eyes. I ran my fingers through my unruly hair in a vain attempt to tame it. Droplets of water glistened on my skin.

I gripped the sink and closed my eyes tightly, trying to keep my breath steady. My mind drifted back to Bella…always back to Bella.

Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out the worn photograph. It was my one remaining cherished possession, the only piece of Bella I had left to hold onto. Months of travel, of rain and wear, had taken its toll. The edges curled and a permanent crease separated our images, created by the thousands of times I folded and unfolded the picture to gaze on her face.

_How poignant. How eloquent. _

The line separated our images, divided us from one another, as we always would be. Even in death, Bella and I would remain apart, separated by an impenetrable, invisible line. A line I could never hope to cross.

_Bella._

_Bella._

My hand shook as I clutched the photograph to my heart. I gasped, letting the picture fall from my fingers and flutter to the floor. I gripped the sink for stability and the agony continued to build.

_Crack!_

The delicate porcelain fractured under the pressure of my grip. My anguish quickly turned to rage. I was angry that I could not join Bella. I was angry that I could not stop her. I was angry with myself for being stupid enough to leave her to begin with. This was all my fault.

A sudden need for release besieged me. Almost of its own free will, my fist raised and smacked down on the edge of the sink, sending a chunk of porcelain clattering across the floor. I raised my fists again and brought them down on the broken sink, tearing it from the wall and sending it crashing to my feet. I kicked the chunks of porcelain across the room and they shattered as they met the opposing wall. I smashed the mirror, angry with the reflection that stared back at me.

I squeezed my eyes tightly and clenched my fists at my sides. I tried to focus, to slow my breathing, to rein my temper. I opened my eyes and Bella's eyes stared up at me. Her photo lay at my feet, buried under a layer of debris.

_Bella…buried._

The image of Bella, cold and silent invaded my mind; her body, an empty vessel, lying in a coffin. Bella, whose cheeks would never blush again, whose lips would never smile, whose soft skin I would never touch, was gone. I fell to my knees, wrapping my arms around my aching chest as my body heaved with sobs. My shaking fingers gingerly grasped the photograph, lifting it from the floor. I lovingly wiped the dust from her image. I clutched the photo to my chest before refolding it and returning it to my pocket.

My sorrow was disrupted by the sound of a turning doorknob. Someone was trying to enter the locked bathroom. My mind focused immediately. I was instantly aware of the situation I had created. It was one thing to break down in the solitude of the wilderness, but this was a different circumstance entirely. I had allowed my emotions to overwhelm me and had pushed myself into a scenario where I could possibly be detained. I could not allow that to happen. Alice would surely be able to stop me if I allowed it.

I listened intently to the thoughts of the man on the other side of the door. He was irritated at the door's unwillingness to open. He shook the handle futilely and turned to locate a maintenance worker to open the door. As I heard him leave, I took this opportunity to escape. I unlocked the door and slipped out, unseen.

Sunlight was beginning to filter through the concourse windows and glinted subtly off my marble skin. All I would need now was to draw attention to myself. I needed something to cover my skin, to hide what I am from the prying eyes of the other passengers.

I slid along the wall, remaining in the shadows, and strode to the airport souvenir shop. I scanned the shelves and quickly found what I needed. I snatched up a ball cap and hooded sweatshirt, ignoring the tacky tourism logos and lay them on the counter.

The cashier looked up at me, completely uninterested, and rung the sale. I handed my credit card to her, crossing my fingers that Alice had not contacted Carlisle yet. The sale was approved. She had not.

"Have a nice day," the cashier said.

I nodded my thanks and slipped on the sweatshirt and hat, carefully concealing my skin from the sun's rays. I lowered myself into a chair, keeping my back to the windows, as I waited for the plane to board. My fingers gripped the armrests and my knees bounced nervously. It was not customary for me to fidget, but I could not shake the feeling that Alice was on her way to stop me. I would not feel well until I was safely in the air.

The intercom speakers sputtered and hissed as a woman's voice announced the arrival of the plane. As the seconds ticked by, my anxiety only increased. An older couple observed me and briefly considered sitting down, but thought better of it and sat a few rows away from me.

"Hello," said a small voice.

I turned to see a little girl, probably six or seven seated next to me. Her deep brown eyes looked up at my expectantly. She was petite with soft brown curls that hung down her back.

"Hello," I replied.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Italy."

"Why?" she asked.

"I have some business to attend to."

"Oh," she said. "My daddy travels on business too. He's gone a lot. Do you travel a lot?"

"No, not a lot. Does it make you sad when he's gone?" I asked, unsure why I was conversing with this child.

She thought about this for a moment. "I miss him when he's not home. Daddy tells the best bedtime stories, but Mommy doesn't do all the voices like he does."

"I bet your Daddy misses you too."

"Do you have a little girl or boy at home?"

The question took my off guard. Here before me, was this sweet, inquisitive little girl. I imagined that if Bella and I had been able to have a child, she would look like her. She would have Bella's eyes and Bella's smile. She would have my curiosity and her mother's tenacity. How I would have loved to have a child, to create a life out of love. It was yet another thing that I could never have given her.

I had always found myself somewhat drawn to children, fascinated even. With the minds of the world laid out before me, it was the minds of children that I desired to hear. Their thoughts were pure and honest, not tainted with the depravity that comes with age.

"No, I do not have any children."

"That's too bad. You seem nice. I bet you would be a good daddy." She smiled up at me and I couldn't help but return the gesture.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" She batted her eyelashes at me. I could sense a small crush forming.

"No, not anymore," I replied, sadness creeping into my voice.

"I'm sorry." She slipped her small hand into mine, undeterred by the coolness of my skin. Her eyes were full of compassion. In her innocence, she could sense my pain. She reminded me so much of Carlisle. She would be a great caretaker when she grew up.

"Elizabeth! Elizabeth!" A tall woman quickly approached. "Elizabeth, I've been looking for you everywhere!" she scolded.

"I'm sorry, Mommy," the little girl looked up at her mother repentantly and back at me.

"Mommy, I made a friend," she beamed.

"I'm so sorry, sir, I hope she wasn't disturbing you," her mother apologized.

"Not at all," I replied with a smile.

"Come along, Elizabeth. Let's leave the nice man alone."

"Bye-bye," she called, looking back and waving one arm as her mother tugged her along with the other. I lifted my arm to wave goodbye.

"Elizabeth, didn't I tell you not to talk to strangers?"

"I know, Mommy, but he looked so sad."

Her mother shook her head in exasperation and dragged her daughter along through the airport, determined not to let her out of her sight again. I admired the little girl's perception. Yes, she would make a great caretaker one day.

A voice came over the intercom. "Flight 547, non-stop to Florence, Italy is now boarding at Gate 11." I rose to my feet and approached the gate. I handed my boarding pass to the attendant and strolled down the walkway to the plane, leaving the terminal and thoughts of Alice's interference behind me.

I settled in my seat and lowered the shade on the window. Hunching over, I pulled my cap down over my eyes and pretended to sleep. It would be easier to avoid interaction if the other passengers and attendants believed I was sleeping through the flight. There was much to think about and the need to concentrate and formulate my plans weighed heavy on my mind.

I knew that I would go to the Volturi and ask to die, but my plans hadn't advanced much further than that. I was unsure of how to ask, how to plead my case. What would I do if they rejected my request? A million scenarios and questions flashed through my mind.

Carlisle had spoken often of his time with the Volturi and I knew the three well. Aro would be the most likely ally in my efforts. His ability to read my mind would allow him to see everything. He could see my love for Bella, see how it pained me to leave her, see how I learned that she was gone, and how I could not live without her. He would experience my heartache through my memories; with a case as strong as that, how could they deny me?

_But what if they did? What if they said no? Then what?_

The Volturi were adamant when it came to enforcing the rules. They would not stand for it if I revealed myself to humans, especially in their own city. If they denied me, I would have to do something to force their hands.

I stopped, deciding that I would wait to see what their decision was before making contingency plans. If I decided beforehand, Aro would see the resolution in my thoughts and could merely detain me. The thought of continuing to exist, of being held against my will, was agonizing.

My thoughts drifted to my family. They would mourn my passing and they would not understand. I owed them an explanation.

I raised my hand to signal an attendant. A blond woman saw me and walked to my seat, leaning over the passenger seated next to me to hear my request.

"Yes sir, how can I help you?" she asked.

"Could I trouble you for a pen and paper?"

"Certainly," she smiled and turned. She returned a few moments later with a ballpoint pen and several sheets of airline stationery. I nodded my thanks as I took the items from her.

I lay the paper and pen on the tray table in front of me and rubbed my temples, trying to decide what to say. How do you say goodbye to your entire family? How do you explain to them your reasons for leaving? I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be sitting on an airplane, heading toward my death, and penning a suicide note to my parents.

I picked up the pen and touched it to the paper. My fingers hesitated for a brief moment and then I began writing.

_I almost don't know where to begin. By now, surely Alice has informed you of my intentions. I know that it must grieve you, but I can only promise you that it is the only way left for me. Bella was my life and now that she is gone, I no longer see a purpose in my existence. I can no longer wander this earth alone. My soul mate is gone and I cannot go on without her._

_Alice, please don't punish yourself for not stopping me. I know that you will have tried. Take care of our family. Envision a bright future._

_Jasper, take care of the family. Your gift, more than any other, can help to heal the family after I have parted. They will need your strength and calm._

_Rosalie, I honestly don't know what to say. I thank you for passing along the information about Bella's death, although your approach left something to be desired. Don't fret. I would have found out eventually._

_Emmett, I am counting on you to be a pillar of strength for the family. Be their rock, be their protector. _

_Esme, all I can say is that I am sorry. You are the best mother that I could have hoped for. Your love bolstered me through many trying times._

_Carlisle, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't be the man you want me to be. I am sorry that I turned out to be such a disappointment. Please don't feel that this end bears any reflection on you as a parent. I could not have asked for a more compassionate and gracious father. You taught me so much in this life and loved me more than I deserved. I pray that one day you will forgive me._

_I love you all. Take care of each other._

_Yours Always,_

_Edward_

I folded the paper in my hands and placed it in my pocket. I would mail it once the plane landed. It was the least that I could do. My fingers touched the edges of the photograph when I placed the letter in my pocket. I pulled it out, unfolding it to gaze on the images once more.

Bella smiled awkwardly at me, her eyes filled with uncertainty. I had gazed at this picture many times over these past seven months and still she took my breath away. Her deep chocolate eyes bored into my soul. Her lips begged to be kissed. Her cheek awaited my caress. I closed my eyes, sighing softly.

"She's very pretty."

I looked up to see the woman seated next to me gazing at the worn photograph in my hands.

"Yes, she was," I replied.

"Was?" she asked, with an edge of concern in her voice.

"She passed away a few days ago," I whispered, my voice breaking at the words.

"I'm so sorry." Her hand reached out to pat my arm soothingly. I gave her a courteous smile and returned the photograph to my pocket. She returned to her book, I'm certain not wanting to upset me further.

I slouched in the seat and closed my eyes. I longed for sleep. I longed for an end to my sorrow. I reveled in the belief that the end would come soon enough.

**AGH! Edward breaks my heart! Please review…next up…Volterra!**


	20. Chapter 17: Volterra

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

17. VOLTERRA

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have started our descent into Florence, Italy. In preparation for landing, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely…" I blocked out the incessantly repetitive droning of the captain's announcement.

I opened my eyes and stretched, feigning the stiffness my body would feel if I had been a human sleeping through an eleven hour flight. I lifted the window shade and saw the faint lights of Florence twinkling below.

"Oh, it's beautiful," the woman beside me spoke as she leaned over me to get a glimpse of the city lights.

I nodded in agreement.

My mind began working again. I had spent the duration of the flight pushing everything away. I did not want to think about Bella. I did not want to think about my family. And I certainly didn't want to dwell on the task at hand. I strived to obtain a sense of complete numbness, to immerse myself in a pool of complete sensory deprivation. It was the closest I could be to the dreamless sleep I longed for.

The captain's voice came over the speakers once again. "Flight attendants, prepare for landing."

I gripped the arm rests and peered out the window once again, watching as our plane descended onto the city. My anxiety was building. Faint whispers in the back of my mind screamed at me, _No, Edward, don't do it! Please stop! _

I could not determine if this was a distant cry from my family or a small voice in my sub conscience trying to reason with me. Either way, I blocked out the voices. Nothing would deter me from this final mission.

Much to my surprise, I was saddened that the voice I heard was no longer Bella's. She had fallen silent the moment I learned that she was dead. It was fitting that the imaginary Bella who had accompanied me on my travels would cease to exist upon my learning of her death. But that didn't make it any easier. Not only was I being forced to cope with the death of the human Bella, but the death of the illusion as well. Fate was indeed cruel.

My knuckles must have been straining as I gripped the armrests because I felt a soft hand on my arm.

"Don't be nervous, honey. We'll be on the ground soon, safe and sound." The woman sitting next to me misinterpreted my anxiety as a fear of flight. I smiled feebly, allowing her to believe that I suffered from aerophobia. If only she realized the danger that lurked in the seat next to her, she would be the one in fear.

The plane shuddered as the wheels touched down onto the tarmac. The plane slowed and steadily drove to the gate. A voice came over the speaker once again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Aeroporto di Firenze. Local time is 9:48PM and the evening temperature is a chilly 39ºF.

"For your safety and comfort, we ask that you please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the Fasten Seat Belt sign. This will indicate that we have come to a complete stop at the gate and it is safe…" I once again ignored the litany of useless information being spewed over the loud speakers.

"On behalf of Lufthansa Airlines and the entire crew, I would like to thank you for joining us and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a pleasant stay in Florence!" _Not likely…_

The plane came to a grinding halt. The weary passengers around me began gathering their belongings and stretching their legs, murmuring in excited tones. I stood and the woman beside me smiled as she moved into the aisle.

I moved in behind her and began the long walk from the plane. My feet felt as though they were sheathed in boots of cement and steel, each step heavier than the last. I knew in my mind and heart that I wanted this, that I truly wanted to end my life, but it seemed that my body did not wish to cooperate. An engrained sense of self-preservation struggled against my will.

Trudging along, the voices in my head that begged me to stop struggled to force their way through the barriers I had erected in my mind. I continued to push them back and focused solely on the mission at hand. I stepped through the gate and into the bustling airport terminal.

I made my way through the crowd and spotted a map pasted on the wall next to the gift shop. I noted the red "you are here" dot in Florence and scanned the map for Volterra. I spotted my destination, approximately 50 kilometers southwest of my current position.

I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. The image of Bella behind my eyes smiled at me, her lips remaining silent. For a brief moment, a glimmer of hope rippled through me. What if Carlisle was right? What if there was redemption for our kind? If it were at all possible, I would do anything to be with Bella again, even in death. Regardless of whether or not Carlisle was right, the end would soon come for me. Either I would leave this Earth and be joined with Bella in the afterlife, or I would merely cease to exist. Either scenario would suffice in ending my suffering.

But what if it were not so easy? The thoughts waged a war within my mind. What if there was no death for our kind? What if the animation of my dead body could not be ceased? After my body is turned to ash, would I continue to float about the Earth, detached from my former self, but still conscious and aware? That would be a fitting end for a monster such as me. But it was a risk I was willing to take.

I turned and made my way through the crowd, searching for the exit. As I walked through the automatic doors, the cool night breeze washed over me. I looked up at the sky and saw a million twinkling stars shining down. I used the stars to determine my direction and navigate my journey. I turned and began walking toward Volterra.

I did not stop to admire the beauty of the city that surrounded me. My focus was keenly set on Volterra. As I walked, I began formulating my plan. How would I approach the Volturi? Would they even see fit to grant me an audience with them? Surely, they would be willing to see me if I told them that I was Carlisle's son. However, they could see that as a reason not to grant my request. They would not want to murder the son of such a dear friend.

No, it wouldn't matter. I would have to show Aro my thoughts in order to plead my case and I would be unable to hide the facts of my parentage.

I would have to convince them to grant my request. Carlisle had always allowed me to do what I felt was best, they would see that as well. Aro would know that Carlisle would not deny me, even if the petition was abhorrent to him.

I could see no reason for them to deny my request. It would break no laws. They would not be held responsible for my death. My family would have no justification to retaliate because they would have known that it was_ my_ wish to die.

As I strode through the Italian countryside, I continued to ponder my meeting. I could not force my heavy laden feet to move any faster than a brisk walk. My body fought against me with every step.

My thoughts drifted to my family. For a brief moment, the realization of the selfishness of my actions seeped into my heart. I could see the tragic sadness etched on the faces of my loved ones when they learned of my departure from this Earth.

I could see the sadness in Carlisle's eyes as he held his sobbing wife. I would break their hearts. Carlisle would indeed take my actions personally and deem himself a failure for being unable to stop me. He would blame himself for allowing us to leave Forks and not forcing me to deal with the situation as it was. He would bear the culpability for allowing me to run away. He would blame himself for Bella's tragic death and its subsequent affect on me. My father, the wisest of us all, would be reduced to a man full of doubt and self-loathing.

I could see Esme. Her love for me knew no bounds. She cared for me like a son. She doted on me more than my other siblings because I was alone. Her joy in my relationship with Bella was shattered the night of that fateful birthday. I had not seen her smile since. Would my death send her headlong into a depression? Would the memories of her own biological child's death flood back and overwhelm her? Would Carlisle be enough to comfort her?

I could see Alice chasing me. I could see her shouting my name and begging me to reconsider, but she would not succeed. She would blame herself for not seeing the vision sooner, for not seeing the path I would eventually take before it was decided. She had told me time and time again that leaving Forks was the wrong decision, that it would destroy both Bella and me. I did not listen and she would certainly blame herself for not being more insistent. I cursed myself for being so blind. I should have listened.

Jasper, this would be very difficult for him. He would not only feel his own sadness for my passing, but he would be forced to contend with the intense emotions of the others that surrounded him. Jasper, more than any other, understood that our abilities could sometimes be more of a curse than a blessing. Whether attacked mercilessly by the thoughts or emotions of others, we shared that common understanding of the intrusive, and at times debilitating, nature of our powers.

I do not know if Rosalie would weep for me. We have spent the better part of a century antagonizing each other. Even though she has found her mate in Emmett, I believe she still resented me for not wanting her, for not being enamored with her beauty as so many men had been. Rosalie would be fine. She was strong and resilient. She would help to push the family past the event of my death.

And Emmett, he would not weep, at least not openly. I imagined him taking out his frustrations on an unsuspecting grizzly bear or two, or endlessly pestering Jasper for a wrestling match. He would laugh and joke as he always did, shielding our family from witnessing his sadness; the lovable jester that brought life and laughter into our household.

Then there was Bella. What would she think about my actions? If she were here with me, what would she say? Would she stop me? After all I did to hurt her, would she even care? I couldn't imagine that my sweet, loving Bella could think ill of me, even after what I did to her. She was the most selfless being I had ever encountered in all my years. She forgave willingly and openly, whether one deserved it or not. I, certainly, did not deserve her love, or her forgiveness. I lied to her in the most heinous fashion. I broke her heart, her beautiful heart, and dashed her hopes to pieces. The lies I spoke to her in the woods that day were the deepest, darkest kind of blasphemy. I never should have left.

_Oh, Bella, if only…_

I clutched my arms to my chest, still trying to hold together the broken pieces. If only I had not left. If only I had listened to my family and stayed. Bella did not deserve to die. Bella deserved a life of love and happiness. She believed that I could give her that, whether I believed it or not. Perhaps I should have given her the opportunity to prove me wrong.

I sighed heavily and continued to trudge along toward Volterra. Against the black sky, illuminated by the moonlight, the ancient city walls rose in the distance. The city sat atop a steep hillside, its sienna ramparts rising above the earth. The city gates were dripping with red flags that billowed in the breeze.

I strode through the gateway and walked along the narrow cobblestone streets. The clock tower loomed overhead. It was nearly midnight.

I imagined that Alice would already be on her way to stop me. I would certainly hear her thoughts if she came near and would do what I had to in order to complete my mission. She would know better than to take on the Volturi alone.

I thought back to the stories Carlisle told of his time with the Volturi and tried to recall where they resided within the city. I remembered the business front, a center of tourist information. That would be the easiest place to start. However, I could not be certain if the doors would be open at this hour.

_Ah, fresh meat._

I turned to see a burly, cloaked figure approaching. He was tall and thick, somewhat reminding me of Emmett. He had short black hair and red eyes that created an intriguing contrast with his olive complexion. He eyed me as a fighter would survey an opponent in the ring.

"Oh, don't mind him. He's just anxious for some action." I turned to see another cloaked figure approaching. He had the same dark hair and complexion as the first, but his frame was smaller and his demeanor was not nearly as intimidating.

"My name is Demetri, and this is Felix," he said as he motioned to the larger cloaked figure. "Can we ask, what brings you to Volterra at this hour?"

"I am looking for the Volturi," I replied with conviction.

"Well, you've found us," Felix replied, his hands wringing, anxious for a brawl.

"You must be members of the guard. I seek an audience with your masters, Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

They exchanged a curious glance with one another, seemingly surprised at my knowledge of the Volturi.

"Very well, follow us." Demetri laid a hand on my back and ushered me forward. We approached a tall building that looked somewhat like an ancient castle, but when the doors opened, it resembled no more than a modern reception area.

The walls were covered in dark wood paneling and the floors in deep green carpet. There were no windows, but large paintings of the Tuscan countryside in gilded frames hung on the walls. There were leather couches and large vases of flowers set around the room. In the center of the room was a large mahogany counter, where I imagined a receptionist would sit. There was no one at the desk at this hour, although that did not surprise me.

I was led to an elevator and we descended several levels. The doors opened to reveal a long hallway with gray walls, lit by long fluorescent lights. We walked down the hallway and through a heavy wooden door.

The atmosphere changed drastically, as though I stepped through a looking glass. I was no longer surrounded by plaster walls and lights. I was now in a dark, damp, stone passageway. I remembered these hallways from Carlisle's thoughts, but to experience them firsthand was somewhat daunting. I breathed deeply, summoning the courage to follow through with my plan. For so long, my mission had merely been a collection of thoughts and ideas. To see them coming to fruition and being put into action sent a sudden chill through me that I did not expect.

Demetri led the way and Felix followed closely behind. We approached a set of tall, thick, wooden doors at the end of the hallway. I could hear the murmur of voices as we drew nearer. Demetri placed his hand on the door and pushed it open, revealing a large castle turret, dimly lit by candles that adorned the ancient walls. There were tall thin windows several stories above our heads and three large wooden thrones sat along the far curve of the wall.

All eyes turned in our direction as we entered the room. I could hear the confused thoughts of the vampires and tried to identify them as best I could from Carlisle's recollections.

Demetri spoke up, "This gentleman has requested an audience with Aro, Caius, and Marcus."

_Ah, what have we here?_

I looked up to see a figure in a black cloak eyeing me curiously. He had black hair and his eyes were a milky red. His skin was as pale as mine, but somewhat more translucent and chalky. I recognized him immediately from the painting in Carlisle's study.

_Aro_, I thought.

He approached me, a small female following closely behind. I imagined that she must be there for his protection. He stepped toward me and his eyes surveyed my appearance.

"It seems you have traveled a long way," he said.

"Yes, I have. I have a matter to discuss with you."

"Is that right? I must say that your entrance here has caused quite a discussion. It is not often that we are sought out." He paced in front of me, his curiosity building and I could see his fingers twitching. Carlisle had told me of Aro's ability to see a person's thoughts through touch and I could tell that he was anxious to see into my mind.

He continued, "I can't help but notice the color of your eyes. Tell me, do you have an aversion to your natural food source, or have you been taught to live on a diet of animal blood?"

A cacophony of whispers and murmurs filled the room. Aro held up his hand to silence them. "I have only known of one coven who embraces that lifestyle. Tell me, what is your name?"

"Edward Cullen," I replied.

His eyes lit up instantly. "Ah, you must be Carlisle's boy."

I nodded in agreement.

He smiled and clapped his hands together. "Splendid! Tell me, how is my dear friend?"

"He is doing quite well, thank you."

"And still trying to escape what he is, I see."

"He does not relish in the destruction of any form of life and does his best to make a difference in the lives of others. His discipline and dedication are to be greatly admired," I replied.

"Indeed, indeed."

_So, what could bring you here? Hmm…wanting to learn what it is to be a real vampire? Snapping the leash that Carlisle has chained around your nature?_

I listened to Aro's thoughts as he pondered his next words. He seemed unsure of what to make of me, but anxious to look into my mind. My arrival had intrigued him.

"So, tell us, young Edward," Aro began again. "Tell us what brings you to Volterra."

I closed my eyes briefly and sighed. I lifted my palm toward him. "I think it would be best if I showed you."

A broad smile grew on Aro's face as he took a step toward me, closing the distance, and lifting his own hand to touch mine.

**Sorry it took me a while to get this chapter out. I've been busy doing some research and taking notes on the Volturi. I want to stay as close to canon as I can, which means I need to have all my facts and character personalities straight.**

**Thanks SO much to everyone who has read and reviewed…and continues to review. Your support and input are invaluable! There are a lot of you reading who are not reviewing…I would love to hear from some of you as well.**


	21. Chapter 18: Memories

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

18. MEMORIES

Aro's red eyes shone brightly in the candlelight as he stepped toward me. His raised hand was mere inches from my own. I could feel the tow of his curiosity, like the gravitational pull of a planet, urging me forward.

Our hands touched and I watched as Aro's eyes flashed open with awareness and closed as he watched my memories. I closed my own eyes, watching the playback of my life through his mind.

I could see the dim human memories of my childhood, of my loving parents and our home in Chicago. I could see my mother, perched over me as she cared for me while I lay dying of Spanish influenza. I could see Carlisle's face hovering over my hospital bed, whispering about my mother's wishes. And then the pain, the searing pain of the venom as it coursed through my veins.

The memories rapidly became clearer. Carlisle was sitting with me, explaining what he had done and what I had become. His eyes were filled with sorrow, but I did not blame him for his actions. He taught me how to live as a vampire, but not as a monster. He helped me to make sense of the voices and images in my mind that were not my own, the confusing rabble that invaded my psyche.

Then I saw Esme. She was battered and broken. Carlisle explained that she had attempted to commit suicide after the death of her son and that he wished to save her as he did me. I could see the love in his eyes when he watched over her during her change. I saw her awaken and the same love filled her eyes. They seemed to know each other from before this meeting. I saw their wedding and our new bond as a family of three. Esme adopted me as her son and I happily complied. She needed a son and I needed a mother; we were able to give each other that.

Then, I saw the sadness in their eyes as I left. My rebellious youth had gotten the better of me. I did not understand Carlisle's lifestyle and it felt wrong to go against my true nature. I remembered my first taste of human blood, the sweet nectar that satiated my thirst like nothing else could. Yet, even in my rebellion, the moral compass Carlisle had instilled in me remained. I sought out criminals, killers and rapists, and exacted my own form of justice. I found myself falling down a dangerous slope, beginning to kill merely for their thoughts and not their actions. My conscience got the better of me and I humbly returned to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back like the prodigal son and did not judge me for my departure.

The memories flashed a few more years to 1933 and Carlisle brought home a badly beaten woman. Her blond hair was streaked with blood, her lip swollen, and a purple bruise formed on her cheek. I recognized her at once. I yelled at Carlisle for his carelessness. How could he bring her to us? She would be so easily recognized! Carlisle's compassion compelled him to save her. I knew that he and Esme hoped she would become a mate for me. When Rosalie awoke, she was indeed beautiful, but I only saw her as a sister. I knew from the minds of Carlisle and Esme what the pull of a mate would feel like and I did not experience that with Rosalie. She was not meant to be my mate. She seemed put out by my lack of affection toward her, but grew to love me like a brother.

I saw Rosalie carrying a large man in her arms. He was badly mauled and she begged Carlisle to change him for her. I saw the love in her eyes that I saw in Carlisle's when he changed Esme. Rosalie explained that she had found him in the forest as he was being attacked by a bear. He reminded her of a boy she knew when she was human and she knew that she had to save him. When Emmett awoke, Rosalie rejoiced in finding her mate. Emmett was a welcome addition to the family, the brother I always wanted.

Shortly after Emmett's arrival, we move once again. This time we moved to the small town of Forks, Washington. We were confronted by a tribe of Quileute warriors as we were hunting. Carlisle acted as spokesperson for our family and convinced their chief that we were not what they thought we were; that we were different. A treaty formed and we promised to stay off their land if they, in turn, promised to protect our secret.

Years passed as the memories flashed forward to 1950. Our home was invaded by two new vampires, a small woman with dark hair and her mate, a tall blond man. The woman, Alice, seemed to know everything about our family. She and Jasper sought us out and wished to join us. Their arrival was odd, but they seemed to fit into our family dynamic seamlessly, as though they were always meant to be there. It was a welcome relief to me to meet others with abilities, those who I could share common experiences with. Alice formed an instant and unbreakable bond with us all.

Our lives continued to pass before my eyes. Aro saw my memories and gleaned much more than I had anticipated. Not only could he see my thoughts and memories, but he also got a glimpse into the minds of my family, as their own thoughts had passed through my mind. Aro was intrigued by all he saw and enjoyed the glimpse into the life of his friend and his anomalous family.

The year was 2003. We returned to Forks, Washington sixty-some-odd years after our first encounter with the Quileutes. They remembered our agreement and honored it, although they did not seem to be happy with our return. We began high school once again. The building's facilities had changed somewhat since our last encounter, but much of it remained the same. We went through the tedious motions of blending in with the humans, pretending to learn material we had studied hundreds of times over.

January 18, 2005 seemed like any other day, until I saw her. The high school was abuzz with the arrival of a new student. I saw her face in the minds of the students, but she did not interest me. I saw her in the cafeteria as my siblings asked questions about the new arrival. I struggled to peer into her mind, to see what her reaction to us might be, but her thoughts were strangely silent. Confusion and anger overwhelmed the memory.

I was sitting in the classroom, wishing the hours to pass quickly, and there she was. She strolled into the biology lab and the warm air from an overhead vent blew her hair, her scent wafting toward me. The aroma hit me like a wrecking ball and my throat blazed. She came toward me and, with no sense of the danger I posed, sat in the seat right next to me. What a stupid girl! Why was she there to tempt me? The million scenarios I had concocted in my mind to take her flashed through my memories, yet I had resisted. With a scent as potent and mouthwatering as hers, I still do not understand how I was able to resist its draw.

I opened my eyes slightly and could see Aro licking his lips at the memory. _Yes, she was mouthwatering._ I growled instinctively, but he ignored my reaction.

I saw myself hastily explaining to Carlisle why I had to leave and rushing toward Denali. I saw the week-long struggle, attempting to understand why fate was trying to tempt me. I saw myself, determined and strong, returning to Forks to face and conquer my demons.

And there she was again…Bella. I introduced myself and tried to befriend her, asking questions about her life, endeavoring to figure her out. Her silent mind intrigued me and I struggled to overcome the thirst that overwhelmed me when she was near. I had never encountered a creature so beautiful and so fascinating. I found myself strangely drawn to her and she, unlike other humans, was oddly unafraid. She scoffed at all my attempts to subtly warn her of the dangers she faced.

I saw the van skidding through the icy parking lot, careening straight toward Bella. _Not her!_ Without thinking, I flashed to her side and stopped the van from crushing her. Her face was full of awe and wonder. The curiosity in her eyes and in her questions posed a serious threat of exposure to me and my family. I distanced myself, fighting to ignore her inexplicable draw.

There she was, my angel, sleeping peacefully. Her hair was splayed across her pillow and she whimpered in her quiet slumber. She spoke in her sleep, mumbling about her mother and the weather, and that's when it happened. At that moment, she spoke my name in her sleep. I knew in that instant that I was in love. My heart swelled in my chest at the memory and the warmth of her love pulsed through my body. I was completely and permanently changed in that brief moment. My life would never be the same.

The memories of our courtship passed by too quickly for me to fully appreciate them. I longed to linger in the memories, where Bella was alive and in love with me, before tragedy ripped us apart.

I saw her awestruck face as she watched me glistening in the meadow. My lips tingled at the memory of our first kiss and my arms felt perceptibly empty as the memory of holding her while she slept passed through my mind.

The memories continued. I saw my family playing baseball in the field. I saw James and the flash in his eyes when he caught Bella's scent. I saw my family fleeing with Bella and Bella bleeding and broken by James' hand. I could feel the rage burning in my stomach as I watched my battle with James. I could taste her blood on my tongue, remembering the sensation as I sucked the venom from her wound. I heard Aro gasp at the memory, captivated by the way her blood affected me and amazed by my restraint.

I felt Bella in my arms as we danced under the moonlight. I heard her ask me to change her, to make her into a vampire so that we could be together forever. Oh, how I wish I had only granted her request. It was one of a million mistakes I now shouldered. If I knew that my parting would result in her death, I would have gladly given her what she asked. I would have given her anything.

I saw Bella, her cheeks flushed, holding a silver package in her hands. I saw the drop of blood forming on her fingertip and Jasper's body lunging toward her. I saw Bella lying on the floor, broken and bleeding, because of me.

I saw Bella standing in the forest, tears streaming, begging me not to go. My chest heaved with a sob at the memory. I squeezed my eyes tight, forcing myself to remain strong. The memories overwhelmed me and my knees threatened to buckle under the weight.

I saw myself running through the wilderness. I saw my father's disappointment. I saw Benjamin. I saw Victoria. I saw the nothingness that overtook my life for months. Then I heard the voice, the voice of my sister telling me that Bella was gone and the voice of the boy that confirmed it.

I could not take it anymore. I closed off my mind, unwilling to watch the memories anymore. Aro continued to watch for several more moments before releasing my hand. I squeezed my eyes tight and pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers.

"Fascinating, simply fascinating," he mused.

_Ah, what a family, what amazing gifts._

I opened my eyes slowly and met his gaze.

"What an extraordinary life you have lived, young Edward. What experiences you have shared with me! And your gift…simply intriguing."

"His gift?" a voice from the back of the room spoke. I saw a cloaked figure approaching. He floated forward gracefully, the light flickering off his long, white hair.

_Caius._

"Yes, my brother. It seems that our friend here has a power much like my own. He can read the thoughts of others, but only as they are passing through their minds, correct?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"Ah, but he does not require touch. I venture to guess that he is reading all of our minds at this very moment. How wonderful! How…convenient." Aro's eyes gleamed with excitement and Caius looked on skeptically.

"So, tell us, Edward. Why have you come?" Caius questioned.

I opened my mouth to begin, but Aro answered before the words could come.

"Young Edward here has come to ask to die."

Murmurs rippled through the room.

_A suicidal vampire?_

_What is he thinking? How could he want that?_

_What must have happened to make him desire to give up his immortality?_

"Why?" Caius asked, confused.

"It seems that our young friend has lost his mate. He has fallen in love with a human."

_A human?_

_Did he say a human? Is that even possible?_

_Is he joking?_

"Yes, he fell in love with a human, one whose blood sang to him. I must say, Edward, I am enthralled by this. How you could resist such a siren's call astounds me. If I had not experienced her power over you through your memories, I would not have believed it possible."

"Restraint was not without difficulty," I replied.

"Yes, yes. And it seems that you left your mate for her own protection. Is that right?"

I nodded.

"And the separation did nothing more than create immeasurable sorrow for you both, correct?"

I nodded again, the sadness etched on my face. My shoulders slumped forward in defeat. I did not know how much more I could take before I broke down again.

"And it seems that the separation caused your beloved such a sadness that she took her own life. And now you wish us to take yours?"

I nodded, unable to form words.

"Alright then…Felix!" Caius turned and waved for Felix to approach.

Aro raised his hand to halt the guard as he looked into my eyes. I was unsure of what I saw there. Was it compassion? Was it understanding? Or was it something else?

He turned to Caius and gave him a knowing glare. He motioned for Felix to stand down and he faced me once again.

"Young Edward, I would like to confer with my brothers regarding your request. Would you mind allowing us a few moments to deliberate?"

"Of course," I replied hesitantly.

"Very well then. Alec?"

A small cloaked figure stepped forward. He was a boy, no older than fifteen, I guessed. He had short brown hair and red eyes. He had the face of a cherub, but there was something sinister in his eyes.

Aro addressed him. "Alec, would you please escort our guest into the next chamber while we have our discussion? And please, make him _comfortable_."

Aro turned to me. "Edward, would you like something to eat while you wait?" His eyes glistened in the candlelight and an evil grin stretched across his face as he tried to bait me.

"No, thank you."

"Very good. Please follow Alec and we will call you when we have made our decision."

I turned to follow the young vampire, listening to the thoughts and murmurs that followed me through the tunnel.

"Come Caius, Marcus, there is much to discuss."

I looked over my shoulder and saw the three brothers converging in the middle of the room. I tried to concentrate on their thoughts, but the agony of reliving all of the painful memories was searing through my chest and making it difficult to concentrate.

We traveled through a damp, stone passageway. We stopped and he opened a door, ushering me into a dimly lit room. The walls were stone and a leather couch sat in the center of the room.

"Please sit," he instructed.

I took a seat on the leather couch and folded my hands in my lap, wringing them nervously. I heard a shuffling outside the door and it creaked open as a woman peered in. Her heartbeat elevated when she saw me sitting in the room.

"Hello, Gianna," Alec greeted the woman without turning to look at her.

She nodded to him. She was tall and beautiful, with a dark complexion and green eyes. She was clearly human.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked me politely.

I paused for a moment, considering her offer. Was she the meal that Aro had spoken of? Had she been sent here to tempt me?

"Gianna is our receptionist," Alec offered.

My thoughts immediately drifted to the letter in my pocket. I had nearly forgotten. I reached into my pocket and pulled it out, handing it to her.

"If it's not too much trouble, could you please mail this letter for me?" I asked.

"Certainly." She nodded and smiled. She took the letter from my hands and took the pen from behind her ear to scribble down the address.

"Thank you."

"It's no trouble at all." She turned and left the room.

My eyes scanned the room nervously. I tried once again to peer into the minds of the Volturi masters in the other room. What was there to deliberate? My request was simple enough. Perhaps they were worried about Carlisle's reaction.

It was then that a strange sensation crept over me. The sounds of the room became muddled and my vision became blurry. In the next instant, my senses were completely cut off. Blackness enveloped me and held me tightly.

**Wow..lots of good reviews on the last chapter. I love hearing from all of you. It really makes my day!**


	22. Chapter 19: Desinenza

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

19. DESINENZA

The blackness surrounded me like a creeping fog, blocking out all my senses. I could not see. I could not hear. I could not smell. I tried to reach my hands in front of me, but felt nothing. I tried to focus my mind in concentration, but there was nothing, no thoughts to hear.

_Am I dead? Did they reach their decision and dispatch with me so quickly?_

My mind worked over the myriad of scenarios that could explain my current state. If I truly was dead, then where was I? I didn't feel a thing. It was apparent that my consciousness still existed, even if my body did not. There were no clouds or angels, no fire or demons. There was an unending expanse of nothingness.

Perhaps this was the best I could hope for, this purgatory of emptiness with nothing to occupy me but my own thoughts. Or perhaps this was hell. Maybe I was doomed to spend an eternity, unable to escape the haunting memories of my life. My instincts screamed at me to fight back, to struggle against the vacuum that bound me.

Certainly, they would not have killed me without first delivering their verdict._ Or would they?_

My thoughts drifted to Bella. I immediately eliminated the prospect of this being heaven. In any heaven I could imagine, Bella and I would be together. No, I did not deserve heaven. Heaven was the place where my soul may have gone when I died in 1918, but it was certainly no place for a monster like myself. Heaven was reserved for angels, like my Bella.

As I continued to ponder my situation, the fog began lifting slowly. I stretched my fingers and toes as the tingling sensation of feeling returned. I could feel the passing of the air through my nostrils. I could smell the musty odor of the stone walls that had surrounded me. Muddled voices made their way to my ears and my eyes became clearer. Alec was standing before me, his arms crossed casually, watching for my reaction as my senses returned.

"How do you feel?" he asked me.

I looked at him, still trying to focus. "What was that?" I asked.

"My masters required privacy during their deliberations. I merely provided them that service."

"You did that?" I asked in surprise. I had never encountered such a power before. I had heard of the Volturi's love of supremacy and their desire to seek out vampires with abilities, but never before had I encountered anything so overpowering.

He nodded in confirmation. "How did you feel?" he repeated.

"It's difficult to describe. It was like sitting in a room while someone slowly turned down the lights, until there was nothing but blackness. But it was not only my sight that was shut off, it was everything. I could not feel, could not see, could not hear, could not smell. It was quite disconcerting."

_Excellent_. He smiled, visibly pleased with himself.

There was a loud knock on the door and Alec turned to address it. My eyes flitted to the door as it flung open and cracked against the adjacent wall. Felix stood in the doorway, fists clenched and trembling.

_Why him? Why? I've served my masters well for centuries, yet I am continually brushed aside. Their favoritism for those with powers is sickening. Does loyalty of service count for nothing?_

Alec placed a calming hand on Felix's bulging arm, willing him to control his temper.

"They're ready for you," he boomed through gritted teeth.

Alec glanced back and motioned for me to follow him. Felix hesitated as I stood before him, but took a step back, allowing me to pass.

_I never get to have any fun. _

I ignored the sound of crumbling rock behind me. Judging from Felix's thoughts and temperament, he would have preferred his fist to make contact with my face rather than the wall.

We walked through the thick doors, into the candlelit chamber, and stood in the center, facing the three Volturi masters as they sat on their wooden thrones. Aro's eyes gleamed with anticipation, Caius was visibly irritated, and Marcus looked utterly bored. Felix sauntered past me and returned to his post to the right of the thrones. Alec stood to the left, next to a small female that could have been his twin.

"Edward, there is much to discuss," Aro began. "I have conferred with my brothers regarding your request and we have come to a decision."

I held my breath in expectation. For the first time since I began my journey to Italy, I was afraid of their reply. I struggled to read the decision in their minds, but they were all blocking my attempts quite successfully.

"You have a wonderful talent, young Edward. You possess a unique ability that we feel is very valuable and could be quite useful to us." I clenched my fists, his thoughts were still clouded, but I didn't need my ability to sense what their answer would be.

He continued, "Such power is unique and it would be wasteful to destroy such a promising young vampire. We would like to offer you a place with us. Your ability would ensure you a high rank and we can assure you that you would want for nothing. We can give you more than you have ever dreamed." _With the exception of the one thing that I truly want. _"Will you join us?"

Aro leaned forward in his seat, anxiously awaiting my response. My eyes scanned the room, searching the thoughts of the other vampires.

Felix was visibly outraged, his large frame trembling with fury. _What is he waiting for?_

_Aro is a fool. This vampire has broken the law by exposing our secrets to a human. He should pay the penalty with his life. We could uphold the law and grant his request in one swift motion._ Caius' eyes pierced through me.

Marcus continued to look past me, completely uninterested in the scene playing out before him. _I can sense his connection to this human, but she is gone. She is dead, just like my Didyme. If I can continue on without my mate, why can he not do the same? He is weak. We should grant his request and be done with him._

"No," I replied simply.

Felix cracked his knuckles and Caius sneered.

Aro's smile faded as he spoke, "We can understand your reservations, but I implore you to consider our offer. It would certainly be a better course than death."

"No, never," I replied again. "I would rather die."

I could hear the calm pretense begin to slip in Aro's voice. "Very well, if you will not join us, then there is nothing more to say. Felix, Demetri, please escort our guest from the premises."

Fire burned in the pit of my stomach and boiled over, venom pooling in my mouth. My fists clenched at my sides as I struggled to maintain my composure. "Do you mean to say that you are denying my request? The offer is to join you or leave?"

"Precisely," Aro replied. "It would be wasteful to destroy such a promising young talent. I cannot allow it. I hope that you will take this time to reconsider my offer."

The room was washed in a hue of red. The fire within me raged and I could no longer hold back my anger. I crouched, ready to attack. My gaze was set on the ancient vampire before me. If he would not grant my request, I would force them to act.

I stepped forward, preparing to strike when I unexpectedly found myself on the floor. Fire seared my veins, a fire that burned hotter than any venom. My body contorted and writhed on the floor as I endured immeasurable pain. I screamed out in agony, unable to control my reactions. The fire licked every surface of my body, unrelenting. I lost all sense of time. My mind could not focus through the torturous pain.

"Enough, Jane," I heard Aro say. A small voice hissed in disagreement, yet the pain began to subside. I looked up to see the small female next to Alec smirking, evidently taking great pleasure in my suffering.

I placed my palms on the floor and struggled to get up. I felt strong arms lift me into the air and the next moment, my body cracked against the stone wall, sending fragments of rock and dust scattering across the floor. I slumped down onto the ground, unable to rise.

"Take him from here," Caius commanded.

The strong arms lifted me once again and I was slung over the massive shoulder of Felix. He stormed through the tunnels, carrying me like a rag doll. Demetri followed closely behind. We exited the fortress and I was thrust into the night air. Felix threw me roughly to the ground and glared menacingly down at me.

"It would be best if you left Volterra," Demetri encouraged. _We will be watching you._ _And you cannot hide from me._ I briefly felt the press of Demetri's mind as he sampled the tenor of my own, ensuring that he could find me no matter where I hid. It didn't matter. I wanted them to find me. I wanted them to be ready to dispatch with me at the exact moment that I broke their law. The end could not arrive soon enough.

I nodded and struggled to rise to my feet. Once upright, I began walking away, unsure of what I would do. I could feel their gaze on my back as I staggered. I would not give up so easily. I had known that their denial was a possibility and now I would have to force their hand.

I knew that Aro would have no argument to save me if I blatantly broke their law. Caius would see to that. I would have to do something drastic. Their protectiveness over their city would ensure quick action from the guard. But what could I do? I would have to do something to expose the secret of our existence to the citizens of Volterra.

I could attack the guard. I could lift a car above my head in the main square. I could smash a brick wall with my bare hands. I could run through the city at full speed. I could scale the walls and jump high into the air.

_I could attack the humans._ Yes, perhaps that was it. I could go on a roaring rampage, killing as many humans as possible, leaving a mass of bloody destruction in my wake. That would certainly be more than enough to provoke the guard and complete my mission.

As I strode through the streets, I strongly considered this avenue, but the small voice in my mind encouraged me against it. I struggled for so long against the monster within. To merely give in to my natural tendencies would erase any good I had accomplished in my short existence. No, it would only take one.

Just one human to die at my hands within the city walls would be enough to bring the entire guard down upon me.

I crept through the narrow alleyways. Although the hour was late, the streets were teeming with life. The celebration of Saint Marcus had taken over the city and revelers were already gathering for the impending festivities. Men and women draped in red surrounded me. It would be so easy to take one, just one human. I could give over to the monster just once more and then it would all be over. Then I could finally be at peace.

_No, Edward, don't. Please. _The small voice pleaded with me to change my course of action. I pushed it away, but the volume of the voice increased with every step until it was screaming. I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to force the voice to disappear.

I scanned the streets, looking for my intended prey. Delving back into the memories of my troublesome youth, I tried to once again claim the persona of the vigilante vampire who exacted his own brand of justice. I searched the minds of the humans around me, waiting, hoping to find one among them who did not deserve to go on living.

The thoughts were of drinking and celebration, of schedules and events. Wasn't there one among them that harbored ill will against another?

"What do you think he's doing?" I heard Felix's voice carry to my ears through the crowd.

Demetri answered, "I'm not sure, but the masters instructed us to follow him, so that is what we will do."

I was pleased to know that they were shadowing my movements. Once my crime was committed, they would be sure to see and would act swiftly. Perhaps they would see my intention and stop me before I could commit the act. I continued to look into the minds of those around me, but was becoming increasingly agitated. An urgency was building within me and the thought of abandoning my criteria became more prevalent.

_Just get it over with_, I thought to myself. I examined the crowd and spotted a young woman in red looking up at the stars. She was the only figure standing completely motionless while others stirred around her. Her black hair hung down her back like a waterfall and her chestnut eyes twinkled in the moonlight. This would be easy enough. My eyes locked onto her small frame and I took a step toward her.

_Edward, stop it! _

I took another step. The dull ache in my throat intensified and venom began pooling in my mouth.

_Edward, stop! This is not the way. _

I took another step. Her scent wafted into my nostrils and the thirst intensified. The flames licked my desiccated throat and my eyes burned with thirst.

_Edward! Remember who you are._

I stopped. My father's voice rang in my ears. I saw the frustration on his face. He was right. I am better than that. Although the desire to act was great, I could not bear the thought of disappointing Carlisle further by my actions. The loss they would feel for my death would be great, but it would be exponentially worse if I ended my life while taking another's.

My intended target caught my stare and looked at me with a quizzical countenance. I smiled slightly and averted my eyes, then turned to walk away.

_I thought he was going to attack, but he's walking away. If he knows what's good for him, he'll keep walking…out of the city._

I continued to walk through the bustling crowd, ignoring the thoughts of the following guard. The hum of the crowd began to diminish as I strode down an empty alleyway. Leaning against the stone façade, I allowed my body to sink to the cobblestones below.

I leaned forward, resting my forehead on my knees. The dull ache in my throat was replaced by the aching in my chest. As I closed my eyes, Bella smiled at me. Her haunting image only amplified my pain. I could hear the words we had once spoken to one another.

_If leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe_, I said.

Bella replied, _And you don't think I would do the same?_ If only I had believed her. If only I had never left. I never truly realized how deeply she felt for me, how undeniably altered she had become as a result of our love. If I could go back and do things differently, I would never doubt her level of devotion. In realized that in all my efforts to protect her, I had destroyed her.

My own voice echoed in my head once again, _Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thought of you, still, white, cold - to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses - it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever._

I obliterated the one true thing I ever knew, the most important thing in my whole existence. Visions of her body floating in the water drifted to the surface of my mind and I squeezed my eyes, trying to push the apparition away. The picture faded and was once again replaced by the smiling Bella who had followed me along my seven month journey.

_I miss you,_ she had said.

_I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half of myself away with you_, I replied.

I remembered this conversation well.  
_Come and get it, then_, she teased.  
_Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first.  
I love you._ I cringed at her words, knowing that I would never hear her utter them again.  
_Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?  
Yes, I can, actually._  
_I'll come for you soon._ How I wish I could join her, how I wish there were a way for us to reunite in the afterlife._  
I'll be waiting. _She smiled and held out her hand, beckoning me to come for her. I shook my head, scattering the memories and waking myself back to the present.

I opened my eyes and stared at the russet bricks. I dared not close my eyes again; I could no longer manage to endure the painful memories. My brain began working again, forming a solution to my present problem. How could I expose the secret of our existence that could not be refuted, yet would also not cause harm to anyone?

My mind wandered to the sunny day that I first brought Bella to the meadow. I remembered the way she stared in shock and wonder at my shimmering skin, how she could not avert her eyes from the glistening sight. In that moment, the decision was made. It was so simple. All I had to do was wait until the sun was highest in the sky and merely step out into the crowd. The guards would take care of the rest. A sudden peace swept over me. Yes, this was right.

I stood and began walking again, surveying the city. The main square would be the ideal location for my reveal and it would be teeming with revelers in the mid-day. I skirted around a large fountain in the center of the square and looked up, facing the clock tower, the Palazzo dei Priori. Only seven hours remained and it would all be over.

A small, empty alley under the clock tower would provide refuge until it was time. I would wait in the shadows until the clock struck noon and then I would step out into the sun. The guard would act swiftly and my suffering would end. I leaned against the brick wall and closed my eyes once more.

I thought of my family. I thought of my life, the good and the bad. Most of all, I thought of Bella. I replayed our happiest moments in my mind over and over. I wanted to spend my last hours with the woman I loved. Strangely, her presence in my mind was no longer painful. Her smiling image comforted me. Knowing that the end was near, I felt a stillness in my heart that I had not known for many months.

I could still hear Demetri and Felix circling near. They were agitated that I remained in the city, but became increasingly bored with my inactivity. Yet, they remained vigilant to carry out their orders. I was glad for their presence. The end would come speedily under their watchful eyes.

As the hours passed, the buzzing of the crowd in the square increased in volume as revelers prepared to celebrate their holiday. The square teemed with a throng of humans, all dressed in red. The blackness of the sky turned to lavender, to pink, to orange, and finally to blue. There were few clouds in the sky and the sun shone brightly. _Perfect._

I remained in shadow, but the time was coming near. I took a deep breath and removed my shirt, allowing as much of my skin to be exposed to the sun as possible. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, stepping away from the wall. My eyes glanced over the crowd as I took a step toward the alley opening. I lingered in the shadows, but could hear Demetri and Felix watching my movements closely.

"What do you think he's doing?" Felix asked.

"Watch him, if he makes a move to step into the sun, that is your signal to seize him," Demetri replied.

"Gladly." I could hear Felix's knuckles crack as he flexed his fists, anxious for a fight.

I turned my attention once again to mouth of the alley. A small family stood near the opening, a father and mother with two small girls. The older of the two repeatedly looked in my direction, fear in her eyes. I dropped my shirt to the ground.

_Bong_. The clock struck once. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply the last breath I would take.

_Bong._ I allowed my body to relax. I was prepared. I was at peace with my decision. I raised my palms forward, as though making an offering.

_Bong._ Bella smiled at me, beckoning me to come to her. _I feel very safe with you_, she said. The return of her voice filled me with serenity. In the moments before my death, I was once again blessed by her presence.

_Bong. I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too._

_Bong. I'll always want you. Forever._

_Bong. I love you. I will always love you, no matter what happens now. _I smiled at the memory, her love radiated warmth throughout my body.

_Bong. Stay, Edward, stay with me…_I could faintly hear the sound of someone calling my name through the noise in the crowd, but the Bella in my mind continued to speak.

_Bong. I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?_

_Bong. It's not the end, it's the beginning._

I lifted my foot prepared to step out into the sunlight. One last time, the memories flooded my mind and I basked in their warmth. I shifted my weight, preparing to lower my foot and step into the sun.

_Smack._ Something, or someone, came at me from the front and slammed into me, trying to force me back. _Was this it? Would the guard detain me or destroy me? _I prayed for the latter. My arms reflexively grasped the body that knocked into me.

_Bong._ The clock sounded again.

My senses were immediately overwhelmed. I felt the warmth of the body in my arms. The sweet scent of freesia filled my nostrils. I opened my eyes to see my angel in my embrace. I smiled, realizing that the end had come and passed and I was here, with my beloved.

"Amazing, Carlisle was right," I mused. I silently chastised myself for ever doubting my father's faith in me. If only I could tell him. If only he could know that paradise of some form was not lost for our kind.

"Edward, you've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!" The Bella in my arms spoke, but I was too wrapped up in her presence to listen to the words. I lifted my hand to brush her cheek. I could hear her heart rate increase with my touch, the sweet sound filled my ears and my heart leapt with joy as her cheeks flushed.

_Bong_. The clock sounded again.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good." The Volturi guard were truly skilled at their task. My death was swift and painless. I said a silent thank you for their kind work. My eyes closed once more as I brushed my lips against Bella's hair, taking in her fragrant scent. The feel of her body against mine sent waves of electricity pulsing through my skin.

"_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_," I quoted.

_Bong. _The final gong of the clock tower sounded. I breathed deeply the sweet aroma of my beloved. The dull ache in my throat slowly smoldered, but was overpowered by the warmth and love that filled me to bursting.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I mused. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

**YAY…they're together again! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up. I have been dealing with a little bout of writer's block. I hope you liked this chapter. I'm excited to continue the story. Please review! **


	23. Chapter 20: Revelations

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

20. REVELATIONS

"I'm not dead," she screamed. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" The Bella in my arms shouted at me and struggled to push me back, but I could not hear her. My ears were filled with the glorious sound of her heartbeat, my nostrils were filled with her intoxicating aroma, and my eyes took in her beautiful face. Euphoria completely beset me and I smiled, so impossibly happy.

The months of despair, the hours of agony that had ticked by, disappeared in our embrace. My heart was no longer broken, I was whole. The gaping hole that threatened to rip me in two was completely healed, as though it had never existed. The darkness that had surrounded me was chased away by the light of her love.

Bella's eyes were filled with concern and I felt a need to understand what she was saying. I struggled for focus.

"What was that?" I asked, still dazed by the exhilarating feeling of her warm body against mine. Bella's eyes were filled with confusion and fear, yet I could not comprehend her ramblings.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi - "

_What?!_

My mind snapped into focus as reality dawned. Bella was here. _Bella was here!_ She was not dead, she was here, alive, and safe in my arms. _No, not safe. The Volturi guard are still coming._ I was not dead. She had come for me. _She came for me!_ _But how? How is she alive?_ _Alice saw her die. She drowned. There was a funeral._ My mind was a mass of muddled confusion, unable to make sense of all that was happening.

_She said something, something important. _I desperately tried to focus.

_The Volturi._

My thoughts came crashing down on me and the severity of our situation became acutely clear. _We are in danger. I have to protect Bella. Above all else, she has to be safe. I will not lose her again. Never again._

Before Bella could finish her sentence, I gripped her delicate frame and pulled us safely into the shadows of the alley. I twirled her around, setting her against the brick façade, and placed my body in front of her as a shield. I could hear her heart fluttering rapidly and her breath quickened in fear. I could feel her hot breath on my back and her scent was enthralling, making me dizzy.

I wanted nothing more than to turn, take her in my arms, and kiss her soft lips. I needed to show her how much I truly loved her, how all I had told her was a lie; to tell her how desperately I needed her in my life, how the agonizing months away from her were pure torture, pure hell. The desire burned within me like the intensity of a million stars.

_No. Protect Bella. That is the priority. Everything else can wait._ I pushed my selfish desires to the back of my mind and spread my arms out to the sides, forming a protective cage around my beloved.

_What is he doing? Is that a human?_

_What an interesting development_, Demetri mused. _Aro will find this quite amusing._

The dark gray cloaks of Demetri and Felix emerged from the shadows. I growled instinctively, arching my body around Bella, wishing I could hide her completely from their prying eyes.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I spoke, addressing the guard. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

_Not so fast…_

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, his tone was surprisingly calm, yet I could hear the vile intentions behind his words. I could see where this was going. I would not allow them to take Bella from me. _Never._

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I replied brusquely. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

_We'll see about that. _

Demetri interjected, "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover." _Yes, to the tunnels and back to our masters. Aro instructed us to bring you back alive, including any that came to stop you._

So that was their game. Aro would surely, once again, try to persuade me to become his newest pet and I wagered that he would use Bella as the bargaining chip. I would not allow it.

"I'll be right behind you," I replied. I turned slightly, facing Bella. Her eyes widened in panic and she looked up at me, confused and frightened. My breath hitched as I spoke to her. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival," I encouraged. I could not bear the thought of letting her go, but it was the surest way to protect her. They wouldn't dare attack while she mingled with the throng of revelers. She shook her head infinitesimally, unsure of what to do and unwilling to leave my side. She bit her lip and placed her hand on my arm, sending a jolt of ecstasy through my body.

"No, bring the girl," Felix demanded. _I'm feeling a bit peckish. _He took a step toward us, his large frame towering over us both and Bella quivered at the sight of his intimidating build.

"I don't think so," I replied sternly, not taking my eyes away from Bella's face. By body tensed instinctively. I was prepared to fight to defend her if necessary.

She looked to me with pleading eyes and mouthed the word "no", but I hushed her plea and returned my stare to Demetri.

"Felix, not here," Demetri interposed. He laid a calming hand on Felix's bulging arm and turned to face me.

_There will be plenty of time for that._

"Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I replied, "But the girl goes free." I straightened my stance to display my resolve, but kept my arms protectively in front of Bella.

Demetri smiled cruelly. "I'm afraid that's not possible." _She has seen too much. _"We do have rules to obey."

"Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri." Bella's heart pulsated rapidly and her grip on my arm strengthened. I could feel the fear pouring out of her as she watched the conversation before her play out.

"That's just fine." Felix smirked and flexed his knuckles, taking a menacing step forward. _We can end it here. First you, then the girl._

I glared at Felix and nodded toward the alley opening. There were humans present and I needed to remind Felix that he would be just as guilty as he thought I was if he started a battle here. The little girl tugged on her father's coat and continued to point at our confrontation in the shadows. Her mother looked on with concern. _Should we do something? Should we get some help?_

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I replied coolly.

Felix and Demetri exchanged glances and began moving, blocking my path in either direction.

_You're coming with us, one way or another. Orders are orders._

_Just let me at him. All I need is one second and this arrogant boy and his human will be all but a memory._

The little girl continued to point in our direction and now the father also looked on in concern, exchanging worried glances with his wife. The father began looking for a security guard to intercede.

My head swung from side to side, measuring up my opponents. They were cornering me in the alley. There was no escape. If I attacked one, I would leave Bella exposed and unprotected. I could not attack them both at once. I worked over the dilemma in my mind, unable to come up with a solution. My only hope was a human intervention.

Demetri glared menacingly. _I will find you. If you run, we will come after you and I will find you. You cannot hide from me forever. _I could feel Demetri entering my mind once more, taking in my unique signature and filing it away with all the others.

_Edward, don't make a move. _

_Alice! _She was here as well! A feeling of elation and relief swept over me. We were no longer outnumbered. I could hear Alice nearing our standoff. She showed me visions of what would happen if I attacked, warning me to stand my ground until she arrived. Every scenario ended with Bella's broken body lying in the alley.

My head turned to the shadows as I heard Alice nearing. Demetri and Felix must have heard her steps as well, because their eyes turned to face the same direction. Alice's small frame emerged from the shadows and she smiled slightly.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" she addressed Felix and Demetri. "There are ladies present."

Alice danced over to me and stood at my side. _Edward, you look terrible. What have you been doing to yourself? _Her eyes filled with concern but her glance quickly changed. She looked tentatively at Bella, giving her a reassuring smile, and turned to face the guard again.

_She's with him. That will complicate matters. _Demetri's expression turned resentful as he realized that the odds were no longer stacked in his favor.

"We're not alone," she reminded them, gesturing to the concerned family at the edge of the square. Demetri glanced at the family and began calculating the risk of exposure. He shook his head in exasperation.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he pleaded.

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

_They're not going to give up so easily, Edward. We may not have a choice, _Alice explained through her thoughts. I nodded slightly and looked back at Bella's quivering frame. The war of emotions building within me was immense. I struggled between desire, anger, and the need to protect.

Demetri groaned and continued, "At least let us discuss this more privately." He looked nervously at the alley opening, where six men joined the family to watch our confrontation, assessing the situation.

_We should do something. Those men must be trying to harm that girl. Look how he stands protectively in front of her. This is no place for a fight. Where is that security guard?!_

The thoughts of the onlookers were interrupted by Bella's trembling hands on my back. She shifted her weight nervously and her heart beat erratically. She too was looking at the gathering observers and bit her lip. I longed to know what she was thinking, but if I could guess, she was wishing that she could warn the family to run away.

I turned my attention back to Demetri.

"No," I declared through clenched teeth.

Felix smiled with malicious satisfaction. _Ah, finally._

_Edward, this doesn't look good. Tread lightly._

My shoulders instantly slumped in defeat as I realized what had changed.

"Enough," the commanding voice spoke from behind us. My eyes glanced over to see Jane walking toward our standoff. _Aro should have let me destroy you when I had the chance. Don't try anything, unless you want me to test my powers on your little human pet._

Rage burned within me, but I knew that I could not fight against her. None of us could. At that moment, I realized that Alice was right; we would have no choice but to follow them back to Aro.

Demetri and Felix automatically withdrew their offensive stances when Jane appeared and I relaxed my protective posture around Bella, knowing it would do no good. Bella gripped my arm harder, fear emanating from her every pore.

"Jane," I sighed.

_We're going to have to follow them, Edward. I can't see yet what will happen, but I will do everything I can to help you protect Bella. _Alice crossed her arms and I nodded in understanding.

"Follow me," Jane instructed. She turned and continued into the shadows of the narrow alley, expecting that we would follow. Felix gestured to us to follow her and stepped behind, cutting off any possible escape.

_Mmm…I am feeling quite thirsty. Maybe a little snack for the journey. _Felix smiled and I growled instinctively.

Alice followed after Jane and I wrapped my arms protectively around Bella, shifting her in front of me so that I could remain a shield between her and Felix. I was sure to keep close to Alice. With Alice in front and me behind, they would have to go through us both to get to Bella.

The ground sloped down and Bella turned her head, looking questioningly into my eyes. I shook my head. Now was not the time for explanations. I tried to communicate all the love I felt for her through my eyes, in an effort to ease her fear, but her gaze shifted to the looming vampires that followed. She shivered slightly and I wrapped my arms more tightly around her, kissing her hair lightly.

I decided to break the silence. "Well, Alice, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

She didn't look back when she replied. Her voice was casual, but I could hear a twinge of remorse as she spoke. "It was my mistake. It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?" I asked. In truth, I almost didn't want to know.

_I'll explain everything. I promise, Edward._

"It's a long story," she began, stealing a quick glance back at Bella. Bella's eyes widened slightly; surely fearing how much Alice would divulge. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days." _Although, it looked an awful lot like a suicide attempt to me._

Bella shifted uncomfortably in my arms and I could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. Alice began showing me a mixture of visions and memories, everything that she couldn't explain openly.

She showed me the vision that drove her back to Forks. I saw Bella standing on the edge of a cliff, gazing down at the raging black waters below. She stepped toward the edge and smiled. Her features were eerily peaceful, nearly mirroring my own as I prepared to end my own life. She raised her arms and lifted her face to the sky before flinging herself headlong into the angry waters. Her screams echoed in my ears and I gasped as her fragile body hit the water. She was instantly sucked down by the current, the crashing waves tossing her around like a rag doll. She struggled to swim, presumably regretting her decision. Then her expression changed and she stopped fighting. She closed her eyes and allowed her body to drift with the current and I saw the bubbles float up as her last breath left her lungs. Then the vision went black.

I saw Alice slump to the floor with the weight of the vision and Jasper running to help her. It took mere seconds for her to decide to return to Forks. She remembered her fear and concern that she would be too late. She was afraid of what she would find when she arrived. Jasper tried to reason with her, but she ignored him and demanded that he let her go alone.

Alice was then standing in Bella's house. She picked up a framed picture of Bella from the mantle and fingered the image, a lump building in her throat at the thought of her lost friend. Then the frame dropped from her fingers and clattered to the floor. She ran to the hallway to see Bella coming through the door. A mixture of shock and elation tainted her memories as Bella ran into Alice's arms.

Charlie sat across from Alice at the kitchen table. My heart ached as he explained what happened to Bella after we left. I cringed at the thought of all the pain I had caused her. In all my efforts to protect her, I had made her suffer more than I ever imagined possible.

_Edward, before I continue, you have to promise to control your temper._

I nodded slightly. What else could she tell me? Then I saw. I stifled my snarl as I saw that boy, the naïve boy who spilled our secrets and looked at Bella with longing eyes. He was the boy who answered the phone when I called. He was the one who told me Charlie was at the funeral.

My mind struggled to place the awful stench in Alice's memory. _No, please…no._ I should have known that leaving Bella would do nothing to keep her safe. _But werewolves? _We had been nearly certain that the line had died out with Ephraim Black. How could I have been so stupid to not realize that the genetic markers could be passed down to future generations. Anger burned within me at the thought. He had nearly phased in front of her. _He could have killed her! That filthy mongrel! If we survive the day, I will make him pay._

I watched Bella as she explained to Alice all that had happened since our departure. How stupid I was to believe that she would be safe! The dangers seemed to seek her out. I could hear Bella's voice as she explained. "No, Alice, the vampires didn't really leave – not all of them, anyway. That's the whole trouble. If it weren't for the werewolves, Victoria would have gotten me by now. Well, if it weren't for Jake and his friends, Laurent would have gotten me before she could, I guess, so –"

Anger filled me completely. The entire time I was chasing Victoria, she was heading back to Forks. A twinge of concern tainted my thoughts as I wondered if Victoria would have gone after Bella if I had not pursued her first. And Laurent. I had the opportunity to go after him as well.

Alice stood at the foot of the stairs, trembling. I saw the memory of Alice's crippling vision. The vision of me, standing before the Volturi, being ripped limb from limb and disappearing in a smoking pyre.

Bella asked her what was wrong. "Edward," she whispered. At the sound of my name, Bella collapsed. I saw Jacob arguing with Alice and begging Bella not to go.

_I'm sorry, Edward. Are you alright?_

"Hm," was the only reply I could manage without allowing the fuming words to spill from my mouth. Bella stiffened slightly at my immediate change in tone.

The narrow alley curved slightly and I saw Jane disappear through a drain hole up ahead. Alice danced over and dropped below the street as well.

_Edward, I know that leaving the open air for this confined space isn't ideal, but I can still see that we don't have a choice. I can't see our future until Aro makes his decision. I know you don't want to let her go, but don't worry. I will keep her safe until you join us below._

Bella stared after her with her mouth gaping. She looked at me, confused and afraid. "It's all right, Bella," I soothed her. "Alice will catch you."

Bella glanced at the hole in the stone street and back at me again, doubt filling her eyes. Her heart rate increased slightly, I imagined at the thought of falling blindly. I stood behind her, still forming a shield between her and the smug vampires who waited behind us.

"Alice?" she whispered, her voice wavering slightly. I rubbed her back soothingly.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice replied.

_This slow pace is agonizing. Let's just be done with the human so we can move on._

I let out a low hiss, warning Felix to maintain his distance from Bella. My reaction was barely audible. I didn't want to alarm Bella. Felix stiffened in reply.

She turned to look at me again and I smiled faintly in an attempt to calm her. I took her delicate wrists in my hands. Her pulse beat furiously beneath her fragile skin and the heat radiated through me. Gently, I lowered her into the hole. I hesitated slightly, unwilling to let go.

"Ready?" I asked Bella as she looked hesitantly into my eyes.

"Drop her," Alice answered.

Bella squeezed her eyes tightly shut and pressed her lips together the moment before I let her go. Then I let her fall. For the second time in her life, she fell because of me. The irony was not lost on me. How many more times would she be put in danger because of what I was? Yet, it seemed that whether she was with me or without me, danger would follow her. I needed to protect her, whether she wanted me or not. After all I put her through, I couldn't blame her if she hated me, but I would never leave her again. I would keep vigil at a distance if absolutely necessary. I would do everything in my power to earn her trust again.

I heard the air breezing past Bella's form as she fell into the darkness and seconds later, the air whooshed from her lungs as she exhaled in Alice's arms. She must have been holding her breath to stifle her scream.

_I've got her, Edward. She's safe. Come on._

I gave a warning glance back at Felix, reminding him once again to stay away from Bella. Then, I stepped forward and dropped through the drainage hole. My shoes thudded on the stones as my feet met the ground. Bella stood huddled next to Alice, watching for my arrival.

I quickly strode to her side and snaked my arms around her waist once again. She shivered in response, but snuggled closer to my chest. Her pulse continued to beat frantically and her warm touch sent waves of electricity arcing through my body with every beat of her heart. Alice began walking at a brisk pace and I towed Bella forward through the tunnel. She gripped me tightly as she tripped and stumbled through the darkness. She looked back as Felix slid the metal grate in place, effectively sealing off our entrance.

_No escape,_ he thought.

The pounding of our feet echoed through the stone tunnel, but my ears were keenly fixated on the sound of Bella's heartbeat. It was the one sound in the world that I had longed to hear in all those months of separation. Her heartbeat was cherished even more than her melodic voice. Her heart could impart more insight into her thoughts and emotions than her words ever could.

"Can't we just take the girl? Why do we have to move at a human's pace?" Felix whispered to Demetri.

"Aro instructed us to bring him back – alive. He also said that if any should join him, we should bring them back as well – alive. Do you honestly want to incur his wrath merely because you can't maintain your patience?"

Felix let out an irritated sigh and I gripped Bella tighter in response. Her delicate hands clutched my arm securely. Although our situation was dire, I could not help but savor this reunion. I wanted so much to spin Bella around in my arms and kiss every inch of her face. My hand gently caressed her cheek and the heat scorched my fingertips as her face blushed in response to my touch. Her lips parted slightly as I ran my cool thumb over them. I longed to kiss her, but this would have to do for now.

Would I have the opportunity to kiss her again? I lowered my head to her hair, taking in her intoxicating aroma and planting soft kisses on her hair. The slow burn in my throat barely registered in my thoughts. Although her scent still appealed to me, the thought of my lips on her neck made my stomach heave. I would not and could not do that to her. Losing her as I did completely overshadowed any temptation for me to partake in the sweet nectar she offered.

The ground continued to slope downward and I supported Bella, to keep her from tripping on the wet stones. She trembled and I held her tighter, attempting to calm her fears. Then her teeth started to chatter and I realized that she wasn't trembling out of fear, but because she was cold. How selfish could I be? Here she was, her legs soaking wet, travelling through a cold subterranean tunnel, and I was holding her against something even colder still. In my selfish desire to have her close, I had forgotten how wintry my skin felt next to hers. As the realization dawned on me, I immediately let her out of my embrace, but kept her fingers intertwined with mine.

"N-n-no," she responded through shivering lips. She threw her arms around me, unwilling to endure the separation. For a brief moment, I was unsure of what to do. My heart leapt with joy that she still desired to be close to me, but I feared that the chill my cool skin gave her would give her pneumonia. I rubbed my hands along her arms in an attempt to create some form of heat by means of friction. It did little good, but she remained firmly attached to me.

_She still loves you, you know. _I smiled slightly at the thought, hoping beyond all hope that Alice was right. If Bella could forgive me for all the hurt and deception, I would spend the rest of her life convincing her of my love.

We continued through the tunnels and Felix would sigh occasionally. _I'm hungry. If she doesn't hurry, she's going to make us miss our meal. She will pay dearly for that. _I ignored Felix's rumblings, focusing my attention on Bella.

We approached the end of the tunnel and a large iron gate stood open. I led Bella forward, ducking through the entryway which led into another stone room. Bella flinched as the metal gate locked behind us. We strode across the room, stepping through another doorway. I felt Bella relax slightly in my arms at the change of scenery, but I remained rigid, unwilling to relax. If Bella only knew where we were going. If only there were something I could do to stop it.

**I hope you all are enjoying this story as much as I am writing it. Thank you for your continued support and reviews. I think we're going to break 100 with this chapter! **


	24. Chapter 21: Deliberation

**Sorry it took such a long time for me to update. I took a brief break while I traveled to Twicon, but am back on track now. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

21. DELIBERATION

As we strode through the doorway, there was a drastic change in temperature. Considering our circumstances, it was at least one thing I could be thankful for. Bella's shoulders relaxed and her body ceased its shivering, but her arms remained firmly wrapped around my waist. She squinted slightly as her eyes adjusted to the bright fluorescent lights.

I could hear Demetri as he closed the door behind us; yet another reminder that there would be no escape. The creaking of the metal as the bolt slid into the locked position made my teeth clench. Bella stole a quick backward glance and shuddered when she met Felix's crimson eyes. She hastily returned her gaze to me. I smiled weakly. I could not offer her much reassurance. Even Alice was unable to foresee the outcome of our situation.

I ran my fingers along Bella's arm, reveling in a soft caress that I knew could be our last. How sadistic fate was! To bring Bella back to me from the dead, only to dangle her life in the balance once more was beyond cruel. I breathed deeply, allowing her scent to engulf me and I cherished the sweet aroma that I had missed for so long.

We continued down the hallway, approaching an elevator. Jane stood holding the door open for us, a cruel smile playing on her lips. _Oh, just wait until we return to Aro. He will be so pleased with me. Perhaps he will allow me to continue where we left off, hmm, Edward?_

I glowered at her as we stepped into the elevator, positioning myself in the corner. Bella shifted her weight, pushing herself as close to me as possible. She turned her face into my chest and buried herself there. I rubbed her arm to comfort her, but never took my gaze from Jane.

_She's not going to try anything, Edward, at least not now. Don't do anything to provoke her. Think of Bella._

I nodded slightly, acknowledging Alice's plea. The elevator doors opened to reveal the reception area I had passed through no more than twenty-four hours ago. Bella's mouth gaped slightly as she took in the new surroundings.

The deep green carpeting and wood paneling seemed so out of place in contrast to the dank tunnels that had brought us here. She wrinkled her nose slightly at the large floral arrangements and then her gaze swept across the room and landed on the high mahogany desk in the center.

I could hear her heart rate increase faintly and her breath caught in her throat. Confusion crossed her face as she gazed on the receptionist behind the counter. Without a word, I could see that Bella instantly recognized her to be human.

Gianna stood and smiled politely as we passed. "Good afternoon, Jane," she greeted. She smiled at each of us, undisturbed by what she saw. Bella could not avert her stare as we passed and bit her lip nervously as she looked to me for explanation. I shook my head, silencing her inquiry. Leave it to Bella to focus her concern on every human but herself.

"Gianna," Jane replied with a hint of distain in her voice. It was obvious that Jane thought no more of Gianna than a farmer thinks of his cattle.

_Ah, my sweet Gianna. It will not be much longer. I anxiously await the day when my masters finally allow me to drink from you. How sweet of you to offer yourself so eagerly. Soon. _Felix smiled and winked at Gianna as he passed. She giggled softly, her thoughts filled with girlish fantasies in response to his flirtation. I bowed my head in pity. If only she knew of his true intentions, she would not be so flippant in her choice of company.

As we followed Jane through the wooden doors, Alec stood waiting on the other side. He stepped forward and smiled widely as he reached for his twin. "Jane," he cooed.

"Alec," she replied, reaching out to eagerly embrace her brother. I was briefly taken aback at the unashamed show of emotion from Jane. From what I knew of her sadistic nature, I found it difficult to believe that she was capable of love at all, but the adoration for her brother in her thoughts was undeniable. They exchanged kisses and turned to face us.

Alec eyed us carefully. "They send you out for one and you come back with two…and a half." He grinned slightly at his attempt at humor and eyed me carefully, gauging my reaction.

"Nice work," he exclaimed to his sister. _Nice work, indeed. Aro will be pleased. And how nice of them to provide us with an appetizer before our meal._

My teeth clenched together and my hands instinctively gripped Bella tighter to me.

_Careful, Edward, _Alice warned.

Jane's tinkling laugh filled the room as she mused at her brother's joke. Her gaze settled on me. I was visibly trembling with fury.

_Please, Edward. Just give me a reason, _she challenged.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec greeted, turning his attention to me once again. "You seem in a better mood."

_Save your pleasantries for someone who doesn't see right through them,_ I thought. For the sake of maintaining civility, I thought it best to keep my thoughts to myself.

"Marginally," I replied simply, careful to keep my tone in check.

Bella shifted in my arms and gazed up at me, no doubt pondering Alec's comment on my mood. Alec chuckled, causing her to tense and tighten her grip on my waist.

"And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked in amusement, his eyes examining Bella's quivering form in my arms. _All this fuss over one little human. Absurd! But she does smell quite delicious. _Alec took a step forward, his nostrils flaring as he breathed in her scent.

_Not a chance, I saw her first, _Felix thought. "Dibs," he called out. He eyed me carefully raising an eyebrow.

Instinctively, a deep snarl escaped my chest and Felix responded by smiling and curling his finger, daring me to confront him. My body tensed and it took all the restraint I could rally to hold my ground. Alice touched my arm lightly and looked meaningfully into my eyes.

"Patience," she said.

Visions began flashing before my eyes, every one of them ending with Bella lying at my feet, battered and broken. We were outnumbered and outmatched. Even with the abilities of my Alice and myself, we were no match for Jane and Alec. They could render us completely useless, regardless of the powers we possessed.

I clenched my teeth in frustration. The feeling of complete and utter powerlessness was too much for me to tolerate. There was nothing I could do to protect Bella if the Volturi decided that they wanted her, or us, dead. Fear and determination gripped me as I stared into the eyes of my sister.

_We can do this, Edward. Just trust me. I believe that diplomacy may be our best means of escaping with our lives. Please try and control your temper. Don't allow Felix the satisfaction of seeing your response when he baits you like that._

I turned to face Alec as he continued, "Aro will be so pleased to see you again."

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane added.

I nodded in defeat and followed the twins as they led us down the long hallway. We abruptly stopped halfway down the hall and Bella gasped faintly as I halted her forward momentum. She looked at me in confusion and turned her gaze to Alec who was opening a hidden panel in the wall. Alec held it open for Jane and ushered us through the small opening.

Bella's shoulders slumped as we left the comfort of wood paneling and carpet for dank stone sewers once again. Tiny bumps raised on her arms as the cool air met her skin. We continued forward and her gaze was lifted upward as the antechamber gave way to the large castle turret. Her eyes scanned the large room, taking in all that I had wished to shield her from. As fearful as I was about her existing in my presence and that of my family, the thought of her interacting with the monsters that resided here terrified me to my core.

Hushed voices of the vampires present filled my ears as their curious eyes scanned us. Aro's eyes met mine and a wide grin spread across his face. _What have we here?_

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he exclaimed as he turned and drifted toward us from across the room, his guard stepping in closely behind. I stole a glance at Bella who was looking on in awe, her mouth slightly open in shock at the vision of the ancient vampire approaching.

He glided over to Jane and kissed her on the lips. Jane gazed at him, eyes full of adoration. "Yes, Master," she replied. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane," he smiled. "You are such a comfort to me." Jane glowed as Aro bestowed his praises on her. He turned his gaze to Bella and his smile grew wider.

"And Alice and Bella, too!" he cheered, clasping his hands together. "This is a happy surprise! Wonderful!" _Just the outcome I was hoping for. Imagine how powerful we will become with these young ones by my side._

He turned to Felix. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master," he replied. He turned to leave as Aro waved him off.

"You see, Edward?" he scolded. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" Aro's eyes glistened as he watched for my response.

"Yes, Aro, I am," I agreed. I gripped Bella tighter in my arms, knowing full well what Aro's intentions were. Every conceivable scenario played out in my head, none of them ending well, but that would not stop me from doing everything in my power to protect her.

"I love a happy ending." Aro sighed. "They are so rare. But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice? Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake." He looked at Alice expectantly, practically salivating for the details of our little tale.

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," Alice smiled. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them." Her voice was calm, but her stance was rigid. I could see her mind continuing to search for our future. _If we make it through this and even if it takes an eternity, Edward, I will make this up to you. I will earn your trust again._

"You're too modest," Aro reproved. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

Alice shot a glare at me. _What did you tell him, Edward? How much does he know?_ Aro clapped his hands together, delighting in our silent exchange.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not."

"And also exponentially more powerful," I added. I held Alice's concerned gaze as I explained. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

Alice arched her eyebrows in astonishment. _Everything? He knows everything? That does not bode well for us, Edward._ I lifted my head slightly, confirming her questions.

Aro interrupted our discussion. "But to be able to hear from a distance…" he sighed, waving his hand from my sister to me. "That would be so _convenient_."

_Ah, here they are._ Aro peered past us and we all turned to see Felix returning, followed by Caius and Marcus. They glided past us to stand beside their brother.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" he exclaimed. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

_He's back again. Perhaps now we can finish what we started and be rid of this trouble._ Caius' thoughts were full of venom and disgust. Caius turned to sit in his throne, obviously uninterested in a regaling of our adventures.

Marcus, on the other hand, seemed slightly taken aback. I focused on his mind, intrigued by his sudden interest. Through his eyes, I saw a bright band of light binding me to Bella and to Alice. I could see dimmer bands of light connecting the other vampires to one another, but none was as brilliant as the connection between Bella and myself. _Fascinating,_ he thought_. In all these years, I have never seen such a strong bond, and between a human and a vampire…most interesting. Sadly, it reminds me of the bond I once had with my love._ His gaze turned downward as he drifted closer to Aro.

"Let us have the story," Aro cheered. He paused and turned to Marcus as he approached. Marcus reached his hand out to Aro and touched his palm for a split second. I saw the brief exchange of information and Aro raised his eyebrow, captivated by the new information about our relationship. _Such a strong bond indeed; stronger than even I envisioned._

I huffed quietly at Aro's thoughts and Alice shot me a curious glare as Marcus turned to join Caius. _Edward, what is going on? What did he tell him?_

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro called to him. "That's quite interesting."

Aro shook his head as his eyes passed from Bella to me. "Amazing. Absolutely amazing."

Alice glared at me in exasperation and I explained quietly, "Marcus sees relationships. He's surprised by the intensity of ours." Her mouth opened slightly as she took in this new information.

"So convenient," Aro repeated to himself, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. He turned his eyes back to us. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you," he chuckled.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," he mused, taking note of the proximity between Bella and myself. "How can you stand so close to her like that?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"It's not without effort," I replied.

"But still – _la tua cantante_! What a waste!" _Such a waste._

I chuckled slightly, more in an effort to reign in my temper than in humor. "I look at it more as a price."

"A very high price," Aro replied. _A very high price, indeed._

"Opportunity cost."

Aro's laughter filled the room. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift and yet you…" _Waste it._

"Waste it," I finished, the distain creeping into my voice.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him – only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I replied, my patience beginning to wear thin with this pointless banter.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro persisted. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…_pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his particular vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

I bit my tongue. _Happy…indeed_.

"But _your_ restraint!" Aro sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again – if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

I could feel Bella's eyes searching my face, but I bottled my temper as I gazed back at Aro. Her heartbeat quickened and I held her tightly to me.

"Just remembering how she appeals to you…" Aro chuckled. "It makes my thirsty." An evil grin spread across his face and my body tensed instinctively. Bella shivered in response.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro continued. "I mean her no harm. But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." His gaze fell on Bella. "May I?" he asked me, lifting his hand in anticipation.

"Ask _her_," I replied coolly.

"Of course, how rude of me!" he exclaimed and turned to Bella. "Bella, I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent – so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for _me,_ as well?"

Bella looked up at me, sheer panic filling her eyes. I could see the uncertainty written on her face and I nodded encouragingly for her to oblige his request. I was relatively certain that Aro's power would have no affect on Bella, but I could not help but selfishly hope that he could see her thoughts. As perverse as our predicament was, the chance to see into Bella's mind had an inescapable draw for me.

Bella turned to Aro and raised her trembling hand in front of her. He strode closer, smiling confidently as he reached out to take her hand. Bella did not move as she gazed at the ancient vampire. She stood motionless, almost in a trancelike state.

I watched Bella's face, but focused my mind on Aro. His confidence swiftly diminished into disbelief. I could see his focus as he attempted to force his way into her mind, but he was unsuccessful. Although I secretly wished for a small glimpse into her thoughts, I smiled smugly in satisfaction at her ability to thwart such a powerful vampire as Aro.

Aro lowered his hand and took a step back. "So very interesting," he mused. _How fascinating! Imagine how powerful she might be if she were one of us. Oh, the possibilities! I wonder…_

"A first," he murmured to himself. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…Jane, dear?"

"No!" I shouted and took a threatening step forward. Alice gripped my arm tightly in an effort to hold me back. I shook her off and remained rigid. _Edward, calm down!_

Jane smiled eagerly at Aro. "Yes, Master?" _Is it time for me to play now? _She cut her eyes at me and a wicked grin spread across her face.

I could not hold back the angry snarls that escaped my lips now. Bella cowered at my side as I continued to grip her tightly. All eyes in the room were fixed on our exchange.

_This should be good,_ Felix thought as he took a step toward us, cracking his knuckles in anticipation of a fight. Aro shot him a warning glare and he stopped short. _Why does she get to have all the fun?_

Aro addressed Jane. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you_." My growls became furious at Aro's request and I moved Bella behind me, using my body as a shield against Jane's impending attack.

Caius rose from his chair and approached in interest as Jane turned toward us, smiling in anticipation.

"Don't!" Alice cried, but it was too late. I launched myself at Jane, unable to hold back my temper any longer. Instantly, my body was consumed. The waves of fiery torment wracked my body and I writhed on the ground, unable to restrain my movements. My eyes found Bella and I fixed my gaze on her. I kept my lips tightly closed, squelching the screams that begged to escape as my body flailed uncontrollably. Bella looked on in horror, but I continued to stare into her eyes, focusing my thoughts on her in an effort to ignore the pain. I found my refuge in deep pools of molten chocolate. To see my love again, to see her alive, was worth more than any torture I was forced to endure.

**Thank you so much for sticking with me so far. I hope that you continue to enjoy my story. I will be updating again soon. **


	25. Chapter 22: Verdict

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

22. VERDICT

Seconds ticked by. The pain seared through me, but my focus remained on Bella. I tried to communicate with my eyes that I would be fine, but she was too terrified to see anything but my pain. My ears rang and my head ached as I watched Bella struggle to get to me. I could see her lips moving as though she was shouting, but the pain was too intense for my ears to register the sound of her voice. Alice fought to hold her back as I cringed in agony. The physical pain that Jane inflicted on me was but a mere shadow in comparison to the mental torment of watching Bella suffer for me.

Then, all at once, the pain was gone. Bella could not tear her eyes away from me. She continued to resist Alice's grasp, urgently striving to come to my side.

"He's fine," I heard Alice whisper to her.

I stared back at her, my body frozen and numb. Then, in an instant, I felt a jolt of adrenaline flow through my body as my mind snapped back into focus.

_Now, it's her turn_, I heard Jane's thoughts as she turned her concentration from me to Bella. Her malicious mind focused and I could sense the surge of power centering on Bella's fragile, human psyche. A shock of horror rushed through me and I leapt to my feet, prepared to tackle Jane to the floor.

Bella looked at me, confusion crossing her face. She didn't seem to be in any pain at all. I quickly stole a glance at Jane. Her face was contorted in a scowl of fury as she concentrated with all her might. Her jaw was clenched and her fists shook at her sides as she struggled to enter Bella's mind.

_Impossible!_

I looked back at Bella and a sweet sense of relief swept over me. I was never happier, than in that moment, that Bella's brain was somewhat of an anomaly. Whatever invisible protection she possessed, it was strong enough to block out even Jane. I let out a sharp breath as I allowed my frayed nerves to relax slightly. I quickly strode over to Bella, encouraging Alice to let her go. She relented and, once again, Bella was in my arms.

"Ha, ha, ha. This is wonderful!" Aro's laughter filled the room and Jane hissed in frustration, preparing to pounce.

_I will make her suffer, one way or another! _

"Don't be put out, dear one," Aro soothed, "She confounds us all." Jane fumed under his calming hand as she struggled to restrain herself.

"Ha, ha , ha," Aro chuckled. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once – just out of curiosity." _What amazing self-control. Impressive._

The venom burned in my throat as I swallowed my contempt. The charade was quickly wearing on me.

"So what do we do with you now?" Aro sighed.

_This is it, Edward. If we have any hope of escaping with our lives…_

Alice and I immediately stiffened our posture, awaiting the trickery that would surely follow. Bella shivered in my arms.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked, an air of expectation creeping into his voice. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company." _Such power, such talent, with these two by my side, we would be unstoppable._

I hesitated as I sampled the minds of the others around us.

_He is weak. He disgusts me,_ Jane wrinkled her nose and averted her eyes.

_In all these years, the masters only respect new power. I have served them well, yet they do not promote me. I am nothing more than a thug to them. _Felix was visibly fuming at the thought of me joining their ranks.

"I'd…rather…not," I replied, maintaining a respectful tone. Now was not the time for me to anger him.

"Alice?" Aro asked as he turned to my sister. "Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

_No way! _"No, thank you," Alice said politely.

Aro then turned to Bella, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "And you, Bella?" I hissed under my breath at Aro's arrogance. Would he stop at nothing?

_Has he gone mad?_ Caius rose to his feet and approached to interject.

"What?" he demanded.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro reasoned as he casually waved his hand, gesturing to Bella. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

_How dare he compare me to her! She is weak. She would never be as powerful as I am! _Jane fumed as her master doted on Bella.

Caius glared at Bella and I growled instinctively.

"No, thank you," Bella replied timidly.

Aro let out a sigh, "That's unfortunate. Such a waste."

My vision blurred in a haze of red as rage ripped through my chest. I could no longer hold back. "Join or die, is that it?" I spat. "I suspected as much when we were brought into _this_ room. So much for your laws." I stared intently at Aro as I allowed my words to register with him. He could not deny that he would be breaking his own laws if he murdered us for refusing to join them.

_Careful Edward!_

Aro blinked in astonishment. "Of course not," he gasped, feigning shock as he brought his fingertips to his lips. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

"Aro," Caius hissed. "The law claims them." _Surely he can see that they have broken the highest law. They have exposed themselves to a human. The penalty is death._

My eyes narrowed as I listened to Caius' mind.

"How so?" I challenged.

Caius pointed at Bella, "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I countered.

Caius grinned slightly, "Yes," he nodded slightly, thinking of Gianna. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

Visions of Gianna lying lifeless in Caius' arms mingled with visions of Bella, sharing the same fate.

"I wouldn't - " Bella began, but stopped short under Caius' scrutiny.

"Nor do you intent to make her one of us," he continued. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish." _Although, I imagine you would not make that choice, would you Edward?_

I bared my teeth in frustration and gripped Bella tighter to my chest.

"That's what I thought," Caius proclaimed triumphantly. The guard leaned in closer in anticipation of a fight.

"Unless…," Aro interrupted Caius' premature celebration. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?" _It would be such a pity to allow her talent to go to waste. _Aro's eyes gleamed as he waited for my response.

I hesitated, weighing the ramifications of my answer. For all the battles I had fought to save Bella's soul, for going so far as to leave her in order to protect her, could I really forfeit her soul so easily? Would I have any other choice? If I lied and promised them what they wanted to hear, what would the ramifications be and could I protect Bella if they came after us?

"And if I do?" I finally answered.

A smile spread across Aro's face. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." He narrowed his eyes slightly and bit his lower lip, almost sensing my intended deception. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it."

Caius tensed and prepared to interrupt, but Aro raised his hand to silence his protest.

I lowered my head and looked into Bella's eyes. She looked up at me, expectantly. Her eyes pleaded with my own. She wanted this. She had asked me for this so many times and I had refused her for her own good. How could I do this to someone I love? How could I condemn her soul? But what choice did I have? The demons battled in my mind as I stared into her eyes.

"Mean it," she pleaded. Tears began welling in her eyes and she blinked them back. She bit her lip and the anguish on her face was unbearable. "Please," she whispered.

I continued to stare at her. I could not think. I could not move. My mind felt frozen by the weight of the decision. Would she hate me if I said yes? Would she even want me after this was all over?

My concentration was broken when I saw Alice approach Aro. She raised her hand, offering him a glimpse into her mind. I looked on in disbelief, but saw that her thoughts were resolute.

Aro eagerly strode over to her and grasped her hand in his own. He closed his eyes in concentration and Alice stood motionless, allowing him to take her thoughts, her memories, her visions.

The progression of her memories was much like that of my own, beginning with her first memories upon awaking as a vampire and telling the tale of her life until she eventually became a Cullen. It was an interesting mixture of memories and visions as the timeline progressed.

Alice had visions of Bella before we had met. As her memories of our relationship progressed, a reoccurring vision of Bella dressed in white and taking my hand appeared. I remembered catching glimpses of this vision in Alice's mind before, but I had not realized how prevalent it had been. I smiled slightly at the thought, but my brief moment of happiness was stripped away by visions of Bella's pain in my absence.

I gritted my teeth as I watched Bella suffer. Alice had looked in on her more than she had admitted to me. It was unbearable to watch her pain over and over again. I pinched the bridge of my nose, momentarily stemming the flow of thoughts from Alice's mind to mine.

When I resumed listening, I saw Alice on an airplane with Bella. Through their whispers, I heard a conversation that I'm sure Alice had been keeping hidden from me.

_"I really wish you could have been right about me. In the beginning, when you first saw things about me, before we even met…" Bella sighed._

_"What do you mean?" Alice asked, confused._

_"You saw me becoming one of you."_

_"It was a possibility at the time."_

_"At the time," Bella repeated, disappointment in her voice._

_"Actually, Bella…Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. I'm debating whether to just change you myself."_

I could see the look on Bella's face as she digested what Alice had just offered to her. My fists balled and my jaw clenched as I continued to watch the memory.

_"Did I scare you?" Alice asked. "I thought that's what you wanted."_

_"I do! Oh, Alice, do it now! I could help you so much – and I wouldn't slow you down. Bite me!"_

I cringed at Bella's enthusiasm. After all I had put her through, she still wished for this life. She was so willing to give up everything she ever knew to become like us. Did she not understand what a sacrifice that would be?

_"If you don't do it now, you'll change your mind," Bella exclaimed, her voice pleading._

_"No. I don't think I will. He'll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?'_

_"Nothing at all."_

A low growl escaped my lips as I glared at my sister. How dare she promise something like that to her! She had no right! My anger was quickly dispelled by Aro's laughter.

"Ha, ha, ha. That was _fascinating_!" he exclaimed.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Alice replied, smiling politely, but refusing to look in my direction. She knew that her secret was no longer hidden from me.

Aro clapped his hands in glee. "To see the things you've seen – especially the ones that haven't happened yet!"

"But that will," she reminded him. I was sure she was referring to her promise to turn Bella.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem," Aro concurred.

Caius stepped forward. "Aro," he protested.

Aro lifted a hand to halt Caius' complaint. "Dear Caius, do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household…Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!" _Aren't you, Edward?_

"Then we are free to go now?" I asked, anxious to take Bella away from this place and to have a long talk with my sister.

"Yes, yes," Aro replied smiling. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!" _And don't forget my offer. We would have a high place for both you and your sister, perhaps even Bella._

"And we will visit you as well," Caius added. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." _I will not be deceived. If she is still human the next time we meet, I will take care of her for you._

My jaw clenched at Caius' warning, but I nodded in agreement. Caius sneered as he turned and walked back to his throne. I glanced at Bella as her shoulders slumped slightly. I was surprised to see not a look of relief on her face, but one of disappointment. Her gaze caught mine and she looked down at her feet, biting her lip. I heard Felix let out a groan behind us.

"Ah, Felix," Aro smiled. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience." _You may want to take Bella away from here before she arrives, Edward. Unless you would like to join us…_

"Hmm," I murmured. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later." I glanced meaningfully at my sister and she nodded in agreement.

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do_ happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind." _We wouldn't want to be forced to take unpleasant measures…_

"Of course," I nodded. Bella cringed and looked at me with impatience in her eyes. I could sense that she was anxious to leave this place.

"And here," Aro added, gesturing for Felix to come forward. Aro removed Felix's gray cloak and tossed it to me. The heavy fabric fell into my arms. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I nodded, realizing that I was still shirtless. I regrettably obliged Aro's request and turned, putting the cloak around me.

"It suits you," Aro sighed. _You were made to be one of us, you know._

I chuckled slightly. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

I placed my hand on Bella's back, ushering her toward the door.

"Goodbye, young friends," Aro called to us.

_What is this place? Look at the stones, it must be ancient. Fascinating!_

_My feet are tired. I wonder how long this tour will last._

_Did we take a wrong turn somewhere? This room isn't on any of the maps._

The thoughts of nearby tourists drifted to my ears, alerting me to Heidi's arrival. I knew that I needed to get Bella out before they arrived. After all I had put Bella through; I would not allow her to witness their barbarism.

"Let's go," I said to them.

Demetri gestured to us and we followed him to the door we had entered through. I pulled Bella along beside me and Alice followed closely behind. _Hurry Edward. We need to get Bella out of here before…oh no. _

"Not fast enough," she muttered.

Bella looked at Alice confused and then her attention was drawn to the voices of the entering tourists. The crowd began pouring in through the door and Demetri motioned for us to make room for them to enter. We pressed against the stone wall and I hugged Bella close to me.

"Welcome guests! Welcome to Volterra!" Aro sang. _Ah, what a wonderful selection Heidi has brought us! Delicious!_I could see the fear in Bella's eyes as the realization dawned on her. I pulled her face into my chest, trying my best to shield her eyes from the impending massacre. This was a side of me that I wished her never to see. I could only imagine the nightmares that would plague her mind with the knowledge of the existence of these true monsters.

I saw an opening in the crowd and quickly ushered Bella to the door. A tall, scantily clad vampire stood in the doorway. I could only assume that she was Heidi, the one responsible for collecting the humans for this sadistic buffet.

"Welcome home, Heidi," Demetri voice greeted her from behind us, confirming my suspicions.

"Demetri," she replied. Her eyes shifted to Bella and then to me. She raised her eyebrows slightly as she looked us over. _Must be one of Aro's pets. Hmm…_

"Nice fishing," Demetri continued.

"Thanks," she smiled as we passed. She turned to Demetri, flipping back her mahogany hair, "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

As we cleared the doorway, I pulled Bella along the dank hallway as fast as I could. I wanted nothing more than to take her into my arms, but there was no time.

I tried my best to block out the terrified thoughts of the tourists, but their fright was so intense that it broke through my mental barriers.

_Something's not right here._

_What's wrong with their eyes?_

_Why are they locking the doors? Oh my God! _

_There's no way out! Please, please, don't kill me!_

The barrage of horror pushed me to move at an even more rapid pace. We ran as fast as Bella's legs could carry her. I supported her as she stumbled over the uneven stones. Glancing back, I could see the panic in her eyes. She let out a whimper as the sounds of screaming reached our ears.

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	26. Chapter 23: Relief

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

23. RELIEF

Their screams echoed off the stone walls, chasing us down the narrow corridor. Bella's hand gripped my own so tightly that I feared her fingers would break from the strain. I squeezed her hand reassuringly and pulled her along, desperately seeking refuge from the terror we had so narrowly escaped.

We slowed our pace when we finally reached the light and warmth of the reception area. Bella stood behind me, gasping for breath, her heart racing from exertion and fear.

"Do not leave until dark," Demetri reminded us.

I nodded as he left to return to the fray and I turned to face Bella. Her face was pale and drawn. Her eyes, brimming with tears, stared ahead in a trancelike state. Her entire frame quaked and concern swept over me.

"Are you all right?" I asked her. Her eyes met mine, but she seemed to look right through me. I realized that she must be going into shock. Her body quivered and her mouth hung open, as though she was going to speak, but no sound would come out.

Alice and I exchanged a worried glance. "You'd better make her sit before she falls," she said. "She's going to pieces."

Bella looked around her, frantic, as tears began to spill down her ivory cheeks. Her whimpering became a loud wail as the gravity of all that had passed finally settled upon her. I stood there, unsure of how to respond. I could feel Gianna's eyes fixed on Bella as she broke down before me.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I comforted her, pulling her to a couch on the far end of the room. I grasped her hands in my own and looked to Alice for help. I briefly thought of asking her to call Carlisle.

"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.

I shot her a warning glare, but quickly returned my focus to Bella. Alice shrugged and sat on the couch opposite me. _It was only a suggestion. _

Bella continued sobbing loudly and her body convulsed with the release of emotion.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I soothed her. I lifted her onto my lap and wrapped Felix's cloak around her. My chin rested on her head and I closed my eyes as I continued to speak calming words to her. I gripped her frame tightly, reassuring her that everything was all right. I held her while she fell apart in my arms. Selfishly, I could think of nothing else in that moment other than the pure joy of having Bella in my arms again. After months of torture, after the devastation of losing her, to have her safe in my embrace was nothing short of a miracle.

"All those people," she sobbed. The image of the unknowing tourists being led to the Volturi, like lambs to the slaughter, brought me back to the present.

"I know," I replied, trying to maintain my calm.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that." I couldn't imagine what she would think of me after witnessing the true nature of what I am. Would she fear me now? Would she finally realize the danger and run screaming as she should have when we first met?

I could hear her heart begin to slow. She took several deep breaths as she wiped her eyes on the thick cloak. I cradled her head against my chest and squeezed my eyes tightly, praying that I could hold onto her for just a little longer. I feared what would happen when I was forced to let go. I heard Alice shift and looked up to see Gianna approaching.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked Bella as she leaned over my shoulder. Bella shivered, but did not respond.

"No," I replied coolly, communicating much more with my eyes than I spoke. Gianna smiled politely and nodded, returning to her desk.

Bella watched her walk away and turned back to me. In hushed tones she asked, "Does she know what's going on here?"

"Yes. She knows everything," I replied, nodding.

Her eyes grew wide. "Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility."

I watched Bella's face, but her reaction was difficult for me to decipher. She seemed surprised, but I could still see her working over the concept in her mind.

"She's hoping they'll decide to keep her," I added.

She looked up at me, uncertainty filling her eyes. Confused, she asked, "She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded and watched carefully for her reaction. Bella and Gianna were not so different. Both were humans who risked their lives forming relationships with vampires and desired to become one of them. After witnessing the terror firsthand, would Bella still wish to be turned? Would she regret the promise made to Caius?

She shuddered and her breath caught. "How can she want that?" She paused, glancing at Gianna with a look of repugnance. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of_ that_?"

I barely heard the last question. My mind fixed on her first, _'How can she want that?'_ A small piece of my heart broke as the realization that Bella was utterly repulsed took hold. For so long, I had fought to maintain Bella's humanity and struggled to protect her soul. The idea that she would fear me or even hate me, no matter how rational that should be for a human, tore at my heart. No matter how I tried to protect her, in my heart, I had always wanted to keep her as my own forever. I wanted her to be like me, to stay with me for eternity. But I knew those desires were selfish and I loved Bella so much that I had been willing to put them aside for her own good.

_Edward, she didn't mean it like that. Trust me. _I ignored my sister's insight. I tried to hold back my chagrin, but Bella could see the change in my countenance. She stared into my eyes with a puzzled look on her face. All at once, her expression softened and her eyes began welling with tears again.

"Oh, Edward," she cried, throwing her arms around my neck and sobbing into my chest. I glanced at Alice and she shrugged, almost as surprised at Bella's changing moods as I was. I stroked her back gently, willing her to calm down.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She responded by wrapping her arms more tightly around my neck and pulling herself close. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she asked, her voice breaking.

_She's…happy? She's not afraid of me?_

_I told you so._ I saw Alice grinning out of the corner of my eye.

A shot of warmth filled my heart and spread throughout my entire body. I gripped Bella tightly, hugging her to my chest so I could feel every inch of her against me. My mind was a jumble of joy and relief as I held my love in my arms. She breathed a sigh of contentment, exemplifying my feelings perfectly.

"I know exactly what you mean," I whispered. I knew I was smiling like a fool, but I didn't care. After everything we had been through, Bella still cared for me, still wanted me. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she nodded with a nervous chuckle. "That's a good one."

"And together," I added, exhaling in relief. "And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully," she replied.

"The outlook is quite good," Alice chimed in. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours." She smiled at us and closed her eyes, lingering on the vision of her reunion with Jasper. As much as I wanted to blame my sister for this predicament, I had nothing but overwhelming gratitude for her. She had risked her life to save me. If she had not interfered, Bella and I would not have had this blissful reunion. I owed my sister more than she would ever realize.

Minutes passed as I held Bella in my arms. We did not need words to communicate how we felt at that moment. I stared into her eyes, basking in their loving glow. How could I have doubted that she still cared for me? She risked her life to save me. She flew halfway around the world to come to my aid; and after everything I had put her through, she still came for me.

Yet, a small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that her reaction could be merely a result of the emotional relief that came with the knowledge that she was safe. She could have come to stop me out of a feeling of guilt or obligation. The true test would be after our return home. Would she still want me when she no longer needed my comfort or protection? I pushed the thoughts aside, allowing myself to enjoy the moment at hand. If she loved me for even one minute here, I would cherish that diminutive amount of time and keep it with me forever, no matter what happened after she was safe at home again.

I began studying her face. Her alabaster skin was paler than I had remembered. Her hair had grown longer and lost its usual luster. Her hollow cheeks indicated that she had lost some weight. I traced the dark circles under her eyes with my fingertips.

"You look so tired," I remarked.

"And you look thirsty," she whispered back, looking into my eyes. I could only imagine what she might think of the way I looked. It seemed that the separation had not been good for either of us.

"It's nothing," I shrugged. The thirst was the furthest thing from my mind. Her sweet scent no longer had its hold over me. I thirsted not for her blood, but for her love. I could no sooner drink from Bella than my own sister.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "I could sit with Alice."

I sighed and squeezed her tighter to me. "Don't be ridiculous. I've never been in better control of _that _side of my nature than right now."

Bella continued to stare at my face as I held her. I could see her eyelids beginning to droop. I could not understand why she struggled to stay awake and I wished she would try to rest. Unwillingly, I turned my attention to Alice. This would be our best opportunity to discuss our return home. I did not want to wait one second longer than necessary before leaving Volterra, so plans needed to be in place before nightfall. I began speaking to Alice in hushed tones, as not to disturb Bella.

"I saw you had quite an adventure getting here. That was quite a show you put on for Aro." I arched my eyebrow, waiting for Alice's response.

"I had to set things right, Edward. I would have done whatever it took. I knew that the only way to stop you was to bring Bella, although I hated to do it. I'm so sorry for putting her in danger. But she did come willingly, she practically insisted."

I nodded, accepting her apology. "I understand, Alice. If anyone is to shoulder most of the blame here, it would be me."

She bowed her head at my confession.

I lightened my tone, unwilling to dwell on the past mistakes. "So, you stole a Porsche, hmm?"

Her eyes lit up instantly. "Oh, Edward. What an amazing car! It was yellow and fast and…exhilarating! We were lucky to find such a machine to get us to Volterra so quickly. Without it, we never would have made it to you in time."

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I really missed you, Alice. I missed everyone."

She smiled. "We missed you too. More than you know. Carlisle and Esme will be beside themselves to have you back." She hesitated and narrowed her eyes. "You _are_ coming back, right?"

"Yes, yes, I'm coming back. No matter what happens after we return, I realized that I cannot run from my problems."

She nodded and clasped her hands together. She seemed so pleased to know that I would be coming back home, wherever that would be. We hadn't discussed what would happen once we returned Bella to Forks. Would I join the family in Ithaca? Would we all return to Forks?

"Alice…?"

She sighed, knowing what I would ask before the question was formed. "I don't know, Edward. The future is unclear at this point. There are still decisions to be made. I cannot see the wolves and because Bella's life seems somewhat tied to them, there are holes in her future that make it difficult to determine how things will unfold."

I lowered my eyes and exhaled, feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of me. Alice held up her hands and continued.

"Now, Edward, don't jump to conclusions. I said decisions are still to be made, but I didn't say what decisions exactly."

I eyed her carefully. "Explain."

"Well, you know that she's hurt. That's obvious. She was devastated when we left, and for good reason. She loved you, Edward, more than you or any of us realized. I know you are unsure about the future, but one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty, is that she still loves you."

I leaned over and kissed Bella on the forehead before looking up at Alice. "But how can you…?"

"Edward, I'm sure. Trust me on this. I don't need to be clairvoyant to know that she still cares for you. It's clearly evident. Do you think she would traipse across Europe to find you if she didn't? You didn't see her when I returned. Well…I guess now you have." She paused, giggling to herself. "But she was in pieces when I found her. I can see it in her eyes. She's completely lit up when she's around you. She never stopped loving you."

A soft smile came to my lips as Alice reached out for my hand. Her delicate fingers laced in my own and she smiled reassuringly as she rubbed her thumb along the back of my hand.

"She's lucky to have you, Edward."

"So, what decisions are yet to be made?" I asked.

_Now, don't be upset with me. _My eyes narrowed as I waited for her to continue. "I think it would be best for me not to interfere anymore, Edward. You saw the dilemma my last prediction caused. I think it's best if I allow events to unfurl naturally. You and Bella need to work this out without my input."

I nodded. It was not the answer I wanted to hear, but I could understand where Alice was coming from. And she was right. There was much that Bella and I needed to discuss and it wouldn't be fair if I knew the outcome in advance.

"So," I spoke up, "can you tell me how you foresee us getting home?"

"Yes, that I can tell you with absolute certainty. When we are allowed to leave, you will guide Bella through the crowds of revelers to the nearest city gate. I will go back to the Fortezza Medicea to gather our things and will procure us a mode of transportation while I'm gone."

"You're going to steal another car?" I asked. "I don't think Carlisle would approve."

"I'm not stealing it. Only _borrowing_ it for a little while," she said with a mischievous grin. "Then we will drive to the airport in Florence, catch the first flight back to the states, and meet Jasper and the rest of the family at the airport in Seattle."

I nodded in approval while Bella shifted in my arms as she struggled to stay awake. I gently rubbed her arms and placed a kiss on her hair.

"So, tell me something, Edward," Alice began.

"Hmm…?" I murmured, not wanting to take my eyes off Bella again.

"What was all that talk about singers?" she asked.

"_La tua cantante_," I quoted the words Aro had spoken.

"Yes, that," Alice replied, nodding.

"They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer_ – because her blood sings for me."

Alice brought her fingers to her mouth and laughed. The description was quite accurate, Bella's blood did sing for me. It was like a siren's call that beckoned to me. Well, it did…until now.

Of course, Alice understood the analogy, but the image she concocted in her mind was ludicrous; Bella standing on stage at a karaoke bar, serenading me. I stifled a laugh myself and rolled my eyes at her.

"I can't help it, Edward. But you have to admit, that would be entertaining."

I smiled and placed a kiss on Bella's nose. I wouldn't care if she wanted to talk to me, sing to me, or just sit in silence, as long as we were together. I looked back at Alice.

"Don't you think it would be wise to begin making arrangements now while we wait? I would, but I kind of left my phone in Rio."

"I know, I know. Let me call Carlisle first and then I'll call the airport." She stood and walked away, so the sound of her voice would not disturb Bella. We had taken care to keep the volume of our conversation low to allow Bella a chance to rest, and to avoid the curious ears of Gianna who sat watching us from her desk.

As Alice made the phone calls and preparations, I closed my eyes and imagined all that I wanted to say to Bella. There was so much I needed to tell her, so much I needed to share. I did not want to overwhelm her, knowing that it would be best for her to begin. I was afraid that if I pushed too hard, she would back away from me and that was something I was not prepared to handle, at least not well.

I wondered about her life while I was away, about all the secrets she kept hidden from Alice. I wondered about her new relationship with Jacob Black and how that might affect any future I desired to have with her.

She stirred in my arms and nuzzled closer to me. I absentmindedly placed soft kisses along her hairline as I reveled in her touch. Every inch of my body was like a live wire. Every touch sent shocks through my system and made my heart swell with joy.

Alice returned and sat down, but did not speak. She closed her eyes and dwelt on her reunion with Jasper. I could see the love in his eyes through her vision. I never realized how lucky my siblings were to have each other. I had never thought much about it before, being the odd man out, but finding love had opened my eyes to so many new things that I had never noticed before.

The minutes ticked by as we sat in silence. Bella's eyelids would rise and fall as she fought to stay awake. Suddenly, the double doors at the far end of the room opened and Alec stepped out, his eyes glowing a vibrant crimson. My posture stiffened at the sight of him and I instinctively gripped Bella tighter to me. Startled, she looked up at me and followed my gaze until her eyes fell on Alec. She shivered at the sight of him and hid her face in my crossed the room and approached us. "You're free to leave now," he said in a pleasant tone. "We ask that you don't linger in the city." _We don't want a reason to bring you back here, now do we?_

I didn't need more warnings from the Volturi. They had done quite enough of that for one day. "That won't be a problem," I answered stiffly.

Alec smiled, nodded, and disappeared through another set of doors. I exchanged glances with Alice and she nodded that it was time to go. I loosened Bella's grip on my neck and set her down on her feet. She stumbled slightly as she tried to get her footing and I caught her before she could fall.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna offered. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now." She folded her hands together and stood quietly as I began ushering Bella toward the door.

Alice closed her eyes briefly before rising from her seat. I saw in her mind the vision of Gianna lying lifeless in Felix's arms. Alice opened her eyes and shot Gianna a warning glare as she rose. I pitied Gianna for her fate, but knew that there was nothing we could do. There would be no escape for her.

**Thanks for your continued support and words of encouragement. Let's see if we can hear from a few of you new readers this time. Remember, it takes hours for me to write these chapters, but it only takes a few seconds to submit a review. **


	27. Chapter 24: Homecoming

**This chapter is a little long…sorry, I got on a roll and just couldn't help myself! ******** As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

24. HOMECOMING

Following Gianna's instructions, we took the elevator to a discerningly decorated lobby, the business front for the Volturi. As we exited, dusk was settling and revelers filled the streets. The scent of alcohol hung heavy in the air. It was apparent that the celebrations had been going on for quite some time. A couple staggered out in front of us, giggling uncontrollably as they shuffled through the street.

Bella stumbled forward and paused briefly, glancing back at the castle that loomed in the fading twilight. She wobbled as she returned her gaze to me. I wrapped my arm securely around her waist. Her body sagged against me. She was exhausted and seemed as though she could barely keep her eyes open, let alone remain upright.

_I'm going now, Edward, but I will return as fast as I can. Meet me outside the gate. I'll have a car ready. _I nodded to my sister as she darted through the crowd.

A small group of teenagers ran past us, their black satin cloaks flapping in the breeze. One of them turned to me and smiled a toothy grin accented by cheap plastic fangs.

"Ridiculous," I muttered to myself.

We continued to walk through the crowds. Bella lazily looked up at me and then to her right. I heard her heart rate increase immediately as she started looking from left to right, scanning the crowd.

"Where's Alice," she asked, an edge of panic in her voice.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

She nodded and bit her lip, smiling slightly. "She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"

I couldn't help but smile back at her. "Not till we're outside."

She leaned against me as I led her on the long walk to the city gate. Her legs trembled, her body struggling with fatigue. I half carried her through the city until we finally reached the gate. A black Fiat Linea sat idling just to the right of the stone archway. I opened the door for her and she eagerly climbed in. She gave me a puzzled look as I slid into the seat beside her, but smiled as I wrapped the cloak around her and lay my arm across her shoulders, pulling her to me. The car jolted forward as Alice sped toward the airport.

Alice glanced back from the driver's seat. "I'm sorry," she began, casually gesturing to the dashboard. "There wasn't much to choose from."

I chuckled lightly. "It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She let out a sigh. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous." Visions of the speeding yellow car filled her mind and I smiled, knowing exactly how to repay my sister for all she had done for me…for us.

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I promised.

Her eyes lit up as she turned to smile at me. "Yellow," she giggled. She returned her gaze to the road as the asphalt disappeared under the car at a rapid pace. She pictured herself driving through Forks in her shiny new Porsche with Jasper at her side.

_Is it Christmas yet?_

I grinned at my sister's enthusiasm.

The warmth of Bella's body lying against mine melted away all the sorrow and despair that remained in me. I squeezed her tighter to me, relishing in the realization that she was alive and here with me. I was still having difficulty grasping the fact that she was really here. I feared that I would suddenly wake and find that it had all been a dream, one of the many hallucinations I had while laying on the floor of a South American rainforest. I breathed in her scent; surely this couldn't be a dream. The fleeting thought of testing the theory by pinching myself ran through my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. This was more real and more wonderful than any illusion could possibly be.

Bella looked up at me with tired eyes. "You can sleep now, Bella," I whispered. "It's over."

Her eyes searched mine, almost as though she were seeking a hidden meaning in my words. She shook her head. "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."

I kissed her neck softly. "Try," I encouraged.

She shook her head again. I could not understand why she insisted on staying awake. She was visibly exhausted. I let out an exasperated sigh. "You're still just as stubborn."

She smiled lightly and snuggled closer to me. I kissed the top of her head and rested my chin there. Finding her hand under the cloak, I laced my fingers with hers. Closing my eyes, I imagined my mother's ring sitting atop her third finger. The thought filled my heart with such joy that I thought it would burst. The idea that I could make her mine completely filled me with an immeasurable warmth and happiness; not only that she would be mine, but that I would be hers as well.

I remembered Alice's visions of Bella dressed in white and it brought a smile to my lips. _I wonder if that vision will still come true?_ I thought to myself. I did not know if it was something Bella wanted, but what I did know with unwavering certainty was that I could never leave her again. If my time away had taught me one thing, it was the complete and utter emptiness I felt without having Bella in my life. Whether she were just a friend or perhaps maybe someday my wife, I would never leave her side again. I would take from her whatever she was willing to give.

Bella gazed at the passing darkness through the window. Every beat of her heart sent a pulse of electricity through me. Our chests rose and fell in sync with one another as though we were two parts that made up a whole, finally joined together again.

The lights of Florence lit up the sky as we approached the city. Bella shifted and sat up slightly to get a better view. I imagined she hadn't had much time to take in the beauty of Italy upon her arrival. Someday I would bring her back here so she could fully appreciate the splendor of the ancient city.

Alice parked the car in the airport's garage and turned to face us. "I'm going to go inside for a moment," she said. "I'll be right back." Bella looked puzzled but nodded.

_I'm going to get you some clothes, Edward. You would look rather conspicuous traipsing through the airport in nothing but a cloak and a pair of very worn pants. Honestly, have I taught you nothing? _She smiled as she climbed out of the car and bounded toward the terminal.

Bella looked up at me and I shrugged. "Alice thinks I'm in need of an update to my wardrobe," I said.

She chuckled and nodded in agreement. She laid her head against my chest and rubbed her thumb in circles along my hand that was still grasping hers. We sat in comfortable silence, just enjoying being in the presence of one another.

My mind began twitching with all the questions I had. There was so much I wanted to ask her. I needed to know that she forgave me for leaving. I needed to know that she understood. I needed to know that she was okay. I needed her to know how much I still loved her. The parade of inquiries was halted when Alice opened the door again and peeked her head inside. She held a shopping bag out to me.

"Here you go," she said with a smile.

"Thank you, Alice," I replied with a nod, taking the bag.

"You may want to put those on before you get out of the car," she advised.

"Um…I'll give you some privacy," Bella stammered Her cheeks flushed as she moved to exit the car. I maintained my hold on her and she looked up at me, biting her lip. Reluctantly, I let her go.

I waited while Alice removed their bags from the trunk and she and Bella walked into the terminal. I quickly removed the dark slacks and grey sweater from the bag and put them on, grateful for the feel of the clean clothing on my skin. I was in desperate need of a shower, but that would have to wait.

I stuffed the worn jeans and cloak into the empty shopping bag as I stepped out of the car. Before walking into the terminal, I ducked into an alley just outside the parking garage and tossed the bag into a nearby dumpster. I was glad to be rid of the heavy cloak. Much to Aro's dismay, I would have no need for it in the future.

Anxious to return to Bella's side, I entered the terminal and searched the thoughts of the passengers for Alice.

_I hope my bag isn't too large to be a carry-on. I really don't want to check it._

_Italy was so beautiful. I don't want to go home._

_I can't wait until I'm in Jasper's arms again. I wonder if Bella needs any help in there._

Ah, there she was. I weaved through the throng of passengers coming and going until I was at Alice's side. I glanced around for Bella, but Alice quickly answered my unspoken question.

"She's in the restroom. She wanted to freshen up." Alice took a moment in Bella's absence to look me over thoroughly.

"You look terrible, Edward. I really wish we had stopped to hunt before coming here. I hate the thought of Esme seeing you like this."

I shook my head. "Alice, I think she will be happy to see me at all. Do you really think she will care what I look like?"

Alice closed her eyes briefly, seeking the future. "No, you're right. You're always….well, not always, but you're right this time. Everyone will be very happy to see you. It's been so long." Alice strode over to me and wrapped her thin arms around my neck, hugging me tightly to her. I realized that in all the melee, we had not had the opportunity to properly greet each other. The familiar warmth of my sister's embrace made me miss my family that much more. I hadn't realized how anxious I was to see them. All the time away, I had been so focused on Bella that I couldn't allow myself to think of much else.

Alice stepped back as Bella walked up. She had changed her clothing and looked refreshed. Her cheeks flushed as I smiled at her. She was breathtaking. She looked down and shuffled her feet. I longed to hear what she was thinking. She seemed timid, which, I guess, shouldn't have surprised me. She must still wonder how I'm feeling. She must wonder whether I will stay.

"Attention passengers, Flight 247 to Rome will begin boarding at Gate 3 in just a few moments." Bella looked up as the announcement crackled over the loud speaker. I reached over and took her bag with one hand and clasped her hand with the other, squeezing affectionately. Alice followed as we walked toward the gate.

We stood in silence as we waited for the plane to board. When boarding began, we found our row and Bella slouched down in the seat as I stored her bag in the overhead compartment. Alice sat behind us, tapping her fingers impatiently on the armrest. I could see that she was anxious to return home.

Bella stared out the window as the lights of Florence grew smaller and smaller. I watched her breathe lightly as she watched the city pass below. I still clutched her hand in mine and her breath caught as I began rubbing slow circles on her palm.

She turned her gaze to me. She seemed so hesitant, so shy. I longed to tell her everything, but was afraid of her reaction. She seemed so tentative that I knew it would be best for her to begin, but the wait was agonizing.

The flight to Rome was very short. In no time, we landed and boarded the long flight to Atlanta. As soon as we were seated, Bella stopped the flight attendant and asked for a Coke.

"Bella," I scolded. I could see the exhaustion on her face, the fatigue in her eyes. I wanted to ask her why she insisted on staying awake, but I bit my tongue.

"I don't want to sleep," she stated simply. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

I nodded, silently berating myself for not realizing this before. Of course she didn't want to sleep. I could only imagine the monsters that would haunt her dreams. The image of Bella in my arms with her blood on my lips crept into my mind and I shook my head to quickly chase it away.

The flight attendant brought Bella her Coke and she reached for it, eagerly taking a sip as soon as it reached her hands. I diverted my attention to those around me. I could hear Alice sitting behind us, speaking quietly to Jasper. A baby a few rows ahead of us let out a small cry. A couple of businessmen carried on a lively debate a few rows behind us. The plane was full of minds that I could listen to, conversations I could use to distract myself, but the only one I was interested in sat in silence next to me. She stared at her hands as her knee bounced anxiously, whether from nerves or the caffeine, I couldn't be sure.

As we took flight, the other passengers began turning off their lights and settling in to sleep through the overnight flight…but not Bella. No, she sat with the light overhead blazing in the darkness, continuing to drink the parade of Coke supplied by the flight attendants.

I shifted in my seat as she nestled toward me and I wrapped my arms around her. I cradled her head against my chest, lazily running my finger along her jaw line. She sighed and lay in my arms, continuing to drink. I smiled at her persistence and kissed her forehead.

As the flight continued, it was just more of the same. Bella sat in my embrace, still very much awake, and I was content to just hold her. I kissed her forehead, her hair, and her wrists. I just couldn't help myself. Every particle in my body ached for her touch. As the plane began to descend on Atlanta, she sat up with a smug look on her face, pleased with herself that she had been able to stay awake.

The flight from Atlanta to Seattle was just the same as before. I again tried to encourage her to sleep, but she ignored my pleas. A few times, she opened her mouth as though she was going to speak, but she quickly closed it and looked away. I wished there were something I could do to assuage her fears. I wished that there was a way for me to chase the monsters away, to erase the horrible ordeal in Volterra from her memories. I feared the long term affects that the trauma would have on her. I made a mental note to myself to discuss this with Carlisle as soon as possible.

Bands of bright sunlight began peeking through the clouds as dawn over Seattle approached. Bella was breathtaking as the light hit her face. The sunshine brought out the red hues in her hair and lit up her alabaster skin. She looked like an angel. She was my angel. I could see the faint glow on my hands as the light grew. Silently, I leaned over her and closed the shade. She smiled and took my hand in hers.

I could hear the anxious thoughts of my family as we left the plane.

_Do you see them yet? Alice said Edward was with her, but I don't see him. I don't see Bella yet either. I hope she's alright._

_There's Alice. Thank God. She has no idea what this has put me through._

_It's going to be a relief to finally have him home again._

I could not bring myself to let go of Bella. I held her bag in one hand and the other was securely wrapped around her waist. Alice sprinted past me to reach Jasper who stood waiting patiently for her. I searched the crowd for Carlisle and Esme and found them standing off to the side in the shadow of a wide pillar. They smiled brightly as we came into view.

Esme reached for Bella first, hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much," she whispered to her. _You saved my son. I don't know how we will ever repay you._

Esme let go of Bella and threw her arms around me. Her body shook as though she was sobbing, but I knew that they would be tears of joy. She stood back, keeping her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me straight in the eye. "You will _never_ put me through that again," she said sternly. Carlisle lifted his hand to his mouth, stifling a chuckle.

"Sorry, mom," I apologized, grinning sheepishly.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said, reaching for her. "We owe you."

Bella blushed furiously. "Hardly," she murmured. She clutched my arm and stumbled slightly. Carlisle reached out to help steady her.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme scolded. "Let's get her home." _Didn't she sleep on the plane, Edward? She looks utterly exhausted. _My lips set in a tight line and I shook my head, answering Esme's silent question. Her eyes widened and she frowned in disapproval. I shrugged, indicating that I had no control over what Bella did. If she refused to sleep, there was nothing I could do to make her.

I gripped Bella's waist and Esme reached around to support her from the other side as we walked through the airport to the parking garage.

_Are you okay, Edward? You look like you haven't eaten in months._

I nodded, answering my mother's question. She pursed her lips as she looked at the blackness of my eyes. _You need to hunt, Sweetheart. You look weak, but there's something else. There's a peace about you that I haven't seen in quite some time. I'm so glad that you and Bella have found one another again._

My mother continued to pepper me with questions and observations as we walked through the airport terminal and I would nod in response.

As we neared the parking garage, I could hear Rosalie and Emmett whispering in conversation to each other.

_He hates me, I just know it. How can I ever look him in the eye again? And Bella…oh God, she must hate me too! Think of what I did to them! This was all my fault!_

_Shh…don't worry baby. They'll forgive you. It was a mistake. They'll understand._

I could feel the resentment building as I listened to their conversation. We turned a corner and there they were. They leaned against the shiny black exterior of Carlisle's Mercedes, huddled together in conversation. They sat up quickly as we approached, but Rosalie would not look me in the eye. I immediately stiffened when I saw her and I felt Carlisle reach up to grab my shoulder.

"Don't," Esme whispered. "She feels awful."

"She should," I replied, making sure that Rosalie could hear me. She continued to stare at the ground as she uncrossed and re-crossed her ankles. Emmett rubbed her arm soothingly and looked at me with pleading eyes.

Bella turned her head to face me. "It's not her fault," she mumbled. I furrowed my brow, trying to maintain my composure. Every fiber of my being wanted to lash out at Rosalie, to punish her for her selfish ways. I wanted to yell at her for being so callous when she called me to tell me of Bella's death. I remembered the conversation so clearly. She pestered me, almost like it was a game to her. She had no earthly idea what the news would do to me and it seemed as though she didn't even care.

"Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper." I looked to the left and saw Emmett's Jeep parked nearby. Rosalie lifted her eyes to look at me and cringed when she saw the contempt in them. She bit her lip and looked at me apologetically. We stood there for a moment, staring each other down, until Bella broke the silence.

"Please, Edward," she entreated. I looked down at her and saw the sorrow in her eyes. I knew that if I allowed this to tear my family apart, Bella would blame herself. I let out a sigh and my shoulders slumped slightly as I moved her toward the Mercedes. Emmett and Rosalie exchanged a glance and Emmett squeezed her hand before moving around the car to get into the driver's seat. Rosalie opened the front passenger door and slid in without a word.

I gently lay Bella on the back seat and walked around to climb into the other side to sit behind Emmett. I pulled Bella to me and she laid her head on my chest, the exhaustion finally catching up with her. I wondered to myself if Jasper was somehow offering his powers to urge Bella to get the rest she so desperately needed. Bella's eyes closed as the engine started.

"Edward," Rosalie whispered, staring out the windshield, but glancing at my reflection in the glass.

"I know," I replied curtly. I would forgive my sister, in time, but she had to understand that trust would not come easily. She would have to earn it back.

"Bella?" she asked softly.

Bella startled awake and looked up to face Rosalie. "Yes, Rosalie?" she asked.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." I could see the regret in her eyes as she looked at Bella expectantly. She shifted uncomfortably as she awaited a reply.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella mumbled, her words muddled from exhaustion. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you." I pinched the bridge of my nose as the vision of Bella drowning beneath the black waves invaded my consciousness. I closed my eyes and clutched her a little more tightly to my chest.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," Emmett chuckled.

"I'm conscious," Bella retorted. A slight smile crept past the corners of my lips. That was my Bella, stubborn to the very end.

"Let her sleep," I said as I placed my hand behind her head to draw her to my chest once again, encouraging her to return to her slumber. I hoped that she could get at least an hour or two of sleep before we arrived in Forks. I couldn't imagine what Charlie would think when he saw her like this.

As Bella slept peacefully in my arms, I reflected on the months that had passed and all that had happened. Something in me had changed over those months. I had suffered immensely, that was true, but I had also grown. I learned more about myself than I thought possible. In all my years, I thought I had seen it all, but I was wrong. After all we had been through, separately and together, I knew that we were strong enough to face anything.

"Edward?" Rosalie whispered.

"Rosalie, not now," I replied.

"Eddie, come on," Emmett interjected. I cringed at the nickname.

"No, Emmett. Rosalie, it's okay. I forgive you, but you need to give me some time. I'm not ready to discuss this with you. I'm still angry and would most likely say things that we would both regret. For now, just know that I forgive you and I will let you know when I'm ready to talk."

Rosalie nodded and turned in her seat. I could feel Emmett's eyes on me in the rearview mirror. I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes, allowing my mind to rest.

_Edward, we're almost there._

I opened my eyes to see the familiar trees of Forks passing by the window. The winding road ahead turned and I could see Bella's house approaching. There was a light on in the living room and I could hear the sounds of the television blaring. I could imagine Charlie sitting at home, keeping vigil, waiting for Bella's return. I winced, thinking about the pending confrontation with her father. I knew that he would blame me for her leaving. I couldn't imagine what he thought of me after I left her.

As the car pulled to a stop I could hear Charlie lift himself off the couch and saunter over to the window to investigate the sound. _What the…? Is that Dr. Cullen's car?_

He threw the front door open and stood on the porch, peering through the mist. His clothing was rumpled and his hair in disarray. He looked like he hadn't shaved his beard in days. His worry-filled eyes grew wide as he saw me climb from the car. His demeanor changed instantly and a look of utter contempt altered his features. I walked over to the passenger side and opened the door. As I lifted Bella gingerly into my arms, he leapt from the porch and began running for the car.

"Bella!" he shouted as he ran.

Bella groggily opened her eyes at the familiar sound of her father's voice. "Charlie," she mumbled.

"Shh," I whispered to her. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

Charlie's face reddened and I could see a vein throbbing in his temple. "I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," he fumed.

"Stop it, Dad," Bella whimpered.

"What's wrong with her?" he demanded.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I assured him. "Please let her rest." He narrowed his eyes at me and huffed as he began reaching for her.

"Don't tell me what to do!" he bellowed. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I held out my arms, offering Bella to her father, but I could feel Bella's thin fingers clutching my shirt tightly, unwilling to let go. Charlie began pulling on her arm, but she only tightened her grip.

"Cut it out, Dad," she protested. She lifted her head and stared him down. "Be made at _me_." He stiffened and recoiled as though he had been slapped. _She's mad at me? Shouldn't she be upset with him? He's the one who abandoned her!_

Charlie's brow creased and he crossed his arms disapprovingly. "You bet I will be," he promised. "Get inside."

Bella rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. "Kay. Let me down," she said as she looked up at me.

I set her on her feet. She wobbled and I was afraid she was going to collapse on the ground in front of us, but I stood back as Charlie continued to stare me down fiercely. She forced her legs to move forward and I watched as she trudged toward the house.

_Edward, catch her! _I heard Alice's thoughts from the other car as I saw Bella begin to fall. Her weak legs buckled under her and she fell forward on the sidewalk. Charlie reached out, but I arrived first, catching her before her head could make contact with the hard pavement.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I said, looking at Charlie who stood frozen. "Then I'll leave."

At those words, I felt a jolt move through Bella. "No," she cried, throwing her arms around my neck. I lifted her into my arms and stepped through the front door.

"I won't be far," I whispered in her ear. She relaxed her grip, but only slightly.

_You had better believe you're going to go. You should have never come back. I'm not going to go through this with her again!_

I blocked out Charlie's thoughts as I walked up the stairs to Bella's room. The familiar sights and smells were so comforting to me. I had missed this so much. I looked down at Bella and her eyes were already closed again, finally giving over to exhaustion.

I opened her door and gently laid her on the bed. Even in her sleep, her fingers still clung to my shirt. I smiled slightly as I pried her fingers loose. She shifted to her side and curled up as she fell deeper into sleep. I lifted a quilt from her rocking chair and lay it over her. I stood in the doorway, taking one last look at her, and turned to face Charlie once again.

**Thanks again to all my readers! I thoroughly enjoy hearing from all of you. I love having an open dialogue with my readers, so if you have questions or comments, please review. I make it a point to respond to as many of my reviews as possible. We're still not done…about 60 pages of New Moon left to rewrite. **

**A few readers have mentioned an interest in me continuing EPV with Eclipse. If this is something you would like to see, please review and let me know. Thanks!**


	28. Chapter 25: Home

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

25. HOME

I paused in the doorway, watching Bella as she slept. Although I knew she was safe, the thought of separating myself from her, even for a short time, was physically painful. I could hear Charlie pacing impatiently in the living room. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself for whatever Charlie might have to say.

_We're here if you need us, Edward. _Carlisle's thoughts drifted into my mind as I turned to head down the stairs. _Esme and I are here if you need any help smoothing things over with Charlie. We sent the others on to the house._

Charlie's pacing paused as the stairs creaked under my feet. He walked to the foot of the stairs and looked up as I approached. His face was set in a determined scowl and his arms were firmly crossed.

"You, come with me," he said as he pointed to my chest. "We need to talk."

He gestured for me to follow him outside. _If you think you're just going to waltz back into her life, you have another thing coming. She may hate me for this later, but it's for her own good. I sure hope she sleeps through this conversation._

I followed Charlie onto the front steps. Emmett's Jeep was gone and I could see Carlisle and Esme waiting expectantly in the Mercedes. Charlie turned to face me as I pulled the door shut behind me.

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself, young man?" he asked in a stern tone.

"I don't know what I can say other than I'm sorry. I know that my family's sudden move was difficult, but…"

"Difficult? That has to be the understatement of the century! Do you have any idea what you did to her? What she's been through since you left? She was completely shattered. You took her out into the woods and you left her there. We searched for hours and she was completely despondent when we found her. She was depressed for months!" he yelled, the vein in his temple throbbing again.

I could see the memories of the time I was away flashing through Charlie's mind. I had seen bits and pieces from Alice's visions, but there was something about the utter despair of seeing it from her father's perspective that made it that much more upsetting.

I looked down at the ground as the flood of memories invaded my consciousness. Of course I knew exactly what I had done to her. She had been just as miserable as I was and I hated myself for it. If it took an entire lifetime, I would make amends. I ran my fingers nervously through my hair.

"Well…?" Charlie asked, crossing his arms and tapping his foot impatiently on the pavement.

I looked up, seeing the hatred in his eyes. "There were circumstances that could not be controlled. It hurt me to leave her as well, but I cannot change what happened. All I can do is promise to you that I will do everything in my power to make it right. I will never do that to her again. I love her too much to hurt her." I tried to impart to him my sincere regret and love for his daughter, but doubt filled his eyes.

_Love? You have got to be kidding! _Charlie's face reddened, looking as though he was about to explode. "You better believe that you won't do that to her again! I won't give you the opportunity. She was just beginning to put her life back together, to get over you, and you just_ had_ to come back. If you think that I'm going to allow you to play with my daughter's heart anymore, well, you think again! You are not welcome in her life, do you hear me? I don't want to see you step through this door ever again!"

"With all due respect, sir, I believe that is for Bella to decide," I replied.

He uncrossed his arms and his fists clenched at his sides. "Then I'll forbid her from seeing you," he shouted as he pointed a shaking finger at me.

"She's my daughter and as long as she lives under my roof, she will obey my rules. And if that doesn't work, then I'll send her to Florida to live with her mother." His voice was beginning to waver.

_Just leave. Please, just leave and don't come back. You're no good for her. She was finally happy again. Why did you have to come back? I can't see her like that again. I just can't._

I could feel the color drain from my face, if that was even possible. I was at a loss for words. Charlie was right that I was no good for her, but that didn't matter anymore. I loved Bella with every fiber of my being and there was nothing I could do to change that. I believed that she loved me too. If she asked me to go, I would do that for her, but I would let _her_ make the choice. I would be damned if I allowed Charlie to make that decision for her.

I cast a fleeting glance at the Mercedes, catching Carlisle's eye. Charlie looked up as the doors opened and Carlisle and Esme stepped out. He glared at me and looked to my parents as they approached.

"Charlie, it's good to see you again," Carlisle greeted, holding his hand out. Charlie shook it and nodded.

"Dr. Cullen, I think we need to talk about this situation."

"Certainly. Edward, would you mind taking a walk so we can have a talk with Chief Swan in private?" _Don't worry. I think I can diffuse the situation. He's too angry right now to have this conversation with you. Stay close._

I nodded and turned toward the forest, trudging slowly with my hands in my pockets. I could feel Charlie's eyes burning into the back of my neck as I walked away.

"Why don't we go inside and sit down? Would that be okay, Charlie?" Carlisle asked, his tone soothing.

"Yeah, come on in," Charlie replied.

I listened to them enter the house as I walked. I turned the corner and when I was sure that they were inside, I deftly climbed the tree next to Bella's bedroom window. I slid my fingers under the window frame and lifted. Thankfully, she had left it unlocked. I opened the window and slid into her room silently.

She lay on her side, her chestnut hair spilling onto her pillow, framing her face. Her lips curved in a slight smile as she slept. Her face was so peaceful. Her even breathing and steady heartbeat were music to my ears.

I sat in the rocking chair and closed my eyes, listening to the conversation downstairs.

Through Carlisle's eyes, I saw the concerned look on Esme's face as Charlie paced back and forth in front of them. He was visibly shaken, but trying to control his temper in front of Carlisle.

"Charlie," Carlisle began. Charlie paused briefly and faced Carlisle. His eyes were weary and his face drawn. He lifted a can of beer from the coffee table and took a sip.

"Charlie, we had no idea how things would turn out when we moved. I was offered a very lucrative position at a hospital Los Angeles and we decided to accept it. I hated the idea of uprooting my family so suddenly, but with such a large family to support, I felt it was prudent not to turn it down. I'm sure you can understand that," Carlisle lied smoothly.

Charlie ran his fingers through his tousled hair and took another sip of his beer. "Of course I don't fault you for moving. You have a family and you have to do what's best for them. I get that. It's the way your son left my daughter that I have issue with."

"He feels terrible," Esme interceded. "If it's any consolation, he was absolutely miserable from the moment we announced the move. I've never seen him so upset."

Charlie harrumphed and rolled his eyes, beginning his pacing once again. "If he cared about her so much, why did he just leave her? There were no phone calls, no letters, no e-mails…nothing. If he missed her as much as you claim he did, why didn't he try to contact her?"

"We are partly to blame for that, Charlie. We felt it would be easier for the both of them to move on with their lives if they didn't remain tied to one another. We've seen with our other children that long distance relationships are often more difficult to handle than a separation. We felt a clean break was best."

"Alice tells us that the separation was very difficult for Bella," Esme added. "We are so sorry to hear that. You know how dramatic teenagers are; everything is a matter of life and death to them. We had no idea Bella and Edward felt so strongly about one another."

Charlie shook his head in frustration. "Anyone could see how crazy they were about each other. It concerned me quite a bit. They're too young. They've barely experienced life yet. It takes maturity and wisdom to really understand what love is."

Carlisle nodded his head in agreement. "You're absolutely right, Charlie. They are young and often young love is fuelled by hormones more so than intellect. However, we feel that forbidding them to see each other would be a mistake."

Charlie paused and his mouth gaped slightly as he stared dumbfounded at Carlisle. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Raising five teenagers has been a challenge," Carlisle chuckled slightly, patting Esme lightly on the knee. "But one of the things we've learned is that when you make something forbidden to them, it only serves to make that thing more desirable. If we tell them that they cannot see each other, they are likely to continue to do so in secret. I, for one, like to keep a close watch on my children and would prefer that they maintain an open and honest dialogue with us. I fear that if we label their relationship as taboo, then they will merely sneak around and a pattern of lies and deceit will begin."

Charlie stroked his beard as he thought. _He's right. As much as I hate to admit it, he's right. Bella is headstrong and I know that if she wants to see him, I won't be able to stop her. I can't watch her every minute._

Charlie let out a defeated sigh. "I just don't know what to do. I've never seen Bella so broken up about anything before. She was depressed for months. She stopped speaking to her friends, she barely ate; she spent most of her time moping around in her room. And there was nothing I could do to help her. She was practically catatonic. If you ask me, it's not healthy. No one should be _that_ dependent on someone else. Honestly, she was acting less like she was suffering from a breakup and more like someone had died." _Hell, she was acting just like I did when Renee left me. It breaks my heart. I want to protect her. I never wanted her to experience a loss like that. She and I are so much alike. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything I can do._

Carlisle stood and placed a comforting hand on Charlie's shoulder. "As difficult as it is, I think we need to let them figure things out for themselves. I can assure you that Edward feels very strongly about Bella. Your description of her reaction to the separation isn't that dissimilar from Edward's. They may be young, but I believe they are truly in love. Unless we want to lose them both..."

"You're right," Charlie interrupted. "I hate to say it, but you're right. If we force them apart, I'm afraid they'll just run off together and we'll never see them again."

"You're making the right decision, Charlie," Esme encouraged, smiling up at him. He smiled feebly in return.

"So, does this mean you're moving back to Forks?" he asked, changing the subject.

"It's a possibility," Carlisle replied. "We found that we missed the quiet of Forks. A large city like Los Angeles really didn't suit us very well. But we have to discuss it as a family first and I would have to speak with the hospital. If the town will have us back, I feel pretty strongly that we would like to stay."

Charlie nodded and took Carlisle's hand as he offered it. They shook hands and Charlie stiffened awkwardly as Esme reached out to hug him. Carlisle looked on in amusement.

I crossed the room to Bella's bedside and bent to kiss her softly on the forehead. She smiled faintly and snuggled deeper into her pillow.

"I'll be back soon." I promised. Then, I noiselessly leapt out the window and sprinted toward the forest.

"Edward!" I heard Carlisle's voice calling from the house.

I jogged from the tree line back to the house. My parents stood hand in hand at the foot of the stairs and Charlie stood on the porch, holding the doorknob with one hand while the other was shoved in his pocket. I caught the glare in his eyes as I came into view. _If you hurt her again, so help me…_

"Come on, son. It's time to go," Carlisle instructed. _Just play along, Edward._

"But..?" I began.

"Edward, we need to have a family meeting. Let's leave Chief Swan and Bella alone for now. She needs her rest and I imagine they have some talking of their own to do." Carlisle and Charlie exchanged a look of understanding.

Playing the part of the upset teenager, I looked down and shuffled my feet. "Will I be able to see her later?" I asked.

"We'll talk about that. Come on, now," Esme said, reaching out for me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led me to the car.

"Thank you for your time, Charlie. We'll be in touch." Charlie nodded and watched as we climbed into the sedan. He stood and watched as we drove away before finally going back into the house.

"Thank you," I said as we drove.

Carlisle nodded and Esme turned to smile at me. "Everything will work out, Sweetheart. For now, let's just go home. Don't worry; I'm certain that Bella will be asleep for quite some time. And we need to allow her some time alone with her father."

I watched the blur of trees pass by as we sped down the winding road to our home. My thoughts were only on Bella. After months apart, even this brief separation was agonizing for me. I clutched my arms to my chest, the familiar aching sensation returning slightly. I pushed the thoughts away, instead filling my mind with the recent memories of Bella; the way she felt in my arms, the sense of complete joy when I realized she was alive, the feel of her soft skin as I pressed my lips to her forehead.

I opened my eyes to see our house approaching. All those months ago, I believed that I would never see our home again. This was the first house that truly felt like a home to me. Forks was the first town that felt like home. It was all because of Bella. When I was with Bella, I was home. She was the piece of my life that had always been missing, like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle, she completed the picture.

Rosalie sat on the hood of her BMW, wringing her hands, as we pulled into the garage. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with regret. I could not bring myself to go to her, not yet, but I smiled at her as I rose from the car. She returned the smile and hopped down from the hood, following us into the house.

As soon as I opened the door, Alice bounded forward and wrapped her arms around me. I took a step back, jolted by the force of her embrace. "I'm so happy, Edward! Everything's going to be just as it should be!," she squealed.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, I still haven't had a chance to speak with Bella," I replied.

Alice grasped my chin between her slender fingers and smiled. "Silly, silly boy," she scolded, tapping her other finger on her temple. "I don't need to wait for that. I can already see that everything is going to be wonderful. We're all going to be together again, and Bella too! Oh, I can't wait!" She clasped her hands together and I couldn't help but laugh.

I looked around at the faces of my family members. They were all beaming. I had expected some anger and hurt after my departure, but they all seemed genuinely happy just to have me back. Their thoughts were full of love and relief that the entire ordeal was finally over.

I felt a slap on my back, "It's good to have you home, bro. It just wasn't the same without you," Emmett exclaimed. There were murmurs and nods from the rest of the family as they shared in his sentiment.

Esme's slender arm slipped around my own and she pulled me with her toward the couch, motioning for me to sit beside her. We sat in silence for a moment as her fingers traced my weary face. Her palm pressed against my cheek as she looked into my eyes.

"Sweetheart, are you alright?" she asked as only a mother could.

I nodded. "Yes, Esme, I'm fine. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you, to everyone." I paused, glancing around at the faces of my family. "It was selfish of me and all I can say is I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "No, sweetie. Please, don't apologize. You did what you needed to do. We all understand that. We're just happy that you're safe and you're home."

Carlisle stood behind Esme, his hands on her shoulders. I looked up at my father, expecting to see shame in his eyes, but all I found was compassion. He understood my pain, he saw my agony, and he supported me through every decision I had made, whether he agreed with it or not. And there he stood, his eyes full of love for the son who finally returned home. We exchanged a smile, seeing the understanding in each other's eyes.

"So, is there really anything to discuss or has it already been decided?" I asked, looking around the room at the faces of my family.

"It seems as though the decision's already been made," Carlisle replied, gesturing to Alice who continued to bounce with excitement. He chuckled at her enthusiasm and we all soon joined in, the room filled with the sounds of laughter.

"Come on, Eddie," Emmett bellowed. "Let's go find you some mountain lions." He grabbed my arm and began pulling me to the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice skipping down the hallway, humming to herself. I wondered what she could be blocking me from seeing, but dismissed the notion quickly.

Emmett looked back at me as I didn't move. "Come on man, you have _got_ to be starving."

"Actually, I'm fine. It can wait. I'd really like to get back to Bella." He gave me a surprised look as I glanced sheepishly back at Carlisle and Esme.

"You sure?"

"Yes, absolutely," I smiled.

Carlisle nodded, and with that, I was out the door and running through the forest. The cool air felt wonderful on my skin. I knew that I should be thirsty, but my need for Bella overrode everything. I knew that I should be weak, but being with her made me feel strong. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me and, within moments, I was at her window.

Climbing in, I let her aroma wash over me. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, smiling at the familiarity of her scent. Silently, I crept to her bedside and lay down. I wrapped her in my arms and even in her sleep, she nestled into my embrace. I kissed her forehead lightly and closed my eyes. I was home.

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Your words of encouragement are invaluable to me! And thanks also to everyone who's voted for me to continue Edward's point of view with Eclipse. If you haven't reviewed or voted yet…I would love to hear from you!**


	29. Chapter 26: Confessions

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

26. CONFESSIONS

The hours ticked by as Bella slept in my arms. Thankfully, Charlie had relegated himself to the living room. He spent quite of bit of time on the phone with friends and colleagues, explaining that Bella had indeed come home. I overheard one rather heated conversation in which Charlie had insisted over and over that now was not a good time for them to come to the house to see Bella. Venom churned in my stomach when I heard the voice of Jacob Black on the other end of the line. He was rather insistent on seeing Bella, but Charlie refused, saying that she needed her rest.

"Is she okay, Charlie? Please tell me she's okay," Jacob pleaded.

"Yes, Jacob she's fine, just exhausted. I don't know what she was doing for three days to be so tired, but rest assured, I'm going to find out as soon as she wakes up."

"Can you tell her to call me?"

"Sure, although she may have her hands full with Cullen," Charlie replied, rolling his eyes.

"Excuse me? Did you say Cullen?" Jacob's voice wavered when he said my name.

"Yeah, Edward's the one who brought her home."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Jake? You there?" Charlie asked.

"Um…yeah, I'm here. Look, I gotta run. I'll be in touch." _Click._ The phone went dead. Charlie hung the handset back on the receiver and made a mental note to ask Billy later what that was all about. _Poor Jake. I could see he had a thing for Bella and I thought she liked him too. I hope he doesn't give up. It would be good for Edward to have some healthy competition. _

I clutched Bella a little closer to me and pushed aside the animosity that began burning in my stomach. If Jacob Black wanted to challenge me for Bella's affections, I would be ready for him. He would have no idea what he was going up against. If Bella chose him, I would accept it, but I certainly wouldn't go down without a fight.

More hours passed and I stiffened as I heard Charlie pause just outside Bella's door. I could see the shadows of his footsteps cast by the dim light of the hallway. He lifted his hand to the doorknob and listened briefly for the sounds of her sleeping. I could hear him sigh, from either relief or exhaustion, and saunter off to his own bedroom. I relaxed my posture when the light rumbling sound of his snoring filled my ears.

I stroked Bella's face softly as she slept. I studied her features, rememorizing them. Of course, my perfect memory would not allow me to forget, but there was something extraordinary about seeing her like this. She was so serene, so peaceful. The Bella of my memories was tainted by sorrow and grief. I wanted to remember her just like this. She smiled lightly in her sleep and shifted, nuzzling closer to me. Her arm flung across my chest and I grasped her delicate fingers in mine, marveling at the feel of her warmth. I stroked her third finger, once again imagining my mother's ring sitting there. One day, I would ask her. One day, I would offer her the ring and ask her to be mine. I smiled at the thought as Bella shifted once again.

Her brow furrowed and she inhaled deeply. I leaned down to kiss her forehead. Her expression became quizzical as she was beginning to wake. She squeezed her eyes tightly, as though she were fighting to stay asleep. With the reality of dealing with her father looming, I could not blame her for preferring her dreams.

She let out a soft sigh and slowly blinked open her eyes. I smiled at her as she woke. Her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Oh," she gasped, jumping up and throwing her hands over her eyes. I leaned in closely, gauging her reaction, listening to her heart rate accelerate. I longed to know what she was thinking. I could only imagine the nightmares she must have had. Waking from dreams filled with monsters and seeing one sitting before her must have been quite a shock.

Hesitantly, she lowered her hands and looked into my eyes.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked quietly.

I waited patiently as she studied my face. She gnawed on her lower lip and furrowed her brow in concentration as she scrutinized my face. She seemed confused. She shook her head slightly and began blinking furiously, as though she was trying to dispel the vision before her. Was I that frightening to her?

She squeezed her eyes shut and slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. "Oh, _crap_," she exclaimed.

Concerned, I reached out for her, but she flinched slightly.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked anxiously.

She lowered her hand and her lips set in a deep frown. "I'm dead, right?" she asked. "I _did _drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

I couldn't imagine the thoughts that must be going through her head. This was not how I anticipated this conversation to proceed. I could not hide my disappointment as my frown matched her own.

"You're not dead," I replied.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she demanded, raising her eyebrows.

"You_ are_ awake, Bella," I insisted.

She shook her head furiously. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If _I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

I smiled, stifling a chuckle at her bewilderment. "I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare." My smile faded as she stared into my eyes. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She grimaced. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I let out a sigh, unsure of how to explain this properly so that she would believe me. _She must be in some form of shock. Maybe I should get Carlisle._ Her eyes flickered to the open window and back to my face. Realization seemed to dawn on her all at once and her cheeks flooded with color.

She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Did all of that really happen, then?" she asked, her voice uncertain. I briefly toyed with the idea of telling her that it was all a dream, that the real monsters didn't exist and that I had never left her, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to her anymore. It was my lies that tore us apart. I would never do that to her again. I couldn't.

"That depends," I began with a smirk. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

She thought on this for a moment.

"How strange." She paused, searching my face for the truth. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes at her. It was obvious that she required more rest. She wasn't making any sense at all.

"Maybe you should get back to sleep," I advised. "You're not coherent."

She shook her head in protest. "I'm not tired anymore." The stubborn Bella who refused to sleep on the flight was rearing her head now. She leaned back, blinking the sleep from her eyes to see the clock clearly.

"What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?" She raised her arms over her head, stretching out her vertebrae. I could hear the nearly inaudible sound of her joints cracking and loosening after the hours of sleep.

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

"Charlie?" she asked, almost in a whisper.

I frowned, coming back to the reality of her father.

"Sleeping," I replied. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through the door again, and I came in the window…But, still, the intent was clear."

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Charlie banned you from the house?" she hissed. Her cheeks flushed and her hands balled into fists.

"Did you expect anything else?" I asked her. I watched as she fumed silently, no doubt formulating her argument with her father.

She quickly changed the subject. "What's the story?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone, anyway?" Her eyes glazed over and I could see her fingers moving infinitesimally as she tried to account for the passage of time.

"Just three days," I offered. In all honesty, I had been so overwhelmed with having Bella back in my life and making sure that she was safe, I had not stopped to think of a proper justification for her sudden departure.

I thought for a moment and then smiled at her. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I shrugged my shoulders.

She winced and let out a groan. "Fabulous."

I thought for a moment. "Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I offered.

She nodded and bit her lip, shifting her eyes nervously.

"So," she began. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

My face fell as soon as the question left her lips. What could I tell her? That I was a miserable excuse for a man who tried desperately to distract himself, but failed completely? That I had spent months curled on the floor of a South American rainforest, haunted by hallucinations of her?

"Nothing terribly exciting," I offered.

"Of course not," she replied, seemingly irritated with my vague answer.

"Why are you making that face?" I asked.

"Well…" she pursed her lips. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed and shook my head. She couldn't possibly still be under the delusion that she was asleep. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she cried. Her outcry caught me off-guard and I listened intently for Charlie's snoring, afraid that her outburst may have awoken him.

She searched my face before continuing. "Maybe…If you tell me."

I scanned through the memories of the past seven months, trying to determine how I could tell her what I was doing without giving her enough information to upset her.

"I was…hunting." That was the best I could offer, but I was sure it wouldn't appease her.

"Is that the best you can do?" she criticized with a smirk. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I hesitated, unsure of what to say to her. "I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at tracking. I'm not very good at it."

She seemed surprised. "What were you tracking?" she asked with an edge of curiosity in her voice.

Her questions were beginning to set me on edge. I didn't want to frighten her more than necessary. It was apparent that she still hadn't recovered completely from our encounter with the Volturi. I was afraid if I regaled her with the tales of my misadventures, I may send her over the proverbial edge.

"Nothing of consequence," I finally offered.

She glared at me, sensing my unwillingness to divulge any more information.

"I don't understand."

Aware that she wasn't going to let this go, I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that I would just have to tell her. I felt so conflicted, torn between the need to protect her and the desire to give her everything she asked for. It was a thin line that I was being forced to walk.

"I –" I hesitated, taking in a deep breath before continuing. "I owe you an apology."

Her eyes softened and I shook my head, upset with the inadequacy of words to describe how I felt.

"No, of course, I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know –" She laid her hand lightly on my chest as I ran my fingers nervously through my hair. She looked intently into my eyes, waiting patiently for me to continue.

And that's when it happened. In that moment, seeing her before me, wanting to share everything with her, the floodgate opened and I couldn't hold back any longer.

"– that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria" - I paused, nearly choking on the name. Just the sound of her name made the venom pool in my mouth – "would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James' thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard that you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself" – I paused, composing myself as Bella stared at me, her mouth gaping slightly at the outpouring of information.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for - "

Her fingers came to my lips, halting my diatribe.

"Stop," she whispered. Her fingers hesitated slightly before she lowered her hand into her lap. She gazed into my eyes, hers were filled with uncertainty. She bit her lip as she thought of what to say. Glancing down, her eyes began to fill with tears. She quickly blinked then away and looked up to face me again. Her features smoothed as she began to speak.

"Edward," she began. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this _guilt_…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and - "

I sat there, dumbfounded at the words that were coming out of her mouth. Did she honestly believe that I went through all of that out of guilt? Did she not understand? The realization dawned on me that she must still believe that I was telling the truth when I told her I didn't love her all those months ago. I was suddenly furious at myself for the horrible lies I had told her.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I whispered. She looked perplexed. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?"

She stared into my eyes, seemingly even more confused than before.

"Didn't you?" she asked.

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."

I realized that I would have to be very clear if there were any hope that she would believe me.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," my voice cracked on the word. I closed my eyes, composing myself. I opened my eyes and looked intently into hers, making certain she could see the sincerity in them.

"Even if I'd had no hand in your – death" – I shuddered as I struggled with the word – "even if it _wasn't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?

"The odds…" I thought back to the day that started this cataclysmic series of events; the birthday that was the falling domino, setting off a chain reaction of upheaval and sadness. I thought of Romeo and Juliet, the star-crossed lovers who were not that dissimilar to us. Their journey, just like ours, was fraught with trouble and misunderstanding. The irony of it struck me. Just like Romeo, I heard secondhand that my love was dead. I believed it and went to take my own life. Thankfully for my Juliet, I was not as successful as Romeo.

"The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

She continued to stare at me in bewilderment.

"But I still don't understand," she said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

Her words took me aback. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"So what if I _was_ dead?" she pressed.

I stared at her for a moment, trying to determine how I could make her understand, how I could make her believe. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I asked.

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she replied, her voice hung on the most important word in that sentence…_everything_.

I looked into her eyes and brushed my finger along her lower lip. She blushed and shivered slightly.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I closed my eyes and shook my head, a smile of frustration crossing my face. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

She sat there for a moment, muddling through the words I had spoken. "I am…confused."

I placed my hand on her cheek and looked intently into her eyes. She looked up at me, expectant, but uncertain. I spoke very clearly, making sure there would be no confusion. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

She stiffened instantly, once again misinterpreting my words. Her eyes began to well with tears and she clutched her hand to her chest. I grasped her shoulder, shaking her out of her stupor. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." I winced at the memory of that day. "That was…excruciating."

She froze in place, still staring into my eyes.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye - " I could see the memory reflected in her eyes with perfect clarity. The torture of lying to her and watching her believe it so easily had broken my heart, ripped it right from my chest.

"You weren't going to let go," I whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

I could see comprehension in her eyes. "A clean break," she whispered.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

She sat flabbergasted as I continued.

"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_!"

She sat frozen in silence. I was beginning to wonder if I had shocked her into some sort of catatonic state. I grasped her shoulder and shook her lightly.

"Bella," I sighed. "Really, what were you thinking!"

All at once, she awoke from her stupor and tears began rolling down her cheeks. She covered her face and sobbed as I sat there, uncertain of what to do. I was professing my love for her, telling her that my leaving had all been a lie, and she was…crying? I was certain that these weren't tears of joy. Something in my chest twisted as the scene playing out before me held a glaring similarity to one of the gut wrenching visions I had in the jungle – one in which she told me that I was too late. I anxiously waited for her to speak.

"I knew it," she sobbed. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I laughed, frustrated and relieved at the same time.

"How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have _always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head as the tears continued to fall.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I whispered. I was beginning to wonder if she would ever believe me. What could I do to convince her? How could I win her back? My heart was beginning to shatter once again.

"Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" I asked.

Through wracking sobs, she explained, "It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

That was it. I had reached my breaking point. If anyone didn't deserve the love of the other, it was most certainly not her. My jaw tightened as I resolved to make her believe me, one way or another.

"I'll prove you're awake."

I clasped her face between my hands and leaned in. She struggled to break free. Confusion crossed my face at her reaction.

"Please don't," she whispered.

I stopped just before my lips reached hers.

"Why not?" I questioned.

"When I wake up - " she began. She placed her fingers on my lips before I could voice my protest. "Okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back, searching her face. When I leave her _again_? I thought back to the past thirty-six hours, to how she had reacted to me when we were finally reunited.

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late?" I cringed at the question, but it was one that I had to ask.

"Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I whispered, bracing myself for her answer.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?" she asked incredulously.

"Just answer it. Please," I pleaded. Every second that ticked by, my heart threatened to break into a million pieces. She stared at me, disbelieving, as I awaited her reply. My eyes beseeched hers for the answer I was praying to hear.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there is nothing you can do about it!"

With those words, all uncertainty melted away and my heart began to soar.

"That's all I need to hear."

With that, my lips crashed onto hers, releasing all the pent up longing that had built over the past seven months. I gripped her tightly to me and she melted into my embrace. My lips feverishly sought hers and she kissed me back, her passion nearly matching my own. Her heart beat rapidly and I could feel her delicate fingers searching my face. My fingers, my lips, my body memorized hers as we joined together in bliss.

All the months of separation, all the nights of despair, all was washed away with that one kiss. I was hers forever, ring or not. Immense happiness filled every cell in my body, and as our lips parted I whispered her name like a prayer.

"Bella."

**You can all thank my husband for allowing me some toddler-free time to write this weekend. Three chapters…you are all going to get spoiled!**

**Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed. Your words of encouragement are invaluable to me! And thanks also to everyone who's voted for me to continue Edward's point of view with Eclipse. If you haven't reviewed or voted yet…I would love to hear from you!**

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	30. Chapter 27: Impasse

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

27. IMPASSE

Our lips parted and Bella lay back on her pillow, gasping for breath. I pulled her to me, resting my head on her chest and listening to the glorious sound of her fluttering heartbeat while her fingers tenderly stroked my hair.

"By the way," I said. "I'm not leaving you." Her heartbeat quickened. I lifted my head to gauge her reaction. Her eyes searched mine.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said. "Not without you." She smiled and took my hand in hers, looking down at our interlaced fingers.

"I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life." She looked down at me, rolling her eyes.

"I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish." She opened her mouth to argue, but I continued.

"Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed." I paused, squeezing her hand. "What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay – thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

She looked down at our hands once again, a small frown forming on her lips.

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered.

I placed my finger under her chin, forcing her to look into my eyes. "You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked, an edge of pain creeping into my voice.

She shook her head "No – not lying." She paused as though she were searching for the proper words. I waited as patiently as I could, wishing desperately to know what she was thinking. This would be so much easier if I could read her mind and dispel all her worries with whatever words she needed to hear.

"You could mean it…now," she hesitated. "But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?" She lowered her chin. I saw a brief flash of regret in her eyes.

I flinched reflexively at her words. She was right to believe that she was still in danger, but I would protect her. It was my duty to protect her. What concerned me more was the idea that she would never trust me again. No matter how I professed my love, that tiny seed of doubt would still remain firmly planted in her mind and that's all it would take. Just one tiny shred of uncertainty could keep her from ever truly trusting me again.

She seemed to be thinking and she looked up at me again, her eyes questioning, yet with a hint of understanding.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right."

I shook my head in disagreement. "I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I replied. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway." Her eyes widened slightly with this revelation. I nodded my head.

"Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

"Be serious, please," she smirked.

"Oh, I am," I insisted. I clutched her face in my cool hands, bringing her closer to me. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" I waited, studying her face, making quite certain that she was listening to me. She stared into my eyes, expectant, yet still hesitant.

How could I properly convey to her how I truly felt? I thought back to the darkest time in my life, my time without her. Bella was my life, my light, and without her I was lost. On one dark night in Texas, as I tried in vain to track Victoria, I had a revelation. The sky was black, it was a new moon. I remembered the way the dark sky so eloquently exemplified my life without her. With the memory fresh in my mind, I began to explain to Bella exactly how I felt.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason…And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." I stopped and waited for my words to take hold. I searched her face for a reaction, for a glimmer of understanding.

Her eyes filled with tears and I could see the doubt in them. She looked down, avoiding my gaze.

"Your eyes will adjust," she murmured.

"That's the problem – they can't," I insisted.

"What about your distractions?" she asked, her voice breaking on the last word.

I let out a chuckle. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the…the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." Memories of that time tore at my heart. I don't even know how I managed to survive so long without her. I don't know how I was able to maintain my sanity. I was so lost without her.

"That's funny," she muttered.

"Funny?" I asked, confused.

"I meant strange - " she clarified. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She paused, taking in a deep breath.

"And my heart. That was definitely lost."

My heart melted with her words. She and I were so similar, how could this not be destiny? I chastised myself for ever doubting that she was my true soul mate. I closed my eyes and leaned my head down, once again listening to the soft rhythm of her heartbeat. She rested her head against mine and we held each other in a moment of pure contentment.

The sound of her voice broke the silence. "Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked.

"No," I sighed. No matter how I tried, nothing could have distracted me from the searing emptiness in my chest.

"That was never a distraction," I continued. "It was an obligation."

She sat up straight. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here." I groaned and dragged my hand across my face. She sat motionless, staring at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears - " I stopped as I realized I had said too much. She stared at me. Her eyes were wide with fear and all the color had drained from her face. Her hands began shaking and I grasped her fingers in an attempt to calm her.

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" she cried, her voice filled with rage and fear. I raised my fingers to her lips as I listened to Charlie's snores in the next room. She had startled him, but thankfully he was not fully awake.

When I was certain that Charlie was asleep, I lowered my hand.

"Not well," I answered. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

Color flooded her cheeks and her hands shook as she clasped my face. "That is…out of the question," she insisted. I could see the concern in her eyes, but I would not let this go. Victoria has purposely led me off track to South America with the intent of returning to kill Bella. If she had succeeded…_oh, God_. I could not even fathom the thought. I could not survive losing Bella, but to lose her like that, to something I could have prevented…

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after - "

She cocked her head to the side. "Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

She was right. I frowned as the war in my heart raged – the two halves of my heart battling with one another. Half of my heart wanted to hold Bella close to me and keep her safe forever; the other half sought vengeance for what Victoria had done and would go to any lengths to exact revenge. My frown deepened and a growl built in my chest. I felt so conflicted, so torn.

"I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria" – I snarled – "is going to die. Soon."

She clutched my hand. "Let's not be hasty," she encouraged. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

She was right. The wolves were going to be a problem. I would have to discuss with Carlisle what could have triggered the reappearance of the genetic trait and how to deal with them. I shuddered at the thought of Bella interacting and even befriending such volatile, brutish creatures.

"It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

She snickered. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I opened my mouth to protest, but bit my tongue. If I was to win the battle for Bella's affections, I would have to tread carefully around the issue of Jacob. My teeth clenched as I held back.

"Really?" I asked, attempting to hide my exasperation. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?" I could not imagine what she would be thinking, but then again, Bella's mind had never made sense to me. She was a walking contradiction, always surprising me.

"How about the second greatest?" she hedged, looking away as she avoided my gaze.

"All right," I agreed with a smirk, waiting for her to continue.

She wrung her hands. "There are others who are coming to look for me," she whispered, as though speaking about them too loudly would suddenly make them appear.

I sighed, "The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?" I could not fathom what could be worse than the Volturi, or Victoria, or the werewolves; although, the Volturi were the least of my worries.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

Her mouth gaped open and a look of dread altered her features. She bit her lip and her eyes began brimming with tears. _Dear God, she's terrified!_ I could only imagine how traumatic that whole experience must have been for her.

I wrapped my arms around her. "You don't have to be afraid," I whispered. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here," she murmured.

She still believed I would leave her. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get through to her, if she would ever trust my words again. I grabbed her face tightly, forcing her to look into my eyes. I stared intently at her face, my eyes fixed on hers. A tear trickled over my fingers as she held my gaze.

"I will never leave you again," I told her, enunciating each word slowly and deliberately.

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered. More tears began to fall. She shook herself free of my grasp. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

So that was what this was all about. She was still worried about getting old. After all the time that had passed, after everything we had gone through, we had come full circle, back to the unsolvable debate over her mortality.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," I said, maintain a firm tone. "What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

She turned away from me. Her hands were shaking. "Is this really…"

I waited patiently for her to continue. I could see the question forming on her lips, but she was holding back.

"Yes?" I asked, prompting her to continue.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?" She grimaced as tears continued to trail down her cheeks.

I reached for her, kissing away her tears. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I assured her. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" I paused. I knew that I could never leave her, but what if she decided to leave me? Would I be strong enough to let her go? Man enough to love her from afar? I shuddered at the thought, wishing I could hold back the words, but they needed to be said. She needed to know that I would not hold her back.

"If you outgrew _me_ – if you wanted, something more – I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

Her gaze turned quizzical as she stared at me. She seemed utterly confused, as though I were speaking a foreign language.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she demanded, her tone derisive.

I hated the thought of her leaving this world, but the answer to this question was an easy one, one that I had already answered before. "I'll follow after as soon as I can," I swore.

"That is seriously…" Her lips twisted and a look of utter revulsion crossed her face. "Sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left - "I reasoned.

She closed her eyes and held up her hand to silence me. "Let's just back up for a minute."

I was surprised by her harsh tone. She was visibly upset as her gaze turned cold. She stared into my eyes, demanding that I listen.

"You do remember the Volturi, right?" she asked with a hint of condescension in her voice. "I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm…_thirty._" She wrinkled her nose at the word. She paused, closing her eyes briefly to collect herself.

"Do you really think they'll forget?"

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. I had wished to avoid this conversation all together. In the back of my mind, I knew that she would not be able to let this go, but I had hoped that seeing the true nature of what I am in Italy would have swayed her, or at least forced her to really think about what she was asking me to do.

"No," I answered slowly. "They won't forget. But…"

"But?"

I couldn't help but grin. There were a few small details I had been able to keep to myself, a few very useful bits of information about the Volturi that would help me to protect Bella. I was quite certain I could keep them from ever finding her.

"I have a few plans," I finally conceded.

She arched her eyebrows and her eyes grew wary. "And these plans. These plans all center around me staying _human_."

"Naturally," I replied.

She stared at me, dumbfounded for a moment. I could see the wheels turning in her head and was prepared for her retort. To my surprise, she stiffened, pushed me away, and sat up. I could not deny that her reaction hurt me somewhat. All I wanted was to be close to her and for her to push me away like that was an unexpected blow to my ego.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to hear her answer.

"No," she said firmly. "I'm leaving."

_Leaving?_ That was certainly not the response I had expected. I watched her with great curiosity as she stumbled around in the darkness.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house," she replied matter-of-factly.

With that, I got up and stood by her side. She was still groping in the darkness and I could see that she was searching for her shoes. I snatched them up and handed them to her.

"Here are your shoes. How do you plan to get there?" I asked.

"My truck."

"That would probably wake Charlie," I warned.

She looked up at me and sighed, shaking her head. "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you." She may be the one to get in trouble with her father, but I knew too well that he would point the finger of blame squarely at me. It would take much more than an apology to win back Charlie's trust.

It saddened me to realize that I may never be able to rebuild that relationship. He was wary of me before, but now, he certainly had no qualms about making his dislike for me known. My only reprieve was the fact that I would be forced to cease contact with him in a few years. Bella, of course, could visit her father, but I would soon no longer be able to hide the fact that I could not age.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I offered, praying that she would do just that, but with no hope that she would actually listen to my advice.

She rolled her eyes. "No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," she teased. She turned and headed for the door.

I jolted past her, barricading myself between her and the door.

She frowned and spun on her heels, heading instead for the window.

I sighed, knowing that she would never give up. If I had any hope of figuring out what she was up to, I would have to take her there myself.

"Okay. I'll give you a ride."

"Either way," she shrugged. "But you probably _should_ be there, too."

"And why is that?" I asked. What was she getting at? What could she possibly have in mind?

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

I instantly knew that I didn't like where this was going.

"My views on which subject?" I asked through gritted teeth, already sensing what her answer would be.

She threw her shoulders back and looked me straight in the eye.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?"

As I waited for her answer, I suddenly realized that this is exactly why Alice had been humming to herself shortly before I left the house. She knew this was going to happen and she did nothing to stop it. Of course she wouldn't.

_Everything's going to be just as it should be_, she had said. I held my breath, waiting for Bella to reply.

She looked smug and a small smile played on her lips.

"My mortality," she said. "I'm putting it to a vote."

**Thanks to everyone who continues to read and review. I'm grateful for the positive response I've received and I'm happy to announce that after I finish Moonless Night and take a short break, I will begin working on Eclipse from Edward's perspective. If anyone has any title suggestions, please let me know.**

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	31. Chapter 28: Opening Statements

**Moonless Night passed a couple of exciting milestones with the last chapter…more than 100,000 words and 200 reviews. Thanks so much!**

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

28. OPENING STATEMENTS

It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to hide my exasperation. This issue was not up for debate, and most certainly not something I would put to a vote. I began mentally tabulating the votes in my head, trying to determine which way each family member would lean. The only vote I knew with absolute certainty was Alice's. She had made it quite clear that she intended for Bella to become a member of the family in every conceivable way.

Unease began building in the pit of my stomach, as I realized that Alice may already know the outcome. She knew that Bella would make the decision to ask our family about her mortality and she could also know the results of the vote. That had to be why she was humming before I left the house. She knew that if I found out, I would put a stop to it right then. And she would have been right.

The frown was etched on my face, but didn't have the will to fight with Bella anymore. Her lips were set in a determined line and there would be no swaying her from her decision. Reluctantly, I took her up into my arms and jumped from the window to the ground. I set her down on her feet and she smiled weakly, sensing my unease.

"All right then," I said, leaning over and motioning for her to climb onto my back. "Up you go."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and I helped her up as she hitched her legs around my waist. I held her securely and began to sprint through the night. The contrast between the cool night air on my face and the warmth of Bella's body made my skin tingle.

In this moment, it felt as though I had never left. Bella and I had run through the forest just like this so many times, it just felt right. I could feel her chin resting on my shoulder, her cheek touching the cool skin of my neck. I could feel the steady vibrations of her heartbeat as she clung to my back. She seemed so comfortable there, so at ease. She turned her head and I felt the warmth of her lips as she placed a soft kiss on my neck. The skin beneath her lips burned like hot embers and the warmth traveled straight to my heart.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

Her light laughter filled my ears. The sound was magnificent. It was a beautiful sound that, not long ago, I feared I would never hear again.

"Not really," she replied. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up…Not tonight." She sounded so calm, so at peace, yet still cautious.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I murmured. "If it's my final act." _I will do whatever it takes. I promise._

"I trust _you_," she replied. "It's me I don't trust."

A innumerable amount of reasons began flying through my head. _What did she mean?_ My thoughts kept going back to the nightmarish vision in which she told me that I was too late, that she could not take me back.

"Explain that, please," I begged.

I slowed my pace, not because I felt the need to stall, but because I needed to focus on her words completely. Something in my heart told me that we needed to have this talk. Something in her voice gave me pause to listen; to be sure there would be no misunderstanding.

"Well –" she began, wringing her hands nervously. She bit her lip, hesitating, and I rubbed small circles on her calf in an effort to reassure her. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

To deserve _me_? How could she possibly have it so wrong? It was I who did not deserve her. Couldn't she see that? I gently slid her from my back and turned to face her. She looked nervously into my eyes as I wrapped my arms around her, holding her securely to my chest. I buried my face in her hair and squeezed her tightly. I held her to me as a drowning man would hold onto a life preserver.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that."

She let out a breath as I continued to hold her. I could feel her heart quicken and she gripped me a little tighter in response to my words.

"You never did tell me…" I murmured, looking down at her.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

She leaned back slightly so she could see my face. "I'll give you one guess," she teased, tapping the end of my nose with her index finger.

_Me? Ouch!_ "I'm worse than the Volturi," I groaned and lowered my head. "I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes and a small smile curved at the corners of her mouth. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

And what was I capable of? Certainly, I had it within my power to take her life, more easily than I cared to imagine. But I would never. I could never. What could possibly be worse than death? The answer, yet unspoken, hit me like a ton of bricks. I waited tensely for her to finish her statement.

"You can leave me," she continued.

_And I did. I'm so sorry._

"The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that." She paused, searching my eyes. I was unable to hide my anguish as she spoke the truth. The worst thing imaginable had been exactly what I had done to her. I left her. I made her believe that I didn't love her. I had sentenced her to a punishment worse than death. In my efforts to protect her heart, to protect her soul, I had been the one to destroy it. The ragged edges of the vacuous hole that still resided within my chest seared with pain once again.

"Don't," she said, seeing the sorrow on my face. Her delicate hand reached out and stroked my cheek. "Don't be sad." I raised my gaze to look into her eyes. I saw compassion and love in them. I saw forgiveness in them. I saw Bella, my Bella, hurting for _me_, even after I had wounded her beyond measure.

I managed a sheepish grin. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you," I sighed. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

A broad smile spread across her face. "Okay," she agreed. The idea of time seemed to please her greatly.

Try as I might, I could not snap myself out of my brooding. The pain I had caused Bella still tore at the gaping hole in my midsection. She could forgive me, but would I ever be able to forgive myself for what I had done to her? Would I be able to find solace in her understanding? Find redemption in her loving embrace?

She reached down and laced her fingers in mine, stooping down to catch my distant gaze. She smiled at me, trying to lighten my mood.

"So – since you're staying," she began, attempting to distract me from my melancholy state. "Can I have my stuff back?"

I let out a chuckle. If only she had known how close her belongings were to her the whole time.

"Your things were never gone," I replied, grinning slyly. She looked utterly befuddled.

"I knew it was wrong," I explained, "since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

Her eyes grew wide and her mouth gaped slightly. "Really?" she asked, nearly giddy at the revelation. She probably thought that I had destroyed them.

I nodded, smiling at her delight. Her expression changed. She still grinned, but her eyes stared past me as though she were deep in thought. Bewildered, I watched expectantly for her to share her thoughts.

"I think," she began. "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" I watched her keenly.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices." She bit her lip and looked tentatively at me, gauging my reaction, wondering if she had shared too much.

"Voices?" I asked, confused. _Voices? What exactly did my leaving do to her? _

"Well, just one voice," she hesitated. "Yours…It's a long story."

"I've got time." _This I have to hear._ Was it possible that she had heard my voice just as I could hear hers? Did she hold onto the image of my face and the sound of my voice as ardently as I grasped to my memories of her?

She looked down at her hands as she shuffled her feet, scattering the decaying leaves on the forest floor. I waited patiently for her to continue.

"It's pretty pathetic." _It couldn't be any worse than my hallucinations. The way I acted during my time away was the absolute epitome of pathetic._

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I recited. I still couldn't imagine what would have possessed her to do such a thing. As I recalled, she attracted danger like a magnet on a daily basis. Tempting fate so rashly was grossly negligent of her. I thought I had made her promise not to do anything reckless.

"Er, right," she stammered. "And before that, with the motorcycle – "

"Motorcycle?" _She didn't…_

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part." She lowered her eyes, guiltily refusing to meet my stare.

"No," I replied flatly, trying desperately to mask my growing unease.

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly," she confessed. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt." _Because I didn't._

That is why I had practically pleaded with her to try her best to stay safe in my absence. The idea that she would purposely put her life at risk to induce a hallucination of my voice made me sick to my stomach. I struggled to maintain my composure.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." She paused, a small smile playing on her lips.

"You….were…risking your life…to hear –" I struggled to say the words, but she held up her hand cutting me off.

"Shh…Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I watched with uneasy anticipation as I saw the wheels in her head turning. Her eyes were shifting in the darkness, as though she were solving a riddle and watching the puzzle pieces fall into place before her eyes. Her eyes widened and a broad smile spread across her face. Her hands flew up to her head.

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

"Bella?" I asked, going quickly from perplexity to concern.

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" I inquired, hoping desperately for an explanation, to be privy to the thoughts that suddenly seemed so clear to her.

"You love me," she proclaimed with surprising conviction. I could see in her eyes that she truly believed the words. _Finally_, she understood. My heart swelled and with those three small words, the hole in my chest was completely healed. I could not hold back my elation as a beaming smile spread across my face.

"Truly, I do," I replied. Her eyes were wide with wonder as I grasped her face in my hands and brought her lips to mine. I kissed her fervently, demonstrating exactly how much I loved her, how much I needed her. Our lips moved with one another in perfect harmony, communicating more than our inadequate words ever could. My fingers tangled in her hair as I pressed her face to mine. When we finally parted, we were both gasping for breath.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I told her, absently twirling a strand of her hair with my fingers.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She placed her hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into her, reveling in the warmth of her touch. I felt so complete. How could I ever think I could survive without her? I opened my eyes and studied her features. Her eyes were full of love and adoration. Her lips smiled softly, begging to be kissed again. Her gentle hands tenderly caressed my face as she comforted me.

"I only heard one voice," she corrected me.

I laughed and pulled her to me, leading her to my home that was no more than fifty yards from where we were standing. No doubt my family could hear our little reunion. But I didn't care. I would shout it from the rooftops if I could.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I advised her, thinking of the impending vote. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

She shook her head in disagreement. "This affects them now, too," she replied.

I shrugged, knowing that she would not be swayed from her course. I would allow her to continue on with this charade so she could feel that she had done something, but the results would not matter. Surely my family wouldn't go against my wishes and even if they did decide they wanted Bella to be a member of the family, they could not force me to change her. With the exception of Carlisle, no one in the family would have the restraint necessary to complete the task. Although Alice certainly had the desire, I seriously questioned her ability. I was relatively certain that Carlisle would not agree to it knowing my reservations, especially with the reminder of his promise that Emmett would be the last.

I expanded my range, listening for the minds of my family. Each pair was locked away in their respective bedrooms. Jasper and Alice were joined in a quiet embrace, his fingers gently stroking her face and he was…singing to her? I didn't think I had ever heard Jasper sing before, but the tender moment made me smile and I respectfully blocked them out to allow them their privacy.

I continued on to Emmett and Rosalie. It seemed they were in a similar position, Emmett ignoring his usual post at the television to be attentive to his distraught wife who, no doubt, still harbored a great amount of guilt for her part in recent events.

I then turned my thoughts to Carlisle and Esme who leaned against one another in comfortable silence, their minds emanating relief. I could only imagine the trauma my actions had put them through.

The front door stood open. No doubt Alice had been expecting us. I flipped on lights as we entered the house and Bella looked around, surveying the room. Everything looked exactly as it had seven months ago. The sheets, the dust, they were all gone. All traces of our absence were erased, as though we had never left.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I called.

Instantly, Carlisle stood beside Bella and she startled at his sudden appearance.

"Welcome back, Bella," he smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not purely a social visit?" He stole a glance at me. _Alice told us that you would be coming. _

Bella nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Carlisle gave me a meaningful look. _Alice spent the better part of the afternoon briefing us on your time in Volterra. We know about the promise that was made to Aro. _I nodded infinitesimally, silently preparing my rebuttal to Bella's request. Unbeknownst to Bella, I had begun formulating a plan to protect her from ever being found by Aro or Demetri. No doubt she would be less than pleased with my steadfast insistence that she maintain her humanity.

"Of course," Carlisle conceded with a smile. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

He placed his hand on the small of Bella's back and ushered her toward the dining room. I followed closely behind, running my fingers through my hair nervously, unable to quell the unease building in the pit of my stomach. Having Bella back should have made me completely resplendent, but I could not shake the undeniable urge to put a stop to this madness and hide her away for the rest of her life.

As we entered the dining room, I was struck by the irony of the situation. The last time our family had assembled in this room, I had asked them to vote on whether or not we should leave Forks, leave Bella. Now Bella would be asking to stay. It seemed that this room would interminably be our courtroom, where our own version of the democratic process would play out.

Carlisle pulled out a chair at the head of the table and motioned for Bella to sit. She sat, leaning her elbows on the table and folding her hands in a resolute posture. She looked over at me as I took the seat next to her and I could see the uncertainty on her face. Her heart skipped a beat and she bit her lip as she always did when she was nervous. She watched as the rest of my family filed into the room behind me.

Esme lay a gentle hand on my shoulder as she passed. _It's so good to see Bella in this house again. This is how it should be. My newest daughter, finally reunited with us. _I groaned quietly at Esme's thoughts. I was beginning to see that this was going to be far from easy.

I watched from my chair beside Bella as my brothers and sisters took their seats. Alice giddily danced to her chair, grinning like a Cheshire cat. She stole a glance at me. _I told them everything that happened, but I haven't explained to them why Bella is here. I thought it would be best to allow her to ask. You should appreciate that – I could have told them and swayed the vote before you arrived; not that it would matter. Would you like to know the result?_ She arched her brow and a growl of frustration slipped through my not-so-carefully guarded mask.

Jasper followed closely behind Alice. _It really is good to have her back. I promise we will never have a repeat of my actions at her birthday party. I swear it. _I smiled weakly and nodded, acknowledging Jasper's silent pledge.

Emmett guided Rosalie to her chair. She smiled timidly at Bella, her usual vitriolic thoughts replaced by ones of doleful remorse. Emmett rubbed her shoulders lovingly as he eased her into the chair. He stole a quick glance at me. _Give her a hard time, Eddie, and you're going to have to deal with me. She feels terrible. Just forgive and forget, okay?_

With the family assembled, Carlisle took his seat besides Esme and nodded to Bella. "The floor is yours."

Bella looked down nervously at her fidgeting hands in her lap. There was an audible gulp as she prepared to speak. I took her hand under the table and squeezed it reassuringly. There was nothing to fear. Any one of the vampires sitting at this table would undoubtedly protect her with their lives.

"Well," she began, "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

Alice nodded her head earnestly. "Everything."

Bella exchanged a meaningful look with Alice and I wondered if they had figured out how to communicate telepathically in my absence.

"And on the way?" she asked.

"That too," Alice nodded.

The conversation between Alice and Bella on the airplane flashed in my memory. _"He'll be furious, but what will he be able to do about it?" _I glowered at my sister as she sat looking a little too smug.

"Good," Bella sighed. "Then we're on the same page." _The hell we are!_

"So, I have a problem," she continued. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid. " I saw my brothers throw a nervous glance at Carlisle, wordlessly inquiring about the severity of this threat.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She paused to look at the faces of her would-be family. Our family of seven could be rounded nicely to eight, four blissfully paired couples.

Arguably, I could easily give into Bella's demands and claim her as my own forever, but the crushing guilt that would accompany that selfish act would be too much to bear. She glanced over at me, but I could not look her in the eye. I was purposely staring down my siblings, mutely declaring my position on the matter.

Bella looked up and continued her speech. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

_How could she think that we wouldn't want her? _Esme opened her mouth to speak, but Bella silenced her with a raised hand.

"Please let me finish," she said. Carlisle clutched Esme's hand, soothing her need to console her prospective daughter.

"You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I bristled at the notion of Bella returning to those monsters…alone. She was astute to present her case in such a manner, making it very difficult for us to refuse her request. It reminded me of the conversation she had with Carlisle on her birthday, when he easily put her argument to rest. Perhaps she gleaned more from that conversation than I realized.

She straightened her shoulders, solidifying her resolve, as she continued. "Taking into account, then that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

Emmett stifled a chuckle at Bella's free use of the term as he tried to imagine what she would look like as an immortal. He was practically salivating at the thought of the chance to wrestle with a newborn. I threw him a harsh glare and his smile quickly vanished.

Bella turned to Carlisle, gesturing for him to begin. At this, I pushed back my chair and stood.

"Just a minute," I interrupted. Bella scowled at me through slit eyes and I squeezed her hand in response. "I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed, but resignedly allowed me to speak.

"About the danger Bella's referring to; I don't think we need to be overly anxious." Jasper's eyes widened curiously.

"You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end." Alice glowered at me. "There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I couldn't hold back the self-satisfied smile that began spreading across my face.

"Which was?" Alice prompted, her voice dripping with suspicion.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I glanced at Bella and she shuddered at the thought of the vampire who had cornered us in the alley.

"He finds people – that's his talent, why they keep him."

Worry etched Esme's face. _A tracker, like James? But unquestionably more deadly if he's a member of the Volturi guard. _Bella's heart rate had reached a staccato rhythm as she fought to remain calm.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was." I nodded at Esme and saw her quiver as I answered her thoughts.

"His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I paused and glanced at Bella as understanding was beginning to dawn on her face. Her shoulders slumped forward and her confidence faltered.

"You think he won't be able to find me," she finished.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

Alice crossed her arms and shook her head. _It won't work, Edward. They can still find US._

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and then I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" I smiled a little too widely, satisfied with my infallible argument.

Emmett and Jasper grinned, obviously pleased. _That's actually a very sound strategy, Edward. I'm impressed._

Alice continued to look daggers at me._ Great, Edward…so you'll hide her where? Who will protect her? The Volturi will simply find us first and what do you think they'll do? Could you stand by while they torture your family for information? Bella may be a needle in a haystack, but when you have eternity and drive, you can look at every piece of straw until you find it. Neither Demetri, nor Caius, will give up so easily._

My arrogant display was interrupted by the sound of Bella's voice.

"But they can find you," she reminded me.

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett smiled widely and leaned over the table, extending his fist to meet mine.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he bellowed excitedly. _I'd love to get a chance to wrangle with some of those Italians. Bring it on!_

"No," Rosalie hissed, smacking Emmett's arm to reign in his enthusiasm.

"Absolutely not," Bella countered.

"Nice," Jasper nodded his approval. _I could not have planned a better strategy myself._

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

Bella straightened her posture and stood, trying to assert herself. Her voice was resolute. "All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."

**Thank you so much to everyone who sent in a review. You are the fuel that keeps me going with this! For those of you who have read and added Moonless Night as a favorite, thank you, but don't be afraid to voice your opinion too. I don't bite…I promise! And I always make it a point to reply to all signed reviews. I long for the day that I have too many reviews pouring in to reply to them all, but hey, a girl has to dream…**

**The vote is up next. We only have 2-3 chapters left to go!**


	32. Chapter 29: Vote

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

29. VOTE

My teeth clenched as I surveyed the faces of my family members. They all seemed remarkably preoccupied; an obvious attempt to thwart my ability to read their minds. That is, everyone with the exception of Alice. I could practically hear her screaming the answer in my head. _Yes! _

The tension in the room was palpable and my jaw flexed as I struggled to find the fortitude not to grab Bella and make a run for it.

Bella turned to me first. I could see the turmoil in her eyes. She desperately sought my approval, but was resolute in the decision that it was what she wanted, regardless of my protests. She could see past all my insecurities, past the chivalrous façade, and straight into the heart of the man who loved her and selfishly wanted to make her his forever. Like a looking glass, she could see right through me.

"Do you want me to join your family?" she asked.

The form of her question sent a searing shock through my heart. Of course I wanted her to join my family. I wanted to make her my friend, my lover, my wife. I wanted to have her be a part of my family forever and always, but I was not willing to sacrifice her soul in the process. I strengthened my resolve and set my countenance in a mask of hard determination.

"Not that way," I replied. "You're staying human."

She nodded, barely acknowledging my response and turned to face Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes." _Don't fight it, Edward. It's what she wants. It's what you want too, whether you will admit it or not._

"Jasper?"

Jasper hesitated for a fraction of a second before looking up at Bella and opening his mouth.

"Yes," he replied.

I was instantly floored. I had sincerely hoped that Jasper would back me up. He, more than any other, understood what it was to change a human into a vampire. He knew what she would become, the soulless newborn with an insatiable bloodlust. He looked sheepishly across the table.

_I'm sorry, Edward. I can feel the emotional aura coming off of Bella and there is no doubt that this is what she wants. Why fight it? She will only be a newborn for a short period and then you will have an eternity to be together. And if I'm being honest, it will make things much easier on me, as selfish as that sounds. _I could feel Jasper's influence pressing down on me, trying to suppress my temper, but I shot him a piercing glare. He stopped immediately, sensing that I would not tolerate his mood altering abilities today.

"Rosalie?" Bella continued.

Rosalie, too, hesitated and I could see the turmoil in her mind as she bit down on her bottom lip and considered her answer. She envisioned what it would be like to have Bella for a sister, what it would be like to see me mated. Then she envisioned the future she could have had before she was turned. She saw herself, happily married with a small child standing next to her and her belly swollen with another. She saw herself growing old, surrounded by loving children and grandchildren. She lowered her eyes and spoke. "No."

Bella turned to move on and Rosalie's hands shot up in defense. _Please, no, I didn't mean it like that. _

"Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been somewhere there to vote no for me."

Emmett flinched slightly at her words, but kept it well hidden. My respect for my sister grew immensely in that fleeting moment. She, much like myself, had a difficult time coming to terms with what she is. No matter what she had gained in this life, the things that were lost to her meant so much more. She understood, better than most, the sacrifices Bella would be making if she gave up her human life. Bella may not think that far into the future, but she would someday regret her decision when she realized that the things that could mean so much would no longer be attainable.

Bella turned to Emmett. "Hell, yes!" he bellowed with a wide grin. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

_Sorry, Eddie, but the girl is right. We can't protect her from the Volturi forever and this is what she wants. I can't tell you how happy it would make me to see you and Bella have what Rose and I do. Trust me, it's indescribably wonderful._

Bella smiled at Emmett's eagerness and turned to Esme. Esme stole a somber glance in my direction and stared at her hands for a moment.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family."

_I'm sorry, Edward. I know that you feel you need to protect her from this, but I can't help but feel that this is right. You would be so happy together. Just imagine the possibilities. Please._

"Thank you, Esme," Bella replied before turning to Carlisle.

A rolling wave of nausea crashed over me and I clutched the table for support, feeling my head begin to swoon. My careful mask was slipping away as the resentment began to build. My fingers gripped the edge of the antique table and the wood creaked under the strain, threatening to break apart into a shower of splinters. The vote stood at four yes's and two no's, but I knew that Carlisle would be the ultimate decision maker. As the head of our family, his opinion carried much more weight than any other. Surely, he would understand my predicament and side with me, with what was right. He would recognize that I could not purposefully destroy Bella's soul. I looked to him, beseeching him to consider my position and to deny Bella's request.

Carlisle turned to face me. His eyes were filled with compassion and concern.

"Edward?"

_Son, we have to think about this rationally. The love you feel for Bella is pure, but intense. It will only grow with time and you can never truly be the man she needs while she remains human. Can you honestly stand by and watch her age while you retain your youth? How do you think that would make her feel? This is what she wants. It would be unfathomably cruel to deny her._

"No," I growled, baring my teeth. It had been decades since Carlisle and I had truly been at odds with one another, but in this moment, hearing my father's thoughts, I felt the baser urge to lunge at him. He lowered his eyes and slowly shook his head.

_Edward, please just think about this. If Bella remains human and you maintain a relationship with her, what will happen when she passes on, whether from old age or other means? Would you go to the Volturi again? I hate to be the one to say it, but you need to consider the family in this as well. As much as you want to protect Bella's life, we have an interest in protecting yours. Unlike some of my patients, I have never had to face the reality of losing a child. My children are virtually indestructible. When I heard what you intended to do, I cannot even begin to explain the range of emotions I experienced. All of our lives are intrinsically linked and if one of us is destroyed, a part of each of us dies along with them._

I shook my head, unwilling to accept Carlisle's argument.

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I dropped Bella's hand. The room faded in a haze of red. Carlisle, my own father, had betrayed me. My family had betrayed me. The only one who respected my position was Rosalie…_Rosalie, for God's sake! _A feral snarl ripped from my throat and I forcefully pushed myself away from the table, sending the chair clattering across the floor. The wide-eyed stares of my family followed me as I stalked out the door.

"I guess you know my vote," I heard Carlisle say as I left the room. _I'm sorry, son._

_Edward, please be reasonable. Are you that ashamed of what you are? Of what we are?_

_Come on, Eddie, don't you want her to be part of the family? Don't tell me you don't want to make her your mate. That can't happen while she's human. You know that._

_I told you that this would happen, Edward, but you wouldn't listen. I told you when Bella first came into our lives that she would one day become one of us. The vision has never changed, even during your absence. The path has never been diverted. It's destiny. Why do you continue to try to thwart it? It's meant to be._

The rage inside me continued to build as my family insisted on bombarding me with their thoughts. The more they attempted to reason with me, the more infuriated I became. How could they do this to me? More importantly, how could they do this to Bella?

Anger boiled in the pit of my stomach as I paced across the room. There had to be something I could do, some way to convince her that this was not what she really wanted. I pulled my fingers through my hair, urgently trying to think of a solution. My entire body quaked with fury and all rationale dissipated. Before I realized what I was doing, I had picked up our plasma television and ripped it in half. The sounds of tearing metal, snapping plastic, and shattering glass caught the attention of my brother.

_No, not the television! Edward, that was brand new!_

Emmett's thoughts brought me back to the present, but I quickly tuned him out. I would buy him a new television. Seething, I stood with clenched fists, the pile of electronic debris lying at my feet. I needed to get out of there. I needed some air. I needed some space. I needed…

"Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?" The dulcet tone of Bella's voice reached my ears, somehow tunneling through the layers of anger and disappointment.

_What?! _

I saw in my sister's mind the vision of Bella lying lifeless in a pool of blood while Alice stood over her sobbing uncontrollably and hiding her face. She pulled back her hands to reveal her crimson eyes.

Reality came crashing down on me and I barreled through the dining room door. "No! No! NO!" I roared, leaping onto the table and crouching in front of Bella. Her face was a mixture of confusion and horror as I leaned over her.

"Are you insane?" I shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?" _She could kill you! Is that what you want!_

_Edward, sweetheart, please calm down. _

Bella's face contorted in a mask of utter terror as she backed away from me, covering her ears. A small voice in the back of mind reminded me that she was my soul mate and I was terrorizing her, but I didn't care. If I had to be forceful and frightening to get through to her, then so be it.

"Um, Bella," Alice interrupted. I turned and shot a glare at my sister. This was all her fault. She should not have made promises to Bella that she could not fulfill. She should not have offered something that wasn't hers to give. Alice cowered faintly, seeing in my mind what I intended to do to her if she made one step toward Bella. Jasper stood in front of her, prepared to shield her from attack.

_Edward, please. Be reasonable._

Alice's small voice stammered, "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella pleaded.

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you." Another snarl ripped from my throat as Bella attempted to take a step toward Alice. I shifted my stance, effectively blocking her from advancing. She looked up at me, her fear beginning to dissolve into anger. Ignoring my importunate stares, she looked over at Carlisle.

"Carlisle?" she asked. I knew what she was requesting and this had gone on far enough. I reached out and grasped her jaw with my hand, drawing her gaze to mine. I looked into her eyes, imploring her to see the pain there; begging her to have a shred of understanding for my position.

I held out my other palm to Carlisle signaling to him that it would be in his best interests to back off.

Ignoring me, Carlisle replied, "I'm able to do it."

_I'm sorry, Edward. There's no other choice. _

"You would be in no danger of me losing control."

I stared at Carlisle, completely dumbfounded. In tones to low for Bella to hear, I hissed at Carlisle.

_You promised! You swore that Emmett would be the last! How can you offer this to her? Do you understand nothing? _Carlisle shook his head, but remained resolute.

_Edward, son, I know that I am not your biological father, but I think of you as my son and it's time I start treating you as such. If I had been a good father to you, I would not have let you run away in September. I should have denied your request and forced you to face your problems head on. I cannot change the past, but what I can do is prevent you from making yet another mistake. _

_I wish that, in some small way, I could impart even a fraction of my faith to you. How can we have so much love for one another if we have no souls? Do you honestly believe that the good works we do are all for naught? I may have questioned my reasons for turning you, but I have never regretted it. You have been, and will remain, one of the best things in my life. Allow Bella to give this gift to you and allow me to help her. Please._

I stared at my father, a mixture of sadness and concern etched his face. In all the years that Carlisle had tried to pass himself off as someone older than his true age, in this moment, he truly looked the part. The months of stress and heartache showed on his weary countenance. We could not age and we could not tire, but as I looked in my father's eyes, he was perceptibly older.

"Sounds good," Bella replied. I looked back at her, my hand still clutching her chin. Her eyes were filled with satisfaction that she had achieved what she set out to accomplish. There was not a hint of doubt in her decision.

"Hold on," I pleaded. "It doesn't have to be now."

She frowned and shook her head. "There's no reason for it not to be now," she argued.

"I can think of a few," I replied through clenched teeth. My mind raced, urgently seeking a reason to persuade her, to offer her some rationale for waiting that she could not refute.

"Of course you can," she retorted coolly. "Now let go of me."

She pushed at my chest and snapped her head back, effectively releasing her face from my hold.

I lowered my hand and crossed my arms over my chest. There had to be some way to reason with her; some way to force her delay. All I needed was more time. If I had more time, I could convince her of all the things she would be sacrificing, of everything she would be leaving behind.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," she snapped back. She frowned, but I could see that I had struck a chord. Had she even considered what this would do to her mother? To Charlie?

I turned to Carlisle, hoping to gain some ground with him in the matter. "In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," I rationalized, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

Carlisle thought on that for a moment and I could see in his eyes that he knew I was right. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he pointed out.

I could see Bella's determination wavering a bit. No doubt, she was taking into consideration how her parents would react if she suddenly disappeared.

I shuddered to think about the werewolves' reaction to this new development. Our relationship with them was precarious, at best, and this would most certainly be a violation of the treaty. I would have to point this fact out to Carlisle at a later time, although I sincerely doubted that he would break his promise to Bella. He would undoubtedly seek some diplomatic way to deal with the Quileutes.

"I'll think about it," Bella replied. _Thank God!_ My stance relaxed slightly with that simple resignation.

"I should probably take you home," I told her. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early." She nodded and turned to face Carlisle again.

"After graduation?"

"You have my word."

She smiled with satisfaction and turned to me. "Okay. You can take me home."

In an instant, I swept Bella off her feet and whisked her away from the house as fast as possible, before my family could make her any more promises. This evening had not gone at all how I had expected, yet all my anger evaporated as I held her in my arms. Her warmth enveloped me and I briefly marveled at her tenacity.

I could not refute the fact that she loved me. She had bargained her life for the prospect of an eternity with me. The time for refusals had been put to an end with Carlisle's promise. If there was any hope of stopping this chain of events, it would have to start with Bella. She alone had the power to stop this madness. I could no longer save her, she had to save herself.

I said a silent prayer as my mind began calculating, formulating a plan to either stop or at least postpone her decision. All I needed was more time. Just a little time…

**I can't say thank you enough for all my wonderful readers and reviewers. You inspire and humble me with your kind words. I struggled with this chapter and only hope I was able to do it justice. I'd love to hear what you think about it – be honest, I can take it! **

**Only a few more chapters to go!**


	33. Chapter 30: Bargaining

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

30. BARGAINING

Bella's breath was hot on my neck as she let out a relieved sigh. Her heart rate had slowed to a reasonable pace and her body seemed to relax with the knowledge that the vote was over. She had achieved what she set out to do, much to my chagrin. Now I had only to convince her to delay. If I could place even an iota of doubt in her mind, the probability of success in swaying her from her decision would grow exponentially.

A sense of urgency spurred me on as I carried her through the forest. Upon arriving at her home, I leapt through her window and carefully lay her on the bed. She looked up at me as I began pacing back and forth in her tiny bedroom.

She crossed her arms and a slight scowl marred her beautiful face. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she said.

"Shh, I'm thinking," I replied, holding up my hand to stifle her protest. My mind worked overtime as I calculated a way to convince her to wait. Perhaps I could bargain with her. There had to be something I could offer her that would be tempting enough to cause her to take heed of my request for time.

"Ugh," she groaned, throwing her hands up in the air and flinging her body backward on the bed. The mattress creaked as she sunk into the soft bedding. Frustrated, she gathered the quilt at the end of the bed and threw if over her head.

_No, that won't do at all!_ I was instantaneously by her side, tugging the quilt out of her grip and tossing it back so I could see her face. I needed to see her face, to be able to look into her eyes. After seven months of separation with nothing more than a tattered photograph and my own memories to satisfy my need for her, I could not bear for her to hide her face from me. I lay down next to her and began stroking her face, removing the strands of hair that stuck to her cheeks. Her heart fluttered. Her chocolate brown eyes softened with every gentle caress as I silently worshiped her.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." Color flooded her cheeks and I smiled, relishing in the small reactions that I had missed so much.

"Now…tell me something," I began.

"What?" she asked, her tone turning skeptical.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?" I searched her eyes as I awaited her reply. Before leaving, I had become quite skilled at reading her thoughts through her facial expressions, but it seemed that I was severely out of practice.

"You," she replied softly.

I smiled and shook my head. "Something you don't already have."

She bit her lip and furrowed her brow in concentration. I waited patiently, praying that she would give me the answer I sought, something I could negotiate with. She tucked her hair behind her ear and lowered her eyes as she began to speak.

"I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me." She looked up at me through her eyelashes as she whispered her request. Her body was still as she awaited my retort, no doubt expecting me to become angry again. But this was something I could work with. How badly did she want this?

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked her.

Her eyes grew wide and she sat up, "Anything," she exclaimed.

_Perfect!_

Her reaction was exactly what I had been hoping for. A small smile slipped past my carefully composed mask, but I swiftly reined it in. If I were honest with myself, her desire was my own as well. It would only be fitting that I be the one to change her. Carlisle already carried the burden of changing four of his family members. Bella was mine and I alone should bear the responsibility.

I hesitated as I looked into her eyes. She waited expectantly to hear my offer.

"Five years?"

She flinched and her mouth gaped open before closing with an audible snap.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but…" she stammered. "You'll use the time to find a way out of it."

_Precisely. _

"I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

I expected her reaction, but still could not hide my disappointment. "Three years?" I wagered.

"No!"

Feigning offense, I looked into her eyes. "Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

She grimaced and chewed on her lip as she thought. "Six months?" she countered.

That would not be nearly enough time. Arguably, it was better than the meager three months I had to contend with now, but it still was not enough time for me to convince her of everything she would be sacrificing. I rolled my eyes, making my displeasure known.

"Not good enough."

She squared her shoulders, preparing to negotiate. I hadn't realized how much this meant to her. It filled me with a strange sense of pride to know that she not only wanted to be with me for eternity, but her heart's desire was for me to be the one to change her. It was my venom that she wanted to course through her veins.

"One year then. That's my limit." _That's better, but let's see…_

"At least give me two," I bartered.

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near _twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

_So, we're back to this again…_I thought for a moment. If Bella wasn't willing to negotiate more than a year's worth of time, what else could I offer her? What condition could I set that would grant me more time than she was willing to give outright? It hit me. The idea was so simple, it was absolutely brilliant.

"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" she asked warily. "What condition?"

I hesitated as she waited with interest. Alice's vision of Bella dressed in white flashed into my mind for the millionth time. The dream of seeing my mother's ring on Bella's finger caused a swell of emotion to catch in my throat. Every cell in my body was on edge. Was I really about to ask her the one question that had been on my lips since the night I realized I loved her? I spoke slowly, purposefully, keeping my nerves in check.

"Marry me first."

She stared blankly at me, waiting for me to continue. "Okay…what's the punchline?"

_Ouch!_ I let out a disappointed sigh. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

She sat up straighter. "Edward, please be serious," she chided.

"I am one hundred percent serious." _One hundred percent certain that I want to make you my wife. One hundred percent positive that I have never been more serious about anything in my life._

"Oh, c'mon." Her voice was beginning to waver as she realized that I was indeed serious. "I'm only eighteen."

_Exactly, with parents who married young and subsequently divorced. _I knew that this was a derisive tactic on my part, that her views on marriage were not exactly positive. Although I sincerely wanted to make her my bride, I knew that this approach was my best chance of buying more time.

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down," I teased.

She stared past me as I waited for her response. I wished I had had the foresight to bring my mother's ring with me, although I suspected Bella would not want to wear it at this point. No doubt, if she did agree, she would want to keep our engagement a secret.

Bella looked down and nervously twisted the blanket in her fingers as she spoke.

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean," she said as she playfully smacked my arm.

"Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," I replied. Clearly, if she wished to be changed into a vampire in order to spend an eternity with me, there were no misgivings about her level of commitment. But considering her indecision, I had to ask.

She continued to twist the blanket in her fingers so tightly, they began to turn white. I gently took her hands in mine and removed the blanket, massaging the tension in her delicate fingers.

"That's not it exactly," she murmured. "I'm…afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty." _So, werewolves and vampires don't frighten you at all, but your mother…she's utterly terrifying._

I let out a chuckle. "Because she'd rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married."

Bella raised an eyebrow and her lips drew in a serious line. "You think you're joking."

I shook my head as I thought. It was apparent by her answers that, although she was hesitant to consent, she was seriously considering the prospect of agreeing to marriage before she was turned. The bait was dangling in front of her, now I only had to influence her to bite. I looked into her eyes with disbelief and disappointment on my face.

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…If you're not brave enough to marry me, then – "

She bit down on her lip.

"Well," she interrupted me. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?" _She's bluffing._

I smiled brightly at the idea, knowing full well that she was far from serious.

"Sure," I replied. I started to rise from the bed and her eyes grew wide, her heart rate galloping at an alarming pace. "I'll get my car."

"Dammit," she muttered, grabbing my shirt to force me to sit again. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal," I replied, grinning evilly. "I like _this_ condition."

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle to it when I graduate," she huffed.

"If that's what you want," I replied with a shrug, unable to wipe the smug smile off my face.

"You're impossible," she moaned. "A monster." _Oh yes, she has definitely taken the bait. Excellent!_

I chuckled again. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

She rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration. At that, I leaned in very close, looking deeply into her eyes. _Let's see if I can still dazzle her._ I tilted forward until my lips were brushing her cheek.

"_Please_, Bella?" I whispered.

Her heart skipped a beat and her breathing hitched. Momentarily, she sat completely dazed and I smiled with smug satisfaction. She shook her head, trying to wake her brain from its stupor.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked.

"No! No rings!" she shrieked.

_What the…? _Charlie's snoring ended abruptly. Groggily, he sat up, briefly debating whether or not to investigate the noise that woke him from his slumber. The mattress groaned as he rose from the bed, intending to check on Bella.

"Now you've done it," I whispered to her.

"Oops."

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." Her heart stopped. I thought for a moment, gauging her level of insecurity at the prospect of my sudden departure. Certainly, she couldn't believe I could abandon her again.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I asked.

Her heart resumed beating and she sighed in relief.

"No," she whispered. "Stay. Please."

I smiled, touching her lips once more, and flashed from her side. I slid into the darkness of her closet, easing my body back among her clothing. Her scent completely enveloped me and I closed my eyes, inhaling the sweet fragrance. After spending so many nights with Bella, it felt odd to hide in the shadowy recesses of her bedroom once again. Memories of all of the times I snuck into her window to watch her sleep flooded back to me.

Bella shifted nervously, peering into the closet to see if I was visible, making certain that Charlie would not be alerted to my presence. She reached up, smoothing her hair. Faint light spilled into the room from the hallway as her door creaked open. Bella looked up as her father peeked into the room.

"Morning, Dad."

_Damn, she's awake. _"Oh, hey, Bella," he sputtered. "I didn't know you were awake."

Bella shifted her legs from beneath her and began to rise from the bed.

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," she replied.

"Hold on," he said as he opened the door and held out a hand, motioning for her to remain seated. The light flickered on and Bella shielded her eyes from the sudden brightness. "Let's talk for a minute first."

Charlie sat down on the edge of the mattress and rubbed the back of his neck. _Time to lay down the law, Charlie. You're her father; this is your job. She may hate you later, but it's in her best interest. _I grinned to myself, listening to Charlie's internal pep talk.

"You know you're in trouble," he said.

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" _Terrified, devastated…Come on Charlie, pull it together._ He took in a deep breath before continuing. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella sat up and squared her shoulders in defiance. "Because I won't go," she replied matter-of-factly.

Charlie's blood pressure began to rise. "Now, just one minute, young lady – "

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want." _You can count on that!_

"I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

Charlie's face reddened as his blood pressure continued to shoot up. _She's in no position to tell me what I can and cannot do. _

He closed his eyes, remembering the conversation he had earlier with Carlisle and Esme. He knew that if he pushed her too far, he would just lose her again. He took several deep breaths and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Would you like to explain where you've been?" he asked.

Now it was Bella's heart rate that was increasing. Blood rushed to her cheeks and she glanced nervously at the closet for a brief moment. Unless she wanted to be in _more_ trouble, there was nothing _I_ could do to help her.

"There was…an emergency," she stammered.

_This ought to be good._

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad." Bella exhaled loudly and began nervously twisting the blanket in her fingers again. "It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

_How's that for a non-answer._ Charlie crossed his arms and arched his brow, waiting for further explanation.

I watched with interest as Bella began to ramble through her explanation. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off a cliff…"

_You did what!? _Charlie's eyes widened and Bella blushed, looking down at her hands.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," she mumbled. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake." _If he put her up to that, I'm gonna kill him. _

"Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to…L.A., to explain in person."

_Oh, God. She wasn't cliff diving, she was jumping. I knew she was distraught when he left, but I never conceived that she would be suicidal. I thought she was getting better. _

"_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" _Please say no. _

"No, of course not," Bella nearly shouted. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." She stared at her hands as she awaited her father's response.

I could see in his mind, he was trying to process all of this information. _She jumped off a cliff…for fun? Ok, I get that. I don't like it, but I get it. How did Rosalie find out about it anyway? The Cullens were in L.A. And why would she tell Edward? For that matter, why in the hell would he even care? He left her._

"What's it to Edward Cullen, anyway?" he bellowed. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word – " Charlie's face was growing redder as each second ticked by.

"Another misunderstanding," she interrupted.

He reached up to rub his mustache. "So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think_ they all are."

Charlie shook his head. The need to protect his daughter was in the forefront of his mind. I was assaulted by the images of Bella curled in on herself, tears staining her face. _I can't go through that with her again. If she goes back to him and he does that to her again, I don't know if she'll ever recover. I don't care what Carlisle said, it's not healthy. He's not right for her._ I cringed at Charlie's all-too accurate assessment.

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella," he spoke in a harsh whisper. "I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine," Bella replied flippantly.

Charlie leaned back, surprised by her response.

"Oh," he exhaled. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

Her eyes narrowed as she stared him down.

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Charlie's eyes grew wide and his heart hammered against his ribs so forcefully, I feared he may have a heart attack. I placed my hand in my pocket, clutching the new phone I had been given upon our return and prepared to call Carlisle if necessary.

_She can't! How could she even say something like that to me? I expected her to be difficult, but not to this degree. Esme was right after all, there may be nothing we can do._

"Dad, I don't want to move out," Bella spoke softly in an attempt to pacify her father's seething temper. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

Charlie's shoulders slumped and he sighed in defeat. "That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am," she declared confidently. I smiled to myself as I listened to her defend me. If only we could tell Charlie the whole story, he would surely understand why I left and now why I cannot leave. Unfortunately, we would have to keep Charlie in the dark and I would have to continue to work to earn his trust.

"Not under my roof," he declared.

Bella let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay?" She reached out to grasp her father's hand. "But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

Charlie squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to keep his temper in check.

"Bella –"

"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower."

_This conversation is not over, not by a long shot. _Charlie's mouth was set in a tight line, but he stood and turned to leave the room at Bella's request.

_I need some air._ He pulled the door shut behind him and it shut with a loud crack as he stomped down the stairs. Bella stared after him in disbelief and closed her eyes, shaking her head. I took that opportunity to leave the confines of her closet and sat in the rocking chair opposite her bed.

She looked up with sadness in her eyes. She hated to fight with her father.

"Sorry about that," she whispered.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I replied. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

She stood and began gathering her toiletries and a change of clothes. I suppose she was telling the truth when she told Charlie she needed a shower. My stomach twisted at the notion of having her leave my sight, even if there were only a thin wall separating us.

"Don't worry about it. I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She looked up at me, her eyes growing wide. The unspoken question hung heavy in the air. She genuinely seemed uncertain that I would want her to live with me. _Silly girl!_ If I could keep her with me every second of every day, it still wouldn't be enough.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" I asked, grinning.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" she smiled widely. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

She had me there. My jaw clenched as I made a mental note not to cause any undue discord in the Swan household.

"So eager for eternal damnation," I murmured, shaking my head.

"You know you don't really believe that," she countered, smiling.

"Oh, don't I?"

"No. You don't," she declared.

_Honestly, does she understand nothing? If I truly did not believe that, why would I go to such lengths to try and protect her soul? _I opened my mouth to protest further, but she stood and reached over to place a finger on my lips, effectively halting my speech.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't – you said _'Amazing. Carlisle was right_.'" She paused, smiling triumphantly. "There's hope in you, after all."

I stared at her in disbelief. My mind went back to that moment, the instant of pure ecstasy when Bella was finally in my arms again. Months of torturous illusions must have taken their toll on my psyche. I wasn't myself. _I couldn't possibly…_

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" she said, tapping the end of my nose playfully.

"Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I rose from my seat and clasped her face in my cold hands. Looking deeply into her eyes, I saw my salvation. How could I have been so lucky to find someone so wonderful? Someone who loved me so much that they were willing to give up everything for me?

"Forever," I whispered.

"That's all I'm asking for." A wide smile spread across her face as she stood on her toes to reach my lips. Her warmth spread through me like a wildfire, consuming me completely. I felt whole. I felt complete. I felt loved.

**Ahh….I love a happy ending! We still have the epilogue to go. I can't decide if it will be 1 or 2 chapters, but I'll begin work on it shortly. Thanks again for all my faithful readers…you give me the strength to keep going. I love hearing from you!**


	34. Chapter 31: Altercation

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

31. ALTERCATION

"Come on, Eddie, you can do better than that!" Emmett shouted as we bounded through the forest. My feet propelled me forward after the mountain lion I had set in my sights.

Life had returned to normal, as normal as a life can be for a family of vampires. Tensions were still running a little high between Rosalie and myself, but we were speaking again and slowly healing the wounds between us. Alice was, well, she was Alice – giddy as she danced around the house, thrilled to have her brother and her best friend back in her life.

Jasper had become somewhat of a shadow since my return. After months of enduring the sadness of everyone around him, he hovered around me, soaking up the exuberance I exuded now that I had Bella back in my life. Carlisle and Esme were just relieved to have their family back together again. And Emmett was happy to have his hunting partner back, evident by the many challenges he had posed to me since my homecoming.

I found myself spending more time with Emmett than before my departure. He was more of a physical being than my other family members and his thoughts were simple and straightforward. After the emotional upheaval of the past months, it was a welcome relief to listen to an unburdened mind. While our other family members were busy, Emmett enjoyed concocting elaborate contests for us to compete against one another, which I gladly agreed to.

I pounced on the lion and subdued it easily. After drinking my fill, I called to Emmett.

"I win!"

He lumbered through the trees and ran toward me at full speed, knocking me to the ground. I easily slipped out of his grasp and had him pinned on the forest floor in seconds.

"Okay, okay, you win," he conceded.

With a wide grin, I let him up and watched as he dusted off his jeans. _Ok, double or nothing, I'll race you back._

"Emmett, are you seriously challenging me to a race? Did you forget who you're talking to?" I teased, punching his arm playfully.

"Alright then, to make it fair, you give me a ten second head start," he grinned.

"You're on!"

With that, Emmett dashed past me in the direction of the house. He was running at a full gallop as I counted silently.

Eight…nine…ten! I was off like a shot, chasing after my brother. The wind on my face was exhilarating, but nothing in comparison to the feelings in my heart. Bella and I had gone through hell and back, and came out on the other side, nothing if not stronger than ever before. She focused diligently on her schoolwork and her after-school job and spent every other free moment with me. Much of the time was spend under the watchful of Charlie, who still maintained a tenuous relationship with me. It would take some time before I could earn his trust again. I cringed, thinking he would never forgive me when he realized that I would be stealing his daughter away from him for eternity.

But while Charlie slumbered, I spent my nights cradling Bella in my arms. Those few short, but glorious, hours were the highlight of my every day. We would spend hours whispering softly, reveling in the company of one another. She would tell me her dreams for the future, of all the things we would do when she was changed. I was still not comfortable with the impending transformation, but bit my tongue as I knew it would only cause her to rush the process along. While she slept, I would have dreams of my own, visions of Bella in a gown of white, taking my hand, and pledging her unending love to me, and me alone.

_Aww, man! _

I laughed jubilantly as I passed my brother, a look of utter disbelief on his face. I approached the house and saw Rosalie leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed and a slight smile on her face.

_You could let him win once in a while, you know. Now he's going to be grumpy for the rest of the day and I'm going to have to deal with him. Gee, thanks!_

"I'm sure there's _something_ you could do to cheer him up." I gave Rosalie an evil grin as I passed her to walk into the house. She smiled a little wider and rolled her eyes.

The house was quiet. I was finding it more and more difficult to find distractions to bide my time while I was away from Bella. I found myself spending more and more time at my piano. Of all my possessions, the instrument was what I missed most while I was away. I sat on the bench and lightly caressed the keys. The smooth ivory gave way under my fingers and music filled the room. I closed my eyes, allowing my fingers to glide along the keys, meandering slowly in the creation of the perfect melody – Bella's lullaby.

Her lullaby had gone through somewhat of a transformation since our time apart. It could scarcely be called a lullaby anymore; it was something much more than that. The beginning remained sweet and soothing, briefly turning melancholy and dissonant, before building into a maestoso crescendo. It was more than a lullaby; it was a tribute, a beautiful piece depicting the story of our love, ending on a note of intense passion that still could not compare to the depth of my love for her.

A small hand came to rest on my shoulder as I played. I paused and turned to see my mother sighing softly.

"It's absolutely beautiful, Edward. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to have the house filled with music again." Esme smiled and leaned in, squeezing my shoulders in a loving embrace. I reached up to grasp her fingers and placed a soft kiss on her hand.

Carlisle came in behind Esme and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned into him and I imagined that Bella and I would have that one day. We would, one day soon, be able to live every day of forever as blissfully in love as my parents.

I rose from the piano bench and turned to face them. There was no need for more apologies; they had forgiven me without a second thought, welcoming me back with open arms. It was more than I could have hoped for and certainly more than I deserved.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and back at Carlisle. He nodded and I smiled as I left to go to Bella. I sped down the damp streets, racing to Newton's Olympic Outfitters. Since Bella's return, I had virtually insisted on driving her everywhere, afraid to let her out of my sight. The need to protect her had grown almost exponentially. I had tried to convince her to allow me to buy her another car, something newer, something safer, but she wouldn't hear of it. _Perhaps I should have made that another condition for me to turn her?_

My heart leapt as Bella exited the door of the sporting goods store. She pulled on the hood of her raincoat, shielding herself from the falling drops of rain, and ran to the car. I opened the door for her and she slid in. I smiled at her, but she threw her bag on the floor and folded her arms, her face set in a determined scowl.

"It's just plain rude!" she declared. "Downright insulting!"

She stared out the window and I sat in silence as she fumed. I found it best not to interrupt her when she decided to vent her frustrations to me. More often than not, she just wanted me to listen and wasn't at all interested in my opinions, especially if the topic involved a certain young wolf.

"Billy said he didn't want to talk to me." _Him again. _I cringed internally every time Bella mentioned the name, Jacob Black. And if that pup continued to cause Bella undue distress, I was going to handle him personally. I would love the opportunity to teach him exactly how terrifying a vampire could be.

"That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

"It's not you, Bella," I soothed. "Nobody hates you."

"Feels that way," she muttered, sulking beside me in the leather seat. I momentarily thought about pulling over the car and _distracting_ her, but I knew Charlie would be watching the clock, waiting for her to return to his personal form of house arrest.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," I reasoned. "He won't come anywhere near me." _Not if he values his life. _"The enmity is rooted too deeply."

Bella rolled her eyes and exhaled forcefully. "That's stupid. He knows you're not…like other vampires."

_Does that matter? To him, we're all soulless bloodsuckers. _"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance," I reminded her. _For more reasons than one. _

Bella fixed her stare on the small droplets dancing across the glass, her lips set in an adorable pout. I reached over to her, gently tucking her hair behind her ear and allowing my fingers to linger on her cheek.

"Bella, we are what we are. I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k – " I stopped myself as I saw her eyes narrow. "Before I hurt him," I finished. "You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

"Edward Cullen," she scolded. "Were you about to say '_killed_ him'? Were you?"

The red hue of the traffic light blurred my vision as I thought of what I really wanted to do to Jacob Black. I slowed the car to a crawl, my emotions getting the better of me. My jaw clenched instinctively. He was a volatile creature with an unusually powerful affinity for _my _Bella. Just the thought of the mongrel feeling that he had any claim over her made my stomach twist in knots and venom pool in my mouth. I refused to meet Bella's concerned stare.

"I would try…very hard…not to do that," I replied through clenched teeth.

My murderous thoughts were interrupted by similar thoughts from someone else. I focused my mind and heard Bella's father spouting off mentally about killing his daughter, figuratively, of course. _What could she have possibly been thinking?! Oh, just wait until she gets home. She is going to get an earful!_ Even from this distance, I could hear the hammering of Charlie's heart as his blood pressure rose to dangerous levels. I was listening so intently, I nearly forgot Bella sitting beside me.

She continued to look at me in disbelief and sucked in a breath, breaking my concentration. "Well, nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late."

"You're already in more trouble, Bella," I whispered.

Her eyes flashed open and her head whipped around as she searched for some form of danger. "What? What is it?" she shrieked.

I took a deep breath. "Charlie…"

"My dad?" She clutched the armrest as her heart rate began to soar.

I looked over at her, trying to remain calm. "Charlie…is probably _not_ going to kill you, but he's thinking about it." She sank lower into her seat as we rounded the corner and her house came into view. I drove past it, parking along the tree line near the house.

"What did I do?" she gasped.

I glanced back, nodding my head in the direction of the house. She spun around and stared in disbelief as she saw what I could only assume was _her_ red motorcycle in the driveway. She looked back at me and bit her lip nervously as her cheeks began to flush.

"No! Why? Why would Jacob do this to me?" she exclaimed. I watched as her hands balled into fists and her bottom lip began to tremble. The salty scent of her tears reached my nose and I lifted a hand to stroke her face as they began to cascade down her reddened cheeks.

She looked back at me, her eyes filled with anger. Jacob was supposed to be her friend and I could imagine she felt betrayed. I couldn't fathom what he hoped to accomplish by bringing Bella's motorcycle to her house for her father to see, but I gathered we would find out very soon.

"Is he still here?" she hissed.

_Oh, he's here all right._ The only thoughts louder than Charlie's were the hate-filled grumblings of the young wolf who paced fretfully along the edge of the forest. His thoughts were conflicted, vacillating between his love for Bella and his hatred for me. He paced back and forth, wearing a defined path on the thin grass. His fists were clenched and he muttered to himself as he walked continuously back and forth.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there," I finally replied, gesturing to a small path at the edge of the forest. Bella's eyes immediately darted in the direction I indicated and she squinted against the darkness to see him, her heart hammering in her chest. A deep frown marred her beautiful face. She threw her door open forcefully and began stalking toward the trees, her hands clenched in tight fists at her sides.

_Oh no you don't!_ I slid out of the seat and reached her effortlessly, snaking my arm around her waist to halt her. I pulled her close to me, ignoring her thrashing movements as she struggled to maintain her momentum.

"Let me go!" she screamed. "I'm going to murder him! _Traitor_!" her voice carried through the night air and Jacob turned, stiffening when he saw me. His eyes blazed with fury, yet there was a profound sadness deep in the recesses of his mind. His anger overshadowed his thoughts, but I could see clearly that he was mourning the sudden loss of Bella's friendship.

He took a step toward me, his entire frame was trembling. _We need to talk, _he thought. I cringed internally at the prospect. I was willing to _talk_ with the pup, but feared that he would be unable to control his temper and I hated the thought of having to put him down in front of Bella. She may be able to forgive me for everything I had done to her, but if I harmed her friend…

"Charlie will hear you," I warned her. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway." _Not that it could keep me from her. At this point, nothing would ever keep us apart, not walls, not Charlie, and most certainly, not Jacob Black._

Her eyes flitted to the house and back to Jacob. "Just give me one round with Jacob," she hissed, "and then I'll deal with Charlie." She continued to struggle like an angry kitten, but I held her firmly in my grasp. She had changed so much in my absence, no longer the meek girl who made every effort to please everyone around her to the detriment of her own feelings. No, she had grown immeasurably and become a woman who was willing to fight for what she wanted; even if that meant the possibility that someone had to be hurt along the way. Pride swelled in my heart as I held her in my arms.

"Jacob Black wants to see _me_," I whispered. "That's why he's still here."

Her body went limp. "Talk?" she asked, fear creeping into her voice.

"More or less."

"How much more?" she asked, her eyes narrowing, probing into mine.

I reached up, tucking the tiny wisps of hair that floated in the breeze behind her ear. My palm lingered on her cheek and I saw Jacob tense out of the corner of my eye, watching this small display of intimacy.

"Don't worry," I assured her. "He's not here to fight me. He's acting as…spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh," she mumbled. There was a hint of disappointment in her voice, no doubt because Jacob had come to see me and not her. I gripped her to me protectively as we approached the trees. My mind oscillated between the two men in Bella's life that I now had to contend with. Jacob on one side, sulking, worried about Bella's involvement with a vampire. Charlie on the other side, pacing anxiously, worried about his daughter for a much different reason.

"We should hurry," I whispered to her. "Charlie's getting impatient."

Jacob straightened as he saw us approach. Bella's breath hitched upon seeing the hard expression on his face. He was no longer the jubilant, smiling boy who befriended her. No, in this moment, he was a mortal enemy. His body seemed to course with tiny vibrations that increased in minute intensity the closer I came to him. I doubted that Bella's eyes were keen enough to pick up on the subtle changes in his physiology.

_You're just here to talk. Keep calm. You are not going to phase, not with Bella there. Stay calm. Just talking. Can't break the treaty. _Ilistened intently as Jacob tried frantically to maintain his human form, listening for any indication that he would shift. I could not allow Bella to be near him if that happened. It was too great a risk. His nostrils flared and he grimaced at my scent.

_You don't smell any better, dog._

We stopped in front of him, keeping a wide berth. I smoothly shifted Bella behind me, much to her chagrin. She gripped my shoulders, but peered around me to stare at her betrayer.

"Bella," he greeted her coolly, not taking his eyes away from me. _If you hurt her, so help me bloodsucker…_

"Why?" she whispered. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?"

His face softened in the tiniest degree at the sound of the pain in her voice. I could see in his mind that this hurt him nearly as much as I believed it was hurting her.

"It's for the best," he replied.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" she sneered. "Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"

Jacob recoiled as though he had been slapped in the face. _Bella, I never…God, she hates me. How did everything get so messed up? Why did he have to come back? Things were going so well. You were better, you were getting over him, you were falling for me. I could feel it. I just had to get you away from him. I had to do something. I never meant to…_

"He didn't want to hurt anyone –" I explained "– he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me." Jacob's eyes flared as I spoke, angry that I would invade his private thoughts. Surely, Bella had told him of my ability, but it was another thing entirely to experience the violation firsthand.

"Aw, Jake!" she moaned. "I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

His eyes filled with confusion. _Charlie? But the leech…I thought. _"That's why?" he asked.

"He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I explained. And if she hadn't been grounded already, he probably would have been right.

"Stop that," Jacob growled. The vibrations in his body intensified. He shut his eyes for a moment, gritting his teeth, trying to force back the urge to change.

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities," he surmised. "So you must already know why I'm here."

"Yes, but before you begin, I need to say something."

He paused, continuing to focus his concentration on controlling his body.

"Thank you," I began. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence."

_What?_ Everything stopped. Bella's warm breath on the back of my neck ceased. The trembling of Jacob's extremities came to an abrupt halt. Apparently, I had shocked him. The wolves must not realize that vampires are actually capable of human emotion, of chivalry even.

"For keeping Bella alive," I clarified. "When I –" my voice broke, "– didn't."

"Edward –" Bella began, but I lifted my hand to halt her words.

I saw a brief flicker of understanding in Jacob's eyes before he continued to speak. "I didn't do it for your benefit," he scoffed.

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's anything in my power to do for you…"

His eyebrow arched at my offer. _Leave. Leave here and never return. Let me be the man for her that you can never be. Let me give her the things that you never can._

I shook my head. "That's not in my power." It didn't matter how right he was that I could not give Bella everything that he could. I knew that better than Bella herself. But I could never leave her again. I realized that now.

"Whose, then?" he growled.

I glanced back at Bella, seeing the worry in her eyes at our heated exchange. My eyes locked on hers, imparting to her the intensity of my words.

"Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

She gazed back at me, seeing the commitment in my eyes, the promise that I could never leave her again. "Never," she whispered.

Jacob made a retching sound and Bella broke our gaze to scowl at him. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble – mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

"I just need to remind your bloodsucking friends a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."

_I'd like to see you try. _"We haven't forgotten."

"What key points?" Bella challenged.

"The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over." He paused, before continuing slowly, making sure to emphasize his words for maximum effect. "_Bite_, not kill." _I know you Bella. You are so blinded by love, that only you would be stupid enough to offer yourself as a sacrifice to him. I couldn't stand it if you became one of those parasites. I think I would literally die if it came to that. I may be able to stand losing you to another man, but not that way. I can't lose you that way. _

"That's none of your business," Bella shrieked.

_What? NO! _"The hell it –" _She can't! No, I can't lose her like that! I can't believe she would want that! _I crouched slightly, shifting Bella behind my back again as I watched Jacob slowly begin to break down. His body began to convulse in spasms that rippled across his skin, threatening to unleash the wolf trapped within. He fell to his knees and brought his clenched fists up to his temples as he tried desperately to maintain his composure.

"Jake? Are you ok?" Bella asked, taking a step toward him. I swiftly gripped her arm and forced her back behind the shield of my body.

"Careful!" I warned her. "He's not under control."

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with unfettered hatred. The vibrations dulled slightly as he began to stand upright again. "Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her." _Not that you can say the same. You've already destroyed her once, are you so willing to do it again? If you truly loved her, you would let her go and never come back. You would release her from her feelings of obligation. You cannot truly love her if you are so willing to destroy her life, to damn her soul._

I hissed reflexively at his accusations. I did love Bella, more than this mongrel was ever capable of fathoming. It was her desire to be changed, not mine, although I was rapidly approaching the point at which I could no longer deny her, no matter what the request. I was her willing slave, tied to her by unbreakable bonds.

Our standoff was abruptly interrupted by the angry bellowing of Charlie Swan.

"BELLA! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

**Only one more chapter to go! I know I say this a lot, but thank you SO much to everyone who's read, reviewed, and added this story as a favorite. I smile every time I get a response from my readers…you inspire me to keep writing.**


	35. Chapter 32: Choice

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

32. CHOICE

Bella's heartbeat quickened and she shivered in response to her father's angry voice.

"Crap," she muttered.

Jacob's expression was tinged with a hint of shame as he shuffled his feet and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"I _am_ sorry about that," he murmured. "I had to do what I could – I had to try…" A low growl escaped my lips, halting Jacob's explanation. The stare he gave in response was piercing, but I met his gaze with equal force.

_Where is that girl? Edward was supposed to pick her up from work and bring her straight home. I see his car, but where are they? If she doesn't get in this house this instant, she's going to be grounded until she's thirty!_

I clutched Bella's arm, preparing to lead her back to the house before her father stalked out here to find her. She looked back over her shoulder at Jacob. "Thanks," she replied sardonically and I couldn't hold back the tiny smile that crept up the corners of my mouth.

I paused and Bella looked up at me. "Just one more thing," I said to her as I turned back to face Jacob. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line – have you?"

_No. And if you hadn't come back, we would have gotten her._

"The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through – we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her, but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded, thankful for the information Jacob was providing. I was eager to find Victoria, to end what I had begun, but it was doubtful that I would be able to leave Bella in order to do it. We would have to wait for her to come to us. And I knew that if Victoria was bent on killing Bella, she would come back…eventually. And we would be ready.

"When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll –"

Jacob cut me off. "She killed on our turf," he protested. "She's ours!"

"No –" I began, but my counter was unexpectedly halted by Charlie once again.

"_BELLA_! I _SEE_ HIS CAR AND I _KNOW_ YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE…!"

"Let's go," I urged Bella, pulling her arm. She hesitated, looking back at Jacob. I could smell the salty tears beginning to form in her eyes as she blinked them away.

"Sorry," I heard Jacob whisper. "Bye, Bells."

"You promised," she told him. "Still friends, right?" I could hear the sadness and uncertainty in her voice. Her tears threatened to spill again as she awaited his response. He shook his head and her lip began to quiver. I squeezed her hand, trying to offer what support I could.

"You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but…I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…" he stopped, glaring at me, tiny vibrations beginning to run through his body once more.

Bella looked on in disbelief and back at me. I could see the turmoil in her eyes, being forced to choose between two men who cared deeply for her, who she cherished just as intensely.

_I'm so sorry Bells. I wish things had turned out differently, but I just can't be friends with you as long as you're with him, as long as you intend to become…I can't even say the words. _

She looked back at Jacob as he stretched out his hand, mouthing the words, "Miss you."

Her slender fingers reached toward him. "Me, too," she whispered. "Jake…" she tried to take a step toward him, but I held her back, clutching her to me. I could see that Jacob was on the verge of phasing and I was not about to let Bella to go him while his emotions were not in check.

She looked up at me. "It's okay," she assured me.

"No, it's not."

"Let her go," Jacob sneered. "She _wants_ to!" The tiny vibrations intensified as spasms began rippling across his chest and arms. Instinctively, I crouched, pushing Bella behind me. She sucked in a breath and clutched my waist.

"No! Edward –" she gasped. Neither of us moved. We were locked in our stances, each waiting for the other to attack. _Bring it on, bloodsucker! Let's end this, right here, right now!_

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!"

"Come on! Charlie's mad!" Bella begged, tugging at my arms. "Hurry!"

I kept my eyes on Jacob, but slowly started backing away. I pulled Bella toward me and began walking toward the house. Bella glanced back at Jacob and choked back a sob. We walked in silence; the only sound was the unsteady rhythm of her breaking heart. When we broke through the trees and rounded the corner, there stood Charlie. His face was reddened and his arms were firmly folded across his chest. He scowled when he saw us and Bella trembled in my arms.

"I'm here," I promised her.

She sucked in a deep breath and looked up at me. I smiled reassuringly and she returned her gaze forward to meet the angry eyes of her father.

"Do you have any explanation for this, young lady?" he roared. _And it better be good._

She looked up at him sheepishly and shook her head. He turned his glare to me. "I think it's time for you to go home, Edward. Bella and I have some things we need to discuss."

I squeezed her hand and nodded. "Goodnight, Bella," I whispered and reluctantly released her hand to return to my car. She gave me a forlorn look, but I gave her a reassuring smile, communicating silently that I would return shortly.

I walked across the damp lawn toward my car. I glanced back at the trees and saw that Jacob had gone. My heart ached for Bella and the pain she was feeling at this moment. No doubt, she was too numb to deal with her father right now. She had been forced to choose between her vampire love and her werewolf friend. Although, it seemed that I had won this particular battle, I felt no cause to celebrate. For now, Bella had chosen me, but I knew that Jacob would not give up so easily. Even from our brief encounter, I could see that his feelings for Bella were deep, stronger than even she realized.

I opened the door to the car and slid in. The engine purred and I drove off, listening to the sound of Charlie's lecture as it faded in the distance. I pushed the car to its limits, anxious to return to Bella. I pulled into the garage and Alice was sitting on the hood of Emmett's Jeep, waiting for me. She had a sorrowful look in her eyes as she glanced up at me.

"I'm sorry I didn't see that, Edward," she mumbled, looking down at her feet.

"It's all right, Alice. Nothing came of it and Charlie would have found out about Bella's motorcycle stunts eventually."

"I know, but it's just so frustrating. I don't understand how these wolves confound me. I can't see them at all and when Bella's with them, I can't see her. It's utterly maddening!" Her eyes flashed with irritation and I couldn't hold back the chuckle that escaped my lips.

She sneered at me. _It's not funny! Just imagine how you would feel is your ability was hindered. How could you function if you couldn't hear the thoughts of every person around you?_

I cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, right," she rolled her eyes. "But that's just with Bella. Imagine what it would be like if you were unable to hear the thoughts of an entire species!"

"I think I could manage."

"Ugh!" She threw her arms in the air and stormed back into the house. Having sufficiently exasperated my sister for the time being, I turned and ran back in the direction of Bella's house. As I neared, I heard the sounds of baseball coming from the television and Charlie grumbling to himself.

Bella's window was open wide, the yellow curtains billowing softly in the breeze. Silently, I scaled the house and peeked in. Bella lay on her side, the quilt bunched up around her face. Her body was shuddering with silent sobs. The scent of her tears permeated the air.

She didn't move as I climbed in the window. She was too engulfed in sorrow to notice my presence. I lay down beside her and wrapped my arms around her shaking frame. She curled inward, molding her body to mine. We didn't speak. I merely held her as she cried. My heart broke for her with each tear that fell. In this moment, I hated Jacob Black. I hated him, not because of his heritage, but because of his ability to inflict pain on the one I loved most.

Bella wiped her eyes and rolled over to face me. I smiled warmly, reaching up to caress her tear-stained face. She weakly returned my smile and leaned into my hand. She closed her eyes and I leaned in, kissing her softly on the forehead. Her head lifted slightly and our eyes met. She let out a soft sigh as I began showering her with chaste kisses. I kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, and her jaw line. There was a kiss for every tear. I prayed that my kisses could chase away her sorrow, help to heal her broken heart.

Finally, I bent down to kiss her lips. An electric hum flowed through me as our lips met. Her lips were soft and warm and yielded to mine. I held her tightly to me, tangling my fingers in her hair. She responded in kind, snaking her arms around my neck and melting into our embrace.

She let out a sigh as I finally pulled away from her. She looked up at me through her lashes.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, love," I replied, kissing her once more on the forehead.

She closed her eyes once more and swiftly fell asleep, her body exhausted from the emotional upheaval of the day. I watched as her chest rose and fell with every breath. I lifted a finger to smooth her furrowed brow and sweep the hair that had fallen in front of her face. She was serene.

My fingers trailed the soft contours of her face, her lips quivering slightly as my cool touch passed over them. Her eyelids fluttered, but she did not awaken. I marveled at her seraphic beauty. My heart swelled with the realization that she had chosen me. Above all others, she chose me to be hers. I leaned in once more and pressed my lips against her forehead.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "Forever and always, I love you."

**One more time, THANK YOU to all my readers. Without your feedback and support, I could not have made it through this entire book. I haven't decided if I will end the story here before moving on to Eclipse. Chances are very likely that this is the last "chapter", but I will most likely post an epilogue shortly that will hopefully give us one more glimpse into Edward's mind and set the stage for the next novel. **

**I love to hear from you. Please review!**


	36. Epilogue

**As always, reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I am NOT Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any of the Twilight series characters or stories. I borrowed the dialogue and storyline from New Moon, but the rest is my own take on the story, as seen through Edward's eyes.**

EPILOGUE

"Girl, got busted, huh?" Emmett chortled as I strode through the door. Emmett and Jasper sat in front of the newly replaced television competing in one of Emmett's mind-numbing video games. Alice sat at the top of the staircase, dangling her feet over the edge, watching the digital melee below.

I shrugged. "He was bound to find out eventually. She was already grounded, so there wasn't much more he could do to punish her. I don't think he would have had the audacity to forbid her from seeing me, especially after she threatened to move out." _Not that it would stop me anyway._

Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me. "Your emotions are not what I expected," he observed. _You're not sad or brooding. Are you…happy?_

"I think content would be a more apt description. Bella is back in my life, which fills me with unimaginable joy, yet I hurt for her because she is in pain. However, the fact that she is forbidden to leave the house, except to go to school or work, does work to my benefit."

He looked at me puzzled, but his confusion was quickly replaced by understanding. _The wolf?_

I nodded. "If she is relegated to the house, she won't be able to go to La Push. I shudder to think of what would happen if she suddenly felt the urge to go to _him_. The treaty would forbid me from following and there would be nothing I could do to protect her."

"Nah, we can take 'em! If she gets in trouble, just say the word and we'll come running. Treaty or not, no one is gonna mess with my little sister!" Emmett boasted, his eyes gleaming at the prospect of getting the opportunity to tangle with some werewolves.

They would pose a much greater challenge than the average grizzly bear. Yet, it wasn't his enthusiasm that struck me, but the use of the word 'sister'. It pleased me immensely that my siblings had so willingly accepted Bella as a member of the family. Even Rosalie, with her reservations, was beginning to come around.

"He's upstairs in his office," Alice offered. I looked up at her and she winked, answering the question I was about to ask. I climbed the stairs, passing Alice along the way and reaching out to ruffle her hair. She playfully smacked my hand away and went back to watching Jasper and Emmett.

Carlisle looked up as I entered the room. He sat at his desk with his feet propped up, a large volume of medical text across his lap. "What can I do for you, Edward?"

"We have a problem."

"Oh?" he asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. "What seems to be the trouble?"

My jaw flexed as I thought about Jacob and his stern reminder of the terms of our treaty. Carlisle set the book down and sat up in his chair, sensing the tension in my body.

"Last night, when I was taking Bella home, Jacob was there. He came as an emissary for the pack."

Carlisle eyes widened. "What did he say? What did he want?"

_Other than me out of the picture so he can have Bella to himself? _"He wanted to be sure we were clear on the terms of the treaty. He wanted us to know that the treaty would be broken if any human was bitten."

Carlisle rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip thoughtfully. "So the wolves know of our arrangement with Bella?"

"If they didn't know before, based on Bella's reaction, they do now. I think they wanted to warn us, to warn Bella. I'm afraid that if we continue as planned, we will have a war on our hands. Jacob cares too much for Bella to stand idly by. If she is changed, he will retaliate."

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. I should have been pleased at this development; this may be what I needed to convince Bella to remain human. But the small voice in the back of my mind reminded me that she would not give up so easily. Wolves or not, I doubted that she would be deterred from her decision.

Carlisle thought for a moment and looked up. "Have you discussed this with Bella?"

I shook my head. "The encounter with Jacob upset her and I didn't want to cause her further distress by discussing it last night. She's been through too much."

He nodded in agreement. "You know Bella best. How do you think she will respond?"

"Bella is determined and she is stubborn to a fault. When she has made her mind up about something, it would be nearly impossible to amend it. I'm afraid that she will want to proceed as planned, regardless of how the wolves feel about it."

"But you wish she would change her mind," he discerned, saying it as a statement rather than a question.

"Of course I wish she would change her mind, but it has been made clear to me that this is no longer my decision. I am at her mercy. The only hope I had was encouraging her to postpone long enough for me to show her everything she would be leaving behind, everything she would be missing out on."

"Well then, if Bella wishes to proceed as planned, we will need to come up with a contingency plan to deal with the wolves."

I nodded in agreement. "As of this moment, the plan is to wait until after she graduates from high school. Perhaps we can convince her to wait until she leaves for college. We can all move at that time and put as much distance as possible between us and the Quileutes."

Carlisle pursed his lips. "That sounds reasonable, but are you sure the wolves would not follow?"

"I honestly don't know, Carlisle. It's possible. Jacob believes that he loves Bella. I know that if I were in his position, I would not give up so easily. I wouldn't allow a few hundred, or even thousand, miles to keep me from her if I believed she was in danger."

Carlisle stood and stepped out from behind his desk, coming to a stop in front of me. He laid his hands on my shoulders. "Everything will work out, son. Bella chose you. She loves you. The rest is semantics. If Bella wishes to be turned, I will do as she asks. And if we have to evade the wolves in order to fulfill her request, we will gladly do it. We _all_ want Bella to be a part of this family as much as you do. Jacob may not want to give her up, but remember that we love her like a daughter and are willing to fight for her if necessary."

A swell of emotion formed a lump in my throat and I was momentarily speechless. "Thank you, Carlisle," I whispered.

He smiled and leaned in to hug me. We stood in silence for a moment, father and son, locked in a warm embrace. My tension melted away as he comforted me. He patted me on the back as he released me.

"It will work out, Edward. I promise."

I nodded and turned to leave the room. I strolled down the hallway to my bedroom. There was much to think about, but for the moment, I wanted to rest my mind. I walked over and turned on the stereo, instantly filling the room with the soothing sounds of Chopin. I lay on the leather sofa and closed my eyes, allowing the music to take me away.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

I slowly opened my eyes to see Alice leaning in the doorway, lightly rapping her knuckles on the wooden door.

"May I come in?" she asked.

I nodded and she danced over, stopping to sit beside me. She lay her hand on mine, smiling warmly. "I could see that you were going to ask me to answer some questions for you, so I thought I would save you the trouble."

I sat up, looking into the grinning face of my favorite sister.

"Do I even need to ask? Or would it be superfluous since you already know the questions?" I gave her a wink and she smacked my shoulder.

"You were going to ask me about Bella. About her decision," she began.

I nodded.

"I have to be honest, Edward. The visions keep changing. One minute, I see the same vision I've had for months, of Bella in a white gown – human. Then the next minute, I see her with Carlisle after graduation, preparing for her change. It seems that she can't decide what she wants."

"Is any one vision more prevalent than the other?" I asked anxiously.

She nodded. "The vision of the wedding does appear more often. I believe that, in her heart, Bella wants nothing more than for you to be the one to change her. Yet, she is uncertain because she knows how you feel. She _wants_ to accept your terms, but still clings to…plan B."

I nodded. It was understandable for Bella to be hesitant. Not only did she have reservations about the institution of marriage, thanks to the example set by her parents, but she knows too well how I dislike the idea of her becoming a vampire. She may fear that I will change my mind or refuse to follow through. But I am a man of my word and if I make a promise to the woman I love, I intend to keep it.

Alice lowered her eyes and bit her lip. She was blocking her thoughts, but I could see by her expression that something was bothering her.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked.

She hesitated. "There's something bothering me. Something I've seen…"

"And?"

"There's another vision that I haven't told you about and it upsets me greatly," she muttered.

I sat up, eyeing my sister with concern. "What is it, Alice? What did you see?"

"Why do I keep seeing you and Bella in a chapel in Las Vegas?"

At that, I burst out laughing. Alice glowered at me, but I could not stop the eruption of laughter that was coming out of me. She huffed and crossed her arms, waiting for me to regain my composure.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"What do you mean, 'is that all'?! Edward, you cannot seriously be considering eloping to Vegas."

"If it's what Bella wants…"

"Bella doesn't know what she wants," she retorted. "If Bella doesn't have a proper wedding, she will regret it. Maybe not now, but someday, she will look back and wish she had done it right."

"I'm not going to force her, Alice."

"But, Edward!" she pouted.

"I will try to encourage her, but I cannot make any promises. If Bella agrees to marry me, she can have any kind of wedding she wants. All I want is to make her my wife, I don't care how. Being together is all that matters to me."

Alice fluttered her eyelashes and smiled slyly. "Can I talk to her?" she asked.

"Absolutely not," I replied, shaking my head vigorously. "Wait until I get the ring on her finger, then you can discuss wedding plans."

She furrowed her brow in frustration. "I guess now is not the time to tell you I've already ordered her dress."

"Alice!"

"Well," she stammered. "I've been seeing the same vision for nearly a year. One has to be prepared. You can't blame me for that!"

I shook my head. Only Alice would plan so far ahead without the consent of the bride-to-be. We looked up as Jasper peered in the door.

"Can I borrow Alice?" he asked.

"Coming," she replied, waving her hand to shoo Jasper away. "Please, Edward," she pleaded as she rose to leave.

"No promises, Alice. We'll just have to wait until Bella makes a decision, then we'll go from there."

She nodded in defeat and turned to follow Jasper. I sat on the edge of the couch, running the vision of the wedding over and over again in my mind. I smiled at the image of Bella standing before me in a gown of white. My heart leapt at the thought of my blushing bride, taking my hand, and agreeing to be mine – forever.

I stood and crossed the room. Opening the bureau, I pulled out a small wooden box. I returned to the couch and placed the box on my lap. My fingers ran over the smooth mahogany surface of the box containing the few small tokens that remained from my human parents.

I opened the lid and my eyes scanned the contents. After my parent's deaths, all of their possessions had been left to me. Much had been discarded over the years, but a few articles remained. I inherited quite a bit of jewelry from my mother and had given many of the pieces to Esme, Alice, and Rosalie, but a few cherished pieces I kept for myself.

The one item I kept from my father was his golden cufflinks, engraved with the letter M. The two items of my mother's I kept, not only because they reminded me of her, but because I wished to one day give them to the woman who would be my wife. I fingered the small diamond heart pendant. I had already given my heart to Bella and, one day, I would give this one to her as well.

My fingers trembled as I picked up the other piece that I longed to give to Bella, my mother's wedding ring. I studied the delicate gold band in my palm, its rows of glittering diamonds casting dancing rainbows in the morning light. My mother gave me this ring with the intent that I would give it to the woman I would marry.

One day, Bella would wear this ring. One day, I could place it on her finger and proudly display to the world that she belonged to me. That day would come soon, I could feel it. With a smile on my lips and a song in my heart, I placed the ring in my pocket.

**One last time, THANK YOU to all my wonderful readers! I could not have made it through this without all of your encouragement and support. PLEASE, if you haven't reviewed yet, take a minute to do so. It takes hours and hours for me to write all of this and only a few seconds for you to tell me what you think. I am very good about responding to all signed reviews. Don't be shy…I don't bite.**

**Many of you have asked about the next installment. Yes, I am planning on continuing with Edward's perspective in Eclipse. I am going to take some time now to refine and polish Moonless Night before I tag it as complete. And in preparation for Eclipse, I need to take some time to research. I try as hard as I can to remain true to the canon and that requires meticulous attention to detail. I need to re-read Eclipse and take notes and am also planning on reading Wuthering Heights for inspiration. So, please be patient. Eclipse will come soon, but I need to prepare if I'm going to do it right.**

**If you're interested in reading my version of Eclipse, either add me to your Author Alerts **

**or add Moonless Night to your Story Alerts. As soon as the first chapter of Eclipse is posted, I will add a chapter to Moonless Night as an Author's Note linking to the next installment. I am also working on a playlist for Moonless Night that I will either post in my profile or within that Author's Note.**

**Finally, if you have any suggestions for a title for Eclipse in EPOV, please either PM me or give me your ideas in your reviews. I would love to hear what you all have to think.**


	37. Playlist

Below you will find a list of songs that I feel embody the feeling of Moonless Night. If you have a chance to listen to these songs or at least look up the lyrics, you will not be disapppointed. Thanks again for all your support!

**Lux Aeterna - Clint Mansell**

If Moonless Night were a movie, this would be the base song for the movie's score. It starts off slow and foreboding and builds into a piece that feels quite distressing. When I hear it, I can just see Edward's face when he is beginning to realize what he has to do and the tormet that decision brings.

**Chapter 3 Never Be the Same - Red**

When Edward is making the decision to leave Bella, he recognizes how difficult it will be for him to let her go. He was permanently changed by her love. The words to this song are just perfect. There's a point in the song where I can almost imagine Edward arguing with himself about staying versus going. He knows he should go, but there's a voice in his head that screams at him to reconsider.

**Chapter 4 The Lament - Josh & Helena** (look them up on MySpace to hear their song)

I came across this song one day when I was browsing online. The instrumental for The Lament is haunting and beautiful. I can almost picture Edward sitting at the piano, playing out his emotions on the instrument as he tried his best not to play Bella's Lullaby.

**Chapter 4 Run - Leona Lewis**

I imagine that this is what Edward wants to say to Bella when he's telling her goodbye. He wants her to live on without him. He wants to tell her that a part of him will always be with her, but he can't.

**Chapter 4 Tears of an Angel - RyanDan**

This song is haunting and absolutely beautiful. I imagine it's the voice of Edward's heart fighting with his brain, begging him to change his mind. "Cover me eyes, cover my ears, tell me these words are a lie" - the lyrics embody perfectly how he must have been feeling. He couldn't believe what he was doing, even while he was doing it.

**Chapter 5 Need - Hana Pestle**

This song depicts the three weeks Edward spend curled up in the bedroom in Denali. If you read the lyrics, you'll see exactly what I mean.

**Chapter 5 Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy**

When Alice, against Edward's wishes, checks up on Bella, Edward gets a glimpse into Bella's depression. I just love the words to this song and feel that it really embodies what Bella was feeling after Edward left. She loved him so much, but always felt as though she wasn't good enough. When he left, she was haunted by dreams and the sound of his voice, but she believed that he had moved on.

**Chapter 7 You Belong in the Sun - Jo Dee Messina**

I imagine that this song depicts how Carlisle and Esme are feeling when they speak to Edward on the phone. They worry for their wayward son and long to have him back home. I just love the lyrics:

'You can wander far way-

Everyday I will pray that you're safe

Till I see you agian

When you feel that no one cares

Your scared-

I'll be there-this I swear

Right to the end'

**Chapter 10 Second Chance - Shinedown**

When Alice calls Edward, he learns how his absence is slowly tearing his family apart. As much as Edward misses his family, he realizes that tracking Victoria is an opportunity for him to do something for Bella, even if he can't be with her. He's seeking some sort of redemption. I love the lyrics:

'Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can

To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand

I'm not angry, I'm just saying

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance'

**Chapter 14 Stay with Me - Dainty Kane**

While Edward lays on the floor of the rainforest, he is bombarded by visions of Bella. Of possible and impossible futures. He struggled with what he sees and is dismayed when he is awoken from a pleasant vision with Bella. If they cannot be together, the only comfort he can seek is in the illusions of her presence.

**Chapter 16 February Song - Josh Groban**

I imagine that this song could be playing while Edward is writing the letter to his family.

'And I never want to let you down

Forgive me if I slip away

Sometimes it's hard to find my ground

Cause I keep on falling, as I try

to get away from this crazy world.'

**Chapter 18 Memories - Within Temptation**

Edward cherishes his memories with Bella and experiences them again through the mind of Aro. It is through his memories that he keeps her with him.

**Chapter 23 Never Say Never - The Fray**

After escaping the Volturi, Bella is despondent and Edward is unsure of how they will proceed. Does she still love him? Does she still want him? He's resolved himself to the fact that he cannot live without her and the uncertainty about their future eats away at him.

**Chapter 26 Better Than Me - Hinder**

Edward confesses to Bella how he truly feels and how he lied to protect her. He knows that she could do so much better than him, have a fuller life with someone human, but he also knows that he cannot live without her.

**Chapter 28 Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg**

I just love the fact that Jasper was soothing Alice by singing....I just love Jasper! :) Anyways, this song, for some reason, has always reminded me of Jasper and Alice. I think when Jasper is singing, he could be singing this song to her, reminiscing about how they fell in love. When Alice found Jasper, he was waiting in a coffee shop/diner for her. He may not have realized that's why he was waiting there, but fate told him to stay until Alice came for him.

I just love these lyrics:

I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you I've seen the paths that your eyes wanter down. I want to come too. I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you.

No one understands me quite like you do, through all of the shadowy corners of me.

I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much. All of the while, I never knew. All of the while, all of the while.

All of the while, it was you.


	38. Title Poll for Eclipse EPV

Thank you all for your patience as I've been preparing for Eclipse. Research is gearing down and I'm preparing to write the first few chapters. I'm still struggling to come up with a title and am hoping you all can help me out. I received lots of great suggestions and have created a poll. You can find the poll in my profile. Please vote for your favorite and if you don't like any of the choices, please PM me with a suggestion!

Thanks again and hopefully you will begin to see some chapters from Eclipse in the next week or two.


	39. One More Poll for the Title of Eclipse

Thanks to everyone who voted in the last poll. Equinox was the winner (and my personal favorite). I really like the idea of sticking with the two word title, like Moonless Night and I also like the concept of alliteration, where you use two words together that start with the same letter.

The title of Eclipse in EPV should embody Edward's experience and feelings in the book. The name "equinox" is derived from the Latin _aequus_ (equal) and _nox_ (night), because around the equinox, the night and day are approximately equally long. In this analogy, Edward is night and Jacob is day. They are battling with one another and Bella is stuck in the middle, torn between the two.

Here are some adjectives I have come up with to go along with Equinox. They are:

ENIGMATIC (having a quality of mystery and ambiguity and so difficult to understand or interpret)

ETHEREAL (belonging to the sky or the celestial sphere)

ETERNAL (something that lasts for all time without beginning or end)

Please take a moment to visit my profile and vote in this new poll. Thanks!


	40. Announcement: Eternal Equinox

Thanks so much to all my wonderful readers and reviewers (and poll voters too!) As promised for all of those on Story Alert for Moonless Night, I have just uploaded the first chapter of Eternal Equinox.

.net/secure/story/story_?storyid=5452645&chapter=1

Enjoy!


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